My Anchor (Trio Series Book 1) (15 page)

I have hit every coaster the place has to offer and surprisingly Dez is just as much of a coaster fan as I am. We are waiting on a picnic table eating funnel cakes. The line is long for the tube ride everyone else is going on and we decided we needed a break. So I take my opportunity to grill the man.

“What’s going on with you and Cris?” I ask, catching him off guard.

“You know I have been waiting all day for you to ask me that but it still caught me by surprise.” I give him a look that says ‘well’.

“Out with it boy.”

“Boy? What are you like four years younger than me?” He laughs. “Well, what’s going with us? I really don't know. Why don't you ask her?” I take a sip of my lemonade.

“She won't tell me shit. So out with it.”

“I'm crazy about the girl but something is holding her back. She just wants to be friends, and I would rather be her friend than not have in her my life at all.” Sappy, but sweet.

“Has she told you anything about her past?” I test the waters, unsure of what she has said to him.

“I did her tattoo, remember? I know something happened but no she hasn't said anything as to how it got there. I can only imagine. I get sick just thinking of someone hurting her in that way. I will kill the person if I ever see them.” Too late for that, I think to myself.

“Well just give it time. The girl has been through a lot. More than either me or Shane has, but I don't think I have to tell you she is totally worth it.” I get a grin out of him.

“No, you sure don't. She is one beautiful girl that’s for sure.”

“That she is, but do remember, if you hurt her I will have your balls,” I smirk. Just then the whole gang shows up at the table and we go about our day.

Maybe when I get home I can pay Lee a visit and take some of my own advice.

I'm standing in front of Lee’s door and I feel a little deja vu. After knocking I hear a crash of things and cursing than a woman answers the door in a big tee shirt that barely covers her lady parts. Crap I knew this was a bad idea.

“Can I help you?” She asks in a snooty voice.

“Is Le…”

“Who's is it baby?” Someone shouts from inside. Oh, crap I interrupted something. Feeling so embarrassed and yes I will admit a little jealous. Like I want to rip off this bitch’s head, jealous. I turn around and take off for the car.

“Linn is that you?” I hear a familiar deep and once sexy tone call out to me. Turning around I am so relieved to see Clay standing in the doorway with a pillow over his manhood.

“Hi Clay, I was just looking for Lee,” I tell him trying not to look directly at his pillow that, is very small and doing a very poor job hiding the erection he has.

“Sorry, he moved out couple months ago. Moved to Big Fork last I heard.”

“Oh okay. He leaves a forwarding address or something?” Clay just shakes his head. Alright, then I guess I tried.

“He keeps his boat docked in the same place, though, you might try there.” With that, he turns giving me a view of his bare naked ass and closes the door behind him.

I guess it looks like I'm going to have to take a trip to Big Fork.

So I'm a chicken shit. It has been two weeks since I found out where Lee was and I am just now going to see him. The fear of rejection hanging heavily on me. The drive seems to take forever but at least it’s nice weather. I have that going for me. Hopefully, he will be going out on his boat. It’s early morning so I am counting on seeing him there right before he sets out.

There are still many boats docked when I show up. I get lucky seeing the Casanova is still tied up. So far so good, I didn't see his jeep in the lot but it is still a little early so I go sit in the car and wait.

An hour and a half later I see him pull up. The anxiety takes hold and I'm a mess. I watch as he gets out and grabs a cooler from the back. He is alone and I thank my lucky stars for that. I wait for him to get down the dock a ways then get out to follow him down.

“I see you, Linn. What do you want?” He says when he gets to the boat hauling his cooler aboard.

“I wanted to talk. If that’s okay?”

“Well get on. I want to get out of here before the morning rush starts.” He tells me while busing himself with readying the boat. I don't ask any questions I just get on taking the chance he is giving me. I find my normal spot and life jacket getting comfortable but he has other plans.

“You have been out here enough with me, come help. Unless you have forgotten everything I taught you?” he asks with that damn eyebrow raised. He is still such a handsome bastard. His short stubble has given way to a beard and his hair has gotten longer. Long enough to tie back at his nape, which is how he has it now.

“I think I can do that,” I respond getting up off my ass to go help him.

We get out into the open and start to drift. He isn't shy about breaking the silence we have been in since we started sailing.

“What do you want Linn?” He asks me again. Time to talk.

“I miss you and I needed to know if you. Or we. Could maybe, try this again?” He is quiet for a moment, a long moment that feels like it lasts years.

“No.” No? Really I came out here and went through all this for a no? Not even an explanation as to why?

“Well okay then.” I stare off into the lake and wrap my arms around myself feeling the embarrassment hit me hard.

“No we can’t start again babe, we have too much between us to do that. But I would like to start off with the air cleared between us.” This perks me up a little but I stay silent and wait for him to continue.

