Montana Secrets (16 page)

Grace whimpered at her thoughts, at the feel of Seth's hands insistently moving her up, off him, so he could remove her panties. Once again she faltered, fought her fear, but when she opened her eyes and locked her gaze on his, her confidence returned. As long as she could see him, know it was Seth, she wasn't afraid.

“You're so beautiful, Grace. Beautiful inside and out.”

His voice rumbled out of his chest, rough and gravelly with need. Shivers racked her body as his hand stroked her leg, her thigh, and she moved, helped him have better access and moaned when he found her, wet and warm. Ready for him. Like in all the books she'd read, the ones where the man and woman loved each other and sex wasn't brutal.

“Protection. Ah, I don't—I can't believe this. I'm sorry, Grace. So sorry.”

Her pulse pounded in her veins. “I'm safe.” She paused. “I—I've been tested. More than once,” she said even as her face heated in shame. Earl could've done a lot more damage than he had, but thankfully God had watched out for her. “I'm…I'm also on birth control. To regulate my cycles.”

Seth's grin was filled with such relief she laughed softly. Imagine that. Laughter and sex. Fun.

With wicked intent he went back to nibbling the sensitive skin of her neck. “Me, too. Safe. Help me, Grace. My pants.”

She lowered her hands to his pajama pants, grateful for the drawstring that allowed her easy access. Seth braced his hands on the bed and lifted himself up as she pulled the pants down. He wasn't wearing anything underneath.

As soon as the flannel was out of the way she crawled on top of him again, her body all too eager for more of the magic Seth had shown it. His hands were everywhere, soothing, lightly pinching, making her squirm and constrict and sigh so fiercely she wondered how he'd ever make it better. This was what it was like? How it was supposed to be?

She laughed softly, happy. Sad. Teary.

“You okay?”

She nodded, her throat too full to speak, eyes too full to see clearly. So she did the only other thing she knew to do. She nudged him with her body, un
erringly placed the tip of him within her warmth and echoed his groan of pleasure. Hesitating, she tried to relax, and then lowered herself a bit more. Grace stared into Seth's eyes as she let herself sink down, down, until she held all of him.

“So beautiful. Ah, Grace.” His hands gripped her hips and Seth began lifting and lowering her against him, slow at first, then urgently. She was ready for him, and so surprised there wasn't any pain. There'd always been pain.

She whimpered softly, the pleasure of Seth's body joined with hers too much to withstand. Tears gathered once again and she swallowed them back, fighting to maintain control.

“I can't. Too long. Not going to last—”

A sob broke free before she could stop it and she could feel Seth tense. Another sob had Seth groaning and desperately trying to still the movement of her hips, but she wouldn't let him. She grabbed his hands and didn't let go, pressing them to the bed so she could keep up the pace that would bring him release.

“Honey, stop.
Stop,
Grace, you're crying.”

Her mouth covered his, and even though she couldn't stem the flowing tears she kept moving, up and down, grinding herself against Seth in a way that made him catch his breath. She wanted to please him as much as he'd pleased her by getting her
through this moment. For sharing and showing her how powerful love could be.

Needing to feel him surround her, she pressed Seth's hands to her breasts, wanting him to touch her, hold her. “For you,” she whispered hoarsely, her words more a sob than sounds.

Seth groaned and shifted forward, shoving himself off the headboard until he was able to wrap her in his arms. He cradled her against him while his mouth pressed kisses all over her face and neck.

The change of position shifted her, made his penetration deeper, and her desperate lunges of before were gone. In their place was a slow, rocking give-and-take. One that calmed the pace, slowed it to a bearable degree and then began to rebuild the passion her sobs had weakened.

Sniffling, she raised her gaze to his, loving the feel of him inside her. A gruff sound exploded from his chest as Seth climaxed, and at that pleasure-filled sight, her heart and soul broke free, free from the past. Free from guilt and responsibility.

“Mine,”
Seth breathed as he slipped his hand between them. “My beautiful Grace.”

She started when he touched her. Automatically pulled away, but the arm he had wrapped around her waist slipped to her hips and he continued to grind her against him.

“It's okay, Seth. It was perfect.”

“It will be,” he corrected before he caught her mouth and kissed her.

