My Sister’s Secret (16 page)

‘Don’t get carried away!’ I say, unable to stop myself smiling with him. ‘He totally might not be my dad. It’s just a possibility.’

‘Why do you think this, Willow?’ he asks, breathless with excitement.

I explain what I’ve learnt about their time in Kazakhstan. His smile widens, if that’s at all possible. ‘Willow, this is wonderful. You will not be Mad Shoe Lady!’

I laugh. His excitement is contagious. Then I impulsively hug him, hold him so tight I think I might have hurt him a little. But I’m worried that if he moved away now, he’ll see the tears of happiness in my eyes. I eventually let him go and he jumps up.

‘You will need to stay now,’ he says. ‘It’s too late for you to go back. I will not have any sister of mine being in danger. We can sleep in the room where the children like to sleep, you can see the stars from there.’

He puts his hand out to me. I look up at him, try to find my features in his. Could he really be my brother? The idea makes me shiver with excitement. I’ve always wanted a brother or sister.

But then that means the dad I knew and loved isn’t my actual dad. My stomach crinkles as I think of Dad’s handsome face, the dad I knew for seven years. I
want
him to be my real dad, the kind, funny man who’d whirl me around and take me out for ice creams and help me paddle my feet in the frothy sea near our house. The man who made people’s faces light up when he walked into the room; who I’d watch in his office, his legs propped up on the table, head thrown back as he laughed.

But he’s gone. What’s better, a father who’s dead or one who’s alive?

I feel guilty.

Either way, I need to find out. I can’t live my life not knowing who my father is. Maybe Norfolk holds the key? If I can find out where my mum and Niall lived together.

But for now, I can at least pretend I have a brother, can’t I?

I take Luki’s hand, letting him lead me back into the noisy house.

Charity

Norfolk, UK

October 1987

Wizened old tree stumps littered the patch of windswept beach Charity was standing on, looking eerie and forlorn under heavy grey skies. She wrapped her raincoat around herself, specks of rain falling on her head.

This wasn’t quite like the ethereal underwater forests she’d seen in Busby-on-Sea and in India. Faith would probably still like it though. Hope would
love
it. So moody and dramatic, perfect fodder for her poems.

Charity sighed just as she always did each time she thought of her sister. They hadn’t talked once since Charity moved to Norfolk three months ago to cover someone’s maternity leave. In fact, they’d barely talked at all since that night in Austria when Charity confirmed Hope’s suspicions.

‘What happened?’ Hope had asked with a trembling voice. ‘I want to know
exactly
what happened.’

Charity stared at her sister, trying to find the words. She hadn’t been able to find them for the past ten years. She’d been a coward. But she had been so young and secrets can grow like a weed.

‘I snuck out to meet Niall,’ Charity began, trying to stop herself from crying. She knew Hope would resent her tears. ‘We’d decided to sleep the night on the beach near Seaford. We just wanted to spend a whole night together, and I knew no one would notice as long as I was back in the early hours. He drove me back in his new car. It was raining, the car skidded slightly as it went around the bend. You know how notorious that bend is, even before Faith died. And—’ She shuddered at the memory. ‘We – we felt a bump but it didn’t feel like a—’ Charity swallowed. ‘A person,’ she finally managed.

Hope grimaced, turning away.

‘Niall stopped. He did stop, Hope,’ Charity said, reaching her hand out to take her sister’s. But Hope just shoved her away. ‘We both got out to look,’ Charity continued. ‘But it was so dark and the rain…’

She took a deep shuddery breath, the night coming back to her, the sheer force of the rain, the feel of it drenching her skin, the sight of Niall’s headlights on the shiny road.

‘We couldn’t see anything,’ she said. ‘The police said Niall would have known, but we really didn’t, Hope! How were we to know she fell down the slope? I was so young, so
scared
.
Niall convinced me not to say anything, told me it would just make things worse. And I didn’t want to make things worse, Hope, it was already so horrible.’

‘And when the police came? You knew then that what you felt when the car bumped into something was her, didn’t you? That’s why you ran into your room and hid your face when Mum and Dad told us, you knew I would see it in your eyes.’

‘I think deep down I knew. But I’d only just snuck back when the doorbell went and I was in shock. I didn’t want to say anything unless I was sure. If I could go back,’ Charity said, looking into her sister’s eyes, ‘I would have told you. But I was so so scared. And…Niall convinced me when I saw him next that it wasn’t a good idea.’

‘And all these years, this secret…’

‘It grew so big, I just couldn’t get a grip on it.’

Hope laughed bitterly.

Charity put her head in her hands, the guilt overwhelming. ‘I’m so sorry.’

When she looked up, her sister was walking away from her. She tried to follow, but Hope shoved her away. So she left her, remembering what Faith always said to her about Hope: she needed time.

