Authors: Hazel Kelly
Chapter 2: Shane
My
mouth had never been so dry.
And
by the time Andi finished telling me what happened, I was so distracted by how
red and blurry my vision had gone that I could barely focus on the words
tumbling out of her mouth.
Still,
my eyes fell on each part of her body as she mentioned them, and as she told me
that Mike had squeezed her small, delicate jaw in his hand so hard she feared
it would break, I felt a dark knot of anger harden in my guts.
I
recognized the dark feeling, too. I'd had it once before. In high school. When
Izzy got in that car accident.
If
I’d waited for her after her lacrosse game, it never would've happened. I
would've gotten her home safely like I did every other day.
Instead,
she told me to go ahead because her team was going out for milkshakes… or
something else so stupid you'd never think twice about risking your life over
it, if you only knew the future.
Fortunately,
she got away with a few bruises and a broken collarbone. Her co-captain, the driver,
bled out before she reached the hospital.
For
me, the gnawing feeling finally went away when I saw Izzy's face and realized
she was going to be okay. But I didn't know if Andi was going to be okay yet.
She
kept saying she was fine, but she also kept slipping in these pathetic little
excuses, as if she were more interested in defending Mike than anything.
And
that worried me because it meant the Andi I knew and loved wasn't just broken
up on the outside.
And
once again, I had the strange and irrational feeling that it was all my fault.
After
all, when she started dating that prick, I pulled away. Frankly, I couldn't
stand anything about him, and the thought of him putting his hands on her- even
romantically- was more than my mind could tolerate.
They
actually came to the same bar where I was drinking with my friends once, and I
felt so torn. It had been months since I'd seen her smile or heard the sound of
her voice, her laugh.
But
I went home minutes after I noticed them.
Because
I knew that if I spent even ten minutes watching him buy her drinks, touch her
lower back, and bury his face in her hair to whisper in her ear, I was going
lose it- and maybe her forever as a result.
But
obviously I'd abandoned her when she needed me most. And now the strong,
confident woman I used to know was scared and hurt and hugging herself at the
end of my bed.
"Say
something, Shane."
I
went to my mini fridge and pulled out a can of Coke. Then I popped the tab,
took the first sip, and handed it to her.
She
refused it.
"This
isn't your fault," I said, fixing my eyes on her big brown ones.
"Thanks."
"I
mean it, Andi. Could you even hear yourself when you were talking just now? The
guy's abusive, and you’re defending him."
"He's
not
abusi
-"
“Just
don’t. You think that was a fit of passion?"
She
pursed her lips and flinched when the dried crack in them stretched.
"Any
man who uses his physical strength to hurt or intimidate a woman isn't a man at
all."
She
scooted back on the bed and crisscrossed her legs.
"You
know that, don't you?" I asked. "Even if he's been brain washing
you-"
A
sharp flash shone in her eyes. "I'm not brainwashed, Shane. Fuck you for
saying that."
I
was almost relieved to see her express something apart from sadness and
exhaustion.
"Sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you."
She
shrugged. "He just got jealous. A little jealousy is normal, isn't
it?"
I
dropped my head for a second while I considered how to answer her. "Not if
you act on it. Not if you use it as an excuse to hurt someone or take something
from someone else."
She
swallowed.
"The
way he robbed you of feeling safe with him."
She
sighed. "I know you're right. I'm just trying to get my head around what
happened after being so shaken up."
"It's
okay. Take all the time you need. You're safe here."
She
nodded.
I
rubbed my forehead.
"What?"
she asked.
I
dropped my hand and looked at her, fearing I'd never be able to let her out of
my sight again unless she did as I asked. "Promise me you'll never see him
again."
"He'll
want to talk this through. I have stuff at his apartment-"
"Promise
me, Andi. I'm not fucking around."
She
furrowed her brow and shook her head.
"Then
why did you even come here?"
"I
didn't know where else to go."
