Nameless Series Boxed Set (33 page)

Her father had
been focused on an increasingly fussy Mackenzie, but at this he turned to look
at Seth as well, silently waiting for his response.

Seth didn’t
even blink. “I’m not going to take off again.”

“And we’re all
just supposed to take that on faith? Why exactly should we believe you?”

Seth gave a
half shrug. “There’s no reason why you should. It just happens to be the
truth.”

And that was
it. He didn’t defend himself or give an impassioned plea for forgiveness. Didn’t
act offended or angry.  He simply spoke the words calmly and without
embarrassment or resentment.

Erin was
almost—ridiculously—proud of him.

Her father
nodded, as if that answer was enough for him.

Liz frowned,
but she finally said begrudgingly, “Okay. We’ll go with that. For now.”

Erin would have
said something too, but she was distracted by a more insistent squall from her
daughter. Mackenzie must be hungry.

Reaching for her,
Erin brought the infant in close to her chest. When the baby started nuzzling
at her breast, she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I was hoping she could hold out
a little longer, but I think I better feed her.”

“No problem,” Liz
said easily. “She’s done pretty well lasting so long. Do you want me to get
dessert together?”

“Would you
mind? I’ll be right back.”

While she
wasn’t embarrassed by breastfeeding, she didn’t feel comfortable doing it at
the dining room table, so she stood up with Mackenzie.

Seth stood up
too and started gathering up his empty plate and Erin’s. “Take your time.”

“Be nice,” Erin
hissed at Liz as she carried Mackenzie toward the nursery.

Once she was
settled in the rocker in the warm, pretty nursery and Mackenzie had latched on
and started to suck, Erin realized something.

Things weren’t
bad at all.

In fact, she
was almost happy.

Everything
wasn’t perfect, of course, but things didn’t always have to be terrible. Sometimes
they could actually go well. Get better.

A short time
later, Erin had finished nursing and was holding Mackenzie up to burp her.

Seth appeared
in the doorway.

“Hi,” she said
stupidly.

“Hi.”

“Is Liz
behaving herself?”

 “Only one
muttered comment, but it sounded rather half-hearted. But I’m to tell you that
dessert is ready whenever you are.”

Just then, Mackenzie
burped, spitting up milk onto the burp cloth. When Erin looked down, she saw
the spit-up had gotten on her new shirt too. She sighed and wiped at Mackenzie’s
mouth. Then tried to clean the spot off her shirt. “Well, good job.”

Mackenzie smiled,
as if delighted by her success.

Seth chuckled. “She
seems to be very talented at that particular endeavor. Must get it from your
side.”

Erin couldn’t
help but grin. She made sure her clothing was adjusted before she stood up with
Mackenzie in her arms.

When she joined
Seth in the doorway, he reached over toward her. She stared at him in surprise—thinking
he was about to touch her in some way—until she realized he was just pulling
down Mackenzie’s dress, which had been hiked up over her diaper.

She waited for him
to move, but he didn’t. He just stood in the middle of the doorway, gazing down
at her.

“Seth?” She
looked relentlessly at Mackenzie so she wouldn’t have to see whatever
expression was in his eyes.

“Thanks for
having me over for dinner,” he murmured, his voice textured, almost husky,
holding far more resonance than the words would suggest.

The tone of
voice made Erin feel edgy, but the words themselves finally processed in her
mind. “You’re staying for dessert, aren’t you?” she asked, realizing she’d be
disappointed if he didn’t.

“Of course.”

“Oh.” She
pushed past him, deciding that maybe she was a little annoyed since he was
obviously trying to disturb her with his lingering presence and husky voice. “Good.”

***

They didn’t linger over dessert
long, and afterwards her father went home, she and Liz cleared the table, and
Seth sat with Mackenzie in the living room.

Naturally, Liz
teased her more about Seth—this time asking whether she thought there was any
possibility of their becoming a happy little family now that he’d come to his
senses—an interrogation which Erin dutifully ignored.

