Authors: MJ Fields
She looked at him, and he was pale.”You okay?”
He shook his head no, and she got up and grabbed him some water.
“Drink please.”
Lucas got up and walked to the bathroom and threw up.
“Oh
, you’re sick?”
He didn’t answer
right away and then sat back, “No Tessa. I’m not sick. I just can’t do this shit.”
She handed him a cup of
water, “Rinse and spit.”
She got his toothbrush and put paste on it, “Brush”.
He rinsed and spit in the toilet. She knelt down, wiped his face, sat next to him, and held his hand. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arm around them and put his head down. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders as he took deep breaths.
Alex walked in
and saw them, “Oh sorry, everything okay?”
“Sure is. Lucas
and I will be out in a few minutes.”
She hated seeing him like this. As hard as it was for her, she knew he was never going to be able to escape Sadi. She couldn’t imagine what he must be going through.
His phone chimed.
“Can I get that?”
He shook his head yes.
“It’s Sadi
, she says,” Tessa laughed. “You off the farm yet? How do you sign your name for her?”
“Just L,” he answered in barely a whisper.
-Nope stuck here until my birthday, sorry…L
She pushed send, and kept on replying,
-Are you fucking kidding me? Sadi
-no, nothing I can do about it but move to Jers
ey, can you deal with that?...L
-you better not be fucking her…
Sadi
-told you I wasn’t. H
ow many weeks pregnant are you? Are you taking vitamins and folic acid?…L
-fourteen weeks, and not yet why?...
Sadi
-it’
s important, for our child, I’ll pick up some stuff before school see you tomorrow…L
-as if you care…
Sadi
-I think we both should care if our child is healthy…L
-Did you set up counseling or whatever that shit is we need to go to…Sadi
-working on it will know more tomorrow, Dr.’s appointment?…L
-will let you know, better behave or no go…Sadi
-I will…L
“Hope you don’t mind,” she said and read it to him.
He cleared his throat, “Thanks
, Tessa”.
“Do you
want to be alone?”
“No--please stay.”
Lucas scooted behind her and hugged her, resting his forehead against her shoulder. Tessa rubbed his head and kissed his cheek. After a long time, he kissed her neck.
“Thank you
, Baby.”
Her heart pounded, and she turned to him and smiled.
“Anytime BUD. You feel better?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Ready to get up?”
“I
need a shower.”
“No a
bath,” she turned on the water putting oatmeal in it.
Tessa sat on the edge of the tub and mixed it up with her feet.
Lucas watched her and wished things were different, but at least he had her now.
“Time to get
in,” she pulled him up.
He kissed her head; “You’re the best Tessa.”
She turned to walk out as he dropped his pants.
“Hey
Lucas,” she turned around; she smiled as she looked at him.
“Yes Tessa?
” he stood gloriously naked.
“Wow
… I’ve never seen it like that. Nice, Lucas,” Tessa walked by and grabbed him a washcloth, “Here you go.”
~
She was on the couch when he came out with a towel wrapped around him. He threw the washcloth at her face and ran up the stairs. Lucas came back down with pajama bottoms and a tee shirt on and sat next to her.
“Wa
nt to talk about it?”
He looked at her confused.
“Not really, but thank you,” Lucas said. “Why did you do that?”
“What
? Check out your junk?” she laughed.
“No
, I totally get why you’d want to sneak a peek,” Lucas laughed and then looked away, “The website stuff, order the books, talk me through it, and respond to her texts? Why?”
“Gee
, I thought you were intelligent. I like to help my friends through difficult situations,” Tessa nudged him
“Alright
then.”
“Do you think
Sadi will let me be there when your baby is born?” Tessa asked trying not to smile.
“Someone better be, I’
ll more than likely be on the floor,” he kissed the top of her head and stood up. “Thanks again. I’m going to bed.”
~
“Tessa what’s going on?” Alex asked.
“Reality just hit I think, he’
s going to need you and Tommy, Alex. He’s been alone for most of his life and taken care of his Mom when it should have been the other way around. Lucas has a good heart. I love him, and I need him to be okay. I think the only way he will be is if he has people who love him and let him know his true worth. His shield Alex, is the cocky arrogant ass everyone sees… that’s not who he is, not even a little bit. It’s just who he has had to be so he doesn’t fall apart,” Tessa said with tears in her eyes.
“Tessa I
think he’s a good guy, but… I’m worried about you,” Alex sat next to her.
“I have all of you. I’
m strong, I may screw up, but I’ll always be okay.”
~
For the next few weeks, Lucas saw Tessa‘s strength. He was gaining strength from her, but he couldn’t wait to go home. Tessa needed to move on: she was the most amazing friend he had ever had, besides Tommy. He knew what was coming and it crushed him knowing he was going to crush her. Lucas knew how much she loved him, and he wanted better for her. She deserved better than him. There were no more make out sessions, they occasionally held hands and hugged. She kissed him on the cheek and head when she knew he was struggling. As much as he wanted to be strong for her: it wasn’t happening while he was under the same roof as she was. He needed her. He wanted her in his life. He loved her…and he always would.
On Saturday
, Lucas got his first deer, a big eight point. Tessa smiled when she found out
.
