My Big Nose and Other Natural Disasters (7 page)

Hannah handed me a towering fluff ball of pink cotton candy. I pinched off an airy chunk and let it melt in my mouth to take away the salty taste of the tears I'd choked back.

"You're so cute!" Hannah swiped at a strand of cotton candy stuck on my cheek.

Cute!
That's all anyone says about my looks. I'm cute the way those creepy Cabbage Patch dolls are cute, the way those little hairy trolls are cute. The way scruffy old dogs are cute, the way a newborn baby—all smooshed-looking and red—is cute. Even a kid who has just smeared grape jelly all over his face gets called cute. I don't want to be cute. I want to be beautiful. Or
gorgeous, ravishing, exquisite, captivating, alluring, resplendent, radiant,
or
pulchritudinous.

Oh, God, Jory. How sad is it that you've looked up synonyms for
beautiful
in a thesaurus? And
that's
what you're thinking about at the Rodeo Carnival.
I scanned the crowd for gorgeous cowboys but saw only whiny kids yanking on their parents' arms, begging for stuff.

"Oh, I love that ride!" Hannah pointed to a swaying pirate ship. "And look." She nodded to a group of guys wearing shorts and matching red Wooster High football shirts.

"They're not exactly cowboys, Han."

"They're the Wooster Colts." Hannah walked ahead of me. "Cowboys ride horses. Close enough."

"I don't know." The smell of hamburgers, gasoline fumes, cigarette smoke, and greasy fries mixed with all the loud music, bells, whistles, and screaming made my head ache. I wanted to go home, hide under my covers, and pretend I had a better life.

"Come on." Hannah grinned her dentist-for-a-daddy smile. "You need to meet someone new."

"Whatever." Megan was probably trying to revise and improve upon the movie's kissing scene with her date. What if they showed up at the carnival? How humiliating. I scanned the crowd but didn't see anyone even remotely as good-looking as Tyler. Or Megan, either.

We stood in line for the pirate ship behind the Wooster guys, who kept punching one another on the arms and making jokes about barfing. When they went to board the last row, Hannah pulled me over behind them.

"Mind if we join y'all?" She tilted her cowboy hat, acting like we were in southern Texas, not the Biggest Little City in northern Nevada.

"You can sit by me, little gal," a gorgeous Hispanic guy said.

Hannah winked at me as I squeezed between two big guys in the middle. The ride clanked and clunked ominously. Would Tyler even feel sad if I plummeted to my death? Or would he bring Megan to my funeral? Everyone would talk about how good they looked together.

"You know, she died a virgin," people would whisper. "It was the nose." Someone helpful would add, "She's in a better place." They'd all agree.

I tightened my grip on the safety bar.

"You from around here?" a guy in a baseball cap asked.

"Yup."

The other guy nodded toward Hannah. "So what's with the cowgirl getup?"

I shrugged.

"Jose's going to be disappointed," Baseball Cap said. "There goes his rodeo/ranch/cowgirl/horse fantasy." The other guy laughed and reached over my head to hit his friend on the arm. Major wafting pit odor.

Baseball Cap put his huge freckled hands on the bar next to mine. "Inside joke. Sorry."

The ship started swinging back and forth slowly, higher and higher. At first I loved the fluttery feeling in my stomach because it reminded me of how I felt when I saw you know who. Before. Or when that Gideon guy kissed my hand. (So bizarre!)

"Raise your arms!" Baseball Cap lifted his arms high. The dropping force of the ship pressed my face into his stinky, wet armpits. Again the ship went higher. Again the arms rose. Hannah giggled, but I tried to focus on the stars in the sky. I imagined smelling cold, empty air, drifting weightless into outer space. Just when I didn't think I could take it anymore, the ride slowed down.

"You okay?" Baseball Cap asked. "You look a little peaked."

"Peaked?" The other guy laughed.

"It's something my mom says."

"Oh, little Tommy looks peaked."

"Don't call me that." Tommy smacked the guy on the arm. He looked back at me. "Let me buy you a soda or something. Maybe it'll settle your stomach."

He may have been deodorant challenged, but he seemed like a nice-enough guy, and an icy soda sounded good.

"Nurse Tommy knows how to settle a wee little tummy," the other guy said in a baby voice.

Tommy cuffed the guy in the head. "I'm trying to impress the lady," he said. "Forgive my idiot friend." He put his hand out to me. "Nice to meet you, I'm Tom. And the idiot is Luis."

"Jory."

