Merry Ex-Mas (13 page)

I released my grip, but not because I was afraid of her. I just wanted to know what had her grinnin' like that. "What? What did I say that you find so funny?"

Caroline pushed her shoulders back. "Okay, you want to know, Asia? We'll be out of your life sooner than you think."

When she didn't say anything more, I said, "Stop talking in circles. Just say what you have to say."

"All right. You and I won't have to see each other once Angel
enters
high school. Because she'll be going to school in New York. We're moving there
…
me, Bobby, and Angel."

"What?" I couldn't stop my eyes from blinking. All I was trying to do was understand her words.

"Yes, Angel will be able to pursue her modeling career and attend Performing Arts High School. And then, all of this stuff that goes on between us will be minimized. You won't have to deal with me, and I won't have to deal with you." It sounded like her last words gave her great pleasure.

"What are you talking about? Angel's not going to New York. She's not going anywhere with you."

This time when Caroline turned away, she didn't stop moving.

"I'm her mother!" I yelled out. "No matter what you try to do, I'm her mother!"

But Caroline never turned back, and seconds later, she was gone.

I just stood there, with all the clanging of pots and pans, dishes and glasses. But even though I heard all of that, Caroline's words, still ringing in my ears, were louder. What was she talking about? New York?

I thought about those people out there, the Petersons. They were from New York. Did they have anything to do with what Caroline was talking about?

But she and Bobby couldn't take Angel to New York. We shared custody; the court would never allow it. He couldn't just up and take her.

Then I thought about who Bobby was, the beloved ex-Laker who was now a real estate developer. He could probably pay off a judge.

Even if he did that, though, Angel wouldn't leave me
…
would she? In that moment, I thought of all of my daughter's dreams. How she wanted to model, and act, and dance, and sing. She didn't have to go to New York, though, to make that happen
…
did she?

Oh, god! I didn't know what this was about, but I didn't feel good. I was too weak to stand, so I just fell back onto the bench. As one of the waiters passed, I grabbed a glass from the tray, and in one gulp, I swallowed half the bubbly liquid and closed my eyes as it burned all the way down my throat.

But the champagne didn't make it any better. I hated to admit it, but I could feel the fear boiling inside of me. It wasn't just fear alone. It was fear and truth.

And the truth was if Bobby wanted it, there might not be any way that I could stop him from taking Angel from me. Things like this were happening all the time. I saw it a lot on that TV show
Snapped.
That's why a lot of those women snapped!

Oh, god! I was gonna lose my little girl, and then what would I do?

"Miss! Miss!"

They were calling out to me as I sauntered down the runway, crisscrossing one of my long legs in front of the other. I got to the end of the long stage, pivoted, and then saw
—
it wasn't my face.

Angel was the one who was strutting her stuff. Angel was the one they were calling and photographing. Angel was the model.

"Miss! Miss!"

And then, the earth moved. At least it felt like the earth at first, but it was mostly just my arm. I tried to pull my eyelids apart, but it felt like they were stuck together with Krazy Glue. With a moan and another push, I finally got my eyes opened.

"Miss! Ms. Johnson is serving dinner."

"What?" I said, looking up and into the face of an Asian woman who looked so familiar to me.

"Dinner," the woman said. "They're ready for everyone to take their seats in the tent out back, Miss."

Dinner? It took me a minute to even figure out where I was. It was Christmas
…
with Angel, Bobby
…
and Caroline.

As I sat up straight, I moaned. My butt hurt, and that's when I remembered where I was. Still in the kitchen. Sitting on this hard bench in the corner. And all around me, the staff rushed by, moving even faster now as if something big were about to happen.

What was I still doing in here? I closed my eyes and tried to remember. There was that exchange with Caroline and then the passing waiter who'd given me a glass of champagne. Right after that, I'd spotted my Asian friend, and she'd refilled my glass with the Moscato that I'd really wanted. Yes, she was the one who
’
d just woken me up.

But after that? Did I have another glass?

A flash of a memory hit me. No, I didn't have another glass; I'd asked my friend for the whole bottle! And there it was
—
the empty bottle of Moscato sitting in the middle of the table.

I pressed the tips of my fingers against my temples, trying to soften the throb. But the way my head ached was the least of my worries. If Angel saw me now, she would have no questions. She wouldn't have to ask
—
I was officially drunk.

I had to find my daughter, though, but when I stood up, it was only because I was holding onto the edge of the table that I didn't fall down. It took a few moments, but finally the world steadied, and I was able to step slowly through the kitchen into the hallway where a whole bunch of people walked by, moving toward the back of the house.

