Moments of Clarity (7 page)

“You don't know me well enough to make that kind of judgment,” Sasha replied. Then she added, “Just because we had sex last night doesn't mean that you know me.”

Sexton looked at Sasha. “I know that you're upset about your friend, but don't take it out on me,” he softly admonished her.

Though Sasha pointedly stared out the side window, she answered grudgingly, “I know this is not your fault, Sexton. It's just that I've come to realize how much of a hassle relationships are. I just got out of one and now my best friend has been devastated because of what her husband did. If I believed in reincarnation I'd come back as a man because it seems that if there's ever a problem in the relationship, the guy is able to get his clothes, a few sticks of furniture, and drive off without a backward glance.”

“That's not the way it appeared to me. Didn't you notice him hesitating in the driveway before he left? He was hoping that Tiara would give him some sign that later on he could come back to talk to her without other people around.”

“He must be crazy. Tiara needs to be afraid to go within five miles of him. People say that you can forgive anything with time, but I say that some things are unforgivable.”

“I don't think that you're as hard as you pretend to be, Sasha. At least I certainly hope not.”

Sasha dropped her eyes. “I'm not hard, but I'm done. In the last couple of weeks any faith that I may have had in relationships, or marriage for that matter, has gone down the tubes. I never want to get married.”

The only response Sexton gave her was to say, “Never say never.”

Sasha hadn't realized that Sexton had parked the car and they were once again in front of her building. In a matter of about twelve hours things had changed from anticipation of a relationship with a man other than Abdul to resignation that sooner or later she would be disappointed in love.

“So where does that leave us?”

Sexton stared at her so hard she felt that he could see into the deep recesses of her mind.

Sasha shrugged her shoulders in an awkward attempt to appear nonchalant. “I don't know. I can't think about anything right now. I'm exhausted mentally and physically and I have to go to work in about six hours.”

“All right, Sasha. You take some time to think about things. But not too long,” he cautioned.

Inside the close quarters of the sedan, she searched Sexton's face, as if hoping to find the answer to a question that she was afraid to ask.

He remained quiet, sensing that something was on her mind.

Sasha's eyes met his, and after intently scrutinizing him, she drew in a deep breath and said, “I want to ask you something.”

“Go ahead.”

In spite of the enormity of the events that had occurred since they had awakened that morning, Sasha still felt an intense sexual yearning for Sexton. “With all the beautiful women in the world who would die at the chance to spend time with you, why me?”

“Why not you?” He took his finger, tilted her chin, and gave her a warm, passionate but brief kiss which made her long for more.

The simplicity of his words, as much as his gesture, made her choke up. She turned and pretended to find something interesting to look at on the empty street.

“I'll call you later this week about going to dinner Friday night.” Then he picked up Sasha's hand and turned it over. For the second time, he pressed his lips on the inside of her forearm, just beneath her palm.

She felt an immediate quivering sensation in her gut and all she could say was, “Okay,” before she bolted from the car.

As she stood on the sidewalk, she felt forlorn watching Sexton drive away. She walked to the garbage can on the side of her building and threw away the food she had just purchased.

Chapter 6

A few days later, Sasha sat at the side of Mr. Ramirez's bed and tapped her foot with mock impatience as she waited for him to play a card. “Any day now,” she teased. “You might as well put that ace in your hand down. You have it and you know that I want it.”

“Don't be hurrying me,” he answered. “That's what's wrong with young people today. They're always in a hurry.”

“You're just stalling because you know that with this hand I'll reach five hundred and you'll lose again.”

Mr. Ramirez drew a card out of his hand and with a thump, placed it down on the bed table. He reached over and drank from his cup of apple juice before he said with a pout, “I let you win because you've been down all week. I just wanted to get that sour look off your face.”

Sasha was amazed by his astuteness. He was suffering from brain cancer and never knew which day would be his last, but he had easily read her. She made a big production of picking the ace up and placed it with the other two in her hands before she said “Gin. I win.”

“Now that you think you've distracted me, what's the matter? You've looked worried all week.”

“I am worried. My best friend and her husband broke up and I haven't heard from her since.”

Mr. Ramirez looked concerned. “Did you call her?”

“Yes, but she hasn't answered the telephone. I would go out to her house but she lives on Long Island and I've been getting off too late after work to take the ferry out there.”