He shook my hand with a strong, firm, but not bone-crushing grip. He had gazillions of brownish freckles on his pale arms, but he also had impressive muscles on those arms, and green eyes in the middle of the gazillions of freckles on his face, as well as an ordinary, proportional nose. "Let me guess." He bit his lower lip and looked me up and down, nodding. "Reno High."

"Yeah." I looked at his red and white sneakers with dirty laces.

Luis jumped at the bait. "So, I guess you're spending the summer by the pool, tanning. Or maybe up at your quote-unquote 'cabin' at the Lake."

"No, I'm working."

"Some cushy job Daddy got you at his company?" Luis asked.

"I drive a delivery van." I looked at Tom for his reaction.

"Very unexpected." He nodded. "Let's go get that soda."

Hannah sat on José's lap sharing a cup of Idaho Spud fries while I sat between Tom and Luis sipping a cherry Coke. Tom had thought my blood sugar might be a little low after I'd explained how I'd skipped out on day 9 of the Peanut Butter Diet.

"Tilt-A-Whirl, anyone?" Hannah jumped up.

"I call the middle," Luis said.

"I'm game." José took Hannah's hand.

"I don't know." Just sitting still made me feel like I might vomit.

"We'll sit this one out," Tom said.

Did he like me or was he also feeling kind of sick? We sat there not really saying anything while I finished my soda. A good-looking cowboy walked by wearing brand-new jeans, an enormous silver belt buckle, shiny boots, and a crisp, new-looking Stetson. A group of tween girls swung around to follow him. Exactly like the gaggle of sophomores always following Finn. And Tyler.

"Those guys look so sharp," Tom said. "You ever been to the rodeo?"

"Just the carnival." I forced myself to look at Tom's face, but he looked straight ahead.

"You should go sometime. They're impressive athletes. And it won't upset your stomach." He smiled at me. "Come on. Let's walk around."

We wandered over to the midway where a bunch of kids gathered around a big guy throwing darts at balloons attached to posters.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
His sleazy-looking girlfriend squealed, "Win the one with the Ferrari, baby." I imagined Megan hanging all over Tyler like that.

Tom fanned his arm out like a game-show hostess. "Okay, pick your prize."

"You're kidding, right?" He actually wanted to try to win something for
me?

"I haven't invested ten years of allowance money in midway games for nothing."

I glanced around at the stuffed cartoon characters, cheap-looking teddy bears, beer glasses, and raunchy posters. "That one!" I pointed at the Throw the Baseball in the Lion's Mouth game. Big stuffed snakes hung all around the booth, like a made in China jungle.

"Very unexpected," Tom said again. "The girl with cupcakes on her shoes likes snakes." He walked over and paid ten bucks for ten balls. "I have to warn you. Baseball's never been my game." He straightened his shirt, nodded at me, and threw the first ball. The ball smacked the lion's tail.

The carny guy laughed. "Come on, tough guy, you gotta do better than that to impress your lady." He laughed until he coughed.
Hack. Hack. Hack. Smack. Smack. Smack.
Tom missed the next three balls.

"Fifth one will be lucky."
Smack.
Miss.

Tom blushed, making his freckles stand out even more. He almost matched his red shirt. I noticed a little girl staring. Where was Hannah? Would someone I knew walk by and think we were actually together? What if Tyler found out? I stepped back a couple of feet.

"It's okay," I said. "Maybe we should go meet those guys." I didn't like the way he looked kind of angry. A vein in his neck pulsed.

Tom didn't even look at me. He bit his lower lip, closed his eyes, pulled his arm back, and released the ball.
Whoosh.
Right through the lion's mouth. Small snake.
Whoosh.
Medium snake.
Whoosh.
Giant snake.

"We have a winner!" the carny yelled.

Tom grinned at me. "What color do you want?"

I picked out a black snake with red diamonds on its back. Tom gave his last two balls to a little kid standing in line.

"It's a little tilted to the left," he told the kid. "Good luck, buddy. You can do it."

Tom put the snake around my neck. "Goes great with the shoes." When he smiled at me, I saw that his face had turned back to a regular color. I kind of liked the attention. Maybe Tyler
would
find out and get jealous.

As we wandered back toward the rides, Tom brushed his fingers against mine like he was about to hold hands, but then he must have changed his mind. Did he not want to give me the wrong idea? I could kind of imagine myself with a guy like Tom: big, burly, midway stud. But maybe I was so desperate for a boyfriend that I'd take any warm body in the fifteen-to-twenty-five age range. Anyway, he didn't want to hold my hand, probably didn't find me attractive and/or interesting.