 “Speaking of,”
Liz continued, “You’d better go check on them to make sure Seth hasn’t offered
her Scotch or anything.”

Erin couldn’t
help but laugh, but she did step out of the kitchen to see what was going on in
the living room.

She stood in
the background, unnoticed. Mackenzie was rocking in her swing, and Seth was
sitting in a chair facing her. The two were staring at each other with almost
identical looks—half-curious, half-mesmerized.

Erin smiled and
was about to go back to the kitchen when Seth spoke.

“Well, what do
you have to say for yourself?” His voice was so even and natural that Erin
thought for a moment he must have seen her and was asking the question of her.

But he wasn’t. He
was talking to Mackenzie.

Because after a
moment, he nodded, still focusing on his daughter. “I see,” he continued, as if
he’d gotten an answer. “I know the feeling.”

Erin smiled
again, this time feeling strangely touched by this bit of bonding. She probably
should leave discreetly, but she couldn’t quite turn away yet.

“That’s a very
pretty dress you’re wearing,” Seth continued, leaning forward and observing his
daughter intently.

Mackenzie watched
him unblinkingly with her round blue eyes, and her mouth dropped open as she
stared.

“And that’s a
very impressive swing,” Seth continued, his voice mild, but his tone no
different than he would have used with an adult. “I believe it’s winding down,
though. Too bad.”

The swing
was
winding down. Mackenzie was barely rocking back and forth.

“Should I start
it up again?” Seth asked her, standing up and taking the two steps toward the
swing.

When he reached
over to get the swing moving again, Mackenzie burst into her babbling giggles.

Seth stopped
short. Stared down at the infant.

“Laughing at
me, huh?” he said, his voice slightly thick. “Your mommy does the same thing.”

For some
reason, Erin felt her heart swell. She wasn’t sure why, but it had something to
do with overhearing Seth refer to her as Mackenzie’s “mommy.”

He sat down
again on the chair facing the swing. “You have a stuffed rabbit that I gave
you—did you know that? I have a few more for you. I’ll have to bring them over
next time.”

Erin bit her
lip to hold back a noise in her throat. Then, when she saw Seth moving in his
chair, she hurried into the kitchen, afraid he would turn around and notice
her.

“Everything
okay?” Liz asked. She was putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher.

“Yeah,” Erin
said faintly. “Everything’s fine. They’re having a little chat.”

 “Well, that
must have been a sight.” Peering at Erin’s face, Liz added, “What? Are you
turning all sappy on me or something?”

“No. Of course
not.”

She wasn’t entirely
sure the words were true, though.

It was all Liz’s
fault.

Erin had been
doing perfectly well. Everything had finally fallen into place. She’d been
content with everyone’s position in her life. And it had felt like the future
could actually be comfortable and secure, with things lined up the way they
were supposed to, with Seth in her life but all her strongholds still in place.

Erin scowled at
her sister’s back.

Damn Liz,
anyway.

Putting ideas
into her head.

Erin was close to crying from
frustration as she tried to hurriedly pick out something to wear. Mackenzie was
screaming again, however, and Erin couldn’t even think, much less figure out
her best choice of outfit for a double date with Liz and her current boyfriend,
and the guy they were setting her up with this evening.

When Mackenzie’s
squalls changed from the ornery to the downright hysterical, Erin left the
closet and returned to the bassinet. Reached down and picked up the sobbing
infant.

“Please,
pumpkin,” she murmured, taking deep breaths so she wouldn’t get annoyed. “I
can't hold you constantly. I’ve got to get dressed before Aunt Liz gets here. Is
it really so bad you have to scream about it?”

Apparently, it
was
that bad, since Mackenzie’s cries didn’t lessen. She’d been fussy all day—so
fussy that now, after six o'clock in the evening, Erin was on the verge of
either shrieking or collapsing in exhaustion. Usually, Mackenzie slept a lot
during the day, giving Erin a few moments of peace on Saturdays, when she had
her all day.

