My Once and Future Love (26 page)

“Yeah, tomorrow’s gonna be a hangover morning
for me, too.”

“Did we…?”

He was wearing boxers. His brow furrowed. “I
don’t know.”

“Let me know if you remember.

“You’re welcome to stay the night, Beth.”

Beth. Not Liz. Not good. Stay? In a bed with
another person? No-no-no...I was never doing that again. I couldn’t
even look at the bed in my room at my parents’ house.
Dad’s
house.

“I, uh…I should go. Once the room stops
spinning.”

“Yeah. Okay.” He sounded disappointed.

God, I felt
so
guilty for it, that I
couldn’t turn my heart to the guy who
wanted
me.

I made the Walk of Shame as soon as I could,
made an appointment at the university clinic, and ducked Nathan for
a couple days after. He didn’t know what to say and I didn’t
either, so we said hello in the halls and good morning in the
classes we shared, and I looked over the occasional paper for
him.

When we came back for senior year, it was
alright, though we never hung out in a private space again.

****

The indie label matched him with a couple
musicians and he met Bob, his new best mate. They put together a
group with Dylan, Mikey, and Aaron on drums. The new band got
picked up by a big company. The label’s headquarters were in Los
Angeles, so to L.A. he went.

They released singles and an EP and played
wherever they could be booked. Within two years, he had a hit
album, been on
The Tonight Show
and Letterman, and would be
going on a solo tour. Radio play was also hot in England and
spreading through Europe. His bandmates were the best bunch of
blokes he could hope to play with.

With success came money, and the house and
cars and paparazzi. The screaming fans were still his favorite
part. It was everything he’d ever wanted and life was sweet.

Two years in her city. It was tempting to
show up on her doorstep.

At first, he imagined all these scenarios. In
one, he ran into her at a random place, the past fell away, and
they raced to each others’ arms. In another, they met, she slapped
him for his supposed offence, and they yelled it out. The third and
most likely had her staring at him in surprise,
deer-caught-in-headlights expression, and then she ran. The last
was his favorite in those moments he felt bitter—they saw each
other, she begged for him to take her back, and he walked away.
He’d seen a glimpse of Beth in a million places since she cast him
out of her life, but the times he thought of her popped up less and
less.

Nearly five years post break-up; she was just
a memory until he caught sight of a profile he’d never forget in a
twenty-four-hour market.

Son of a bitch…was that…?

In the middle of a writing session, he
stopped at a random store for munchies. He wandered around, trying
to find the junk food section, and a young brunette pushed her cart
past the end of the aisle.

His feet were following her before his mind
decided to confirm his suspicion. Seeing the girl from behind, he
was almost certain, unless another woman shared her shape. She
turned down an aisle. He paused at the end-cap and peeked around
the corner.

Well, I’ll be damned…

It was his ex, alright. Beth’s hair was
pulled into a messy ponytail. She wore sweats and an oversized
hoodie. A notepad and pencil in her hands, she hadn’t looked up the
whole time she shopped. Spotting an abandoned cart behind him, he
devised a plan.

****

I graduated with honors in ‘06, just ahead of
Nathan, and found an assistant’s job shortly after graduation. The
hours were long and tedious, but I had an apartment alone and food
in my belly. It was a tiny place I could barely afford, but it was
mine and had no memories attached. I even put a new bed in it.

Andrew kept nudging me to move out to
Virginia. He didn’t like the thought of me being alone if I was
going to keep Dad out of my life, and he and Darcy were getting
married.

Six months later, I moved up to an executive
assistant position, though I was still pretty broke. Thank God I
never had extravagant tastes or I’d never be able to make it in Los
Angeles or any of its suburbs.

Everywhere I went, I heard Jacob’s singles on
the radio. The songs were good…well, the sound. Paying attention to
the lyrics would be caring what he had to say, and I didn’t. Four
years post break-up, I finally didn’t feel pain in my chest when I
saw his picture.

I considered that good progress.

Even so, did he have to be everywhere?

In November 2007, I ran into him in the
supermarket three blocks from my home.