“I woke up one morning and found out that my wife, my wife of three years, was pregnant. I found her positive test in the garbage. I was so damned excited. We hadn't really discussed kids but right in that moment I wanted nothing more.” He takes a long breath in then lets it out. “She got home that day and I waited for her to tell me. She always liked to be the one to give whatever big news or gossip. So I stayed quiet. The next day she still said nothing. So growing impatient I asked her.” He stops again and turns so he is facing away from me. “She told me she ‘couldn't have a fucking kid’ and said the test was at least a month old. She never was much of a housekeeper, garbage would stay in the can for days. Turns out while I was away for some damn convention she went and had an abortion.” Shit that’s why what I said to him hit such a chord.

“I'm such an ass for saying that, and I would never have done something like that to you.” He nods.

“I know, but then I was so pissed and wanted to take my past hurt out on someone. You happened to be that person. Unfair I know, but I was still in a bad place. I'm sure your friend Shane could attest to that.”

“What happened with you two?” I ask the dreaded question.

“You trying to find out if I had a thing for my step sister?” He laughs a little. “No, I didn't. It was just a drunken mistake, I have yet to make a mends with her for my stupidity. She really deserved more than that. I had just left Rachel, my ex, and when I got home I drowned myself in Bourbon. She just so happened to be there at the same time pissed off about something herself. You know the rest.”

“Is your divorce final yet?”

“Yes, has been for months now. She is actually sleeping with James, my brother.” Oh damn. The look I give him must say it all. “Yeah, it’s been for a while now, found out that day I was late for the barbecue. He is the reason I looked roughed up.” Shit.

“Everything good with you guys now?”

“Nope haven't talked to him since I knocked his lights out.” He smirks, still a cocky bastard. I really don't know what to say now, but I do know he is going to ask me about my shit. I just don't know if I can tell him everything.

“I can’t be with you if you are only half in.” He changes the topic back to us.

“I don't know if I can.”

“That’s bullshit babe, and you know it. You just don't want to be. What the hell could you have done in your past that you think would send me running?”

“I just can’t alright. I don't think that you need to know every damn detail about my past in order to be with me.” Now I'm pissed, he is being unreasonable.

“Fuck I don't need to know every detail, but you hold back. You hold back your feelings, your thoughts, shit you hold back on your dreams.”

“My dreams? Seriously?”

“Yes your dreams, you really want to be a teacher?” I nod my head yes and he scoffs.

“You do fucking not. Don't get me wrong you would be a great teacher. A wonderful one. But I know you. You want to help people like you did that day we saw that mother and her child. You helped them. That’s who you are babe.” I'm a little stunned I had no idea he thought that.

“Take me to shore please.” I can’t do it, I really thought I could. I thought I could tell him how I feel but something is stopping me. Holding me back from letting go.

“You’re shutting down babe. I will take you back to the dock but you just remember you don't get to come to me anymore. This was your chance if you have something to say. Say it.” He looks at me with that face. That face pleading with me to just say it.

“Take me back to shore please,” I say again, only hear him curse under his breath. When we get to shore I all but dive off the boat and run to the car. Tears streak my face and I have to stop on the side of the road from crying so hard. “Stupid stupid stupid,” I say hitting steering wheel with my hand over and over. I should have known I couldn't do it, tell him how I feel. Now I’ve fucked up again and it really is too late.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” Shana is standing at my bedroom door with a look on her face that would have you thinking that she borrowed your favorite pair of heels and broke one. Only happened once, but that right there is the look she gave me.

“What’s up hun?” Setting down my laptop I give her my full attention. She has no idea I went and talked to Lee yesterday. For a moment I think that this is what this conversation is going to be about. I'm just not ready for it. But looking at her right now I doubt that’s what she wants to talk about.

Making a spot for her to sit on the bed she plops right down next to me. That’s when I notice she has something in her hand, a small stick. A small white stick that looks an awful lot like a… oh shit.

“So I found this out.” She says and hands me a pregnancy test that reads ‘pregnant’ on the small screen. I am so bewildered all I can do is gape at the stick in my hand. I am almost as shocked as I would be if the thing was mine.

“That’s a first. You have nothing to say?” Truer words have never been spoken.

“I’m just. How? When?” I stammer. Just a few words are all I can get out.

“Well the how I’m sure you know and the when is almost four months ago.” Shit seriously?

“Then who? When were you even seeing someone? Oh god did you try out a one night stand?” I can’t even believe she had sex.

“The who isn't important, the prick is out of the picture. That is if there is a picture. I’m telling you because I don't know what to do. I mean can I have a baby? Well I know I can but can I is what I’m asking. Should I? My mom sure shouldn't have and what if I’m just like her to this poor child? It doesn't deserve that, nobody does.”

“Don't think like that. There is no way you would turn out like your mom. You are a good person, and you would make a great mom. Hey…” I grab her hand and make her look up at me. “You will be okay, you and that baby because you have people. Me and Cris will be here for you. You know that right? Forever and always we are your persons.” I give her a reassuring smile and squeeze her hand.

“Only you would use a Grey’s analogy, dork.” This is so true, I can’t help it. It’s just what I do. It gets her to smile and that is all I was aiming for.

“So, tell me how this happened.” I settle back into the bed and get comfortable for the story about how I am going to become an auntie. She just rolls her eyes at me.

“Well, when a boy and a girl get really drunk they have sex. And if they are extremely drunk one or both of them tends to forget about protection.” I smack my forehead.