My Heart Can't Tell You No (69 page)

“No. You saw her boyfriend’s back. He was wearing the same colors as Joe that night—and they’re built pretty much the same. And you can’t tell me you had a clear view either—not as dark and smokey as it was in there that night.”

“But he bought her a drink. And you can’t tell me that was her boyfriend! I saw his face!”

“So, he bought her a drink. Big deal. I probably would have too. She’s getting married for Christ’s sake. Congratulations were in order—not a punch in the mouth.”

“Better get a chair, John,” Sarah said from where she had been sitting at the table, listening to them. “Looks like she’s about to try for a swan dive.”

When Maddie finally looked back up at them, there were tears on her cheeks and laughter bubbling from inside her.

“Oh, John. Please tell me you aren’t joking.”

“Why in the hell would I lie for Joe? God—you’re my sister. I certainly wouldn’t lie for the man if he was guilty. I would’ve probably laid him out right next to her on the sidewalk.”

“John. Please—tell her I’m sorry. God—I’m so sorry. Explain to her what happened. Beg her forgiveness for me.”

“She was drunk. She doesn’t even remember who did it. She tells everyone up at work that some crazy lunatic took her outside for no reason at all. Joe usually leaves the room as soon as he sees her, so he doesn’t jar her memory. But I don’t think it’s
her
forgiveness you should be worrying about. You cut Joe up pretty bad that night. He didn’t deserve it. So, why don’t you call him and explain it to
him
?”

“No. I can’t. Not today anyway. He needs a little time to cool off from our
conversation
from today. Anyway—we weren’t exactly the best of friends
before
the party. I don’t think it’ll make much difference.”

“Have it your way.” John shrugged his shoulders. “It’s your game your playing—not mine. Just know this, kiddo, he wasn’t even going to go to the Christmas party. He never does. He only went when he found out you were going.”

“Your little hint a few minutes ago didn’t mean you wanted to join us for supper or anything like that, did it, John?” Sarah stood up and went to the stove.

“Well,” John grinned at his mother. “If you insist. I’ll have to call Beth and tell her you won’t let me come home though.”

CHAPTER XXXVIII
 

“M
ommy
!” Robby grabbed Maddie’s hand and began
p
ulling her toward his grandmother’s living room. “It’s gonna start now. Don’t ya wanna see it?!”

“Robby, I was going to help Gram.” Maddie glanced up at the television, seeing the cartoon that was beginning.

The sight of the snow-covered village, watched over by a grinning moon, brought a soft smile to her face. Wait until she saw Lew—she’d tell him she had seen him on a cartoon. God, but the likeness was great. At Jackie’s giggle, she glanced at him sitting on a chair. At the same instant, she heard her mother’s verbal shiver from the porch.

“Look at that,” Jackie smiled. “The moon looks like Uncle Lew.”

“Robby, go sit down. I’ll be in soon. I’m just going to help Gram fold the clothes.” Maddie released Robby’s hand and watched him climb onto on his grandfather’s chair, then turned back through the kitchen to the securely enclosed porch that housed the washer and dryer. “What was all that about?”

“What was
what
all about?” Sarah said, hurrying to fold clothes.

“That sound you made. Sounded like you were freezing. What happened? The door blow open?”

“No. But I got a chill just the same. It’s so warm out here—and all of a sudden it felt like someone poured ice water over my feet.”

“Maybe you’d better come in and sit down.”

“I am. Right now.” Sarah lifted the clothes basket and started inside.

“You think you’re going to stop long enough to watch that movie tonight?” Maddie closed the door after her mother entered the kitchen.

“What time is it?”

“Eight-thirty. It starts in half an hour.”

“Then I guess I’ll quit for the night. I wanted to crochet a pair of slippers for Lew. He says his feet get so cold,” Sarah said. She began sorting through the basket of clothes and placing them on their appropriate piles.

“This isn’t quitting for the night,” Maddie teased, then began going through the basket with her.

“Jeez—it’s cold out there.” Tom hurried through the door, followed closely by Jack.

“I wouldn’t doubt it’ll go down to zero tonight.” Jack removed his coat then moved to the chair where Robby was sitting. “I’ll let ya sit on my lap, if ya hop up.”

Without looking away from the television, the boy got to his feet, but, as he moved back against his grandfather, his eyes opened wide. “You’re cold!”

Jack watched his grandson move to the couch. “Sorehead.”

