Nameless Series Boxed Set (62 page)

After
swallowing hard, all Erin said was, “Don’t forget your dandelions.”

Mackenzie
carefully bent over and picked up the tenuously connected mat with both hands.
Carried it with intense caution as she and Erin together walked slowly over to
Seth and Anna.

After a brief,
hungry glance at Erin, Seth’s eyes remained on Mackenzie as she approached him.
He was still on his knees—Anna clinging to him delightedly—so he was almost on
his older daughter’s eye level.

When Mackenzie
was facing him, she stopped. Looked up at Erin as if making sure her mother
were still beside her.

Then she
stretched out both arms. Offered Seth the mat of dandelions. “I made this for
you.”

The twisted
stems and smashed heads looked even less appealing now, after the journey over
here. But Seth accepted the gift with infinite seriousness, holding it as if it
were precious. “Thank you,” he murmured, gazing down at her handiwork. “It’s
beautiful. Have you been working on it all morning?”

Mackenzie
nodded, her expression gradually fading from that heart-wrenching anxiety.
“Yes.” Then, glancing over at her little sister, she added, “Anna helped too.”

Anna erupted
into proud smiles at this high praise from her big sister. Giggling, she leaned
against Seth’s shoulder and announced, “I picked all the dandy-lines.”

“You did?” Seth
breathed, his eyes widening as he brushed a kiss into her hair. “You did an
excellent job. Those are extraordinary dandelions.”

While Anna
hugged herself in delight, Seth turned back to Mackenzie. “Thank you,” he said
again. “This is one of the nicest gifts I’ve ever gotten.”

Mackenzie’s
lovely, childish, utterly solemn face broke into a sudden smile. “You’re
welcome.”

Then Seth moved
the treasured mat of weeds into one hand and held out his other to his
daughter. Mackenzie moved into his arm, wrapping her arms tightly around his
neck as he gathered her into a one-armed hug.

Anna giggled in
pure glee and breathed, “Daddy,” as she tried to enthusiastically hug her
father’s back.

Erin had to
turn away so she could wipe at her eyes without anyone seeing.

And she’d
thought she wasn’t emotional today.

***

Several hours later, Erin was
lying by herself on a blanket under a tree, in a secluded spot just out of
sight of the house.

The day had
gone pretty well, so far. They’d all had a pleasant lunch with her father and
his girlfriend, Stella, and then Erin had left to let Seth spend some time with
the girls alone. She’d taken a book outside—the same book she’d been trying to
read earlier—and had read until she’d dozed off in the warm shade of the quiet
afternoon.

When she woke
up, she was a little bit stiff, but generally felt relaxed and content. She
didn’t feel like moving, so she just stretched out more comfortably and enjoyed
the peaceful interlude by herself.

A few minutes
later, she realized she wasn’t alone.

She felt his
presence before she saw him appear, coming from the direction of the house.

“Hey,” she
said, smiling drowsily at the sight of his familiar figure, his handsome face,
and the brown hair that looked auburn in the sun, although he absolutely
refused to admit that it was red.

“Hi.” He moved
until he was close enough to lower himself onto the blanket beside her. He
settled into a sitting position, gazing down at her with watchful, quiet eyes.

Feeling a
little self-conscious all of a sudden, she smoothed down her skirt, which had
been hiked up to her knees, and said stupidly, “I had a nap.”

The corner of
his mouth turned up. “It certainly looks that way.”

His expression
was so dry and tender both—the combination somehow utterly natural to Seth—that
Erin couldn’t help but return his smile. “Is that some kind of slam on my
hair?”

“Of course not.
Your hair is perfect.”

Erin had to
chuckle at his barefaced lie. Her hair, she was sure, was sprawled out
unattractively all over the blanket, but she was too lethargic to move yet,
even to rescue her appearance. “Where are the girls?”

“They went out
to get ice cream with your father.”

“Oh.” She
raised her head slightly. “Well, you should have gone with them. Did something
happen? You came here to see them.”

“They’re fine.
Your father just offered to take them out for an hour or two.” He reached to
pick up one of her hands and held it almost diffidently. “And the girls aren’t
the only ones I came here to see.”

He met her eyes
then, and there was something deep and powerful and moving in his gaze—that
nameless expression that still, even now, managed to take her breath away.

Swallowing
hard, Erin felt a flood of warmth fill her chest, and she rested her head back
on the blanket as she stared up at him. Both of his hands were warm and strong
as they held hers. “Seth,” she began softly. Then realized she wasn’t sure what
she wanted to say.

A watchful kind
of calm had settled over him—so different from his panicked urgency a week
ago—and his voice was low and husky as he spoke. “Erin, how have you been?”

“I’ve been
okay.” At his pointed look, she continued, “Really, I am. It hasn’t been
easy—being away from you like this—but I’ve been able to do a lot of thinking
and put some things in better perspective.”

Seth’s
expression didn’t change, but she sensed that he’d suddenly tightened in
palpable tension. “And?” he prompted, his voice barely a breath.

Erin was about
to answer, try to articulate the realizations she’d come to this week, when she
suddenly caught a flicker of terror in his eyes, beyond the cool composure. And
she realized what he was expecting, or dreading, or praying wasn’t about to
happen. “Seth,” she burst out, almost impatiently. “I told you before. I don’t
want a divorce.”

The tension
deflated in Seth’s body, like a popped balloon, and only then did she realize
how truly scared he’d been. Closing his eyes, he murmured, “I know you said
that a week ago, but sometimes people change their mind when they have time to
think.” He was still holding one of her hands in both of his, and now he
started stroking the back of it with his thumb.

Rolling her
eyes, Erin muttered, “Well, I didn’t want a divorce then, and I don’t want one
now.  For one thing, I don’t give up on things so easily.”

Seth shot her a
wry, amused look.

“And for
another, I’m still hopelessly in love with you.” Seth’s face softened then, so
much that she almost melted away on the blanket. But she didn’t want him to get
the wrong idea, so she made herself add, “We still have a lot to work on,
but—if we both commit to it—then I think we can get through this.”

He nodded and
looked down at her fingers tangled with his. “I am committed to it, Erin.
Whatever it takes.”

They were
silent for a long time, and she began to relax again, lulled by the sound of
his breathing and the comfort of his near presence.

After a while,
Seth shifted until he was stretched out beside her on the blanket, lying on his
side with his head propped up on his hand. He was still holding her hand with
his free one, though. “So what did you figure out this week?” he asked at last.

“Well, I’ve
mostly been trying to think about what’s happened to us, to me. And I’ve come
to a few conclusions about what I want for myself and what I think we both want
from our marriage and family. But that’s about as far as I’ve gotten. I haven’t
gotten any clear ideas about how to get there yet.”

“Well,” he
murmured, smiling at her a little. “Maybe I can help you out with that part.
I’m an excellent strategist, you know.”

Erin huffed out
a breath of laughter. “I know.” She thought about pursuing this conversation
and starting to hash out everything they needed to address, but it had the
makings for a long, agonizing conversation, and she wasn’t sure she had the
time and energy right now.

It felt too
good, at the moment, just lying in the grass on a lazy Saturday afternoon, with
Seth beside her, holding her hand.

It felt almost
simple. As simple as their lives could ever be.

“How have the
girls been?” he asked eventually, as if he too wanted to wait for the more
complex, intense conversation.

Switching the
current of her thoughts, Erin replied, “I think they’ve been all right.
Anna…well, you know Anna.” She smiled fondly. “She’s so resilient and
sunny-natured. She wants to talk about you a lot, and she’s been clingier than
usual, with me and Mackenzie and even with my dad. But, as soon as things
settle down again, I think she’ll be fine.”

Seth nodded,
his mouth soft and eyes warm as he thought about his younger daughter. But his
expression changed when he prompted, “And Mackenzie?”

Erin hesitated
as she tried to articulate her thoughts on Mackenzie.

Tightening his
lips, Seth asked, “Did you have to talk her into coming over to greet me this
morning and giving me the dandelion…” He visibly tried to search for the right
word for his gift. Failed and concluded awkwardly, “…thing?”

“No. The
dandelion thing was her own idea. I had no idea she was going to give it to you
until she did. It was spontaneous, and sincere, and obviously a sign of how
much she loves you.”