As we rounded the corner, I saw Hannah hunched over a garbage can. José and Luis stood back, pretending like they didn't know her.

"Hannah, are you okay?" I ran over and held her hair back, trying not to gag on the smell as my queasy stomach returned with a vengeance. "Hey, remember what happened to Meg—" I paused as Hannah heaved again. "Last summer." All year we'd had a running joke about spinning with fries. I felt mad at Megan all over again—and not just because of Tyler. So what if she was "so done" with high school? She wasn't done with
us.

"Get me out of here," Hannah pleaded.

"Okay, let's go." I stood still for a moment, looking at Tom, tilting my head up and down in rhythm with the rickety Ferris wheel cars swinging above us. Would he ask for my phone number or e-mail or something? Anything? He
had
won a carnival prize for me. Probably just showing off.

Hannah moaned.

I waited a few more seconds with her swaying next to me. "Guess we gotta go."

"See you around," Tom said, not quite looking at me. Then he turned and joined his friends in their Zipper-versus-the-Scrambler debate.

After making sure Hannah was steady on her feet, I glanced back. But Tom had already disappeared into the crowd. Hannah vomited twice on the way to the car. I had to drive as she hung her head out the window. The fresh air smelled good as we sped up McCarren toward Hannah's house at the top of Skyline, and she never once complained about my driving.

I noticed that Hannah had a phone number scrawled on her hand. She hurls in front of a guy and gets his number. I have a daintily unsettled stomach, sip a soda, wear a stuffed snake around my neck (in public!), and get nothing. How pathetic is that? Current chances of dying a virgin: 77 percent.

"José is totally sweet. Big brown eyes," Hannah murmured as I slammed on the brakes at a stoplight. "And Tom seems to like you." She leaned back and closed her eyes. "Maybe you should move beyond the Tyler thing."

"I don't know. He might be the smash-the-cake-in-your-face type, and I think I like the delicate-feeding type."

"What?"

I started to explain, but Hannah moaned. "Don't talk about food."

CHOCOLATINIS AND JUDITH

Finn sat in the family room with a few of his soccer buddies arguing about which action-slasher boy movie to watch first. They planned to rank each movie by number of unnecessary deaths, decapitations, and dismemberments. Real mature!

"They love my peanut butter shakes," Mom said.

"Because they're mixing M&M's into them."

Finn tossed an M&M for me to catch in my mouth. I missed. His friends tossed a few more to me. I missed, missed, and missed again. One slid down my shirt. Apparently, I will not be making an appearance in the M&M-mouth-catching event at the Olympics.

"Well, at least they're getting some good nutrition," Mom said over the roar of the blender. "I've lost seven pounds in two weeks."

"You look beautiful as always."

Mom smoothed her blouse around her hips. "You're saying that to make me feel good. I've got a long way to go before the Dickensons' barbecue on the Fourth."

"Whatever." I grabbed my bag off the counter. "I'll be home at midnight-ish?" I looked at Mom. "I'm just going to the movies."

"That's fine. I support your desire to learn more about foreign cinema."

"You sound like Megan."

Mom smiled. "Well, that's certainly a compliment."

I hadn't clued Mom in to the whole traitorous-Megan incident. Megan had called yesterday to remind me that I'd promised to join the community cinema club with her, since I loved movies and was trying to find my passion and everything. All casual, she had added that Tyler wanted to take us out for dessert first.

She didn't even mention the big date. And I was too wimpy to ask—didn't want to give her the satisfaction, even unknowingly, of crushing my entire fantasy life. Anyway, foreign cinema sounded better than sitting around with a bunch of M&M-tossing, boob-ogling sophomores keeping track of spurting blood and oozing guts. I ran out the door when I heard the car honk.

Tyler's Jeep purred in our driveway. He was alone.
Breathe.
In. Out. Walk to the car without tripping.
Tyler reached across and popped the door open for me; a Richmond Fontaine song played low and growly.

"I told Meg I'd pick you up since you're on the way and everything."

"Great." I climbed into the front seat, wishing I'd worn something more alluring. I had tried to look intellectual with my San Francisco Museum of Modern Art T-shirt, jeans, black flats, and braided hair tucked under a little pink beret; now I wished I'd shown off my legs or at least my hair. I hadn't bothered with much enhancing makeup, since we'd be in the dark or near dark the whole time. But here I was, sitting next to Tyler as the last bit of daylight blazed right onto my face. Squinting could not be good for my nose, but there was no way I'd wear sunglasses and risk looking like one of those big-nose-with-glasses things people wear on Halloween.