“What were they doing down there?” Sarah asked Tom.

“John was just going to bed. He has to go up to work at three in the morning, but Beth and Jenna were still up watching a cartoon.” He removed his coat and put it over a kitchen chair.

“Is that why you rushed up so fast?” Maddie handed him his pile of clothes. “You didn’t want to miss the cartoon?”

“Damn right. I haven’t missed Christmas cartoons in years, I’m not going to start now.”

“Well, take these up and you can watch it all you want.” She watched him turn toward the stairs, but her youngest son’s dead run for the Christmas tree almost knocked all of the clothes out of his hands.

“Hey! Watch it! You trying for a new speed record, or what?” Tom scolded the boy.

“Robby, leave Gram’s candy canes alone or she won’t have any left by Christmas,” Maddie sighed as the boy reached to pull one off a full green limb.

“But . . . ,” he started as he pulled it off.

“Oh, let him have it—we can always replace them. That’s what they’re there for,” Sarah told her.

“
See
?” Robby ran back for the cartoon. “That’s what they’re there for.”

“Did you call your brother back yet?” Jack said from the living room where he was filing a piece of metal.

“No.” Sarah went into the room with him, sat on her chair and picked up her crocheting. “I forgot. I’ll have to wait until tomorrow. It’s too late to call tonight.”

By nine-fifteen Robby was sleeping with his head on Maddie’s lap as she gently stroked his back, and Jackie was leaning against the opposite end of the couch, quickly becoming involved in the story that they, Sarah and Tom were watching. Jack would occasionally glance at it, then go off to the cellar to his grinding wheel, then come back again.

“What happened, Mom?” Jackie whispered half an hour into the movie.

“Her mother died,” Maddie explained.

“Oh.” Jackie looked back to the television to see the middle-aged woman grieving for her mother, then looked back at his grandmother. He watched her a long moment, then, as if finding her in satisfactory health, went back to watching the movie.

In fifteen minutes Jackie was yawning and about to fall asleep with his brother. Maddie watched him slowly surrender to sleep as his head dropped onto the arm of the sofa. She rose and maneuvered both boys until they were lying on each end of the couch then went to the kitchen to refill her glass with water. The telephone rang. She glanced at the clock to see it was five minutes until ten. God—that only meant one thing. Lew was back in the hospital. She listened from the kitchen as Tom answered the telephone, his mumbled words giving her little to go on, but his next words were louder.

“Do you have your pills?” he asked their mother.

Maddie didn’t hear her response—or Tom’s words that followed. He was speaking too low; not like Tom at all. But she knew exactly what his question meant. She had used them herself the previous month when her mother’s older sister had died. So—Lew wasn’t in the hospital. Someone had died. It must be their oldest brother, Harry; he must have died.

“
YOU’RE
KIDDING
!”

Maddie heard her mother’s wail, then the clanking of something metallic. She put the water down and hurried to the livingroom. She stood at the room’s edge as she looked in at her youngest brother who was kneeling in front of a stone-faced Sarah. Tom’s eyes were red, brimming with tears. His face was trying to remain calm for their mother, but Maddie could see the tension ripping at him.

“They say it was a massive heart attack,” he told Sarah.

“Who died?” Maddie glanced over at her sons who were still fast asleep, then saw the crocheting and hook that lay clear across the room from her mother. She was almost positive it was one of the two oldest—either Harry or Marie. But Tom didn’t answer as he stared at their mother. “I said—who died?” Her tone was low, demanding, as she felt a strange tingling sensation flow over her.

Tom barely glanced at her long enough to reply before looking back at Sarah. “Lew. Lew died.”

“No! No! No! No!” The words were dull, emotionless sounds as Maddie backed out to the darkened kitchen again. “No. No. No.” Oh, the dullness, the nothingness that moved her without her knowledge until she was standing at the table, then the racking sobs that shook her, wouldn’t let her go.

“What’s wrong?” Her father came from the cellar’s doorway. “Are you having pain?” When she couldn’t answer, he moved to the living room doorway. “What’s wrong with her?”

“Lew died.” She heard Tom say, then the silence as Jack’s weary footsteps took him into his bedroom, shutting the door before letting out the most dreadful of moans; a sound of defeat.

Maddie dragged herself back to the living room doorway. “
Mom
?” she questioned weakly.

