Music of the Heart (43 page)

Surprisingly, my brothers and parents didn’t protest about me leaving. They believed my place

was with Jake and Susan. I was able to get a flight two hours later, and true to his word, AJ was

waiting to pick me up. After he filled me in on everything that was going on, we spent most of the

drive in silence.

Cars were parked everywhere along Jake’s driveway. Since it was raining, AJ dropped me off

closer to the door and then went back to park. With a shaky hand, I rang the doorbell. I half expected a

nurse or one of Jake’s relatives to answer it. Nothing could have prepared me for Jake throwing open

the heavy mahogany door. At the sight of me, he did a double take. The color drained from his face

before he demanded, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

I jolted back at the harshness of his tone. It took me a moment to find my voice. “AJ called me and

told me about Susan. I came as soon as I could to be with you…and her.”

He stood there still staring at me. My heart ached at his appearance. Rough stubble covered his

face from where he hadn’t shaved, and his usually styled-to-perfection hair was unkempt. Dark purple

circles formed under his eyes. He wore a ratty Runaway Train t-shirt and a pair of holey jeans. While

he had yet to ask me in, I threw myself forward, wrapping my arms tight around him. “Oh, baby, I’m

so, so sorry. I’m here for you, and I love you.”

He didn’t hug me back. In fact, his arms lay limply at his sides. I pulled away to tenderly kiss his

cheek. “Talk to me, Jake,” I implored.

His body shuddered for a moment before he shook his head. Without a word, he pushed out of my

embrace. Taking my hand, he jerked me further into the foyer and down the hallway. I thought we

might be going to Susan’s room, but instead, he ushered me into his room and slammed the door.

“Jake, what are—” He silenced me by crushing his lips to mine. The kiss was demanding and

harsh, nothing like I was used to experiencing with him. Taking my shoulders, he whirled me around

and shoved me back against the door with such a force I cried out. His hands raked over my body as I

tried getting away from him.

“Stop it!” I cried against his mouth.

When he pulled away, his fingers went to the button on his jeans. When he started to undo them, I

shook my head. “What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna fuck you. That’s what you came here for, right?”

My mouth, bruised from his earlier assault, fell open in shock. “No! How could you think such a

horrible thing? I came to be with you because I love you and you need me.”

With his blue eyes blazing, his hips pinned me against the wall again. His lips curled into an angry

smirk. “All anyone ever wants is a piece of me—a way to further themselves through me. That’s what

you want too, right? You’re Jake Slater’s girlfriend—the one who finally tamed the notorious

womanizer.”

I shook my head wildly back and forth at his accusation. “I’m your girlfriend because I
love
you—

not because of who you are or what anyone thinks.” I brought my hands to cup his cheeks, forcing him

to look at me. “I know you, Jake. I see every single imperfection you have, and I still love you.

There’s no one else in the world for me but you. And when you’re hurting, I want to be with you.

When you’re broken and shattered like you are right now, I’m going to help you pick up the pieces.

That’s what love is, baby.” I leaned over to whisper against the coarse stubble on his chin. “Trust me

when I say that I’d do anything to be able to take away the terrible hurt you’re feeling right now. But

you have to let me in a little.”

He grabbed my wrists in his hands and shoved them above my head. “You’d do anything for me,

huh?”

“Yes,” I murmured, fighting the urge to cry out from the pain of his grip.

“That’s a fucking pity. Because all you’ve done is become my whore.”

My head jerked back like he had slapped me. It was as if a total stranger had taken over Jake’s

body. I’d never seen him act this way, even his infamous drunken bus escapade paled in comparison.

“Jake, please don’t do this! Don’t shut me out now.” Tears burned my eyes. “I know you’re hurting,

but I know you love me and you need me.”

With a cruel sneer, his hands left mine to slide down my body and rest on my hips. “I’m sorry,

Angel, but that’s where you were mistaken. You were just another piece of ass to conquer—although

yours was a little more of a challenge. But I have to admit how surprised I was that some romance

and a profession of love had you parting those sweet thighs faster than I ever thought.”

“That’s a lie! I know you loved me then, and you do now. You’re just twisting everything around

because you’re mixed up inside.” I gripped his shoulders. “You have to fight this, Jake. You can’t

give over to the darkness. That’s not what Susan would want either.”

A stormy mix of emotions flickered in Jake’s eyes. “You can think what you want to, but I know

what I’m saying about screwing you. I’m glad I got to break you in because you were meant for

fucking. The way you cried out my name and came so hard on my tongue when I went down on you…

Mmm…baby that was hot.”

“Stop it,” I protested feebly as tears of frustration and hurt streamed down my cheeks.

“Now don’t cry, Angel. It was an honor to be your first. And I promise I’ll remember you as one of

the best fucks I’ve ever had—the innocent little angel who let the Big Bad Wolf inside her tight-as-

hell walls.”

The frayed strands of my emotions snapped in two, and before I could stop myself, I brought my

palm hard against his cheek, causing a loud crack to reverberate throughout the room. Any hurt within

me gave way to white hot anger. “You unimaginable asshole! Don’t you
ever
talk to me like that

again! I know your mother is dying, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to spit and trample upon

everything we are. You better wake up fast and realize what you’re saying. You need to get it through

your thick skull that I wasn’t just a piece of ass—that I was everything you ever dreamed of, but you

fucked it all up because you had to push me away when you needed me most!”

With that, I turned away and sprinted out of the room. As I raced out the front door, AJ called my

name, but I ignored him. Not even thinking of where I was going or how I would get there, I ran

headlong off the porch and into the blinding downpour.

I got halfway down the gravel drive before I heard Jake’s voice cutting through the rain. “Abby!

Please wait!”