"No."
I sat back on the bed beside her. "You came here because you know you can
trust me, because I want the best for you. And this guy is the worst."
Tears
began to pool in her eyes again.
"And
if he's capable of doing something like this once, he's capable of doing it
again, and next time you might not be so lucky."
She
nodded and made a face like I was actually getting through.
"Think
about it. If he would do this because he saw a picture of you kissing a friend
on the cheek, how would he react if he knew you were sitting on my bed right
now?"
A
scene played behind her eyes that only she could see.
"Promise
me."
She
squinted. "What about my stuff?"
"I'll
get your stuff," I said without thinking.
Her
breath stuttered. "Okay."
"Promise."
"I
won't try and see him again."
"There
is no try."
She
rolled her eyes.
I
didn't crack a smile.
"I
know you're right, okay?" she said. "I'm just a bit too flustered to be
making promises of any kind right now."
"Make
this one," I said. "For me."
She
cocked her head.
"And
I'll do everything I can to keep you safe and help you forget this ever
happened."
One
corner of her mouth curled up. "That sounds pretty good right now."
I
leaned forward and kissed her hairline, holding the back of her head to keep my
lips there.
"Thanks,"
she said, squeezing my leg.
"You'd
do it for me."
She
laughed.
"What
so funny?”
"The
thought of some girl throwing you around."
I
smiled.
She
sat back. "I would kill her though."
"I
know," I said, my chest swelling at the fact that she seemed better
already.
A
moment later, her phone buzzed on the bed behind her.
We
both glanced at it.
Mike's
face was plastered across the screen.
Chapter 3: Andi
I
stared at the phone, each ring causing a heartburn like stabbing in my chest.
It
was only when the ringing stopped that I realized I'd been holding my breath…
and that I had nine missed calls from the same number.
"Call
him back."
I
looked up at Shane and shook my head. "I have nothing to say to him."
"I
couldn't agree more," he said. "But I think you should call him
anyway."
I
furrowed my brow. "And say what?"
"That
you'll meet him at his place in a half hour to talk things over."
I
squinted at him. He could be so hard to read with his steely, chiseled
features. But he seemed so calm, so rational. I desperately wanted to believe
there was a method to his madness.
Unfortunately,
I knew exactly what would happen if I went over there. Mike would bury me in
excuses, dismissing his behavior by saying he’d only snapped because of his
intense feelings for me.
Then
he would insist that he never meant to hurt me or scare me or shake my trust in
him, and he wouldn’t stop insisting until I forgave him.
My
phone started to buzz again.
"Tell
him you'll come," Shane said. "And you can stay here while I go get
your stuff."
My
stuff. It was hard to think with Shane sitting so close to me. But I knew it
was a bad idea for them to be in the same room, and I knew that such trickery
would really piss Mike off.
On
the other hand, I was confident that Shane could handle himself, especially in
the company of someone he believed was a coward.
What’s
more, pissing Mike off was a prospect that was becoming more appealing with
every passing minute now that I knew I was safe, now that I’d told someone what
happened.
I
never did that the other times. I just carried the toxic feeling of betrayal
around with me and tried to make sense of it in my own head.
But
saying out loud what he'd put me through had given me new perspective. I knew
his behavior was something I'd never want Izzy, for example, to tolerate.
"Andi."
I
pursed my lips.
"Just
do it. I'll get your stuff, and this will all be over."
Did
he know this wasn't the first time something like this had happened?
I picked
up the phone and took a deep breath. I knew I could do it. I lied to Mike all
the time about where I was going and who I was with. I had to so he wouldn't
flip, so I could see my friends.
Was
that some kind of abuse in itself?
Shane
reached over and pressed the call button on the screen before I was ready, but
I wasn't annoyed with him. If anything, his support was the boost I needed.
"Baby
where are you?" Mike said, all the vitriol gone from his voice. "I've
been trying to call you like crazy."
