New Beginnings (68 page)

Zach knew his friend was right, but it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He didn’t want to wait months—or God forbid years—to claim the life he wanted. “And in the meantime?”

“Keep your focus where it belongs. On your son. Your career. This business. Rebuilding a
friendship
with Rennie. Forget about dating other women—”

“You think you have to tell me that?”

Matt laughed. “Not really. If I were talking to Jaxon, it would be necessary to point that out, but not with you.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence,” Zach said, smiling. At least he wasn’t as bad as Jaxon. He treated women as if they were interchangeable. Zach didn’t want to believe he ever would have gotten to that point, but who knew what might have happened if Rennie hadn’t walked back into his life. Bitterness and resentment colored a man’s perspective, and Zach knew that’s the reason he hadn’t been willing to give any other woman a fair shot. “So you don’t think I should tell Rennie I see a future with her yet?”

“Man, it’s way too early for that.”

Zach figured his friend was right, but when he thought of the years they’d already lost, it felt as if he was ten years too late. Zach sighed. “You’re probably right. Okay, I’ll take it slow. Play it cool. See how this all plays out.”

“Let me know how things go when you tell Tyler, okay?”

“Yeah, I will.” Zach got to his feet.

“Good luck.”

“Thanks, buddy. I have a feeling I’m gonna need it.”

“Have you decided when you’re gonna tell Tyler that Zach is his dad?” Jackie whispered. They were watching their kids splashing around their parents’ pool. Mason was in the shallow end with Alyson while Tyler showed off by swimming laps.

Her parents had invited them over for a barbeque that evening, but when Rennie explained that she and Tyler had plans with Zach, her mother suggested lunch instead. Since Rennie didn’t feel like sitting around the house waiting for the seconds to tick by, counting down the hours until she would see Zach again, she agreed.

Her mother was inside making salad, insisting she didn’t need any help and her girls should just relax. Their father was manning the barbeque. The sisters had a rare moment for a little girl time, and Rennie wasn’t surprised her sister dove right in with the big question she’d no doubt been dying to ask ever since Tyler’s birthday party last weekend. “I don’t know. I spoke to Tyler’s therapist, and he thinks we should just bite the bullet and get it over with.”

Rennie reached for her sweet tea and took a sip before setting it back down on the table between them. It felt nice to stretch out on a lounger, letting the sun beat down on her. Too bad she couldn’t relax enough. Thinking about how the night would play out was at the forefront of her mind. Would Zach get tired of playing by her rules and decide tonight was the night to tell their son the truth?

“I think that’s the best thing to do,” Jackie said, blowing a kiss at her daughter when she squealed for her.

“Easy for you to say,” Rennie said. “Every time I think about it, I feel sick.”

“That’s why it’s best to get it over with. Your fear of the unknown is probably a hundred times worse than the reality.”

Rennie watched her son swim from one end of the pool to the other as his little cousin giggled and splashed. How would Tyler react when he found out the truth? Would he despise her or would he understand that she was trying to protect him? Would he be excited that the man he idolized was his
real
father, or would he be angry that Zach had missed out on the first ten years of his life? She had so many questions, yet she was too terrified of the answers to ask.

“You may be right. I just don’t know.” Tears gathered behind Rennie’s dark glasses, and she was glad her sister couldn’t see them. “My son is my whole world, sis. I couldn’t stand it if he hated me.”

“That kid could never hate you,” Jackie said, reaching for her sister’s hand. “He loves you. You’re his mom. You’re the one who’s helped him manage his diabetes, mend his scraped knees, hold his hand when he’s sick, dry his tears when he’s sad…” Jackie squeezed her sister’s hand harder when Rennie’s bottom lip trembled. “It may take him some time to sort out his feelings about this, but he will come around eventually, hon. You have to believe that.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right.” She wasn’t sure, but that’s what Jackie expected to hear. “I’m gonna see if Mom needs any help. You want anything from inside?”

“No, I think I’ll join them in the pool.”