“Did you try to reach her at work? I saw a report on MSNBC that people spend more time at work than they do at home.”

“Her job was being a wife, and now she doesn't have that.”

“Now I see why you're so worried. She'll probably turn up. Just give her a chance to regroup.”

Just then the cellphone that Sasha kept on at work vibrated. “Maybe that's her.” She looked hopefully at the phone and when she recognized the number, she placed it back into the pocket of her uniform and said with a grimace, “Nope, not her.”

Mr. Ramirez watched her carefully and wagged a finger at her. “Are you still dodging that good-for-nothing Abdul?”

“No, now I'm dodging another guy. But I don't think that he's a good-for-nothing,” Sasha said, thinking out loud.

“Then why are you not answering his calls? I heard that there's a man shortage out there.”

“I don't necessarily think that there's a man shortage, but I will say that I think that there's a shortage of good men.” Her tone was abrupt as Abdul's and Peter's faces rose to her mind.

Mr. Ramirez protested, “But you just said that he's not a good-for-nothing. Why aren't you answering his calls?”

Sasha didn't reply.

Mr. Ramirez watched the gamut of emotions that crossed her face, giving insight to the conflicting feelings she had regarding Sexton.

“Well, he's rich, handsome, sexy, and I think I that he's out of my league.”

“I can't believe that you lack confidence when it comes to men.”

“I have nothing to offer this guy,” she protested.

“You have yourself. You are absolutely beautiful and possess a heart of gold,” he stated. “Look at you sitting here with an old, sick man because he doesn't have any family. That's worth at least a million bucks.”

Sasha exclaimed, “I just think that I'm out of my depth when it comes to him. There are women throwing themselves at him all of the time. How can I compete with that?”

“What makes you think that you have to compete at all?”

Sasha didn't have an answer for that so she just sat there. She heard herself being paged over the intercom and, giving Mr. Ramirez a look that spoke volumes, she said, “I guess I have to go. We'll talk later.”

“I'm looking forward to it. In the meantime, call him. Don't write this guy off without giving him a chance.”

Sasha walked over to the nurses' station and was surprised to see Tiara standing there. As she approached her she immediately became worried by Tiara's appearance. Her face looked drawn, as if she hadn't slept in days, and was devoid of makeup. Her hair needed a trim and her body was noticeably thinner.

Trying to mask her surprise at Tiara's disheveled appearance, she put on a happy face. “Hey, girl, how are you doing?”

Tiara's response was to give her a silent look.

“I've been calling you but I couldn't get an answer.”

“I got rid of my cellphone,” Tiara replied dully.

“Oh. Well then, what are you doing here?”

Tiara muttered, “I'm here for the AIDS test that you suggested.”

Sasha paused. “Since you're here, why don't you also have a complete physical? Dr. Phillips is on staff. I think you'll feel comfortable with her because she's a woman and her specialty is gynecology. She'll take good care of you.”

Tiara merely hunched her shoulders and stuck her hands in the pockets of her shorts.

Sasha smiled at her encouragingly. “I can hang around and wait for your results. I'll have the lab put a rush on them. There's no need for you to wait for days. We'll just cut through the middleman.”

Tiara replied softly, “Thank you, Sasha. You're a good friend.”

* * *

As she sat in the hospital cafeteria and waited for Tiara to complete her battery of tests, Sasha thought about Sexton. He had been a thorough lover, exploring every inch of her body. She had been pleased with the fact that he had seemed to know what she wanted. On his own, he had put his head down between her legs and licked her as if she were his favorite ice cream. Her thoughts were interrupted when Tiara plopped down in the seat at the table.

“I detest pap smears,” Tiara complained. “They need to come up with another method.”

“Girl, I know what you mean. I'm a nurse and I know how important it is to have your annual checkups, but I always dread it. Afterwards I always treat myself by going shopping and buying myself a fantastic dress or a piece of jewelry.”

Tiara grimaced. “Well, I won't be doing that because I can't afford it. I can't even afford to have a cellphone.”

“What are you going to do about your finances?” Sasha didn't want to pry, but she knew that Tiara's money situation had changed drastically because of her separation.

