More Than Famous (Famous #2) (25 page)

"But then, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other and he wanted to talk about it.  I wasn't ready, and all of my resolve left me.  It was like reliving it all over and the love and pain was so much more than I could take.  He kept insisting that it didn't happen.  We ended up fighting, and screaming at each other.  Even though we admitted how much we still loved each other, yet he left me anyway.  It was
even worse
than finding Wendy in his room. I just don't know how I'm going to get through this, Mom."

I wiped at the tears still falling from my eyes." I fucking hate myself that - I can't stop loving him." Another sob broke from my chest and tears squeezed from beneath my closed eyelids.

She took my hands.  "Brook.  You are such a strong young woman.  So strong.  You’ll get through this.  You
will
, because you're you.  I know it hurts right now, but that's because you allowed yourself to love so deeply. I'm so proud of the person you've become and the choices you've made."

I sat up and grabbed another tissue and mopped at my face. "A lot of people are counting on you, honey.  This movie means a lot of jobs to a lot of people.  It isn't just about you and Cade. It isn't just about this movie, but your future career.  Jeanne told me that he probably wouldn't be on set for the first couple of weeks, so that will give you some time to get used to being there and get in the groove without dealing with him."

"I... I don't know.  He always wants to be there early." I was gasping for air, trying to stop the tears. "But, even if he isn't there right away, it's going to hurt being there without him, too.  Either way, I'm so screwed."

I threw the last few shirts on top of the jeans in my suitcase and added some sneakers.  I didn't give a crap about what clothes I packed since I wouldn't be going out at all anyway. The doorbell rang; it was Jeanne. She was here with the limo that would take us to LAX for our flight to Vancouver. I ran a hand through my hair as my mom got up to go downstairs.

"I'll tell Jeanne you'll be down in a few minutes.  Wash your face.  I
know
you can do this Brook."  She hugged me tight.

IN VANCOUVER, JEANNE
arranged for me to have a different hotel from most of the others. Noah, Gavin and Sarah would be in the same one, but the others, especially Wendy and Cade wouldn't be. My heart tightened. Did I really want them to share the same hotel?  I pushed the thought to the back of my head, and told myself it wouldn’t matter anyway.

I could feel Jeanne’s eyes following me around the room as I got ready for bed and unpacked.  I hadn't talked much on the way up here because it was the easiest way to keep it together, to be how everyone expected me to be. 

"What?" I finally asked her as I crawled into my bed.

She was getting ready to get into hers also.  "Brook, do you want to talk about this at all?  Are you
sure
Cade slept with Wendy?"

I sighed and looked down at my hands.  "Yes."  I knew my voice was getting thick.

"I see." I could tell it wasn't what she expected. "Have you talked to him at all?"

"No."  I glanced over at her and threw my script aside. "Look, I found Wendy at his place when I went to surprise him New Year's Eve, okay?  She answered the door wrapped in his blanket.  It's not too difficult to figure out what she was doing there, is it?"

She gasped.  I hadn't told her what went down.

"Did you go into the apartment?" she asked quietly.

I shook my head. “I left right away. I couldn't even function; seeing him in bed with her would only devastate and humiliate me more.  I didn't take his calls or texts for a month and finally, he stopped trying.  I took the time until the Tokyo premiere to deal before I was able to talk to him, but yes, finally we did talk in February." My heart dropped. "He said it didn't happen."

"Then... are you sure it did?" Her voice was soothing, yet inquiring.

"I
saw
her there, Jeanne.  We didn't talk about the details of it.  I told him I knew he'd been with her and he denied it.  Somehow it got turned around into my not trusting him, rather than his screwing Wendy.  It was horrible." I wiped at the tears.  "It hurts so much. I've never experienced anything so excruciating."

"Brook, Cade called me and came to my room in Tokyo. Right after he left you," she confessed.  My eyes widened as I sucked in my breath.  "I hope you're not mad, but he needed to talk to someone who knows you and the situation."

  It was obvious she really cared for Cade and for me, so I couldn't really be mad at her.

"I'm not upset, but I really don't want to know what he said." I closed my eyes. "It's all too raw for me and I'm sorry that you've been put in the middle of all of this."

"Brook, I'm your friend, not just your manager, so I'm
going
to tell you this." She came over and sat on my bed.  "He
loves you
so much, he's hurting just like you, and he's – angry because you wouldn't talk to him for months, and wouldn't tell him why.  He was going out of his mind wondering what happened and was confused that you wouldn't take his calls." She put her arms around my defeated shoulders as I hung my head, the tears raining on my crossed legs.  "And then when you wouldn't believe him in Tokyo, he was devastated all over again, but he loves you more than he's mad.  He is suffering, Brook, as much as you are."

"But Jeanne...” I began miserably. “He doesn't know
why
?  Was he there when he screwed her?  How the fuck did this get to be my fault?  I
can't
hear that he loves me when he did this!" My voice cracked. "He took all of my love, my heart and soul and just flushed it down the toilet.  Like I was nothing!" My voice was trembling as I fought the pain.  "
He
cheated,
not me
.  Please don't ask me to forget that."  

