Misguided Heart (28 page)

I dropped my gaze and approached my bike. My head dropped as I started the engine and a stray tear fell from my eye. She was gone. She no longer wanted me
, and who could blame her after what I did. As I started backing out of her driveway, she came walking out to the top of the drive. Her mouth opened to speak, but no words followed. With that, I turned on my bike and sped off.

New York here I come!

Aston

I didn't know what to expect when I had the town car pull up outside of Nole's house. As much as I thought I wanted to be here with him, my heart was still with Sloan. Despite his little stunt tonight, a part of me still held out hope that he would come after me.

I asked the driver to please wait until I got inside to leave
, and he happily obliged. When Nole's face appeared from behind the door, my heart felt at ease. No matter what had gone on between the two of us, I knew I could always count on him to be there for me when I needed it.

He instantly pulled me into his warm and comforting embrace. I lost it the minute his arms squeezed me. I let every ounce of emotion pour out of my eyelids and held nothing back. I reluctantly wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his chest. Nole guided my shaking body into his house and onto the closest couch. He never loosened his grip on me and I was thankful for that. I needed to feel loved, even if it was by a guy that I wasn't sure I even loved anymore.

After the last wave of tears ended, Nole went to get me a blanket and a hot cup of coffee. This man knew all to well what I found comforting. I smiled a tight smile when he returned and I tucked the blanket tightly around me. He nudged his way under the blanket with me, pulling me onto his lap.

Ten years ago
, I would have been thanking my lucky stars to have Nole. Hell, I would've made sure to revel in everything he was offering. But this felt different, this felt forced and uncomfortable. When he leaned in to kiss my cheek, I bashfully back away.

"Nole, I can't." I whispered before taking a sip of my
piping hot coffee.

"I understand. Y
ou just need more time. I'm sorry, we can go as slow as you want." He started running his fingers through my hair and it felt so good. My mind was finally letting go and becoming void.

I put my hand against his cheek and smiled. "Nole, I think I should get home. Can you take me?"

"Of course, whatever you need sweetheart. Just know I'm not going anywhere." He planted a small kiss to my forehead and took off upstairs to change.

When
he came back down, I had pulled myself together and gathered my things. He slipped his hand into mine and led me out to his garage. The drive to my house felt unnecessarily long. I was fighting an internal war with myself and I just needed to get as far away as possible from both Nole and Sloan. My plan was to just have Nole drop me off and send him on his way, but he must have had other ideas.

When we pulled into my driveway, I was ready to jump out of the car and run for the do
or. I had my keys in hand and everything.

Not so much!

I jumped out of the car and Nole was instantly by my side. I tried to smile up at him, but it felt so forced. In that moment, I knew exactly what I had to do, even if things never worked out with Sloan; Nole was not the one I wanted anymore.

"Will you come in and talk to me for a minute?"

"Sure. Lead the way."

He waved his hand for me to go first and I did. When I opened the door, Bugsy came bounding down the stairs and straigh
t for me. Once he said his quick hello, he then proceeded to bark non-stop. This was unusual for Bugsy. I mean he usually liked everyone.

Weird!

"Bugsy, no! You stop barking right now." When his barking continued, I motioned for Nole to follow me out back. I slipped into the outside bathroom and changed into one of my extra swimsuits I kept in there. When I emerged, Nole was already in the water. From what I could tell in his boxers, only making matters worse. I shrugged and made my way into the shallow end of the pool. Nole swam up to me seconds later, and I suddenly felt very queasy. Everything about this situation was throwing up red flags, but me being the dumb ass that I am, ignored every single one of them.

Just as Nole reached for my waist to pull me into him, I pushed against his chest. "Nole, I need you to know some things.
"

"Okay." He settled onto one of the steps in the water next to me. "What's g
oing on? I would think now that the douche bag is out of the picture, you would finally see the error of your ways and come back to me."

Oh
, he was making this all too easy for me. "Let me start at the beginning. When I first got the invitation to your wedding, I was crushed. So many things ran through my mind, like why her and not me? Why would you even invite me? And then, I devised a plan to get you back.  I made sure I found the right dress, the right date, and I made sure I would make an impression. When I saw you walk out of that hall, my heart literally took flight. It felt amazing to see you again, to have you so close to me. I was pissed the whole time, up until the ceremony. I was heart broken and devastated that you were marrying someone else. I felt like I had fixed you up into the man that I had always wanted, just so she could swoop in and reap the rewards. "

I twisted my body so I was now facing
him. "I was wrong Nole. You’re not what I want. I honestly don't know if you ever have been. Wait, that came out wrong. I didn't know that I needed more. I mean, I only dated a few guys after you and none of them turned into relationships. I had all but thought that you had ruined me for every other man. I blamed you for a long time. I blamed you for the shitty ways you treated me, the way you ignored me and made me feel so insignificant and I especially hated you for never loving me the way I felt you should have."

I took a deep breath and realized he was still listening
quite intently. "I was ruined for so long. With the loss of my mom and you, I honestly felt like I would never be able to have a functional relationship. I want to thank you though. If it wouldn't have been for you, I don't think I would know what I want. Everything we went through and everything we put each other through, only made me the strong woman I am today. But, I can honestly say, I'm not strong enough to go through all of that with you again. I'm sorry Nole, but I'm in love with someone else. And, whether or not I still have a chance with him, I can't be with you just because."

I glanced over at Nole, studying his reaction. When I got nothing from him, I stood and walked to grab a towel. I knew Nole wasn't going
to go quietly but what he did, I have to say, shocked the shit out of me. I turned around and came face to face with this amazingly handsome man, that I once upon a time, would have given everything I was to be with. He kissed the tip of my nose and smiled.