What were the odds?

Part
Two

2007

I’d been living on take-out and vending
machine food for too long. An empty fridge waited at home, except
for the “science experiment” in back, which was mega gross, so I
changed clothes and headed to the grocery store still open after
ten at night. Cruising the junk food aisle, I debated between chips
and cookies.

Another cart rammed into mine, jamming the
handle into my stomach and knocking my breath out in a whoosh. I
wrenched my cart away.

“Watch where you’re going, jerk!”

“Beth?”

Oh God…only one man on Earth said my name
like that
.
“Jacob. Wow, it’s been…”

“A long time, yeah.” Same ocean-blue eyes,
same cheekbones, same t-shirt and jeans. “Only you and Mum call me
Jacob. Odd to hear these days. So…what are you doing now?”

I couldn’t believe the day I ran into him was
when I looked this gross. Needing to do laundry, I only had old
school sweats available, and I was so swamped at the office, I
hadn’t showered since yesterday.

This was so weird.

“I’m an executive assistant for an
advertising firm, for around six months. What are you doing in
L.A.?” Why was I talking to him? He cheated on me, remember?

“Tonight, I needed writing fuel.” He grabbed
a bag of Doritos off the shelf. “Secretary, huh? What happened to
photography?”

Oh, so not going there. “I changed my mind.
And I’m an
assistant
, not a secretary.” Hmm, Pepperidge Farm
or Chips Ahoy? If I didn’t look at him, would he go away?

“What’s the difference?”

“A dollar more an hour and twice the work,
according to my boss.” Why was I giving him details? We weren’t
friends anymore. I started pushing my cart further down the
aisle.

He followed, damn him. “That doesn’t sound
fair. You know, my management is looking for an assistant for the
band. You should apply.”

A job offer? He cheated on me and the first
time he sees me years later, he suggests a job offer? “Uh, no. I
don’t know the first thing about the music business, for one, and
two, I worked hard to get where I am in the firm.”

“It pays a hell of a lot more than you’re
gettin’ now, I guarantee that, and no offense, but you look like
you’re living on pennies.”

The evil little voice in my head reminded me
of the roach problem in my apartment.

Bastard. How dare he judge me just because he
went on to be a millionaire? “Well, excuse me for being a mere
peasant, Your Highness. Isn’t this store a bit beneath you, then?
In the wrong part of town?”

His eyes narrowed. “It was just a suggestion,
Beth.” He shook his head, looking at me with a mix of pity and
disgust. “If you turned into this much of a bitch, you did me a
favor by not returning my calls.” He turned and walked toward the
front of the store with his chips.

“Me? At least I’m not a lying cheat, you
arrogant prick.”

He stopped, looked back at me over his
shoulder, turned around, and came back. If looks could kill… I had
a flashback to my freshman year.

“What the bloody hell are you on about, you
daft cow?”

“Like you don’t know. God, to think I ever
trusted you.”

He opened his mouth for a comeback, then
snapped it shut, clenching his jaw. We stared at each other,
waiting for the other to flinch. He clenched his fists, released
them, and when he spoke again, his volume was lower.

“Look…this isn’t the place to hash out old
grudges. If you want to yell at me for whatever you think I did,
can we do it in private?”

I crossed my arms under my breasts. “Worried
about your reputation, Jacob?”

“Want the paparazzi to photograph you like
this, Beth?”

Point. I didn’t want the exposure or privacy
violation. “You know, I’d rather just pretend this didn’t happen
and go on with my life. Best of luck with your music.” I turned my
cart away from him and left the aisle.

Get out before you cry, get out before you
cry…

“Wait. If I ever hurt you, I’m sorry, but I’m
completely in the dark over why you shut me out. There, I said
it.”

This many years, and I still knew the tone in
his voice when he was being completely honest. Dammit. Keeping my
back to him, I said, “I accept your apology, and I don’t want to
talk about it.” Maybe he’d been so drunk, he didn’t remember the
girl. Did that make it any better?

No.

“Bethie…” he said quietly.

