Mr Gum and the Goblins (10 page)

Overhead, morning was breaking as Jake rounded one last corner and a familiar sight met Polly's eyes.

‘Boaster's Hill!' she exclaimed happily. ‘We're back home where we belongs!'

But her happiness didn't last long, because something strange was happening at the bottom of the hill. As the heroes watched, a huge load of soil went flying everywhere. And then, in the blink of a tramp's eye, the goblins burst out from the
hillside, spitting and dropping litter all over the place and designing cheap blocks of flats made of concrete. They had only been in Lamonic Bibber for about three seconds but already it was starting to look like Goblin City.

‘I
am the Head Beekeeper!' yelled Mr Gum as he emerged from the tunnel. (This was just his way of saying ‘I am the best!' for Mr Gum admired beekeepers tremendously. And why? Because beekeepers are in charge of bees, and can command them to sting anyone they fancy.)

‘Ha, ha, me old stilton! You know what's really gonna be funty?' said Billy William, laughing like a pair of scissors. ‘When this here Goblin Army attacks the sleepin' townsfolk!'

‘Yeah,' agreed Mr Gum, chuckling as Yak Triangle pushed a bench into the duck pond. ‘Cos who knows we're comin'? No one! An' that's what a surprise attack's all about!'

‘Wrong!' said a pure clear voice from above, and the villains looked up in amazement to see
the heroes a-standing on the hillside, the sun gleaming behind them to prove they were definitely the goodies.

‘This
is what a surprise attack's all about!' said the Spirit of the Rainbow.

‘
MEDDLERS!
' shouted Mr Gum in fury.

Burger Wizard!

Do that thing!

That thing with the burgers!

Goo goo g'j–

But even before Billy could reach for his first missile, Jake was upon him, knocking him flat to the icy ground. Billy's appalling hamburgers spilled out harmlessly on the ground and the Spirit of the
Rainbow swept them away with a broom made by a company called Forces of Good, Limited.

‘YEAH!' shouted Polly in triumph. ‘Take that, Billy, you unholy lobster!'

‘Mr Gum's getting away!' warned Friday.

‘I don't think so,' chirruped Mrs Lovely, and she picked up Alan Taylor and swung him through the air towards that so-called Goblin King.

‘MAXIMUM GINGERBREAD STRENGTH!'
shouted the little biscuit,
even though this didn't really mean anything. He landed in Mr Gum's disgraceful beard and gave a mighty kick at the emerald, sending it flying up into the air. Slowly, slowly it flew, turning lazily in the early morning sunlight, and dozens of little round goblin eyes watched it go. Without thinking, Polly reached out her hand and caught it. And dozens of little round goblin eyes turned in her direction.

‘Me emerald!' moaned Mr Gum. ‘Me lovely emerald what's rightfully mine, an' what I definitely didn't steal off a rich lady in London last year!'

‘SHINY FING!'
the goblins cried eagerly.
‘SHINY FINNNNG!'

‘Uh oh,' said Polly.

‘Run, child!' urged the Spirit of the Rainbow.

‘Where to?' squeaked Polly.

‘Just run,' replied the lad calmly. ‘And have faith. When the time is right you will know what to do.'

Well, all Polly knew was that a lot of scary goblins were coming after her, babbling
‘SHINY FING!'
So she turned tail and off she scooted.

At that exact same moment, there was a knock at Jonathan Ripples' front door. He went to answer it and was astonished to find there was nobody there.

‘That's strange,' he frowned, but then –

‘Ooh!' he remarked. ‘What's this?'

He bent down to take a closer look. It was a mince pie, lying innocently on the doorstep. A moment later it was gone, just another poor victim of Jonathan Ripples' unstoppable jaws. But then those jaws spotted another mince pie, a little further along. In fact, there was a whole trail of them. And soon Jonathan Ripples was on a wild pie chase, scoffing up the tasty little
scallywags without a thought of where they might be taking him.

‘It's like that dream I once had as a boy,' he exclaimed happily as he munched. ‘The one about the pies.'

From behind the
Ripple-izer 2000
,
Martin Launderette watched his plan unfolding.

‘Come on, come on,' he mumbled excitedly. He'd hardly slept for days, his hair was all messed up and he was coated in engine oil and nonbiological washing powder.

‘I'll show that fatty-come-lately who's the boss once and for all!' he gibbered insanely. ‘Come ON!'

Now Jonathan Ripples was three pies away.

Now two.

And now he spied the very last pie. It was the biggest one of all and it was perched right in the doorway of the washing machine.

As if in a trance, Jonathan Ripples waddled forward . . .

He reached for the pie . . .

And Martin Launderette crept up behind him, ready to Ripple-ize . . .

But just then Polly came rushing around the corner, the Goblin Army snapping at her heels.

‘I – can't – goes – on – no – more,' she panted. But then she saw the washing machine and for some reason she remembered the words that were written in the stars: