Jesse looks at me and smiles. I shiver
and feel heat go down my body at the same time. He drops his sleeve
and reaches over and lays his hand on my shoulder. “Are you ok,
Cassie? Are you cold? You’re shivering,” he asks
concerned.
I blush. “Um, no. I’m fine, really.” I
smile shyly. “I’m, um, gonna go lay down for a bit, ok?”
He nods at me with a frown. “If you’re
sure you’re ok.”
I compose myself and nod my head,
maybe a little too much. “Really, I’m fine. I just-” I stop and
wonder if I should say how I am feeling. No, it’s too soon. “I’m
just gonna go lay down.” I smile, turn and go upstairs.
~*~*~*~
I feel refreshed after my nap. I go
downstairs to the kitchen and get a diet coke. I pop the lid, take
a giant gulp and sigh. Just what I needed.
I walk into the living room looking
for Jesse and don’t find him. I walk down the short hall towards
his office, and I see the door is slightly ajar. I can hear him
talking to someone but only hear his voice. He must be on his
phone. I feel like I am eavesdropping but can’t stop
myself.
“Oh, that’s great! They will love
that. Yes, that’s perfect. Ok. I know! Don’t you think I know
that?” He sighs. “I should have more time to spend on that, at
least for a while. Thanks, Betsy. You know I really appreciate you
and all that you do. I couldn’t manage without you. I love you too.
Bye.”
I don’t know why but jealousy begins
to rear its ugly head. Where is that coming from? I have no
business, no right, to feel this way. But I can’t help it. Who is
this Betsy and what is he appreciating so much? And he loves her?
Grrrrrr.
I can hear him push back a chair so I
jog, as much as my injured body will let me, down the hall into the
living room and sit on the couch. I grab the TV remote and turn it
on. I have no idea what’s on the screen.
Jesse walks in and stops beside the
couch. “Oh, you’re awake. Did you sleep well?” He asks. I turn my
head and look up at him and give him a half smile. “Um, yes, I did.
Thank you,” I say with a bit of a snap. He looks at me, his face
showing confusion. “Ohhh, kay,” he says. He looks over at the TV
screen and then back at me, his confused expression turning into a
smirk. “And what are you watching?” He says as he cocks his
head.
I quickly look at the screen. Looking
back and forth between the screen and Jesse I say, “Well, it’s a
great show about making plastic containers. I am really learning a
lot.” Oh, my God! This is horrible and so not
believable.
He stares at me. I wiggle in my seat,
so uncomfortable. “Hmmm, didn’t seem like you were the crafty
type,” he says with a smirk. I look at him even more unsure now.
“Well, I do like to make things, um, sometimes. It’s nice to get
ideas,” I say with a shrug.
“Ok then. Well, I am gonna go clean
up,” he says. I can’t say anything so I just nod.
After dinner, we are sitting on the
couch watching a movie. Jesse has his arm across the back of the
couch almost touching my shoulder. I feel my body starting to heat.
I don’t understand these feelings. I’ve never had them before. I am
feeling bad about the way I acted earlier. As the ending credits of
the movie roll up the screen I turn, tucking my legs under me and
face Jesse.
“Jesse?” I hesitate. “I’m sorry I was
a little, um, short with you earlier. I overheard you talking on
the phone in your office and, well, um, who’s Betsy?” I look down
then, studying my hands that I have clasped together and am
nervously wringing. “I mean, it’s really none of my business,” I
start to say.
Jesse turns to me. “Oh! Betsy? Well,
she works for me. Why? Wait!” He stops abruptly. He slides closer
to me and lifts my chin with his finger. He looks deeply into my
eyes. “Are you, are you jealous?” He asks with a cocky
grin.
I snap my head out of his grip. “No!
No! Why would I be jealous? That’s the silliest thing I have ever
heard.” My face heats up. Oh, my God, I am blushing so bad right
now.
He laughs. “Hmmm, ok. My mistake. But
that color looks beautiful on you.” I drop my head. How
embarrassing. “I, I, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say
to my chest.
