Montana Secrets (2 page)

“One…two—”

“Three.”

Her gaze flew to his at his sudden attack, but instead of instantly toppling, Grace held her place with barely a wobble, whereas his burst of strength faded much too fast. Sweat beaded his forehead, slipped down his face and itched when it trickled into his beard.

Seconds passed, not more than sixty seconds tops, and he hated himself more and more with every one of them because he could feel himself weakening. Finally her grip tensed against his, as though she'd been pretending to put up a fight all along, and Grace flattened his arm to the tray without so much as a deep breath to fortify her.

Seth stared at her through the hair hanging over his eyes, ashamed. He'd lost. And chauvinistic or not, he couldn't believe he was such a weakling that he'd lost an arm-wrestling match to a woman. Of all the indignities he'd suffered since his accident, this was the icing topping the proverbial cake.

“Let's get started. I'll get your chair.”

“No—”

A mask dropped over her features in preparation for battle. “I'm holding you to your word.”

He wondered what she'd do if he simply refused. Jerking his hand out of hers, he raked the hair away from his eyes before gesturing at his legs. “You need to get Jake.”

“Why?”

Wasn't it obvious? “You can't lift me into my chair.”

“I don't need to lift you.” Her tone lost some of its edge. “You'll just slide from the bed to the chair. Besides, you'll help me. Right?”

Why should he?

Because his weight could hurt her.

His nod was slow in coming, but he managed to get the motion out without cursing. He hated this. Hated she saw how weak he'd become.

He was a lost cause. All the other therapists thought so, otherwise they'd have found a backbone and stuck around.

Grace moved his wheelchair next to the bed, then inched the chair closer to the mattress before setting the locks. “Ready?”

No.

“I'll get behind you and—”

“I'll fall.” Did she have any idea how much that
statement cost him in pride? He was a man. At least he used to be, and now he was supposed to let her lift him in and out of bed? She was too small. Too thin.

She'd drop him.

Then she'd have to call Jake or one of the ranch hands he still managed to employ to come lift him back into the bed like a child. A grown man unable to get himself in and out of bed. God help him, he'd been humiliated enough.

“Only if you want to,” she said. “I'll have you from behind. One quick move and you'll be in the chair. You won't fall because I won't let you.” She got into position at his shoulders. “Trust me in this if nothing else, Seth, okay? Now, on three.” She laughed softly, the sound wry, her breath warm and moist on his neck. “No surprises this time, either. Wait until I say.”

Grace planted her feet wide, locked her forearms under his armpits so that her hands were fisted high at his chest, and helped him over to the edge of the bed. Her breasts brushed against his back during the move, burning his skin beneath the T-shirt he wore. And despite his anger and embarrassment of the moment, he was aware of her. Much too aware, all things considered.

“One…two. Three.”

She kept balance for them both while he slid off
the bed into the wheelchair in a surprisingly quick move. He landed awkwardly and had to squirm and shift to straighten himself in the seat. While he did that, Grace put his legs and feet on the supports.

“You're out of practice, but that wasn't too bad, was it?” Grace smiled at him.

He glared at her, hating that she talked down to him. He couldn't handle that from Grace. One therapist had actually clapped his hands and giggled every time Seth had lifted the weights as instructed. He'd lasted two days until Seth had managed to convince the man he'd be better off
giggling
somewhere else.

Grace sighed before she stood, moving around him to unlock the wheels of his chair. Without comment she rolled him out his bedroom door into the hall, the house unusually silent.

“If you're wondering where everyone is, your niece took Jake and Maura out to see the kittens in the barn. Apparently there's one that's pure white, and Lexi's the only one who's able to pet it.”

Seth grunted. Lexi loved kittens.

“Here we are. You know you're really lucky to have a setup like this at home.”

Seth looked up as they entered what had once been his garage, frowning when he heard the bubbling sound of water. Since his last trip to therapy, a whirlpool had been brought in and set up in the corner.

Another expense. The ranch wasn't solvent the way it used to be and he wondered what Jake had sold to pay for the new equipment. When were Jake and Maura going to get it? All of the expense, the wasted time and energy. It wasn't worth it.
He
wasn't worth it.

“Let's get you settled and get to work.”