"Sorry,
I know," I said. "I was… at the library." It was ridiculous, but
it would have to do. Who goes to the library after their boyfriend attacks them
in a stairwell?
"Stay
there. I'll come pick you up."
"No,"
I said, startled by the urgency in my voice.
"We
have to talk, Andi. I owe you an apology."
"Yes
you do." And I wanted it. I did. But maybe my willingness to hear him out
was part of the problem, part of the vicious cycle we'd gotten sucked into.
"But I'd rather talk in private."
"Cool.
Then-"
"I'll
meet you at your apartment in a half hour."
"Sounds
good," he said. "I can't wait to make this up to you. I know I
overreacted and-"
"I
gotta
go," I said. "We can talk when I get
to yours."
I hung
up the phone and double checked that I’d definitely ended the call.
Shane
stood up and crossed the room, crushing the empty Coke can before tossing it in
the garbage can.
"Are
you sure about this?" I asked.
"I'm
sure that I don't want you near this guy ever again."
"You
know he's going to be angry when you show up instead of me."
He
rolled his eyes. "He's always angry."
There
was no point in arguing, no point in defending Mike's character. Not anymore.
Despite the fact that I was still totally confused about my feelings for him,
there was one thing I wasn't confused about.
And
that was my feelings for Shane, my trust in him. Our friendship had suffered
from my decision to go out with Mike, and I could see now that it hadn't been
worth it.
I
never wanted to turn my back on him again. He was one of the good guys, and I
was lucky to call him a friend.
He
sat on the edge of the bed and slipped his feet into his gym shoes. "What
do you need me to get from Mike's place?"
I
rolled my eyes up to the ceiling as my possessions flashed across my mind. I'd
left my favorite blush on the desk in his room, and I had a leftover Club Lulu
in the fridge, an extra toothbrush, and a white robe I got for free that time I
stayed in the Abbott Hotel.
But
none of that was important.
What
mattered was that Shane made it back safely, and the less stuff he had to grab,
the better.
"My
leather jacket is on the hook behind the door," I said. "And my IPod and
my leather boots are in the bedroom by the desk." I couldn't be sure, but
I think he flinched when I said my leather boots were in the bedroom.
It
just happened to be where I took them off. It wasn't anything kinky like that.
But the fact that Shane might've imagined that side of me or even pictured
me
in just my boots made me feel strangely excited for a
fleeting moment.
"Is
that it?"
I
thought hard about whether there was anything else I would miss, knowing it was
vital to remove any excuse I might have to go back there.
"There's
a book on the coffee table. It's all pictures of Bowie, and he signed it for me
in New York-"
"I
remember," he said. "When you were visiting your cousin."
I
nodded. It was nice that I could count on him to remember stuff. It almost
validated my existence in some way. "Anyway, if he hasn't already sold it
on eBay to spite me, I would really like to have that back."
"Okay,"
Shane said. "Jacket, Boots, IPod, Bowie. Is that it?"
I
nodded. "Those are the things I can't easily replace anyway."
"Right."
"Along
with you," I said. "So please be careful."
"Sure
thing."
"Oh-
I almost forgot. He keeps a bat behind the front door."
Shane
furrowed his brows.
"He
plays for a club tea-"
He
moved his legs shoulder width apart. "When were you going to tell me
that?"
"I
don't think he'll swing it at you. I just thought I'd mentioned it."
"Thanks,”
he said, slipping his phone in the back pocket of his jeans. “Did you have
dinner already?"
"No.”
"I'll
add that to my list," he said, walking over and putting his hands on my
shoulders. "Stay here."
"I
will."
He
went to the door, put his hand on the handle, and looked back over his
shoulder. "And help yourself to whatever. What's mine is yours."
"I
really appreciate you doing this, Shane."
"It's
nothing," he said. "All for one, remember?"
I
smiled, and the way my face stretched took me by surprise.
He
left without another word.