A moan escaped as desire rocketed through her, forcing her to tear her mouth from his and bite her lips as the combined motion of his still-hard arousal inside her and his stroking fingers brought her to life again. She arched into his touch.

“That's it. This is for both of us, Grace. Come for me.”

With a whimper that turned into a broken cry she tipped over the edge into bliss unlike anything she'd ever anticipated. She exploded, flew. Melted from the inside out and came crashing down. Her forehead dropped to his shoulder and she curled her limp arms around him as she tried to breathe, to cope.

Seth held her as he fell back against the headboard with her locked in his arms, pressing kiss after kiss to her forehead, her face. Her mouth.

How could it be? How could something that had been so ugly be so beautiful? Natural. Joyous and spiritual.

“I love you, Grace. I love you.”

S
ETH AWOKE AND FOUND
the bed empty. He looked at the clock on the nightstand: 2:00 a.m. He shifted and checked the room, but he already knew Grace wasn't there. After making love, after telling her he loved her, he'd fallen asleep like some loser instead of talking to her, pressing her for answers and insights to what they'd shared.

He sat up and grabbed the arm of his wheelchair to haul it close and make the transfer. The distant sound of a shower running made him hurry; bending over, he lifted his right foot onto the support, then his left.

He wheeled himself around until he reached the open door between their rooms. Grace was showering in his bathroom. And after everything they'd shared he knew he should probably give her privacy to come to terms with the latest development in their relationship, but he was terrified she'd had another nightmare. Could he have slept through it? Grace might have gotten up to keep from disturbing him. It was just the sort of thing she'd do.

He raced across the room and opened the bathroom door.

Grace was huddled on the floor of the glass-enclosed shower, crying. No, what she was doing couldn't be called crying. She sobbed so hard she gasped for breath, the little moans and noises escaping her lips muffled by the washcloth she held over her mouth. He stared at her, angry,
furious
that she sat there alone instead of coming to him and letting him help. When would she get it? Would she always have that struggle? That need to stand on her own and be independent instead of leaning on him?

Rolling closer, he opened the shower door and her head jerked up. Through the water beating down on her, through the hair hanging over her face, she stared at him. Her eyes red-rimmed and swollen. Haunted.

His anger fizzled. In her face he saw the child she'd been. The young girl who'd been used and abused by a man she should've been able to trust. Rage threatened to overwhelm him, but he swallowed it back, determined he'd maintain control of himself for Grace's sake. Without comment, he transferred out of his chair and onto the built-in bench. She stiffened but didn't move, stayed huddled in a ball on the shower floor.

Seth lowered his hand to her wet hair and gently rubbed, smoothing his hand over the sopping length
and hoping, praying, for her to let him inside her protective walls. Finally, as though she couldn't bear the weight any longer, she lowered her head until her cheek rested against his leg. Then they sat there in silence, his hand moving slowly over her bent head, the water raining down on them both.

Long moments passed with nothing but the shower filling the silence. Grace wiped her face with the cloth in her hands and relished the sense of safety surrounding her. Making love with him had been unbelievably beautiful and powerful and
special.
And it had made her furious. So angry she wanted to scream and shout at the injustice.

Earl had taken something intimate and exquisite and turned it into a nightmare. Degrading, torturous, a punishment and humiliation she never should've had to endure. But with Seth—oh, she'd found herself again. Found a part of herself she'd very nearly convinced herself Earl had destroyed.

Seth's broad hand slid down her hair and he murmured a soothing sound over the rush of water. She didn't respond, couldn't. So she merely held on to him in an undignified heap and wished things were different. All she wanted to do was curl up in Seth's lap and relive the magic and love she'd found in his arms. Experience it, cherish it, hold it within her heart forever.

Following her thoughts, she pressed a kiss to his
calf, his knee. His thigh. Tiny little kisses, chaste, but his reaction was instantaneous, matching the answering one deep in her body that stirred to life and warmed her from the inside out.

“Grace—” His hands shifted to cradle her face, his thumbs smoothing over her chin and lips. His eyes so full of tenderness and desire and—

She shut her mind off to what he'd said and let him urge her to her knees, to her feet, arrange her until she straddled his lap. His mouth devoured hers, and even as her eyes burned from her crying spell, her body burned for his touch. Ached for the blaze of his hands as they roamed her body and teased it into welcoming him inside her.