“Don't waste my time and yours—”

“You have something better to do?” she countered, her expression annoyingly cheerful as she stepped to the side of his wheelchair.

He ground his teeth together and shot her a narrow-eyed look that would once have had any one of his ranch hands scrambling out of his way. Grace didn't budge.

“Come on. On three, just like before.” She stood in front of him, her legs braced wide for balance as she bent her knees and wrapped her arms around him to lift him from the chair.

Seth froze when he found his nose buried in her neck, in the silky soft hair at her nape that had escaped her ponytail. She smelled fresh and clean and just like he remembered, like wild flowers and sunshine, musky, warm woman and sweetly scented shampoo.

He slowly raised his head. Sometimes being a man of his word sucked.

G
RACE SWUNG
S
ETH AROUND IN
the awkward dance that transferred him to the padded table. Once there, she raised his legs to the surface, her cheeks rosy.

“We're, uh, we're going to be here awhile. Better get comfy.”

Seth watched as she scampered away, irritated. He stared up at the ceiling, still dazed to find himself there, and attempted to ignore her movements as she prepared for the session.

The air filled with soft guitar music and he recognized the song as one from a CD in his own collection of favorites, making him wonder if she'd asked Jake or Maura which he preferred, or if they still had similar tastes in music.

Grace drew his attention again as she walked back toward him, her hesitant smile off kilter as she placed a towel and a bottle of lotion on the foot of the wide table where he lay.

“The first thing we've got to do is get you lim
bered up. I don't suppose you've let Jake help you with your exercises since your last therapist left?”

He just looked at her, silent. What had she done in the ten years she'd been gone? Jake would've told him, could've, since he and Grace had kept in touch, but after the first time or two his brother had mentioned Grace's name, Seth had made it clear he didn't want to discuss her so Jake had pretty much kept Grace's activities and interests to himself from then on.

“O-kay, so we'll start there and move on to a massage.”

He ignored her censuring expression and tone and went back to examining the ceiling. It needed a coat of paint, but like everything else around the ranch, it was an expense that had been put on hold because of his injury.

Jake shouldn't have bought the whirlpool. Even though it was used, the cost probably would've covered his quarterly taxes and he couldn't afford to get any more behind.

Grace lifted his left leg and bent it at the knee before pushing toward his chest. He didn't feel it. He wouldn't know she was touching him at all if not for the pressure on his ribs as his thigh pressed in. The irony wasn't lost on him, either. How many times had he kissed her, touched her, and wanted more? Wanted her to touch him? Stroke him as he ached
to stroke her? Now here she was with her hands all over him and he couldn't
feel
it.

He laughed, drawing Grace's attention, but he ignored her and closed his eyes, throwing an arm over his face. It was either stare at the ceiling or stare at her. Neither were appealing.

How did someone like him—a rancher used to a hard day's work—deal with being a paraplegic? How did anyone?

The worst was knowing Jake and Maura would never move on with their lives now. He was a burden. An obligation they were duty-bound to care for. Even Grace had felt compelled to help despite the fact she'd left ten years ago and never looked back.

Time passed in a blur of painful recriminations as Grace's determined motions moved him from position to position, the last move placing him on his stomach. Unable to take any more, Seth willed his mind blank and drifted with the sound of the music.

“Time for lunch,” she said suddenly. “We'll eat and then get back to work.”

He shook his head but didn't raise it. “We're fin—”

“Uncle Seff!”

Lexi's squeal of delight yanked his head toward the door, and he bit back a curse as his niece's white-blond head came barreling toward him.

“Lex—get out of here. Go find your mama,” he ordered roughly.

“But, Uncle Seff, you're outta your room!”

The table shook as Lexi scrambled up beside him. He turned his head away from her. “Go to Maura.”

Little arms hugged his back and he grimaced.
Baby girl.
Since her birth, Lexi had spent as much time with him as she had with Jake, maybe more, and he hated that she saw him like this. Weak and broken, useless. Had he been an animal, he would've been put out of his misery.

“Hello, Lexi, I'm Grace. I talked to you on the phone, remember? It's nice to finally meet you in person.”

“What's wrong with Uncle Seff?”

