Never Tied Down (The Never Duet #2) (25 page)

   “It might not be a great experience, meeting him.  And I can guarantee, even if you meet him and things do go great, it won’t fix everything either.  The only thing we know for sure is that you are capable of thriving on your own, and I’ll be here to support you no matter what happens.”

   It took her a moment to gather her thoughts and stop the tears that silently fell down her face.

   “I wish I didn’t have to talk to him on the phone.  I wish I could meet him somewhere, see him face-to-face.”

   I inwardly groaned.  I wanted to protect her as much as I could, and that was easier if they spoke on the phone first.  It would be easier to take her phone and hang up on him than to pull her out of a restaurant. 

   “What about Skype?” I offered.  That seemed like a good compromise.

   “That will be awkward don’t you think?”

   “We used to Skype all the time.”

   “That was different,” she said, her shy smile crossing her face.  I smiled back because she had a point.  The appeal with Skype for Kalli and me was that we could see each other,
all
of each other if needed. 

   “Point made.”  I took in a deep breath and then blew it out, knowing my next words would seal the deal.  “I don’t know if you noticed, but the phone number on that card has a San Diego area code.”

   Her eyes went wide.  “You think he lives in San Diego?”

   I pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, then slid my hand up to cup the back of her neck.  “I think it’s worth a shot to find out.”

   “So, you think I should call him?”

   “If you want to meet him, then yeah, I think you should call him, babe.”

   “Okay,” she whispered, but didn’t move off me, keeping her eyes on mine.  I put pressure on the back of her neck, bringing her mouth to mine.  I kissed her and felt her relax into me, her hands sliding up my chest and up into my hair.  When the tip of her tongue traced the seam of my lips, I groaned, opening for her.  I loved being in control, loved having hold of her and taking what I wanted, all the while knowing I was going to give her exactly what she needed in the process.  But when Kalli initiated, when she took the lead and let me know what she needed, that was sexy as hell too.

   So I was following her lead.  Kissing her, stroking my hand through her hair, letting my hand roam over her body, but not taking it any further.  This particular moment wasn’t about sex for her, and I could tell.  It was about a connection.  Her kiss wasn’t telling me she wanted me, it was telling me she was glad I was hers, that she was grateful for us.

   “I love you,” she whispered against my lips.

   “I love you too, baby.”

   She rested her head on my chest and we let our breathing return to normal, let our heart rates settle. 

   “You feel like going to San Diego soon?” she asked after a few minutes.

   “Babe, he wants to meet you, he comes to LA.”

   “Right.  Okay,” she said, pushing out a breath, trying to build up her courage.

   “Do you want to wait?  You don’t have to call him now.”

   “I feel like I should just get it over with.”

   I could understand that.  “Whenever you’re ready.”

   She pushed off me and reached for her cell phone on the coffee table.  Then she dialed the number from memory, which made my chest feel tight.  She’d stared at that card enough to memorize his phone number.  She took in a deep breath and then hit Send, and then the speaker button.

   I took her free hand in mine, and brought it up to my lips, kissing her knuckles, watching her facial expression alternate between worried and scared.  It started to ring and I felt her tense, and after three rings, I could hardly feel my fingers anymore because she was squeezing them so hard.

   But then there was a click on the line and I heard Kevin’s voice say, “Hello?”  He sounded hopeful, as if he saw the phone number and was wishing it were hers.

   Kalli was frozen, mouth open, prepared to say something, but nothing came out.  With wide eyes she turned to me, eyes welling with tears.

   “Is this Kevin?” I asked, gently rubbing my thumb over her hand, trying to bring her back.

   “This is.” His voice turned harder, hearing mine.  He obviously didn’t want to talk to me.

   “This is Riot, Kalli’s boyfriend.  She’s here, listening, and we have a few questions.”

   “Kalli’s there?  She can hear me?”  All hardness was gone from his voice again, and the hope was back.  His voice was soft and warm, and I would have bet money he had tears in his eyes, exactly like Kalli.

   “She’s here, and yes, she can hear you.”

   “Kalli…,” her father said, obviously overcome by emotion.  “God, baby doll, I’ve wanted to talk to you so many times throughout the years.”