Rennie watched her sister join her husband and daughter. They were the perfect little family, and like a dagger to the heart, it reminded her of all that Zach had missed out on with Tyler. First steps, first words, first loose tooth… moments they could never get back. Getting to know Zach again reminded her of all the reasons she’d fallen in love with him. He was a good man, responsible, compassionate, and loving. He would never have abandoned her or their child, but welcoming fatherhood with open arms and feeling duty-bound were two different things.

Needing a moment to collect herself, Rennie headed toward the house hoping she could slip into the powder room. No such luck. Her father reached for her hand when she walked past and dragged her closer for a hug. She’d always been a daddy’s girl, and when she slipped into the crook of his arm, the dam broke, and the tears she’d been holding back poured down her cheeks.

Chuck kissed the top of her head as he flipped burgers. He was a man of few words, but in moments of turmoil, his words always seemed to ease Rennie’s pain.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, sniffling. “I didn’t mean to fall apart like this.”

“You’re allowed. I guess your life seems like a bit of a mess right now, huh?”

She knew her mother would tell her father the truth, though judging by Marian’s comments at the birthday party, they’d suspected as much all along. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys the truth about—”

“You must have had your reasons, angel. I’ve never known you to lie about anything.” He chuckled. “Not even when you snuck out and took my truck in the middle of the night so you could go to that damn bush party, or whatever you kids were calling them.”

Rennie smiled. That had been the only time she ever broke the rules, and even though she hadn’t gotten caught, she’d come clean with her parents the next morning and accepted her punishment without argument just so she could ease her guilty conscience. “Living with this lie was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I didn’t know what else to do. Zach didn’t want to be a father to Tyler, and Nathan did. He loved my son, and my son loved him.”

“Nathan was a good man,” Chuck said, “and a good father.”

“Are you saying you think I made the right decision, not telling Tyler and Zach the truth sooner?” Rennie asked, looking up at her father.

His expression was grim, his lips pulled in a tight line. “I didn’t say that. I think you should have been honest with Zach. He had a right to know he was gonna be a daddy, Ren.”

“But he didn’t want to be,” she cried, grateful no one was around to hear her outburst. “I heard him tell Kevin he didn’t want kids for years and he’d felt pressured into marrying me. How could I tell him the truth knowing he would only stay with me and our son out of obligation?”

“That doesn’t sound like Zach,” Chuck said, frowning.

“Had I not heard it with my own ears, I wouldn’t have believed it either. But he said it, and I have no doubt he meant it.”

“How does he feel about being a father now?” Chuck asked, plating half a dozen hamburgers. “Is he ready to step up and be the father Tyler needs?”

“He says he is.” Rennie slipped out from under her father’s arm and reached for the plate.

“Do you believe him?”

“I want to.” Rennie would never admit how much she wanted to believe that Zach would never do anything to hurt their child, but trust didn’t come easily. He’d broken her heart once; she couldn’t allow him to break Tyler’s heart.

“But you’re not sure if you can?” Chuck asked, facing her.

“I’m not sure of anything anymore. I know that Tyler needs to know the truth, but I’m not going to lie—I’m scared to death of the fallout.”

“You’re one of the bravest people I know.” Her father kissed her head. “Dig deep and find the courage to make things right, angel. You won’t know a moment’s peace until you do.”

Her father was right. It was time to make peace with her past.
Tonight.

***

Rennie stared at her reflection as she waited for Zach to arrive. He’d texted her to say he’d pick up steak and shrimp for dinner, so she just had to prepare the twice baked potatoes, tossed salad, and fresh fruit for dessert.

She had time to obsess about her appearance. She’d chosen a simple black and white sundress and black and silver flip-flops. She’d applied a dusting of makeup and blow dried her hair until it fell in soft waves around her shoulders. She was going for casual, but she feared he may be able to see that she was trying too hard.

Hearing him say he still thought she was prettiest girl he’d ever known made her want to live up to his praise. Looking at herself in the mirror, she saw the subtle signs of aging in the fine lines fanning out from her eyes and bracketing her mouth. She was no longer a fresh-faced teen, and for a man who could have any woman he wanted, Zach was doing a very good job at making her believe he still wanted her. But was that because they shared a son and he wanted to do what he felt was right, or was he still as attracted to her as she was to him?

“Hey, Mom, I set the table. Can I go outside and wait for Zach now?” Tyler peeked his head inside her bedroom door. “Hey, you look pretty.”