Four months later, Hope still wasn’t ready, despite Charity leaving her contact details before she left for Norfolk. She thought of Faith. Would she be sad to know she and Hope weren’t speaking? Would she try to get them to reconcile?

Or would she be just as angry with Charity?

Charity looked up as she heard the roar of a motorbike.

Niall was here, right on time.

She smiled to herself. A couple of months ago, Niall had finally sent her the photos he’d taken of the submerged forest in India. Before she’d left for Norfolk, she’d impulsively passed her new address on to his agency just in case he needed to get in touch. With the photos was a letter:

Dear Charity,

Thanks for sending on your new address. Norfolk, hey? You know there’s a submerged forest there, don’t you?

I hope you’re good and you’re enjoying your new job. It feels weird writing this. I’ve never been one for writing. I guess that’s why I never replied to your letters when I was inside. Who am I kidding? Truth is, I wanted you to get on with your life.

Just like I do now.

I miss you though. I can’t deny it. So if you want to write back, I’ve included the address of a PO Box I’ve set up. Maybe I can make up for all those unanswered letters?

I hope you like the photos. Maybe if you take some pictures of the submerged forest in Norfolk, you can send them to me. I promise I won’t critique them…

Take care,

Niall

She’d found herself writing a letter straight back to Niall and before she knew it, she’d written several pages about her new job, the quirky little beach hut she was staying in…nothing serious. It just felt good to share it with someone, especially Niall. Over the next couple of months, they exchanged more letters, Niall writing about an assignment he’d recently returned from in Australia, Charity about the quirks of the local community where she was living. They also wrote about the past, the drives down the coast during their last summer together, and life in Busby-on-Sea. Each time a letter arrived, Charity’s stomach would tilt, face flushing with excitement.

When Niall brought up the possibility of him visiting to take photos of the submerged forest Charity had hesitated. The truth was, the idea made her happy. His letters were the highlight of her week. But she was also apprehensive. But before she could stop herself, she suggested they meet if he did decide to visit.

So here she was. She watched Niall jump off his bike, removing his helmet and approaching her with a huge smile on his face. He was more tanned than she’d ever seen him and the beginning of a dark beard was growing over his cheeks and chin, making his blue eyes even more vivid.

‘What time do you call this?’ she shouted above the bluster.

He laughed. ‘Sorry, bad traffic.’ He gave her a quick peck on her cheek. ‘It’s great to see you, Charity.’

‘Looks like a storm’s coming,’ Charity shouted above the wind. She looked at the camera Niall had slung around his neck. ‘Better get on with it soon if you want to take some photos. Then we can get some fish and chips down the road.’

His face lit up. ‘Sounds perfect.’

As Niall took photos, Charity took the chance to observe the forest. It was a complete contrast to the submerged forest in India. The tree stumps were on land here, the ground beneath the soles of her wellies sludgy with brown peat. It was more of a ghostlike wasteland than an ethereal underwater world.

After a while, Niall pulled his small knife out. ‘Want to do the honours?’

‘You mean an etching?’ He nodded. Charity shook her head. ‘No, I feel bad doing it myself. Go ahead if you want to.’

‘Oh come on, it’s art.’ He lay on his belly in the sand, carving their initials into what remained of the tree. Then he pressed his camera close to his face to take a photo. Watching him like that made Charity’s insides clench.

‘I saw your etching in Austria,’ Charity said. ‘When were you there?’

‘I went there straight from India. I ended up getting a commission from the tourist board – they want me to go back and take photos for their brochures. The lake’s out of this world, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, Hope and I—’ Charity paused. It still hurt to think about what had happened in Austria between them.

‘I know what happened out there,’ Niall said softy. ‘Hope told me.’

‘When?’

‘Just before I wrote that letter suggesting I visit. I had to go back to Busby to take a couple more photos of the submerged forest there for a commission. Hope saw me when I was in town briefly. She was annoyed, had a go at me like I purposely dragged you out that night with the sole intention of killing Faith.’ Charity flinched and Niall shook his head. ‘Sorry.’

Charity took in a deep breath. ‘It’s fine. I should have told them all those years ago.’

‘You were right not to.’

‘I’m not so sure.’

‘I think Hope’s being unfair.’

‘Is she?’ Charity said, feeling angry all of a sudden. ‘Would it really have been so terrible if I’d just told my parents and Hope I was there?’

‘Yes!’ Niall said. ‘Look at how Hope has reacted. Your family was everything to you. It would have destroyed you if it changed the way they saw you back then,
and
it would have destroyed them.’

‘No,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘We made a mistake not saying anything, Niall. It’s haunted me ever since.’

Charity let out a sob and Niall pulled her into his arms.

‘It’s okay,’ Niall whispered into her ear. ‘I know how hard this must be for you.’

She looked up at him. ‘How did Hope seem when you saw her?’