“I start substituting on Monday. I'm trying to get my teacher's certificate reinstated but that takes time, and I have no money coming in.” Tears formed in her eyes but she blinked them away. “Sasha, even with a teacher's paycheck I can't afford that house. Calvin said that he would pay the mortgage for the next six months, but I feel terrible letting him do it because I know that he just purchased his apartment and he's cash poor.”

“Calvin is a good brother to you.”

Tiara nodded her head in agreement. “He's the best. I should have never quit my job. I feel so helpless.”

“Don't blame yourself too much.” Sasha placed her hand consolingly over Tiara's. “Hindsight is always better than foresight. How about Peter? He should help pay those bills. He talked you into quitting your job in the first place and he's the sole reason why you two aren't together.”

“That's what I told him but his answer was that he left me with just about everything. He's conveniently forgotten that we financed all of the furniture with no interest for a two-year period and finance charges will accrue from the very beginning date of purchase in about six months if I don't pay if off. Peter left me our SUV, but he won't give me any money for the payments. I could take him to court but that takes time, and without children I don't know if the judge would give me anything.”

“Is there any way I can help? I don't have a lot of money left over at the end of the month, but I do have a nest egg because I was saving to go on the Tom Joyner cruise.”

“That would be a drop in the bucket for what I need. It takes me about four thousand dollars a month just to break even. Do you have that?” Tiara raised an eyebrow and looked at Sasha.

“No,” Sasha replied regretfully.

“So you see, the only thing that would happen if you gave me your money would be that I would still be broke you wouldn't be able to go on your cruise.”

There was long silence and then Tiara said, avoiding Sasha's eyes, “Peter wants to work things out.”

“Of course he does. By not giving you any money he's putting you in the position of financial dependency. Peter is dangling money in front of you hoping that you're so strapped financially you'll turn a blind eye to his betrayal.”

“He feels that we can get through this,” she mumbled.

“He doesn't have anything to get through. I bet he wouldn't be so forgiving if it was the other way around.”

“He made a mistake.”

Sasha was flabbergasted, and her expression showed it. “Tell me that you're not considering taking him back. What excuse does he have for what he did?”

“He says that it's an addiction and he's willing to go to counseling.”

“Give me a break. He's been reading the tabloids too much.” Then she softened her tone, “I can't tell you what to do about your marriage, but you have people in your life who love you and want you to be around strong and healthy for many years to come. Your health is in danger because of his so-called addiction. If he was a real man and sincerely willing to change, he would help you with no strings attached.”

Tiara responded quietly, “I know you're right.” Then Tiara asked out of the blue, “How did you and Sexton end up arriving at my house at the exact same time?”

Sasha was thrown by the abrupt change of conversation. “We spent the night together. I was with Sexton when Calvin called him.”

“I kind of thought something like that.” Tiara paused and then asked, “Well, how was it?”

Sasha chuckled. “Leave it to you to come right out and ask me something like that. Let's just say that it was pretty damn good.”

“But I thought that you weren't interested. What changed your mind?” Tiara studied Sasha's face.

“I got caught up in the moment.”

“I hope that you don't think that anything meaningful is going to come out of a one night stand. If you want to marry a man you hold off on the sex for at least a month or so or he won't respect you. Make him work for it. In the end he'll want you all the more for it.”

“I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything, but how long did you make Peter wait before you slept with him?” Sasha's tone was dry.

“A month or so.” Tiara dropped her head.

Sasha made no reply because it was obvious what each of them was thinking.

“In any case, who said that I want to marry him?” Sasha continued. “I'm not looking for a husband and lately I haven't been real impressed by the institution of marriage.”

Sasha's spectra link buzzed and she picked it up, saying to Tiara, “It's probably Dr. Phillips with your test results.” As she held the phone to her ear she smiled at Tiara and gave her a thumbs up signal. “Everything turned up fine. Your blood test came back negative and your pap smear is normal.”

Tiara responded defensively, “I knew that I didn't have anything. Peter said that was his first time and I believe him.”

Sasha's only response was to give her a measured look.

“I know you don't believe that, but I do,” Tiara said defensively.

Sasha gave her another measured look. They were quiet as Sasha walked Tiara to the parking garage connected to the hospital. As Sasha waved goodbye to her friend, she prayed for Tiara to have the strength to make the right decisions regarding her future.