   And with that, I knew Kalli would be unavailable to talk to Kevin.  Her phone dropped to her lap, her hand wrenched itself from mine, and she used both of hers to hide her face.  I took the phone, but wrapped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her over to me.  I could feel her shake against me, silently crying.

   “Kevin, we noticed you have a San Diego area code.  Is that where you live?”

   “Yes, I’m in San Diego.”

   “Kalli would like to meet you.  So if you could come to LA, where we live, we’d appreciate it.  Are you free this weekend?”

   “Uh, I’m free whenever.  I’ll be there whenever she needs me to be.”

   I had to hold back my acidic response, literally bite my lip to make sure I didn’t tell him that she’d needed him for over twenty years and that one eager phone call wasn’t going to make up for his absence.

   “This Saturday.  Noon.  There’s a coffee shop on the corner near her place.  We’ll text you the address and meet you there.”

   “I’ll be there, Kalli,” he said, obviously hoping she was still listening.  He couldn’t hear her, but she was still silently crying against me.  “I’m so grateful you called.”

   “We’ll see you there, Kevin.”

   “Okay.  I’ll be there.”

   I didn’t bother saying good-bye, just ended the call, dropped the phone, then wrapped both my arms around my girl.  Once she knew the phone call was over, she started crying in earnest, not holding anything back.

   “He used to call me baby doll,” she said between sobs.  “When I was little.  He called me that all the time, when he wasn’t yelling.”

   I was seething.  I knew it would be difficult for Kalli to talk to her father, knew it would upset her, but I was sick and tired of watching Kalli cry.  I was tired of bad things happening to Kalli, tired of Kalli crying because she was hurting.  I didn’t want her to hurt anymore.  And the worst part was, I couldn’t take the pain away. I couldn’t fix this for her, even though I desperately wanted to.  All I could do was hold her while she cried and that made me feel entirely useless.

   “Kal, he’s not worth all these tears.”

   “I know,” she said, and I could tell she was trying to contain her emotions.  “His voice just caught me off guard, and then he called me that, and I kind of lost it.”

   “Are you sure you want to see him?”

   She shrugged.  “I don’t know what I want.”  Her eyes met mine and she looked lost.  I brought her forehead to my lips, kissed her gently, and then laid back down, bringing her with me.

   “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.  Seriously.  Saturday comes and you decide you don’t want to see him, I’ll go down there and tell him to take a hike.  You’re in control here.  You get to make all the decisions.  You tell me what you want, what you need, and I’ll make it happen.”

   “Okay,” she whispered.

   “What do you need, Kal?”  I needed her to give me something, I needed to take care of her, to make it better somehow.

   “I just need you to hold me.”

   I sighed against her.  “I can do that.”  So I did.

Chapter Eighteen

With Riot by My Side

Kalli

   To say I was nervous would have been a drastic understatement.  In fact, nervous, as a word, didn’t cover the enormity of what I was feeling that Saturday as I waited inside a coffee shop to potentially see my father twenty years after he’d walked out on me.

   The entire week had been nothing short of mind-numbingly slow.  I had more than enough time to think about what would happen on Saturday, more than enough time to mentally freak out about it, but by Thursday I was starting to get a grip.  By Thursday, I had to.  I watched Riot worry about me, worry about his sister, and I saw the toll it was taking on him.  Eventually, I just had to tell myself whatever happened, happened. There wasn’t anything I could do about it, so I had to push the anxiety to the back of my mind and be present in the moment, present with Riot, okay with Riot, so that he could be okay too.

   But all that went out the window on Saturday as I sat in that coffee shop.  There was nothing I could say to myself, no nonsense I could slowly repeat in my mind to calm myself down.  I just had to ride the wave.  And it was easier with Riot by my side.

   I couldn’t miss him when Kevin finally came into the coffee shop.  I hadn’t seen him since my seventh birthday, but he looked exactly the same, just older.  His hair was still the same blond color mine was, and his face was still the same shape as mine.  He walked in and I watched as his blue eyes, which matched mine, swept the coffee shop.  When they landed on me, his recognition was instantaneous.  He knew me just as immediately as I knew him.  So, there was that.