“Well, your uncle's had a hard workout, honey, and he's not feeling well right now. But once he gets some food in his stomach, he won't be such a bear. I'm sure he wouldn't mind a visit before we start our next session.”

“No.”
What was she doing? “Go find Maura, Lex.”

“But—”

“Do what you're told!”

Lexi whimpered and began to cry. Seth slammed his fist against the table, the force behind the blow weakened by the padding beneath. He couldn't handle Lexi's little-girl tears. Or being bombarded with
all the questions she'd ask, like why couldn't he walk? Why had he fallen off the horse?
Why didn't he love her anymore?

“Lexi?” Maura called from somewhere in the house.

“Please, Uncle Seff?”

“In here!” Grace answered before murmuring something soothing in response to Lexi's entreaty.

Seth didn't move, completely humiliated by what was taking place around him. A grown man face-down on a table with his butt up in the air. His neck burned with shame.

“I'm sorry, Grace. She got away from me. We didn't mean to bother you. Did we, Lex?”

“No problem,” Grace murmured, her tone warm and soft and vastly different from when she'd spoken so determinedly to him.

“I want him to play with me!” Lexi argued stubbornly. “I been good!”

“Alexandra,” Maura scolded, “we've talked about this. And besides, that's not how you behave. Now, I need help with the dessert. Will you come stir the berries, please?”

Disobedient silence greeted Maura's firm suggestion and Seth could imagine the mulish set of his niece's mouth.

“Uncle Seff,
please?
No, Mommy, no! I wanna stay! No!”

His hands locked in abject rage as his niece's compact little body was plucked from the surface of the table, the heat of her gone from where she'd sat pressed against his side. Footsteps sounded, retreating from the room, but if he'd had any doubt that Maura was escorting Lexi away, his niece's pitiful wails put an end to it.

“She's gone,” Grace confirmed, censure in her voice. “Did you like making a little girl cry?”

 

G
RACE WAS FUMING BY
the time she locked Seth's wheelchair into place in front of his bedroom window.

While they were in therapy, Maura and Jake had performed wonders in Seth's room. The floor was now clean and freshly swept, his hospital bed neatly made, and the air smelled of cinnamon-scented carpet cleaner.

Without comment, she wheeled the hospital tray into position over his lap, trying to gain a fresh perspective to go with the room.

Seth was a normal patient, angry and sad, disillusioned by life's unexpected turn. Everything about this situation was normal.

Except for the fact she'd been in love with him.

“I eat in my bed.”

She raised a brow at his surly tone, so hungry she could match his grumpiness with almost no effort.
“Today you don't,” she countered, drawing on a nearly empty stock of patience.

“I don't want or need you to babysit me.”

“Good, because I—” She broke off when she realized his scowling attention was focused on something happening outside the window.

She followed his gaze and found Jake standing beside the older ranch hand, Hank, who'd driven her from the airport. Both men leaned against the paddock rails and watched as another man worked with a horse.

She glanced back at Seth and found his hands white with strain, gripping the curved arms of his wheelchair. Eyes dark with pain and fury. Envy.

Despite her anger over his behavior with Lexi, her heart softened even though she told herself to stand firm. But to
see
how dearly Seth wanted to be out there—

“Leave me alone.”

She closed her eyes briefly and inhaled. “Sorry. There are some medical forms and evaluation sheets I need to fill out with your input. We can share lunch while we get the technical stuff out of the way.”

She grabbed a straight-backed chair from beside his bed and carried it to a spot opposite his wheelchair. She lowered it smack dab in front of him so he'd have a hard time ignoring her.

“I'm not hungry.”

Seth's stomach chose that moment to growl loudly, and Grace hid her smile when he actually glanced down and frowned, acting genuinely surprised by the noise.

“Maura told me she was going to fix your favorites for lunch. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans—”

He stared out the window again. “I don't want to eat with you. You got me to therapy this morning. Be happy with that.”

“Look, Seth—”

His black eyes fixated on her and it was everything she could do not to flinch. Seth was dynamite ready to explode and she was the match lit to fire.

“No,
you
look—I don't want to eat with you, I don't want to sit with you, I don't want to look at you.
I-don't-want-you-here!
”

Someone coughed quietly, and Grace turned to find Maura hovering in the doorway with a loaded tray in her hands.