But not today.

Twice today Erin
had already had momentary breakdowns, when she’d felt so helpless and tired
that she hadn’t been able to hold back a few tears.

She was almost
at the point of crying again.

Which was
magnified by the fact that she was about to go on a blind date.

Her first date
in months.

She’d managed
to catch a three-minute shower an hour ago, during one of the brief lulls in Mackenzie’s
bad-temper, but she was still wearing a bathrobe and had been forced into a
hit-and-miss approach with her hair and make-up, since she hadn’t had enough
time or concentration to devote to primping.

Sitting on the
edge of her bed, Erin held Mackenzie upright as the baby’s sobs diminished to
choked, little hiccups. “That’s better,” Erin said soothingly, rubbing Mackenzie’s
back. “Do you have a tummy ache? Do you need to do another burp?”

The baby
squirmed and scowled at Erin. Her fine red-gold hair was practically standing
up straight on her head, and her lavender sleeper was twisted around her body. She
didn’t seem to want to burp again, though. The tiny hands were clenched in
fists as her arms flailed around irritably.

Erin forced
herself to remain patient even as another wave of exasperation rose in her gut.
It wasn’t Mackenzie’s fault. The poor thing couldn’t help if she was miserable
and wanted her mommy to make it better.

Her mommy just
didn’t know what to do.

Mackenzie
didn’t seem to be sick—at least not by any signs that Erin could find, and
she’d examined her daughter in detail from top to bottom at least seven times
today. Anyway, the cries didn’t sound like the ones Mackenzie normally made
when she was hungry or in pain. Mostly, they just sounded tired and miserable.

Much like Erin
herself.

As Erin had
expected, Mackenzie didn’t need to burp. So Erin just pulled her daughter
against her chest and held her close. After a minute, Mackenzie’s gurgles
faded, and Erin relaxed for a minute, enjoying the exquisite moment of quiet.

She was just
wondering if it was safe to put her down for a minute so she could get dressed
when there was a knock at the front door of her apartment.

“There’s your
daddy,” Erin said, keeping her voice light so as not to disturb her momentarily
quiet baby. “You get to hang out with him tonight. Won’t that be fun?”

Mackenzie
didn’t appear to be looking forward to it, if her grumpy expression was
anything to go by.

With Mackenzie
in her arms, Erin hurried to the door. Pulled it open to reveal Seth standing
in the hallway, looking cool, casual, and positively scrumptious.

Not that Erin
was in the habit of noticing such things.

Eyeing him in
automatic assessment, she said, “Didn’t you wear a coat?”

“I was outside
for approximately thirty seconds. Why should I bother?” His eyes moved from her
tousled hair to her wrinkled robe to her bare feet. “I assume that’s not what
you’re planning to wear this evening.”

Erin sneered, stepping
aside to let him into the apartment. “A brilliant deduction on your part. I
haven’t had time to get dressed yet. We haven’t had a very good day.”

“Then you
probably don’t want to bother going out this evening. Best to just stay here
and relax.”

Erin shot him
an exasperated look over Mackenzie’s head.

Seth almost
smiled. “Thought I’d give it a try.”

“Would you mind
taking her while I run get dressed?” Erin asked, adjusting their daughter so
she could hand her to Seth. “Liz will be here in less than ten minutes.”

As soon as Seth
took Mackenzie in his arms, however, the baby started to scream again. Loud,
angry, ear-piercing.

Erin groaned. “She’s
been doing that all day. I hope she’s going to be okay for you.” She took a
step over to rub Mackenzie’s back. “It’s okay, pumpkin. You love your daddy
too.”

Seth’s face was
intently focused as he studied his sobbing daughter’s reddening face. “I’m sure
those are just cries of delight from her joy to see me.”