The next thing I know I am being
pulled to Jesse and his lips are on mine. I moan. He holds the back
of my head in his hand and is rubbing up and down, stroking my
hair. We deepen the kiss and both moan in unison.
When we finally break away we are both
panting. “I’m sorry,” I say looking into his blue eyes. He looks at
me worried. “I’m not. I have feelings for you, Cassie. Feelings
that I can’t stop. You need to tell me to stop, if it’s not what
you want. I don’t think I can stop on my own,” he says, his eyes
searching mine.
He has such a gleam in his eyes, such
concern and love? I shake my head. No. It can’t be love.
I take his hands in mine. “I’m not
sorry for that. I, I have feelings for you too but I-” I stop and
take a deep breath. “I’m not sure I’m ready to act on them fully
yet. I’m confused, and I am trying still to figure things
out.”
Jesse pulls me in an embrace. “Baby,
you take all the time you need. I know you have been through so
much. You’re so brave.” He pushes me back a little and stares into
my eyes. “Do you know how brave you are?” I shyly shake my head. He
pulls me back and holds me again. “Oh, baby. After all you have
been through in your life, I think you’re the bravest person I
know.” Tears form in my eyes. I don’t feel very brave.
Chapter
eleven
Jesse walks me to my room, holding my
hand. I turn to him. “Will you, will you hold me while I sleep?” I
beg. “The nightmares don’t come when I am with you. I feel
protected with you.”
He takes his other hand and cups my
face. “I will always protect you, Cassie. Come on let’s go to
sleep.” He takes me into the room and shuts the door behind him. I
quickly take my pajamas into the bathroom, change, wash my face and
brush my teeth.
Jesse is already in bed with the
covers next to him turned down. He looks at me as he pats the bed.
“Come here, baby.”
I slowly walk over, shyly, and climb
in. He moves over and takes me in his arms. I feel him rubbing my
arm that is laying across him. I begin to drift off, feeling more
comfortable. I feel him lightly kiss my head as he whispers, “I
will always protect you.” I smile and fall into a deep
slumber.
As the days pass by slowly my feelings
for Jesse bloom. We kiss more now. I’m not feeling quite as shy
around him.
My ribs are healing and the bruises
around my eye and cheek are a light yellow now. I am feeling so
much better.
As we lay in bed one night talking, I
turn in Jesse’s arms. “Thank you,” I say as I kiss his cheek. He
looks at me and smiles. “What are you thanking me for
exactly?”
I sigh. “For taking care of me,
holding me. Sometimes I feel like everything is going so good.
Almost too good. Nothing ever works out for me. I’m scared
something is going to happen. To you, to me, I dunno. I can’t
explain it.” I shrug.
He looks at me with concern. “Baby, we
can only take one day at a time. And I, for one, am going to make
sure you’re happy and stay happy. Everything will be ok.” He wraps
his arm around me tighter.
I snuggle back into his chest and
smile. Then I sigh again. “Well, also, I, um. These feelings for
you? I.” Oh, my God this is so hard! I can’t look at him. “I want
to be with you, um, more, but I don’t understand how you could ever
want to be with me. I feel so dirty. Why would you want me like
that?”
He lets go of me and turns on his
side. He puts his left hand on my face and rubs my cheek. “Baby,
God. I know that it’s hard for you after what happened but that’s
not what I see when I look at you, when I kiss you or when I touch
you. I see a beautiful woman. A brave and remarkable person who has
overcome heartache in her life, terrible people who have hurt her
over and over again, mentally and physically.” He stops and looks
at me with such admiration. “I see the person I want to be with. I
see the person who makes me feel more than anyone has ever made me
feel. I see the person I want to touch all over and make love to. I
see you.”
Tears are in my eyes now and begin to
overflow and stream down my face. He wipes away some from my
cheek.
He leans forward and pushes his
forehead against mine. “Baby, I will wait. I will wait for you to
be ready even if it takes forever. Please believe me,” he says
softly.
I nod, my forehead rubbing up and down
on his. I take a deep quivering breath.
He pulls back and looks at me. “Are
you ok?” He asks as he brushes the hair out of my face.