On Sundays
, he went to church with her family, part as a condition of him staying with them and part because he loved to see her shine. He had basketball after school, and she had play practice at night. They only saw each other for a couple hours a day. She went to her mother’s on Wednesdays, and he and Sadi went to counseling on Thursday nights. Counseling didn’t seem to be helping, but it was an excuse to be away from Tessa. He hoped that the distance would help what would inevitably become of them. On Fridays he had games, she sat in the bleachers and cheered he and Alex on, those nights he didn’t come home until late. He hung out with Alex and Tommy if they weren’t with their girls. If they were, he chilled with Becca’s adopted brother Ryan. Ryan was cool, a few years back he and Jade’s brother Jasper were best friends, he had been pretty messed up about the loss.
On Saturday night
, Tessa and Lucas still worked at the Spot. It was snowmobile season and the place was busy all the time. Tessa sang less and was returning to her pre-Lucas self. She was a little quieter and more guarded around the opposite sex. Lucas’s mother was getting better; she had been sober for two months now, which was a record for her. Tessa set her alarm on her phone every night to wake up at two in the morning, she forced herself to get out of bed, drink warm milk, go to the bathroom and wash her face. About once a week (sometimes more), Lucas would sneak in and turn it off just so he could hold her and kiss her until she got through her nightmare. Those mornings she seemed a little happier, and he was as well.
~
Before Thanksgiving Tessa made a whole turkey dinner by herself so that Lucas could eat with their family before he went to Jersey with his. She wanted him to know he was family, and she couldn’t imagine spending a holiday without the people she loved. That kind gesture hurt him but he knew it wasn’t meant to.
Toby came home to visit, and he and Tessa hung out a lot.
Lucas liked him and often found himself watching his interaction with Tessa. He was kind and gentle with her. He didn’t push her into anything. Tessa was very relaxed with him around.
After his basketball game
, Lucas came home and found Tessa asleep against Toby’s chest. Her mascara was smeared down her face, and Toby was looking at her when Lucas walked in the room.
“Hello,”
Lucas said to Toby as he passed the couch and walked into the bathroom.
When
Lucas walked out Toby asked him to sit, and Lucas did.
“How are you
Lucas?”
“I’
m alright and you?” Lucas asked uncomfortably.
“I
know what’s gone on here for the past few months. I know how she feels about you. And I know how you feel about her,” Toby said.
“What makes you think …”
Lucas stated and Toby interrupted.
“
Lucas, I’m not trying to make this hard on you or start an argument. I wanted you to know that I think what you’re doing is honorable. I also know that this living situation has got to be extremely hard on both of you. I know you wouldn’t choose this for her or yourself. She’s worried about you being alone. I agree with her, these people care about you. John wants you to stay Lucas, just until your mom gets home.”
“
This is uncomfortable, Toby…”
“It’s not,” Toby said softly.
“Yes it is! I see her walking on egg shells in her own house! I hear her cry when she’s in the shower, she cleans all the damn time to avoid sitting down for two minutes, and I know it’s because she’s dying inside. I know this because I’m dying right along with her. Her family is amazing, but just like her, they’re putting me first…” he said fighting tears.
“That’s love…” Toby interrupted.
“Yes I get that. And I love her just as much. I’m not staying, she needs to heal, and I need to let her,” Lucas stood up.
“Okay, I get it. Either way you are both going to hurt. This one right here will str
uggle through and be fine. She’s strong Lucas, but she needs you to be, too. She needs you to be safe and happy. If not, she’s going to have a very hard go of this, and so will you. I love her Lucas, if she chose you tomorrow I would have no problem walking away knowing she would have what she wanted. I know you’re a good man, and not just because she says so, but because I see it in you. I just wanted you to know that,” Toby said softly.
“Thank you
.”
Lucas
looked at Tessa and ran his hands through his hair and walked up the stairs to bed.
~
Christmastime was always exciting; the Ross family had many traditions that were new to Lucas. Each person got a new ornament with their name on it or something that reflected whatever their passion was for the year. Tessa made Lucas an ornament with a football and a crown. On the bottom, she used a paint pen and wrote
Christmas with the Ross family
on it. They had the Christmas pickle, the elf on the shelf, the nativity scene displayed in their front yard and an advent calendar that each person had a special day or rather rotation of days that they got to switch the calendar and received a small treat or trinket for their day.
There were two trees and presents piled up high under them. They all had personalized stockings
that they had since birth. Lights and candles adorned every room inside and outside the farm house. Tessa bought both Lucas and Chewy personalized stockings. Lucas thought their traditions were beautiful but not nearly as beautiful as the girl he loved more and more everyday.
Lucas
was loading his car with gifts for his sisters, Audrianna, and his father. Tessa stood outside freezing in shorts and a sweater helping him. Tessa laughed whenever he grumbled about the amount of stuff she made him buy for the girls. She had sent him with presents for them that needed to be opened
as soon as they woke up
. He promised her he would. When he was about to leave she jumped on him and wrapped her arms and legs around him and hugged him and kissed his face in a very obnoxious sloppy manner.
“Drive safe and text me when you get there
Lucas, have a Merry Christmas.”
He smiled and kissed her gently on the mouth. He pulled away, and her eyes were closed, she opened them and he grabbed her face.
“Merry Christmas Tessa, I love you.” he got into his SUV and pulled away.
She stood rubbing her lips gently as he pulled down the road out of sight.
Tessa went inside, just like she did when he left for Thanksgiving, went upstairs and cried. She loved him desperately but knew she had to stay strong for him. The emptiness she felt now had a lot to do with the fact she knew he would be moving home in a week, and she wouldn’t see him nearly as much. She was afraid to lose him again even though she knew she already had. Tessa fell asleep crying.