Hurt when she knew she had no right to be, Grace waved Jake's pregnant wife inside the now-spotless room and met her halfway, grateful for the distraction and the chance to curb her doubts and memories before they got out of hand.

“Please, don't let him throw it,” Maura begged in a hushed voice. “We're out of carpet cleaner.”

“Don't talk over me,” Seth barked. “I'm right
here, Maura. If you don't want me to throw the damn tray then tell me, not her!”

“S-sorry, Seth. I just—”

“Get out! Both of you, just get the hell
out!
”

Grace forced a smile at the now teary-eyed Maura and took the tray from her trembling hands. “Thank you for all your hard work, Maura. I'm sure Seth will enjoy his favorite foods so much, he won't consider doing anything as childish as wasting it,” she said before turning her attention back to Seth. “After all, it would be pretty embarrassing for a grown man to make his pregnant sister-in-law come in and clean his room because of a tantrum, now wouldn't it?”

Seth didn't respond to her scolding and Maura used the break in conversation to duck out the door, wiping her cheeks as she went.

“And I
know
you're not keen on my being here,” she continued. “You've made your feelings perfectly clear, but I'm staying…if not for what we used to—to mean to each other, then for Jake and Maura and Lexi.”

A gruff laugh escaped him, lacking all traces of humor. “Don't pretend feelings you never had, Grace. And leave my niece out of this.”

Feelings she didn't have? Seth had meant everything to her, that's why she hadn't wanted to hurt him. Couldn't bear the thought of him turning away in disgust.

“I won't leave Lexi out of our conversation. I can't because
you
obviously don't know what you're doing to her. Do you
know
how smart she is? A lot smarter than I was at five. Your niece called me in North Carolina to ask me to help you. In fact, she's the one who convinced me to take your case.”

“Lucky me.”

Grace dropped the tray on top of the hospital table. Maura had placed Seth's meal on hard plastic plates so the action created more noise than anything. The ruckus was worth it when he glanced up at her in surprise.

“Lexi heard Jake on the phone asking me to take your case, and after he hung up, she snuck in and hit the redial to talk to me herself. Just so she could persuade me to come because she wants her favorite uncle to get well.”

“You mean she heard you turn Jake down. You told him no.”

Unable to deny the truth, she shrugged. “I told Jake I needed time to think about it.”

“Afraid to see me again?”

She wanted to look away but couldn't. “Seth, stop feeling sorry for yourself and fight this. I'll help you. And before you say it, I'm
not
leaving. I'm not intimidated by a grown man's temper tantrums.”

“My family doesn't need me burdening them,” he grated out, his face a dull maroon. “The sooner you
and everyone else realize that and move on, the sooner I can have some peace in my own house!”

“Peace?” she asked, incredulous. “Hiding in this room isn't peace, it's giving up! Your family needs you.
Lexi
needs you.”

Seth's near-black eyes bared more of his soul than she knew he wanted her to see. “What does she need me for? Wake up, Grace, I'm a
cripple.
”

Pain washed over her. Not only Seth's pain, but the pain of every patient she'd come into contact with since beginning her career. “You're her uncle. The
only
uncle she has, and she loves you.”

His despair made her want to cry, it touched her heart, breaking through all her training, and through all the barriers she'd erected over the past ten years in an attempt to keep herself from falling for someone as hard as she'd fallen for Seth.

“Don't stand there and preach to me about Lexi.”

“Or what?” Seth had so much going for him, and here he was shoving everyone and everything away as hard and as fast as he could. Self-destructing right before her eyes. “Even if you never take another step in your life, you'll always be Lexi's uncle. Nothing will ever change that. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and fight this! Fight back!”

Seth was silent, his expression haunted and brooding. Lexi's laughter reached them then, drew their attention to the action taking place outside the
windows. The little girl was with Jake and Hank, her smiling face representative of all that was good in the world.

Unprofessional tears threatened and Grace blinked rapidly to ease the strain, blaming her response on fatigue and frustration and all the emotions that came with returning to North Star and seeing Seth so broken and defeated. She hadn't been eating, hadn't been sleeping. And now when she did close her eyes and sleep, her nightmares were vicious.