Erin gave him a
sympathetic smile. “Maybe try the swing. I just need to get dressed. I’ll be
right back.”

“Take your
time,” Seth told her, as he carried Mackenzie over to the swing.

Trying to drown
out her daughter’s squalls, Erin hurried into her bedroom. There, she randomly
picked out a pair of flattering pants and a thin, rose-colored sweater that
dipped at the neckline and emphasized her figure.

There was no
way Erin was going to bother with a skirt this evening. Even if this
was
supposed to be a date.

Mackenzie was
still crying when Erin slipped her shoes on and ran into the bathroom to make
sure her hair and makeup weren’t going to embarrass her. She wiped off a stray
smear of mascara and patted down the worst of the fly-aways in her hair.

This was the
best she was going to manage today.

“I just can’t
imagine it’s
that
terrible,” Seth was telling Mackenzie when Erin
returned to the living room. "Certainly nothing to get so upset
about."

“Apparently it
is,” Erin put in, shaking her head at her daughter, who was waving her hands in
frustration as she screamed.

Seth gave an
almost imperceptible start, as if she’d surprised him. “Is she hungry?”

“I just fed her
twenty minutes ago. And changed her diaper. I think she’s just in a bad mood.” Erin
walked over and lifted Mackenzie out of the swing, which caused the infant’s
wails to diminish. Erin sighed and jiggled her a little, which Mackenzie
usually loved. The motion caused the baby to snuggle against her even closer.

Seth had
apparently shifted his focus from his daughter to Erin’s choice of outfit. His
eyebrows shot up. “You’re not wearing
that
, are you?”

Erin actually
gasped, feeling an immediate, defensive indignation—and a little pang of hurt. “Yes,”
she said, trying to keep her tone calm so as not to upset Mackenzie. “I am. What’s
wrong with this?” Leaning over, she put the baby back in the swing. Hooked the
strap securely and started it up.

Mackenzie
scowled and squirmed, but she didn’t start crying immediately, which Erin took
to be a very good sign. Using that opportunity, she strode back into her room
to put on her watch and a pair of earrings, which she’d forgotten before.

Seth followed
her. “Nothing is wrong with it, if your purpose is to flash every man you meet
tonight.”

Erin gasped
again. Glanced in the mirror. The neckline showed a little cleavage, but
certainly no more than what was commonly acceptable. “That’s ridiculous,” she
snapped. “I’m far more covered than most of the women you’ve ever dated, so you
can keep your snotty, offensive remarks to yourself. This is a
date
. What
do you expect me to wear? A snow suit?”

Her voice
became shriller as she spoke, mostly because she recognized what was prompting Seth’s
irrational response. He was practically bristling with coiled resentment and
possessiveness, and it made Erin feel inordinately self-conscious. Over the
last five weeks, she and Seth had been on friendly, pleasant terms, but mostly
because they never brought up what was always simmering just below the surface.

It was inevitable,
she supposed, that it should start to bubble over now that she was thinking
about dating again.

Seth looked
like he was about to bite out another acidic remark, but he swallowed it down. “Your
outfit is fine. Who is this guy, anyway?”

Erin put on her
earrings and tried to force back her annoyance. No use to get into a fight with
Seth over something so ridiculous. “He’s a friend of the guy Liz is dating. Liz
says he’s nice. I haven’t met him yet.”

“Ah,” Seth
breathed, as if he’d been enlightened.

“What is
that
supposed to mean?”

“‘Nice’ tends
to be a code-word for boring.”

“It is not. Liz
doesn’t like boring men, and she likes this guy.” She actually hadn’t been
holding out a lot of hope for her date this evening, but she wasn’t about to
let Seth get away with this insufferable arrogance. “And what the hell gives
you the right to make assumptions about the kind of guy I’m interested in. You
don’t know me as well as you think.”

Getting worried
for a minute, she darted out into the hallway to check on Mackenzie. The baby
was still rocking her swing. Not sleeping but at least momentarily quiet as she
stared up at the turning mobile above her.