Sarah Baker’s gaze was set on the floor, not looking at either of her children, not wanting them to see what lay just below the surface. But it was there, as hard as she tried to conceal it. Maddie could see the frustrated anger she was feeling toward her baby brother, her baby really since she had taken over caring for him when he was three and she was eleven. The anger at being left behind when
her
health was being monitored much more closely than his. Maddie could see the anger that seethed through her mother. Sarah simply raised her hand and waved her away, the only sign she wanted witnessed of that frustration.

“I’m okay. I’m okay,” she told her children distantly.

Maddie grabbed her coat.
She
was not
okay
. Her ribs ached. Her lungs felt as if they were being squeezed from her, and she knew there was only one person who could help.

Joe was just about to go to bed when he heard the knocking at his door.
‘Who
in
the
hell
could
that
be
at
this
time
of
night?’
He sighed as he went back and turned on a light in the living room, then moved to the door. He hardly had it open before he heard the agonizing moan and felt Maddie’s hands clutching at his shoulders as her legs gave out beneath her. Pulling her inside, he slammed the door against the wind, pulling her shaking and sobbing body against him.

“What’s wrong? Is it the baby? Is there something wrong with the baby?!”

“No,” she wailed. “Not the baby. Oh, Joe, help me. I don’t think I can make it through this one alone.”

“Through
what
alone?” He pulled away to look down at her, then his suspicion turned his heart from the chill caused by the idea of losing the baby, to an iciness. “Mom?! Is it Mom?! Is she . . . ? Did she . . . ?”

“Oh, she’s mad! She’s furious!” Maddie said through her sobs as she looked up at him. “How could he do this to us, Joe?! How could he leave us like this?! He’s so young!”

“
Who
Maddie?!
Who
died?!” He grabbed her arms and stared at her.

“Lew,” she whimpered.

“Lew?” His voice was an astonished whisper, turning to a barely audible cry. “
Lew
?”

It rolled over him like a tidal wave, smashing into him, collapsing him. His arms went around her, pulling her down with him as his legs couldn’t hold both of them and they slipped to the floor. He felt as if his chest would explode. His breathing was coming harder and more labored. He fought to hold his emotions inside, but reluctantly they seeped from him. Their combined tears flowed as they held tightly to one another; their only salvation from the grief drowning them.

“Did—you bring the boys down?” Maddie’s voice was very small as Joe came into his bedroom nearly two hours later, sending his eyes to her immediately. When he left, she had been sleeping soundly after a lot of soothing and comforting.

“Yeah.” He removed his coat and went to the edge of the bed to sit next to her as he pulled off his work boots. “They’re in bed.”

“Do they know?” Her tone threatened another sob, but she held it back.

“No. I thought it would be better to wait until tomorrow. Better for them, better for us.” He took her hand, pressing the long sleeve of his pajama top up over her forearm. “Let them get a good night’s sleep, and let us work our way through it before we have to deal with them.”

“I—don’t think—I could explain it to Robby right now. Or—cope with Jackie’s grief. Some mother, huh?” She tried to smile, but it was impossible.

“The best,” he said quietly, looking at her.

She looked up at him a long moment, tears welling in her eyes, then sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pressed her face against his shoulder as she began sobbing again. He held her with one arm as he reached for the box of tissues and pushed one into her hand. She pulled back from him and wiped her eyes, then blew her nose.

“I’m sorry.” She stared at the bright colors of the quilt on the bed. “It just won’t stop.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said quietly, then stood up and removed his shirt as he went to the other side of the bed. He removed his jeans then got under the covers with her, sitting and leaning back against the pillows. “Come here.”

She brought the tissues with her as she moved next to him, allowing him to lift her on his lap and move her legs over to her side of the bed. She leaned against him as he pulled the blankets over their legs.

“How’s Mom?” she finally asked.

“Mom? Angry—like you said. She feels he had no right to die before she did.” His hand moved under the blankets to rest on her thigh. “She was concerned about you.”

“She would be,” Maddie smiled weakly. “Is Tom up with her? She isn’t alone, is she?”

“Tom said he’d stay up and watch the late movies. I think he’s having trouble sleeping anyway. But Mom seemed okay.”

“And Dad? Did he come out of their room yet?”

“Yeah. Yeah, he’s up with her too. I don’t think any of them will get much sleep tonight.”

“That’s all we’d need. To lose
her
yet.” She turned her face against his shoulder as she began crying again. “We wouldn’t even have Lew here to help us through it.”