I look into his eyes and sigh, “Yes,
I’m ok now. Thank you for being so good to me.” He leans over again
and kisses my forehead, his lips lingering there.
He lays back down, pulling me with
him. We lay there for a while not saying anything. He goes back to
rubbing my arm as we lay in there. I manage to finally fall asleep
thinking how lucky I am.
Chapter
twelve
The next afternoon we’re watching TV.
I look over and Jesse has fallen asleep on the couch beside me. I
go over to the chair and pull the afghan off and place it over him.
I decide to take a shower and take a nap myself.
I feel so alone in the bed but he was
sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t have the heart to wake him up.
Finally I drift off.
Next thing I know I am screaming into
Jesse’s chest. I was hitting his shoulders with my
hands.
“Shhh, baby. It’s ok. You’re ok. I’m
here. I’ve got you. Shhhh,” he says in my ear. I start to calm
down, I am breathing hard.
I pull back slightly, still sniffling,
with tears rolling down my face. “Jesse, make it go away. Make them
go away. Please!” I begged. I am searching his eyes as he is
mine.
“Oh, baby. I wish I knew how, I truly
do. I would do it in a heartbeat. Tell me how. Tell me how,” he
pleads.
“Make love to me, Jesse. Take the
nightmares away. Touch me, feel me. I need to feel you. I need
you.”
Jesse looks at me with his eyes moving
back and forth between mine. I can see the tears forming in his
beautiful eyes.
“Are you sure, baby? I don’t want to
hurt you in any way. I need you to be sure this is what you
want.”
“I have never been surer of anything
in my life, Jesse. I want you. I need you.”
Jesse looks at me with love in his
eyes. Wait, love? No, way! That can’t be. It’s too soon to be love
and why would he feel that way anyway? No one has ever loved me
since my parents died.
“I would love to be your first. Truly
you’re first,” he says with a lone tear falling down his cheek. I
rub the tear off his face with my hand and smile.
He lays me back onto the bed and
hovers over me, leaning on one elbow at my left side. “I will be
extra careful of your ribs, but you tell me if I am hurting you in
any way or you need me to stop, ok?” I nod at him and pull him to
me.
We begin to kiss slowly, softly, but
soon he starts to deepen the kiss and I follow, willingly. Oh, so
willingly.
“You have way too many clothes on,” he
says with a smirk. I sit up taking my hands to the bottom of my
shirt. I pull it over my head and throw it on the floor. I have no
idea where that just landed. Jesse looks down at my bra, looks back
up to my eyes and reaches around me and unclasps my bra. He slowly
pulls one strap over my shoulder and down my arm, then the next. He
takes my bra and throws it on the floor. Crash! Oops! Ok, that
wasn’t the floor. It landed heavily against the lamp on the
dresser. We both can’t help but laugh.
“I’ll get a new one. I don’t care,” he
says as he gently pushes me back down.
He looks at my chest with his gleaming
blue eyes. “Beautiful.”
He attacks my mouth with his and we go
deeper than we did before. It’s as if we cannot get enough of each
other.
I can barely take a breath but who
cares at this point. Who needs to breathe? Breathing is so
overrated.
As our tongues explore each other’s
lips and mouths, he moves his left hand down to my breast. He
softly rubs my nipple between his thumb and finger. Oh, my God that
feels soooo good! I begin to feel something down in the pit of my
stomach and all the way down to my groin. I begin to moan with
pleasure.
He trails his left hand down to my
stomach. As he pulls his mouth off of mine he begins kissing my
body following his hand. My body begins to wiggle beneath him and
the feelings I am having are escalating. What is that? I feel like
I could explode. I have heard of orgasms, sure, but I have never
had one.
He gets down to the top of my pants
and looks up at me. “Are you still ok?” I nod as I can’t speak. He
smiles. “Still too many clothes on.” He looks up into my eyes and
keeps them there as he begins to slowly pull down my jogging pants.
He breaks our eye contact and moves down as he finishes removing
them. He throws them on the floor next to the bed, more
carefully.
Jesse crawls back over me and
continues kissing a trail down until he is at my mound. Oh, my God!
Hurry, please hurry, I can’t take much more!