Nerd Haiku
Authors: Robb Pearlman
Also by Robb Pearlman
Spoiler Alert: Bruce Willis Is Dead and 399 More Endings from Movies, TV, Books, and Life
Copyright © 2012 by Robb Pearlman
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission should be addressed to Globe Pequot Press, Attn: Rights and Permissions Department, PO Box 480, Guilford CT 06437.
Lyons Press is an imprint of Globe Pequot Press.
Layout: Joanna Beyer
Project editor: Kristen Mellitt
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.
ISBN
978-0-7627-8043-3
Printed in the United States of America
E-ISBN
978-0-7627-8674-9
Just referencing the
Comic Book Guy makes this the
Best. Haiku. Ever.
Anticipation.
Heady thrill of not knowing.
Mmm, blind packaging.
Wednesday's too far in |
the space-time continuum. |
New comic book day. |
There's nothing quite like
Shakespeare in original
Klingon. Classic lit.
I support local
independent booksellers.
“Large skim latte, please.”
Kane, Schuster, Siegel,
Lee, Kirby, Fox, and Finger,
these are names to know.
Gelflings and Hobbits
should, in theory, be besties,
but I could be wrong.
Vampires/Buffy,
The Walking Dead
/well-placed ax.
It's a yin-yang thing.
X-Men/Magneto, |
JLA/Darkseid. Can't we |
all just get along? |
Who's faster, the Flash
or Superman? This is a
debate without end.
Eight Words: Doomed planet.
Desperate Scientists. Last
Hope. Kindly Couple.
Jason, Damian, |
and Stephanie can all just |
kiss Dick Grayson's ass. |
Batwoman won't work |
Fridays after sundown or |
on Rosh Hashanah. |
|
He's responsible
for more square miles than them all.
Don't dis Aquaman.
The Royal Flush Gang
doesn't know what happens there's
supposed to stay there.
Widow, Cat, Panther
Bolt, Lightning, or Canary,
Black is beautiful.
It's a well-known fact:
Cyclops is kind of a douche.
Jean Grey has bad taste.
Red Skull is Elrond |
is Mr. Smith. What thread is |
this Hugo Weaving? |
Does
everything
stretch?
'Cause you could make mad money,
Mr. Fantastic.
Reed Richards, meet Eel
O'Brian
and
Ralph
Dibny.
Oh,
it's
on,
bitches.
If I had a type,
I'd say simple and carefree:
Comic Sans Serif.
Nobody believes
me. That's what happens when you
date Sue Storm Richards.
Saved the universe,
but I'm totally bummed out.
Girlfriend's in the fridge.
My asthma kicks in
and I throw up in my mouth.
Girl in comic store.
Wish I lived before |
Comics Code Authority |
made skirts much longer. |
Ororo Munroe
and Mari Jiwe McCabe,
my African queens.
Every day it goes
where no man has gone before,
Uhura's earpiece.
At four, I lost my |
heart to an older woman: |
Wilma Flintstone, MILF. |
Someday we will find
the right vehicle for you,
Eliza Dushku.
From my perspective,
panties have firewalls that are
password protected.
She stopped before she
touched me down there. Again, life
has blocked my pop-up.
When we get girlfriends,
many things will change for us.
Yeah, wishful thinking.
Virgin. Gamer. I
try to vary things, but still
my right arm's bigger.
So much changed after
you got laid, but I'm the same.
Crisis on my Earth.
Eartha, Halle, Anne,
Lee, Julie, MichelleâI get
a lot of pussy.
7 of 9 +
BSG's 6 = fun.
(I majored in math.)
From Ms. Pac Man to
Ms. Lara Croft, Title IX
funding FTW!
You're such a nice girl.
Please don't disappear on me
like Kitty Pryde did.
A pat excuse not
to date me, but guess what: I
am
Y, the Last Man!
Took thirty years, but
I have a new girlfriend. Thanks,
MMRPG!
I like pillow talk,
like “Glasses are sexy,” and
“Go get 'em, Tiger.”
I see Valeris.
Girlfriend sees Samantha Jones.
Sex and the City.
The buns are OK,
but I really want you to
dress like Slave Leia.
I love you so much
that your engagement ring will
be
The Dark Crystal.