Read Miss Impractical Pants Online
Authors: Katie Thayne
Lottie winked and closed the door behind her.
Before Katie could turn out the lights, a heavy sleep blanketed her. Not until the next morning, when she was awakened by a timid rap at her door, did she budge. Unable to pry her eyes open, she was reluctant to croak a groggy “Come in.” She rolled onto her side and fell back to sleep.
“Katie, I need you to wake up, please.” Someone was shaking her lightly.
Only semiconscious, she moaned and wiggled onto her other side. She felt the mattress bounce a little as her awakener took a seat on the bed.
“Katie…Kaatie…Kaaaatie.” The shaking became a little more vigorous.
“Hmm?”
She moaned, enjoying the way her name sounded in British English.
“Wake up,” the voice demanded.
“Mmm…no thanks,” she muttered, determined to defy the human alarm clock, and flopped again, turning against the voice.
A firm hand tugged at her shoulder until she dropped onto her back. Only when she felt herself the subject of intense scrutiny did she force her eyelids halfway open. She was confused by the scrumptious chocolate eyes staring back at her. Then she caught sight of Greta in the background, folded over the foot of the bed frame, and remembered her surreal first day in London. She zeroed in again on Lucas’s eyes above her and let the ugly memories of the night before trample over her.
“Ugh, go away. Didn’t you get the memo that I quit?” She pulled the duvet over her head and squinched up into a tight ball, scooting as far away from Lucas as the bed would allow.
“Yes, I did receive that memo—twice actually—from my mother and Lady Waverly.” He was laughing at her.
Lady Waverly?
When had he had a chance to speak to her, and what did they say?
She didn’t know which she found more annoying—the fact that he was laughing at her or that he was trying to bait her with curiosity. Refusing to bite, she pushed her interest aside and focused on being annoyed.
“Then why are you bothering me?” Her voice was muffled by the covers.
“I need you to work today.”
“I don’t work for you anymore, Mr. Hayden. It was lovely while it lasted, now goodnight.” Her desire for him to go away was excruciating—her breathing was making it extra hot underneath the heavy bundle of bedding and she was dying for some fresh, non-morning-breath air.
“Isn’t it customary to give two weeks’ notice?” His voice was teasing.
“The two weeks’ notice principle becomes null and void when one has reason to fear certain dismemberment from one’s employer’s fiancée.”
“Is that so?” He made no attempt to hide his humor.
“Look it up.”
He let out an exaggerated sigh. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but you’re forcing me to play dirty.”
She made no reply.
“This morning I’ve been having a nice long chat with your Professor Bell.” His voice was taunting and smug.
Uh-oh.
It took all the self-control she possessed not to react. She lay perfectly still.
He let her marinate in silence until she couldn’t take it anymore. She threw the covers back and kicked them off.
“What do you want, and why did you call my professor?” She sat up to receive his explanation.
“I want to make a compromise.” He chortled again, smoothing down the wild static in her hair.
She inched out from underneath his jovial petting and glared at him.
“After you went to bed, Mum was really cheesed off with me,” Lucas said. “She accused me of being a total bum-sucker—among other, much less flattering insults. She informed me of your decision to quit, and insists on taking you to Yorkshire with her. I’ve been banished from your presence until further notice.”
This time Katie was the one to laugh. “Good!”
He leaned in and nudged her with his shoulder. “Knowing my mum will carry out her threats, I needed to gain the upper hand. So I called your professor and informed him that my mother has been laid off from her position as your supervisor.”
Katie gasped. “You can’t lay off your own mother!”
“I can and I have, but only from the duties where you’re concerned.” He was already getting a good laugh envisioning his mother’s miffed reaction.
“Well, that’s an impressive way to get one up on your mom, but it doesn’t affect me—I still quit.”
“But you haven’t heard the compromise yet.”
She turned her head away from him in defiance.
Undaunted by her dismissal, he said, “Maybe you’ve forgotten that you can’t graduate until I sign off on this internship.”
She whipped her head back to stare at him dumbfounded. “What are you saying? This sounds more like blackmail than a compromise.”
“The compromise is this: Help me get through the Waverlys’ holiday, and if you still want to leave, I’ll sign off early on all your internship papers.”
“What about Olivia? She’s going to be livid.”
A pained smile scribbled across his face. “I’ll handle Olivia.”
“And if you don’t?” she pressed. “What if she tries to scratch my eyes out or something?”
“If you hear so much as a cross word from Olivia, I promise to sign your papers and let you quit on the spot.” He sighed. “So do we have a deal?”
“It doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice.” She shook his hand, accepting her defeat.