Whirling around, I jabbed a finger at him. “Leave me alone now, Jake. I may have made a promise

to Susan to try and give you second chances when you screw up, but you’re testing my sanity right

now… ”

My voice trailed off as Jake sank to his knees in the mud. His chest rose and fell with harsh sobs

as he buried his face in the hem of my dress. “I’m sorry. Oh Christ, Angel, I’m so, so sorry.”

Unblinking and unmoving, I stared at him in shock. I didn’t know what to say or do. He had hurt me

so deeply that part of me wanted to kick him off of me. “Jake, I—”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he repeated, clutching the backs of my knees. “I didn’t mean any

of it—I swear to God I didn’t. I made AJ promise not to call you or get you to come because I

couldn’t bear the thought of you seeing me like this.” He shook his head forlornly. “When you showed

up, I thought I would die, and I couldn’t think of anything but driving you away. So I said and did all

that shit just to hurt you, so you’d run away. You’re right when you called me an unimaginable

asshole.”

When I gasped, he stared up at me, tears shimmering in his eyes. “But the moment you slapped me,

it was like I saw everything so clearly again. I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life, and I hated

myself for doing that to you.”

“Oh Jake,” I murmured.

“And I swear to God that I do love you—I’ve never loved any girl like I have loved you. You are

the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me in my life. It’s just…I don’t know what to do with

all this,” he smacked his hands against his drenched chest. “I barely know how to be with someone

when I’m whole. How the hell am I supposed to be with you when I’m so fucking broken?”

Any anger I still harbored for him melted in an instant. I ran my fingers through the wet strands of

his hair. “Baby, that’s what love is. Standing by someone in the good times and the bad.”

“You deserve better than what I’ve got to give you. I should’ve walked away from you a long time

ago rather than being selfish and trying to keep you with me.”

I shook my head. “You couldn’t have kept me away. I love you too much. That’s why I’m here

now.”

His face contorted into a mask of agony. “She’s going to leave me. Please say you’ll stay—even

though I don’t deserve you.”

“I’m not going to leave you.” I eased down onto the ground to wrap my arms around him. “I’m

going to be here for you every step of the way. Just lean on me,” I whispered in his ear. He began

sobbing again, clutching me tight against him. “It’s okay, baby,” I murmured, running my hands over

his back.

The rain continued beating down on us as Jake wept uncontrollably. When he finally started

coming back to himself, he sighed raggedly. “I’m sorry, Angel.”

I eased out of his embrace to stare into his eyes. “No more apologies, okay?”

He nodded before rising to his feet. Offering me his hand, he pulled me up. Wrapping his arm

around my shoulder, he drew me to him as we started the walk back to the house. When we got inside,

I was once again overwhelmed by all the friends and family filling the rooms. Jake ushered me inside

his bedroom. AJ had brought my bag inside, so I quickly changed my drenched clothes while Jake did

as well.

I was drying my hair when Jake appeared behind me in the bathroom. “Come with me to see

Mama.” I quickly shut off the hairdryer and followed him across the hall. A hospital bed now sat in

the room where Susan’s massive four-poster bed had once been. Her frail form seemed dwarfed in

the bed. Her sister, Sally, and some of her nieces sat on the couch in the corner while her father

perched in a chair. They acknowledged my presence with sad smiles.

Jake motioned for me to have a seat in one of the chairs pulled close to the bed. I eased down as I

watched him sit down across from me. Jake took Susan’s hand in his and kissed it. “Mama, I’m here,”

he said softly.

I don’t know how long we sat like that—still as statues and waiting for some kind of response

from her. I gasped when Susan’s eyelids finally fluttered open, and she gazed around the room. I knew

exactly who she was looking for. Once Jake reached forward and grabbed her hand, a beaming smile

stretched across her face. “Jacob.”’

“Yes, Mama?”

“Do you remember the story I used to tell you about why you became a musician?”

Jacob’s brows furrowed as if he was confused by her question. “Um, yeah, I do, but what—”

She shook her head and then turned to me. “I’ve always teased Jacob that he owes all his success

as a singer and guitarist to me.”

I smiled. “Does he?”

“Oh yes. Because of my studio and teaching dance lessons, he was surrounded by music while I

was carrying him. He got hours of the greats like Mozart, Beethoven, and Brahms. I always felt him

kicking the most when I was teaching a class. It was like he was letting me know he felt the music

already.”

“That’s such a sweet story.”

Susan drew in a ragged breath. “You know I was never supposed to be able to have children. After

four miscarriages, I had given up on ever giving birth to a child of my own. Mark and I had begun to

look into adoption when I got pregnant again. With all the other pregnancies, I’d been so careful to

stay off my feet in the early days and weeks, but this time I didn’t let myself get attached. Instead, I

did everything I usually did—rode horses on my dad’s farm and taught dance classes from morning

until night. I didn’t let myself believe that I could really be pregnant. But after another month passed

and I was still pregnant, I began to hope and pray that this time it was for real. And when I got into my

second trimester—weeks after I had lost the other babies, I knew I was finally going to have my

miracle.”

She turned her head to gaze at Jake. Tears streamed freely down his cheeks, and he didn’t bother

wiping them away. “My sweet son, you’ve always been the sunshine in my life—”

Pinching his eyes shut, Jake pleaded, “Don’t do this.”

“I have to say goodbye, honey, and you have to let me do this.”

His chest rose and fell with harsh sobs as he buried his face onto her chest. When her hand stroked

the top of his head, I couldn’t hold my emotions back any longer, and I began to weep. At my sniffling,

Susan smiled. “Abby, after I’m gone, I want you to remind Jacob of the story of his birth. When he

gets so down and low that he cannot stand or when he thinks there isn’t any reason to go on, tell him