This time their passion was slow and steady, sensual in its simplicity. Infinitely powerful and sweet and…
loving.

She whimpered softly, their mouths melding together in a long, voracious kiss. She rocked against him, lost to her thoughts, to the feel of him as Seth gripped the bench with one hand to keep them both balanced. With the other he stroked her body, up to her breast to squeeze and gently pinch, down, between her legs to rub where they joined, over and over until she couldn't breathe properly. Her pace increased and his body slid into hers with more and more force. Force she controlled.

Her climax slammed into her, catching her off
guard, and her moans filled her ears, echoing off the shower enclosure. She smiled when he groaned out his release, laughed softly as she bucked against him and he completely lost control and they nearly fell off the seat.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, her knees folded up at his sides, and listened as his ragged breath panted into her ear.

“Grace, ah, Grace, I love you. Marry me.”

Pain knifed through her. She shoved his hand away and jerked to her feet before turning to face the spray.

Marry him?

What did you think would happen?

She knew Seth's sense of honor. His pride. Knew he didn't take things lightly, and the fact that he knew about her past and still made love to her would undoubtedly make him feel…guilty. Responsible. Seth was such an honorable man. One of the last of a dying breed of men. A fact proved by the way he'd married Arie after discovering she was pregnant. Now after making love to her, knowing her secret, he believed he owed her more as well. Believed he had to care for her, protect her from her past even though her many hang ups could potentially destroy them as a couple.

“No.”

“No?”

“You don't want to marry me.”

He caressed her hip. “Yes, I do,” he corrected, his voice firm.

“Then I'm sorry, because I
can't.
”

“Why? No, come on, Grace, talk to me.”

She flicked a hand toward the rapidly cooling spray. “We've got to get out of here.”

Seth twisted the water off. “Fine. But you're not running away from me. We're going to talk about this. About
us.
”

Grace stepped from the shower and wrapped a towel around herself, all too conscious of his gaze on her. And all too conscious of her response. She was so tempted. She wanted to be with him. Wanted to marry him.

But she couldn't.

“That was a mistake.”

“Bull.” Seth took the towel she tossed at him and began to roughly dry himself off. “It was perfect. It was exactly what was supposed to happen between us.”

Her disbelieving burst of laughter earned her a glare. “I'll get you some clothes.”

“I want to marry you, Grace. I want to spend my life with you, and I think you feel the same way, but you're too afraid to believe me. You're letting your past interfere with your future. It's almost like you're too afraid to let it go because it's the only
thing you've known.” Seth got into his wheelchair and she watched the ease of his movements, thankful he'd draped the towel over his waist.

“Seth…there will come a time when you're better and then you might not feel the same way about me.”

“I
love
you.”

“Because I've helped you!” She couldn't meet his gaze. “I'm sorry about what just happened—”

“You're a horrible liar, Grace. You're scared. Maybe the first time we made love took you by surprise since you'd woken up from the nightmare, but what happened in that shower wasn't a mistake, honey. You were wide awake, and there's no denying you wanted me just as much as I wanted you.”

She shoved a hand through her dripping hair, unable to acknowledge he was right. Too frightened to admit she wasn't strong enough to let go of the barriers she'd erected through the years to protect her from being hurt again. “Y-Yes, but—”

He inched closer. “But what? What are you so afraid of? That I won't recover? Or that I will? I'm
not
Earl! I'd never use my strength against you. I'm not some pervert who likes to hurt little girls.”

She shook her head, the movement slinging water off her hair. “I
can't.
” She ran a shaking hand over her face. “You're right, I woke up after the nightmare and you were there and— Thank you…for helping me but—”

“You're thanking me?”

She nodded rapidly and tried to ignore the look of pain her words caused him. “For showing me that sex—”

“We made love, Grace. We didn't have sex and I want you to
marry
me! Now, let's sit down like two adults and talk about this.”

“Grace?” Jake's panicked voice came from within Grace's bedroom.

Grace blanched, but before she could move Jake saw them through the open doorway, his eyes wild with fear. His gaze swept over them, but Jake didn't comment on their state of undress or their obvious change in relationship.

“Maura's in labor,” he said as he yanked on his coat.

“Have you called a squad?”

Jake shook his head. “I can't get through. It's snowing, icy. Freak storm blew in. I'm going to go get the chains on the truck and drive her.”

“I'll go check on Maura,” Grace murmured as she clutched the towel around her body and pushed past Jake.

Seth wheeled himself closer. “How are you going to drive her in your condition? I'll keep calling the squad. Maybe they can meet you.”

Jake nodded, nostrils flaring with every breath, his hands trembling so badly he couldn't fasten his
coat. Seth hated his helplessness in the sight of Jake's torment so he went to the phone and dialed for help. The line was busy.

“I'll keep calling. Everything will be fine.”

Jake wiped a hand over his sweaty face, then lunged out of the room. “I hope so. It's too early for the baby. She's got more than three weeks to go.”

Seth nodded and punched in the number again.

 

H
ALF AN HOUR LATER
Grace brushed sweat-matted hair off Maura's forehead and forced herself to smile. Jake's wife was curled up on the bed, the blankets under her soaked from where her water had broken. One way or another, the baby was coming.

“You're doing great. Try to relax. I'm going to take your blood pressure again, okay? Just relax.”

Maura moaned. “This isn't exactly what I had in mind for a delivery.”

“I know,” she soothed. “But everything's going to be fine. You've got to take me shopping, remember? Now that Brent's ready to graduate I need help picking out a dress to wear unless I'm going to show up in sweats or my one and only black dress.”

Maura smiled. “Should've let me cut a few feet off the hem so Seth could see those long legs of yours. Too bad my clothes didn't fit.” She shifted uncomfortably.

“Hang in there,” Grace soothed. “Jake's outside. He's signaling for the helicopter. Good thing he has friends in high places, because you're going to get a ride.”

Maura's attempt to smile failed. “Always too afraid to fly,” she muttered, her breath rasping in and out of her chest. “Figures that my first trip would be in a snowstorm.”

Grace laughed softly, pleased with Maura's attempt to combat her fright with humor. “You're going to be fine. You'll make it to the hospital, deliver there and be home in no time.”

Grace looked over her shoulder to the empty doorway as another contraction racked Maura's frame. She glanced at her watch to time it.

“I've never…seen anything like it,” Maura groaned softly. “Seth looks at you and…” Her breath wheezed out of her lungs as she panted through the pain. “Lights up.”

“Jake's the same way with you.”

“They're good men.”

Grace heard the approaching
thump-thump-thump
of a helicopter's blades. “They're here.” And she was relieved. “It won't be long now.”

“You slept…with Seth.” Maura frowned at her. “Jake couldn't find you so I told him to check Seth's room.”

Knowing she couldn't hide anything from her new
friend, Grace sighed. “It—It shouldn't have happened.”

Maura shifted against the pillow behind her. “He loves you.”

Jake rushed into the bedroom, his dark hair and coat layered with snow. Downstairs, Seth's voice rose as he spoke to someone and then there were more footsteps on the stairs. Paramedics rushed into the room with a gurney. Grace stood to get out of the way, but Maura's hand caught hers.

“No matter what happened in your past, Grace, life is too short to deny love. And please, don't hurt Seth again.”

Tears burned her eyes as she bent and kissed Maura, conscious that someone's hands pulled at her to try to hurry her away. “It'll be all right. Don't worry. You just go have this baby so I can hold him or her before I leave Montana.”

 

J
UST AFTER DAWN
Seth gave up on getting any sleep and settled himself in his wheelchair. He lifted his right foot onto the support, then his left. The metal was cold and goose bumps shot up his legs.

Cold?

He felt the metal support. It wasn't his imagination, wasn't him wanting to recover so badly he'd only imagined the sensations.

He swung himself around and hurriedly wheeled
himself to the gym, anxious to see if he had the guts to put his feet where his mind traveled.

His heart pounded, thumping with excitement and dread as he positioned himself in front of the parallel bars and locked the wheels. He bent and used his hands to raise and lower his feet to the padded floor after adjusting the supports out of his way. Jake and his family needed him. His ranch needed him. And Grace needed a man able to help her conquer her fears.