‘Hope is fine, you know how she is.’

‘But it’s been months and she hasn’t been in touch.’

‘This isn’t an argument about you borrowing one of her scarves, Charity.’

She stepped away from him, wiping her eyes. ‘I know.’

Niall peered up at the blackening skies. ‘I think the heavens are about to open. Time for fish and chips?’

Ten minutes later they were sitting in the tiny fish and chip café overlooking blustery seas.

‘I forgot how much you liked your ketchip sarnies,’ Charity said as she watched Niall place some chips into his slice of bread and slather it in tomato ketchup.

‘Ketchip! I forgot we called them that.’ He looked at Charity’s plate. ‘And
I
forgot how much you loved your mushy peas. Is that a double helping?’

‘I’m trying to be healthy. They’re vegetables, aren’t they?’ She scooped up some of her peas and slathered them over Niall’s sandwich. ‘There, now you can be healthy too.’

He frowned as he looked at it. Then he smiled. ‘A ketchipea sarnie.’

They both burst out laughing, people in the café turned to look at them. They continued talking, ordering puddings then tea to avoid having to leave and go their separate ways. When they eventually ran out of things to order, they huddled under the café’s doorway against the rain.

‘It’s been good seeing you,’ Niall said.

‘Yeah, I’ve enjoyed it.’

‘Maybe we can do lunch tomorrow? I’m here until Sunday.’

Charity smiled. ‘I’d like that. I know a good place near my hut. You’ve got my address, why don’t you come by at twelvish?’ She glanced up at the rain. ‘I better head back before this gets worse. My landlady promises me the hut doesn’t flood but I’m not sure it’ll be able to handle anything more than this.’

Niall frowned. ‘Call if it does flood. Don’t feel like you have to deal with it alone.’

She smiled. ‘Oh, Niall, I’m not a helpless girl any more.’

Niall didn’t say anything, just watched her. She felt her cheeks flush.

‘Bye then, Niall,’ she said, stepping away from the doorway. ‘Take care.’

‘You too, Charity,’ Niall replied.

She put her head down and walked away.

That night, Charity was woken by a howling noise from outside. She got up and peered out of her window to see trees arched by intense winds, the sea so violent, waves were nearly reaching her door. In the distance the little white lighthouse seemed to tremble at the violence of the sea. Nearby, several people were battling against the winds to place sandbags along the beach, including Charity’s landlady and her sullen looking daughter.

Charity pulled her jeans and jumper on, grabbing her raincoat and wellies. When she got outside, her door nearly flew off its hinges. The roar of the wind and the sea were so loud it deafened her. But she battled against it, going to the group and helping them to lay sandbags across the lane in front of her hut as her landlady smiled a thanks at her.

As she was reaching for another sandbag, she heard a creaking sound and looked up to see a tree bending towards her. Before she had a chance to jump out of the way, someone pulled her from its path as it crashed on to the lane.

She turned to see it was Niall, face wet from the rain, the hood of his coat blowing up around him. She struggled to take a breath at the sight of him.

‘Are you okay?’ he shouted to her over the storm. ‘I woke to the storm and was worried.’

‘I’m fine.’ He was still holding her. She looked into his eyes, trying to compose herself.

‘Don’t just stand there!’ the landlady said to Niall. ‘You look strong. Come and help.’

They both jogged over, helping with the sandbags, the storm around them seeming to stir all sorts of feelings. When Niall handed a sandbag to Charity, their fingertips touched, sparking something. He held her gaze and she tried to control her breathing.

‘We should get inside,’ her landlady shouted to them. ‘We’ve done what we can. The storm’s getting worse, it’s dangerous out here.’

‘Come to the hut,’ Charity said to Niall. ‘I’ll make us tea and we can wait the storm out.’

They both jogged towards her hut, Niall shielding Charity from the rain with his coat, and she let them in, slamming the door shut against the storm. They stood looking at each other in the semi darkness, rain dripping off their hair and skin.

‘God, you’re beautiful,’ Niall said.

He pulled her towards him, his lips finding hers, his fingertips digging into her wet hair. The familiar feel of Niall’s lips sent Charity plunging back into the past; into other nights like this, stolen kisses in the darkness, whispers of love, the way she was feeling inside matching the storm raging outside.

He kissed her neck, then her collarbone, her feelings mounting as he yanked her coat off, she his, both hungry for each other after all these years.

When Niall moved his hand beneath the waistband of her jeans, the sweet ache she remembered as a teenager hummed through her as he slipped his fingers inside her. She leant her head back and let out a moan as he buried his lips in her hot neck.

They stumbled into the living room, finding the sofa in the darkness. Niall tugged her jeans off then her knickers as she frantically undid his jeans, feeling the same thrill she used to feel at the soft sound of his zip in contrast to the feel of him, hard against her palm.