In a sudden burst of energy, he jumped from the bed and yanked her up alongside him. “Brilliant! We’ve got to get moving then.” He pushed her toward the en suite bathroom. “I need you ready in fifteen minutes.”
“Ready? Where are we going?”
It was at that moment she realized the moon was still shining through her window.
“Hold on a second.” She planted her feet firmly, refusing to be rushed around. “What time is it?”
He reminded her of a rascally little boy with his hangdog expression and the way he shuffled from one foot to the other. “It’s nearly five.”
“Nearly
five
?” she questioned with a mother’s skeptical tone.
“A.M.?”
“Maybe closer to four-thirty.”
“Four-thirty!”
She made a beeline back to her bed.
“Wait!” Lucas grabbed her arm, pulling her back toward the bathroom. “Lady Waverly called me late last night inviting us to brunch at their estate in Suffolk.”
Katie locked her eyes on his face expecting him to expound, but he didn’t.
“What? Are we brunching at the crack of dawn?”
“No, Miss Sassy Pants, I’m sneaking you out of the house before my mum wakes up, for one. Two, Suffolk is nearly a ninety-minute drive from London. We still have to get to my place so I can change clothes and get my car.”
Katie hadn’t realized he was wearing the same clothes from the ball, minus the jacket and bow tie. Now that she was focusing on his looks, she was beginning to soften a little. He looked tired; he couldn’t have had much sleep. She’d only caught three or four hours and she hadn’t stayed up talking to Lottie or Lady Waverly…or Professor Bell.
“Okay, you win,” she sighed in resignation—actually sighing because it was adorable how he called her Miss Sassy Pants. “I’ll get ready.”
Pushing past him, she went to her bags, tossing them to the foot of the bed, and began pulling out her shampoo and conditioner.
“Sorry Duchess, we don’t have time for you to shower. Plus, the way the plumbing works in this old place, the running water would wake up the whole household.” He rummaged through the pile of toiletries she was stacking on the bed.
“Lucas, I have to take a shower. I’m still grimy from my layover in Newark.”
Without showing an ounce of sympathy, he thrust a washcloth at her. “Here then, wash up with this.”
She glowered at him, grabbed the cloth and her hairbrush, stomped into the bathroom, and huffed under her breath, “Obviously you’ve never been to Newark if you think this little rag will do the trick.”
“Do you mind if I help to speed things up a bit by finding you something to wear?” he whispered into the wood of the bathroom door.
The thought of a man other than Dylan choosing her attire was disconcerting, but she chose not to dwell on it because she had no clue how one was supposed to dress when brunching at a Suffolk estate. She cracked the door and whispered back, “Um, sure go ahead, but doesn’t that seem kind of weird?”
“Not at all.
It’s the least I can do for my cousin—especially when I know she’s going to take more time than we have finding an outfit.”
She couldn’t resist sneaking in one last jab before closing the bathroom door. “I think that goes above and beyond the call of ‘cousinly duty.’ It almost borders on ‘creepy cousin snooping through my underwear territory.’”
Lucas rifled through two of her three suitcases, never imagining it could be so difficult to put an outfit together. He couldn’t
help but chuckle at the contrast between Katie’s and Olivia’s wardrobes. For every haute couture item of Dolce and Gabbana, Prada, Kate Spade, and Gucci Olivia owned, Katie possessed an equal number of Patagonia, Kuhl, North Face, and Prana. He decided on a pair of Silver brand blue jeans and a heather grey Hollister cashmere V-neck. As he unfolded the jeans from the top of a stack, a small piece of colored paper flittered to the floor.
He tried not to read its message as he scooped it from the carpet, but he couldn’t help himself.
Katie,
We just know at some point along your journey you’re going to need this reminder:
Jared is—
A scribble scratched across the page, indicating the paper had been torn away from the first writer. There was a change in the handwriting and ink color.
...a grade A, son-of-a-bitch jackass with a short man’s complex who is too imbecilic to treasure a woman who’s way too good for him! He doesn’t deserve you!!
Another scribble ran across the paper and the original ink and penmanship returned.
We love you!
Anna, Scott, Christopher, Heather & Dylan
Lucas cracked a smile, finding humor in the note, but not at it implications. Was this “Jared” her boyfriend? And why didn’t he deserve her?
The soft squeak of the faucet turning off alerted him that she was close to being ready. He hurried and tucked the note between the folds of some pajamas at the top of her suitcase, where she would be sure to see it soon.
***
“I guess summer doesn’t mean much in England,” she noted conversationally through chattering teeth as they made their way to the tube station down the hill from Sidney’s home. The air was soggy and threatening rain in the predawn chill.