"I know you may not believe this right now, but I am truly sorry for everything I put you through when we were younger. I know I was an asshole, but we were young and I was dumb. I think I realized what I had just a little too late in life. You have turned out to be an amazing woman, not that I expected any different. I knew one day you would be the one to say good-bye to me, I just didn't think it would hurt so bad."

He began pacing in front of me and I sat back in the lounger watching. "I think I have loved you since the first day I met you at the park. Ever since that day, I tried my damnedest to let you go and to not feel what I felt for you, but love is a powerful thing. Aston, I just want you to be happy. Whether it’s by yourself or with that, tool, I just want you to be happy. I think that’s all I've ever wanted for you. Of course, I wanted to be that guy, but hell, I guess ten years was ten years too late."

His arms snaked around my waist and pulled me up into his embrace. "I will forever love you Aston, no matter where we go in our lives, just know that." He kissed me full against the lips and I kissed him back. It wasn't a romantic kiss
, but it was one that was needed for my closure, if anything.

"Thank you Nole, for everything." I kissed him one last time and we both headed inside.

I had just brought Nole's shirt in the house for him when I heard banging on the front door. I hustled to get to it, but Nole beat me to it. It was silent as he stood there with a shit-eating grin on his face. I approached the door cautiously, not knowing what I was walking in on. When I saw Sloan's face on the other side, I almost lost my balance. I grabbed onto the side of the door to better steady myself. Once I saw the expression on his face, I knew he was thinking the worst of the current situation, and Nole had obviously not even tried to correct him. Sloan turned and headed towards the driveway. When I saw him mount his bike, my heart fell. I wasn't dressed properly to run after him, so I stood there like an idiot, watching my future ride away.

Once I got my bearings back, I turned and hauled ass back into my house. I ran right past Nole and straight to my room. I pulled on a pair of jean shorts and a tank top and flew back down the stairs. I threw Nole's shirt at him a
nd told him to get out of my life. He hadn't changed one goddamned bit. I literally pushed him out the front door and slammed it in his face. I grabbed my purse, threw it over my chest and grabbed my helmet. The bike was going to be the fastest way to get to him.

Sl
oan

Walking in on what I saw
, broke my heart ten times over again. That was the last thing I needed to see. I knew she was pissed, but really, all it took was
that,
for her to run to him? I hated that motherfucker and I swore to god the next time I saw him, I was going to break every bone in his body. It didn't matter if I did it now, she couldn't hate me any worse than I hate myself.

As I pulled into my garage, a million different scenarios played through my mind. Maybe she w
ould show up and throw herself at me, tell me she can't live without me and then make sweet, sweet love to me. Or, she could show up and punch me in my balls, which I rightfully deserved and then leave me forever. Hell, who was I kidding, she wasn't coming back, ever.

I grabbed an empty moving box as I headed inside. I had already packed up a small portion of my house. I say small
, but I actually mean a very miniscule part of my house. I wasn't ready to move, not without her. When I walked into the living room, I sat the box down on the floor next to the coffee table. It was time to leave my past behind me and move forward, and I couldn't do that with a house full of pictures of Alex.

I pulled each one down, one by one and very meticulously cleaned and wrapped it in bubble wrap. I placed each one in the box as I made my way through my house. Amazingly
, I didn't cry once. I thought it was going to be far worse than it really was. I guess once I admitted to myself just how much I loved Aston, the old sorrow for the one girl I had lost for forever faded.

It took me about an hour to clear the entire house of her and I sat down with the box in front of me, and kissed her good-bye. I knew one day I would get to see her again, but as for now, I was leaving her behind. I picked up the heavy box and made my way out to the garage to put it in the 'storage' pile, when a beautiful blonde caught my eye.

She was leaning against a pink and white Suzuki motorcycle, helmet in hand. I had never seen her look more beautiful than she looked at this very moment. Instead of running to her like I wanted to, I kept my cool and slowly made my way in her direction. She turned to set her helmet on her seat and then met me half way.

Damn she looked good!

My pants became tighter the closer I got to her and I took this as a good sign. Although, I wasn't quite sure how she was feeling. "Hi." Really? That's the best I could come up with?

"Hi." Her voice was small and distant
and my heart sank a little bit further in my chest.

"Where's your
boy?" Wrong thing to say, dumbass!

"It's not what you think Sloan."

"Oh it's not. So I didn't show up at your house and see Nole with no shirt and you with a towel wrapped around your body?"

"Okay so maybe a little, but it's not what you think
, I swear. I did go to him after that little stunt you pulled, but then I had him take me home."

"I bet!" I snarled.

"Okay, well obviously I made the wrong decision."

She started walking away, so I ran after her. I caught
her around the waist and pulled her as far into my chest as possible. "Wait, please tell me what happened"

"I told him I was in love with someone else." Her eyes went straight
to mine and without thinking, my lips crashed into hers. Our kiss was passionate and raw. It was exactly what I had wanted to hear in that very moment.

"I love you Aston, more than is probably heal
thy, but I do." My eyes fluttered shut for a brief second before they opened again and landed right on her eyes.

“Then tell me Sloan. Tell me why you pushed
me away so god damned hard?

“What?” I knew telling her about Alex was inevitable, I just didn’t think it would be now. When her eyes slowly started to gloss over, my heart broke and I had no choice but to let her in if I wanted to keep her. I started at the beginning and left absolutely nothing out. I reached for her hands for support, when I reached the tough parts, and she never once backed away. When my story was done, I looked down into her sparkling eyes.