I started to sob, and buried my face in my hands as I lost the fight against it. "I'm so pathetic. I did everything to get over it... I even tried to have sex with David in January, but Cade has fucked me up so bad, I couldn't even kiss him.  I'm so disgusted with myself. I couldn't even do it to
get even
, Jeanne. It made me physically sick."

She looked at me with sad eyes.  "Okay, Brook. Wendy is a snake in the grass. You can't trust her.  If you could have heard him, Brook, or seen his face," she paused and her eyes pleaded with me.  "Just like you wouldn't let David touch you, Cade wouldn't touch any other woman, honey. I believe him and he wouldn’t risk losing you to be with someone like her.  Think about it."

"I saw his face; I heard his voice in Tokyo.  Yes, he was hurting.  We both were."  I was getting angry now.  "So I'm supposed to forget that I
saw
her there?  Cade is a very hot, sensual man, and Wendy has been on the prowl for him for a year. Most men can't resist that kind of shit for very long.  Maybe he was drunk, I don't know. I have considered that and I've even forgiven him, but it doesn't change that he still didn't want me in Tokyo." I drew in a painful breath.  "Jeanne, can you please just try to understand how I felt when she opened that door?  It was like I was punched in the gut. I couldn’t breathe. I died in the moment."

I froze where I was as I relived it, and felt the tears fall from my eyes silently again.  I brushed them off my cheek quickly and got up from the bed.  I needed to be alone and to get a grip on myself.

She looked like she wanted to say something and was searching for the words, but I didn't want to hear it.

"I just can't talk about it anymore.  I know he loves me, but I'm scared to risk my heart again." I shook my head, "Reliving it only makes me weak and I'm struggling. I'm sorry." I paused and saw the sadness in her face.  "I'm going to take a bath and go over the scenes that I have to shoot with Noah and Jennifer tomorrow." 

I went to run the bath and try to get lost in the script. 

WE WERE GETTING
ready to film a scene in a gym when Aaron encourages Ryan to cheat on Julia. Jesus Christ, my chest hurt, but I almost laughed at the irony of it.

For once it mattered to me that we were filming out of sequence. My heart constricted as I remembered a conversation Brook and I had during pre-production of the first film about sequence. She’d been so green, she was clueless about the “hows” and “whys” of filming and was concerned she wouldn’t be able to emote appropriately if the scenes were shot out of order and the story was jumbled in her mind. I understood where she was coming from. On most of my action films, it didn’t matter, but this one we needed that connection, and that was the start of everything. All of those late nights running lines and reading the books together were what made us, “us”. I sucked in my breath and gave my head a few quick shakes to try and get my focus back.

I was thankful I didn’t have to make it through a love scene, but it would still be emotional because it was very relatable. I started to run a hand through my hair, but stopped when the make-up artist called my name sharply. My head snapped around to look at her as she was rapidly shaking her head. “You’ll ruin it.”

I grimaced. How could I ruin it? It was covered in crap that made it look sweaty and plastered to my head, but whatever. I let my hand fall to my side and turned away from her.

I was royally screwed, even though I’d talked to Martin during pre-production and explained the situation about Brook and me and the misunderstanding about Wendy. He’d agreed to leave the love scenes, which were more over-the-top intense in this movie, until the end of production so maybe I’d be able to mend the abyss with her, though I was hurt and angry. I’d also asked him to keep Wendy the hell away from me as much as possible.

I thought I was prepared for this scene; I’d memorized every line but something didn't feel right. It felt too real and the pain in my chest was undeniable. I was all fucked up because Brook and I hadn’t met and worked on anything in pre-production. In fact, I’d avoided Vancouver until a day before my first call.

We always rehearsed together and never went to set without going over every scene, even if it wasn’t one we were in together. We weren't just actors working on a film, we always wanted it to be prefect and had spent hours and hours perfecting every nuance. This time, it felt like we were strangers and it tortured me. If this were any other actress or any other movie, maybe it wouldn't have mattered. But it was Brook. It felt wrong. Horribly wrong.

I walked over to Ethan and he nodded at me as I approached. “Hey, man.”

“Hello,” I returned.

We were both in workout clothes, I was shirtless and the make-up people made sure I looked like I was glistening with sweat by spraying me with a mixture of water and glycerin, and I went through a series of stretches to loosen up my muscles right before the costume assistant taped up my hands and was lacing up the second boxing glove. I flexed my hands inside them because they felt uncomfortable. I would have rather hit the bag with my bare fists, but that wasn’t the way the script was written, and I couldn’t have my hands banged up for the rest of the filming.

I was wound really tight; my body coiled and my heart hollow. All I wanted was to get at that bag and begin working myself up before the scene started, then I’d be sweating and out of breath for real, so I turned to Ethan.