Always “Bethie” when he wanted something…but
I could use this to get out of my rat-trap apartment. “How much
more?”

“Huh?”

I faced him. “How much is the job
paying?”

“How much do you want?”

“Double my current salary, and I’ll give
notice. But no getting mad at me if I’m in over my head. If I’m the
wrong candidate, no hard feelings.”

He stuck out his hand. “Deal.”

I shook his hand and felt a zap of static
electricity. Stupid dry windy weather. He let go a second later
than what was business-appropriate.

“I’ll set up an interview,” he said. “If
you’re half as organized as you used to be, this will be a big
help. I can’t remember where I’m supposed to be half the time.”

Some things never changed. “Yeah. Well, I
need to get my food home.”

He nodded. “Right.” He pulled out his wallet
and searched through the card pockets. “Here. You’ll be getting a
call from this guy.” He handed me a business card.

“Okay. Well…bye.”

He smiled. A little. “Goodbye, love.” Jacob
Lindsey turned and walked away.

Oh my god…
My body started to realize
what I’d just been doing. Oh-my-god, oh-my-god… My heart was
racing, my hands started to shake, and my knees felt week. I sunk
against the dairy case.

What had I done?
Working
for him, or
around him? Had I lost my mind?

If I was hired, I was paying off my student
loans. That’s what I was doing
.
Just business.

This was so a bad idea… Then again, he didn’t
have my number to give to his manager.

I pushed my cart to the check-out station,
the clerk scanned my groceries, and I swiped my card to pay.
Everything bagged up and back in the cart, I left the store and
rolled out to my car.

Jacob was standing by it.

“What now?” I asked. He looked up from
snooping through the windows.

“Still driving your dad’s old thing.”

“Hand-me-down. Why are you still here?”

“I recognized it and it…doesn’t matter.
So…five years.”

I unlocked the driver-side door, opened it,
and pulled the tab up to unlock the rear door so I could put my
bags in the backseat. Jacob handed me one when I turned to the
cart. He was helping now?

“Would’ve been longer if chance hadn’t
intervened,” I said.

“Ouch.”

“What’s your angle, Jacob? Did you search me
out or something?”

His brows rose. “Whoa, paranoid, much? I
never expected to see you again, either. Forgive me for bein’
personable.”

“There is no forgiving you, that’s the
point!”

A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Thought you
didn’t want to talk about the past.”

“I
don’t
. Look…if I take the job,
we’re not buddies or best pals. We’ll be polite and pleasant
because that makes a better work environment, but don’t think
anything will be like the past. Clear?”

He just looked at me with eyes taking in too
much.

“What happened to you, Beth?” he asked
softly.

I sucked in a breath. “Don’t. Don’t act like
you care.”

He shrugged. “I always did.”

I turned away and put the last two bags in
the car. “Do you accept my terms or not?”

“Yeah. Understood. Goodnight, Beth.” He
walked away.

I got in to go home, doors locked around me,
and my hand wouldn’t turn the key in the ignition. Tremors welled
out from the pit of my stomach again and I laid my forehead on the
steering wheel. God, why did he have to come back into my life? I
had a routine and peace and quiet, and here I was leaping into the
entertainment world…must be losing it. One too many days of staring
at Excel sheets and appointment books, and I’d flipped my lid.

Become one taco short of a combination
plate.

That was the only explanation for agreeing,
being
willing
, to see Jacob Lindsey every day again. I was
insane.

****

Jacob walked to the black Mercedes coupe that
was his under-the-radar car and deactivated the alarm with his key
fob. Once inside, he left a message with his manager about offering
Beth the PA position and started the engine.

What a night…when he saw her, he was curious,
but then when she looked at him… Those gray-blue eyes were
naturally solemn, but they’d never been empty before. Hollow, like
every day was sucking the life out of her. Compassion and nostalgia
moved him and he offered the job. The Beth he’d known never
would’ve been caught dead shopping in sweats, so she had to be
struggling and he could help. Be the bigger person. And maybe it
would burn her a bit to see she threw away something good.