Satisfied, Erin
returned to her bedroom, where Seth was still waiting.

His smirk had
faded, and he now stared at her with a narrow gaze. “Don’t deceive yourself
into believing that what you just said is actually true. I know you, Erin.”

 “That’s not
even the point. The point is that my date is none of your business. Besides,
it’s not like I’m looking for the love of my life this evening. I just want to
go on a date.”

“If you just
want to go out, then why can’t—”

“Seth,” she
interrupted, feeling a sudden flare of fear as what had been left unsaid for
more than a month was about to come out in the open again. “You know I don’t
feel that way ab—”

“It doesn’t
have to be romantic,” he insisted in clipped tones. He was still cool and
composed, but with a tenseness underlying it. “We had a perfectly acceptable
arrangement in place while you were pregnant, and I’m more than happy to
continue it indefinitely.”

Erin’s eyes
widened, feeling a sudden heat in her cheeks. “You mean...” All of a sudden,
she was bombarded with images of them in bed—the visuals hot, erotic, and
horribly unsettling. “You want to...Even though you...” She was starting to
babble like an idiot, so she decided it would be best to stop before she
humiliated herself.

Seth raised his
eyebrows slightly. “Just because I don’t feel casually about you doesn’t mean
that I wouldn’t enjoy the arrangement we had before.”

Erin was almost
tempted for a moment—feeling physical desire for the first time in months, as
she was hit with the succession of dizzying images of the two of them, tangled
together and naked.

She didn’t even
really consider it, though. She could never enjoy the sex the way she had
before, not knowing that Seth was taking it more seriously than she was.

“My wanting to
date isn’t about sex,” Erin explained, rubbing the back of her head with an
overload of nervous energy. “I’m not just looking for a good time or some kind
of release. I want to...I don’t know. I just want to start up that part of my
life again.” Releasing a breath, she tried to make him understand. “So much of
my life is about Mackenzie now, and—even though I hadn’t planned this—I
wouldn’t change it for anything. But that doesn’t mean that...that’s
all
there has to be in my life.  I want to...” With a defeated sigh, she mumbled,
“I don’t know. Just forget it.”

But Seth nodded
like he understood, and for a moment Erin thought maybe he did.

 “So your grand
gesture toward whole personhood is to go on a blind date?” His voice was dry
and skeptical.

Erin snorted,
torn between annoyance and amusement. “Well, at least it’s a start.”

Seth didn’t
look besotted or heart-broken or emotional or affectionate. In fact, if Erin
hadn’t known better, she’d have had a lot of trouble believing he had real
feelings for her.

But a glimpse
of something nameless in his eyes made her throat ache. She looked down at the
floor. “But maybe I shouldn’t have asked you to stay with Mackenzie tonight. It
seems a little...insensitive.”

“If it were a
problem for me, I wouldn’t do it. I'm glad you thought of me rather than simply
using the nanny. I’m not about to miss the opportunity to spend some time with
my daughter alone.”

This made Erin
jerk up her head, another ache in her throat—this one of guilt. “I’m sorry you
don’t get a lot of time with her. You know when she gets older she can come
stay with you on some weekends and things. But it’s so hard when she’s nursing.
 In another month, I’ll start her on some solid food, so pretty soon—”

“Erin,” Seth
interrupted. “I wasn’t reproaching you. Just explaining why I agreed to watch Mackenzie
tonight. I assumed that’s why you asked me, because you knew I’d like the
opportunity.”

Erin nodded her
assent.

Then Seth
quirked his mouth again. “But, since you’ve clearly had a very bad day, it’s
probably best you not bother going out this evening after all. I’ll be more
than willing to let you spend the evening with me and Mackenzie.”

She couldn’t
help it. Laughter bubbled up helplessly from her throat.

When she and Seth
shared a smile, Erin felt something strange and warm welling up in her chest.