   Our eyes locked, and I didn’t know what his heart was doing, but mine was thundering so loud in my chest I was sure he could hear it across the noisy coffee shop chatter.  We stared at each other for a long moment, neither of us moving, but when he did, it was to say something to someone behind him.  Then he started walking toward me, and the person he’d spoken to started to follow, and then, my life changed.

   It was as quick as a light switch flipping, or as rapid as the wings of a hummingbird.  It happened and I would never be the same.

   Following my father was a girl who looked exactly like me.

   My throat went dry, my jaw slackened, and my heart, which had previously been hammering away in my chest, simply stopped beating.

   Kevin came to our table and the younger version of me stopped right by his side, and both sets of eyes were trained on me as though I was going to give them the secret to eternal life.

   “Kalli,” he finally said, half smiling and half looking as though he were going to lose his breakfast.  “I can’t believe I’m looking at you.  You’re beautiful.”

   Riot looked between the two of us, and I couldn’t manage to say a word, so he piped in with, “Why don’t you take a seat.”  Kevin looked at Riot gratefully, then took the chair directly across from me, while his blonde counterpart took the chair across from Riot.

   “I can’t believe you’re here.  The entire drive up I thought for sure we’d get here and you wouldn’t show.  I couldn’t blame you, honestly, but I was sure I’d be stood up.”  He was talking rapidly, words falling from his mouth almost quicker than I could comprehend them.  But as much as he was saying, as many words as he had for me, I had none yet for him.

   “Dad,” the blonde girl said quietly, her eyes darting to me as she said them, then back to her father—my father.  “I’m going to get a coffee.  Want anything?”

   “I’ll take a water,” he said gently, then pulled out his wallet and handed her a ten-dollar bill.  She took it with a small smile, then stood up and walked to the counter.

   “That’s Rachel.  She’ll be nineteen next month.  Right after the new year.”

   “She looks exactly like me,” I said, surprised the words had come out of my mouth.

   “Well, she looks exactly like me, and so do you.”  Then he let out a chuckle and it hit me like a tidal wave; I’d heard that particular laugh for the first seven years of my life and hearing it then, I was sure I would have recognized it anywhere.  We could have been in a crowded train and had I heard the laugh from the other side of the car, I would have known it was him.  I would have felt it deep within me, like I did then.  It was a sound that moved through my body, making all the hairs on my arms stand up.  “You’re both much prettier than I am, but you definitely look like me.”  He continued speaking like nothing was happening, and perhaps, for him, it wasn’t.  But I was definitely having a moment.

   “We didn’t realize you were bringing anyone with you,” Riot said. 
Thank you, Riot.
 

   “Well,” he said, reaching up and scratching his chin.  “I wasn’t planning on bringing Rachel.  She heard me talking with her mother about our meeting and I couldn’t keep her away.”  His eyes moved to me.  “She’s always known about you.  I have a picture of you in my wallet,” he said, leaning over and reaching into his back pocket, pulling it out.  “I’ve always kept it in my wallet and I’ve always shown it to Rachel, telling her about her big sister.  She’s always wanted to meet you.”  He flipped his wallet open and there I was.  Five years old.  Kindergarten.  Blonde pigtails.  That same picture had hung in the hallway of every house I’d ever lived in growing up.  Although, the picture in his wallet was faded and worn.

   It was then that Rachel sat back down in her seat, an eager smile on her face.  She looked curious and excited, and truthfully, a little wary.  I couldn’t help but smile at her, glad I wasn’t the only nervous one.

   “You’re my sister,” I said softly, testing the words out.  I’d never had a sister.  I’d dreamt of a sister, asked my mother for a sister nearly every Christmas I could remember until I realized where babies actually came from. 

   “Yeah,” she said hesitantly.  “I’m sorry to ambush your meeting, but, well, I wasn’t sure how successful your meeting with Dad was going to be, and if I only ever got one chance to meet you, I was going to take it.  So, I stole the keys to Dad’s car.”

   Before I could stop them, my eyebrows were reaching for the ceiling, impressed with her negotiation tactics.  “Smart thinking,” I said, still smiling.  “You’re almost nineteen?  So, are you in college then?”