The walk from the kitchen to the hall had been long enough; I didn't have the energy to go staggering through the house looking for Angel. She'd just have to catch up with me in the backyard.

At the sliding glass doors, several men and women stood in matching tuxedos with clipboards in their hands.

"What's your name?" one of the women asked me.

"Uh
…
Asia Ingrum."

The woman scanned through the sheets she held. "You're at table sixteen."

If I'd had enough energy, I would've rolled my eyes. Really? Did it take all of this for a Christmas dinner?

I stepped onto the parquet platform that covered the grass and entered the humongous tent. I paused for a moment, taking in the Winter Wonderland that Bobby and Caroline had created: from the mini Christmas trees with glittering lights that stood in the corners of the tent, to the angels that floated above, it felt like Christmas in heaven.

At any other time, in any other place, I would've looked around and probably really liked this set up. But right now, all I wanted to do was find my table and sit down.

Of course, table sixteen was all the way on the other side of the room, and I had to stumble through the maze to get there. All of the noise
—
talking and laughing and music
—
was making my headache worse.

It felt like it took two forevers to get to that table, and when I slid down into that chair, I had to resist putting my head down, too. I really wanted to do that, but it would be too embarrassing for Angel if she came in here and found me that way.

All I had to do was suck it up for the next hour or two, and then I could go back to the wonderful world that was my home.

Then after I slept, I'd grill Angel on this New York mess Caroline told me about. Though to be honest, I was beginning to think that Caroline had made it all up. Yeah, it was a lie just to make me feel bad. And really, it had worked.

"Mom!"

Even with the way my head ached, I smiled as I spotted Angel bouncing across the room with two other girls behind her. My daughter glowed with happiness, and right then, I forgot about the rest of the day. Yeah, I'd been pretty miserable, wanting to get out of here a thousand times. But looking at Angel's face right now
—
this was what it was all about. Her joy, her Christmas. Anything for my daughter.

"Mom! I've been looking for you," Angel squealed.

"Well, you've found me," I said, glad that my daughter hadn't seen me just minutes before passed out in the kitchen.

Angel turned to her friends, "This is my mom. Mom, this is Daphne and Megan."

"Hi, Mrs. Johnson," the two girls said together.

"Oh, her name is not Mrs. Johnson." I looked up and wondered when Caroline had swooped down on her broom. "Her name is
Ingrum
," Caroline said as if that were a bad thing. Before I could curse her out, Caroline said, "Now, Angel, you won't be sitting here. You'll be sitting with me and your dad. Your friends are at this table."

"Mom, I want to sit with Daphne and Megan."

Sit with Daphne and Megan? I wanted to ask my daughter what about sitting with me
—
her mother. But my thoughts didn't stay long on that question because I was trying to figure out what Caroline had said. It didn't take me long. Especially when Daphne and Megan sat down. And then, two other girls joined us.

That was when I got it for sure.

I jumped up so fast, I knocked my chair over. I didn't bother to pick it up; my focus was on Caroline. As I stomped toward the table where Caroline was sitting with my child, every moment of this day replayed in my head, and I was so mad that it felt like I was on fire. By the time I got to the table, my fury had to be showing.

Leaning across the table, I put my finger in Caroline's face. "If it wasn't Christmas, I'd call you a son-of-a
…
"

"Mom!" Angel exclaimed, leaping from her chair.

"Asia!" Caroline's eyes were wide with innocence, though she knew what was up. I could see it in the way she was fighting to hold her laughter inside. "What's wrong with you?" she asked me.

"What's wrong? You know what's wrong, heffa!" I shouted. "You sat me at the kiddie table. I should be sitting up here with you
…
and my daughter."

"First of all, this table is for family
—
"

"Caroline!" Bobby yelled out as if he knew that wasn't the right thing to say to me.

But his wife ignored him. Caroline continued, "And secondly, I didn't sit you at the children's table. I sat you at the only open table. If you remember, you didn't tell us until yesterday that you were coming, and the seating plan was already completed."

"Well, you should've done it over, you trick!"

As gasps filled the room, Bobby grabbed ahold of me. "You don't want to do this," he whispered in my ear.

But I snatched my arm from his grasp. "You knew exactly what you were doing," I shouted. "You've been trying to embarrass me, trying to put me in my place ever since I got here. If it wasn't Christmas, I'd beat your
—
"

"Mom!" Angel grabbed my hand, but just like I did to Bobby, I jerked away from her. "No, you sit down and stay out of this, Angel. I need to tell this skank about herself."