“Thanks, honey,” she said, smiling at him in the mirror. “You look nice too.” He’d wanted to pick out his own clothes. He’d chosen a white Nike T-shirt and black athletic shorts, but at least he’d combed his hair when he got out of the shower.

Tyler stepped into the room hesitantly. He walked to his mother’s bed and sat down. “So, you still like Zach or what?”

Rennie had been expecting that question after her son learned about her history with the pitcher, but she’d hoped she could talk to Zach first so they could decide together how they would handle the conversation. “Sure, I do. He’s nice guy. Don’t you think so?”

Tyler rolled her eyes. “You know I do, Mom. But I’m asking what you think of him.”

“And I just told you. I like him.” Rennie reached into her jewelry box and selected a pair of freshwater pearl earrings. She slipped them in and hoped Tyler would let the subject of Zach rest for a while.

“You think you guys’ll start dating?”

Rennie knew the subject of her dating other men would come up eventually, but she never thought the man in question would be Zach. Fate certainly had a wicked sense of humor. “We’re just getting to know each other again. How would you feel about it if I started dating Zach?” She knew asking that question before Tyler knew the whole story wasn’t fair, but she was curious.

Tyler shrugged and fixed his gaze on the patterned area rug beneath his bare feet. “I don’t know. I used to think it’d be weird to see you with anybody but Dad, but I really like Zach. He’s cool, ya know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Rennie smiled. “Well, I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Zach and I aren’t there yet, and I don’t know if we ever will be. Why don’t we just enjoy dinner and let the future take care of itself?”

The doorbell rang, and Tyler jumped up. “I’ll get it.”

Rennie stole one last look in the mirror and smoothed a trembling hand over her dress as she took a deep breath. No matter the outcome, her life would never be the same. Zach would want to be a part of Tyler’s life with visitation rights, or maybe even shared custody. She would have to step aside. That, she knew, would be the hardest part. She made her way out to the foyer slowly to give Tyler a few moments alone to greet Zach.

“Hey,” Zach said, his eyes sweeping over her as his smile widened. “You look great.”

“Thanks. So do you.” He was wearing faded jeans and a white, short-sleeved button-down shirt with a discreet designer logo on the pocket. The summer sun had darkened his skin and lightened his hair a shade or two, much like Tyler’s.

“Um, Tyler, can you put that in the fridge?” she asked, pointing at the bag in Zach’s hand. She was trying hard to ignore the dozen white roses in his hand. They’d ordered hundreds of white roses for their wedding, and even though Zach wanted color, she insisted on white roses because they were her favorite.

“These are for you,” he said when Tyler left the room.

“You shouldn’t have.” She accepted them with a smile. It wasn’t easy to smile when her heart was breaking. She didn’t often allow herself to think about the fairy-tale wedding they’d planned. She and Nathan had married in a civil ceremony, just the two of them and two witnesses. She told him she didn’t want a big production, but the truth was she couldn’t bring herself to recreate her fantasy wedding.

“I hope I made the right call.” He glanced at the flowers. “I thought of getting something else, something that wouldn’t remind you of…” He sighed. “But I risked it because I knew these were your favorite.” He looked hesitant. “That’s if they still are?”

“They are.” She offered him a reassuring smile to let him know she appreciated the gesture almost as much as she appreciated the fact he understood they couldn’t pretend the past had never happened. She wasn’t ready to let go of it, and she certainly wasn’t ready to forget the wonderful years she’d spent with Nathan. What she felt with Zach was different, more intense, but she wouldn’t allow that to negate her feelings for her husband. Nathan was a good man. He had earned her trust, proven to her that he would always be there for her, and never let her down.

“Nice house.” Zach looked uncomfortable when she got lost in her thoughts. “It suits you.”

“Thanks,” she said, stepping back to welcome him inside. Rennie had bought the house with Nathan’s life insurance money. It was a small three-bedroom ranch-style house with a small vegetable garden and a few flower beds. It had a fenced backyard in case she ever decided to get Tyler that dog, and it was close to her parents, Jackie, and Tyler’s school. It wasn’t big and luxurious like Zach’s house, but it was perfect for them.