“But you did
have to talk her into greeting me?”

“Sort of. But
it wasn’t because she didn’t want to talk to you. I think she was scared.”

“Of what?”

Trying to sort
through the situation herself, Erin explained, “She wouldn’t go to you until I
came with her. I think maybe…maybe subconsciously she’s scared of having to
choose only one of us. She’s old enough to know about divorce, and she has
friends whose parents have gone through ugly, messy ones. I don’t know for sure
what she thinks is going to happen. You know how private she is, and sometimes
it’s so hard for her to share what she’s thinking. But I think maybe she
believes she has to take sides between us. And, since you’re the one who’s been
gone…”

“I’ve become
the bad guy.”

Worried that
this possibility would wound Seth bitterly, Erin hurried on, “But she doesn’t
want you to be the bad guy. She adores you. And so she’s torn between what she
feels and what she thinks might have to happen.” Sighing, she suggested, “Maybe
you can spend some one-on-one time with her in the next week or two. You’ve
always been better at getting her to open up than I have, and I think she needs
to know that your role in her life hasn’t changed.”

Seth nodded.
“I’ll do that. Has she been withdrawing significantly?”

“No. She’s been
acting basically normal, except as regards you. She’s always had the tendency
to brood…” She paused and gave Seth a teasing look, as if to ask him where
their daughter might have gotten that particular characteristic. “But she
hasn’t been pulling away from either me or Anna.”

“Good,” he
murmured, staring down at their still entwined hands. “I’ve been worried about
her.”

His voice was
mild and matter-of-fact, but the knowledge of how true this probably was—how
anxious he must have been about his daughter this week—made Erin’s heart lurch
a little.

She tightened
her hand around his in silent response.

They were
silent for a little while longer—lying side by side, holding hands—until Erin
met his eyes again. “How have you been, Seth?”

“I’ve been all
right.” When he saw her skeptical look, he raised his eyebrows. “Admittedly, I
haven’t been great, but I haven’t fallen apart, if that’s what you were afraid
of.”

Honestly, Erin
had been a little afraid of that. More than once, she’d woken up in the middle
of the night, blindly terrified about how Seth was doing, about whether he’d
fallen into despair by himself.

She knew how
deeply he felt things. She knew better than anyone. So she knew how deeply he
would have to feel this.

“Good,” she
murmured. Turning toward him slightly, she pulled her hand free and gently
stroked his cheek in an oddly tentative gesture. Noticed the shadows around his
eyes. “Have you been sleeping?”

He narrowed his
eyes, although he was leaning a little into her hand. “Enough.”

Feeling another
surge of tenderness, she caressed one of his cheekbones with her thumb. “I
don’t think you have. Have you been working through the nights?”

Unexpectedly,
he released a low chuckle. “One would think I would, right? After letting work
get in the way of my family. But ironically I haven’t been able to, not at
night anyway. I’d try, but then I’d always get distracted.”

Erin’s heart
lurched again. Part of her had been hoping that he’d had work to distract him
from their absence. But now she had no choice but to visualize him, haunting an
empty apartment, unable to sleep, unable to work, unable to do anything but be
lonely.

“Oh, Seth,” she
said hoarsely, her hands sliding around to the back of his neck. “Was it that
bad? You weren’t drinking too much, were you?”

 “I told you—I
didn’t fall apart. The first night…well, I didn’t handle it well. But I’ve been
doing all right since.”

He was
downplaying his own misery, so she wouldn’t feel bad, but Erin felt bad anyway.
Felt terrible. Felt guilty. And her face must have reflected it.

Seth frowned.
“You’re not feeling sorry for me, are you?”

“Of course not.
I wouldn’t dare to do something like that.” She moved her hand back to once
again caress his familiar face. “But I can’t help but want to take care of you.
You look tired.”

“I am tired,”
he admitted, reaching up and pulling her hand off his face, but then twining
his fingers with hers once again. “But I’m all right.” Shifting the elbow that
was supporting his head, he continued, “I know you didn’t leave to prove
something to me or to make a point. But I think…I think maybe it did help me
see something that I had somehow neglected to see before.”