"Mom," Angel cried, as she looked around at all the wide eyes that were on us. "You're embarrassing me."

It was the tears that had started rolling down Angel's cheeks that made me pause, back up, and wobble away to my table.

I grabbed my purse, stepped over the fallen chair, and marched out of the room with as much dignity as my unsteady legs allowed. I should've done this a long time ago. Yeah, I was trying to stay for Angel, and I didn't want to spend Christmas at home, alone. But anything was going to be better than this.

"Mom!" I heard Angel crying behind me, but I couldn't stop.

That made me feel bad because I always wanted to comfort my daughter. But how could I comfort her when I needed someone to comfort me?

I could feel everyone staring at me, but do you think I cared? Not one of these bourgie snobs had said a single word to me today. So I didn't give a flying frig what they had to say now!

As I staggered from the backyard and into the house, I could still hear the cries of Angel. She didn't catch me, though. Not until I was almost at the front door.

"Mom, where are you going?"

"Home!"

"You can't," Angel said with tears crawling down her cheeks.

"You think I'm going to stay here?" I asked Angel. "Caroline doesn't want me here, and I can't believe that I let you and your father talk me into this. I'm going home!" I tried to take a few more steps. That's all I needed to get to the front door, but my world was swaying again.

"Mom, you can't drive."

I leaned against the wall. Angel had a point. But still, I had to get out of here.

"Okay, maybe this isn't the best time for me to be driving. I'll call a cab."

"Even if you can get a cab today, your car will still be here. How are you gonna get it home?"

I shook her head. It was a good thing that Angel was doing all the thinking right now.

"You can go up to my room," Angel said. "You can rest, and I'll stay there with you."

Rest! Oh, my god. That word sounded so wonderful. All I wanted to do was close my eyes, even for just a few minutes. That would be the best Christmas gift right now.

So when Angel took my hand and led me up the steps, I didn't protest at all. We had to move slowly, though; the winding staircase made me swoon. At the top, I felt like I was walking the longest mile, following Angel down the hallway. But finally, we stopped.

It wasn't until I stepped inside that I realized this was the first time I'd been in Angel's bedroom at Bobby's house. As I took in the surroundings, I wondered why Angel ever wanted to come home.

This wasn't a bedroom, it was a two-room suite, filled with all the pleasures of a teenage heaven. From the sixty-inch television that was mounted to the wall in the sitting area, to the surround-sound speakers in the corners, and the canopy bed that floated in the middle of the humongous bedroom.

And that's where my eyes settled
—
right on that bed. Moving as fast as I could, I got to that bed, then dropped down, sinking into the coverings. Either this duvet was the softest duvet on earth, or I was truly drunk because this felt like I was floating on a cloud.

Right away, I closed my eyes, but then I felt the bed sink just a little. When I opened my eyes, Angel was lying next to me, staring into my face.

It took a lot of effort, but I pushed myself up and shook my head. "No, baby, you go on back downstairs."

"But I don't want to leave you alone."

"It's okay."

"I don't want you to leave."

That pissed me off, but I wasn't mad at her. I was mad at myself. On Christmas, the only thing I'd given my daughter was the burden of taking care of me. "I promise you, Angel, I won't leave. I promise. Go on down, enjoy the rest of your dinner, and when everyone leaves, I'll be here waiting for you."

Angel nodded and blinked back tears. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry that this is such a horrible Christmas."

"No, baby. Don't you be sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't handle it better. But, I'm going to be fine now. So you go on back down there, and don't worry about me."

Angel kissed my cheek, then ambled out of the room like the events of the day weighed heavy on her body and her mind.

I waited until I was sure that Angel was gone before I lowered my head once again. There were at least one hundred people in their backyard, but in that room, it was as silent as the middle of the night.

I hugged one of the pillows and wished that I could start this day all over. Maybe begin the week again when I'd first received the call from Bobby. I would have surely said no to this horrible idea.

The light tap on the door made me raise my head. I was sure it was just Angel coming back, but then Bobby peeked his head inside.

"Just checking on you," he said as he entered the room.

Moving slowly, I flung my legs over the side of the bed and sat up, ready for this fight. "I know you're upset with me, but
…
"

He held up his hands. "No, I'm not. I'm just sorry about all of this. I thought this would work out; I thought it would be fine."