Authors: Jennifer Loren
“If everyone listened to their hearts then the whole world would be full of morons.”
Ashlen laughs, “not if they listened to what their heart was truly saying. The fools are those that force themselves to believe that their wants and desires are the same thing as what their heart needs.”
“And how do you know that my heart needs her and it’s not just me desiring her?”
“I suspect you have desired before, you know the difference.” Huffing I shake my head at her absurdity. “Well if I’m wrong at least you will be able to go on with your life and not have to worry about her at all. If something happens to her, you will never have to know, it makes it a lot easier if you never know. You can pretend that she’s perfectly happy and fine when in reality she may meet up with another Kevin, alone and no one to stop him this time.”
‘Ashlen! Please…”
“I’m sorry, I guess I should mind my own business. It’s hard for me to believe how much had to happen for you two to find each other again and then to not even try to understand why … it’s a shame.” She sighs and hugs me good-bye.
Staring off into nowhere, I fight the restless feelings raging inside of me.
I know I have it. I
have not
looked at it since
I have
been here but
it is
always with me.
Whatever it decides
… Working my way into my bag I feel for the little leather pouch that has held my heart for some time. It’s worn and faded but holding up strong. I admire it until I can work up enough courage to open it, letting the small broken locket fall into my hand.
If
it’s
not hers then
I am
doing the right thing.
Staring at it, I inhale fully before turning the locket over to read the back and seeing the delicate etched letters scratched and worn but still easily legible,
L.K.
“Lillah Kelley,” I whispered. I would have never imagined seeing her again. The girl that captured me from the moment I looked into her eyes and now I am letting that undeniably perfect feeling go out of fear.
I am lying to myself, I
cannot
go on not knowing where she is or if
she is
safe. At least
if
she’s
in my life I know. I should have … I need … her.
Standing up with the dizzying thoughts swirling in my head I finally give in and run.
My heart beats even faster as soon I see the cabin. Running up the stairs of the patio, I take hold of the doorknob with excitement.
Locked?
“Ava, open the door!” I yelled knocking and preparing to convince her to give me another chance, until I hear her crying. “I can hear you.”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” she screamed.
I smile as I lay my forehead against the door.
Stubborn ....
“Please Ava.”
“No, I don’t want to see you. Go home Sean.”
“Ava damn it! Open the door I need to talk to you.”
“Talk then!”
“I am not going to talk to you through this door. Open it!” Trying the window, I am left disappointed and even more frustrated.
“I am not opening that damn door Sean … OR the window!”
She is so fucking stubborn, she really needs to work on that.
There has to be something I can use to pry this door open.
Taking notice of the beams above me, I make my plan. “Ava I am asking you, no I am pleading with you, please open this door or I am going to break it down.”
“Sean! No! I am not opening the fucking door!” She screamed back.
“Alright then. Get away from the door!” Reaching up I grab the beam and kick the damn door in, busting the lock clear off. I walk in tall as she sits wide eye.
“What the hell were you thinking?” She yelled at me.
“I told you I would break the door down if you didn’t open it.” Her eyes red and strained hold the same pain I was feeling.
I want to kiss her so bad.
She gets up shoving me away from her before turning her back towards me. “Ignore me if you want but I have something to say to you, actually I have something for you, something I have been saving for a long time to give back to you.” She continues to ignore me while I handle my little pouch. Taking out her locket and stretching my arm out over her shoulder, I adjust my hand in front of her face and open it to the let the locket gently fall in front of her. A sparkle forms against the gleaming metal causing her to take notice. Her gasps are broken as she takes hold of the locket and turns to me in shock. “I guess our first meeting did mean something to me too.” Her eyes soften as she searches my eyes for more. “I can’t let you go Ava, not again, not without trying.” I said wiping away the remaining tears from her face, her beautiful blue eyes smiling right into mine. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I can’t let you go.” Her smile takes form fully as she rolls up on her toes meeting my lips with teasing softness and complete acceptance. I embrace her with every part of my body, feeling the same happiness I felt for the first time on that cold New York night so long ago.
A
fter I arrive home, I have a mix of happiness and pain. Happiness to finally be home and pain knowing she will not be here. I will sleep alone tonight for the first time in days and it feels strange.
“So I bet you’re glad to be back home? Some vacation you ended up with.” Ethan said with a sarcastic chuckle as if he had imagined the misery I must have gone through.
“I guess,” I said staring out my living room window, watching the water crash against the rocks of my pool.
“I have your schedule here, you are set to …,” I didn’t here another word he said after that. It doesn’t matter he’s just going to tell me again the day before and again the morning of and again hour by hour right before until it gets down to the minutes prior. Ethan is wonderful at keeping my life straight but sometimes he is annoying as hell.
“Sean! Are you listening to a word I am saying?” Ethan sighs, exasperated with my obvious indifference.
“No, not really,” I turn to face him confirming his accusation even more defiantly.
Ethan slaps his notebook down sitting back with a superior look on his face. “Okay, what the hell is going on with you? You have barely said a word since I picked you up. Is there something wrong? Do you need a break that bad? If so tell me and I will make sure you will be able to take a breather, I think I can free you up by December.”
“I think that’s a good idea.”
“Really?” Ethan breaks away from his superior attitude and begins typing frantically on his laptop. “Okay where do you want to go on this breather? If I go ahead and start planning now I can have it all setup and planned for when you are ready to leave. Give me a few ideas of what you want and I will get some options together for you.”
Ignoring me, he begins making notes. “Ethan you don’t need to make any notes or whatever shit you do. I already have it figured out and planned.”
“Hotel reservations and everything?”
“I don’t need any.”
“What?” He asked standing up with his arms folded, strolling warily closer to me and ready to talk me out of whatever I am planning. “What kind of place doesn’t take reservations? Sean you did not buy another house did you? Because I really wish you would talk to me before you do those kinds of things. I still can’t believe you bought that car, the death trap …”
“Ethan! I did not buy anything and stop acting as if you have to baby me. I can take care of myself.”
“Where are you going then Sean?”
He
is not
going to believe this.
“I am going to Atlanta,” I said looking back at his face to judge his reaction.
“Atlanta? Georgia?”
I laugh, “Yes, Ethan.”
“I don’t understand. That’s not a place you usually go to relax and get away from everyone. In fact, they are almost as crowded as L.A. That’s the worse place for you to go. You might as well stay here at home and save yourself the travel time.”
“You might want to sit down,” I said motioning to the sofas. Ethan uneasily sits while I sit across from him stretching out and rubbing my face. “I am going there to stay with someone.” I pause searching for the right words and details. “Or rather, to be with someone and she lives in Atlanta so that’s why I need to go there.”
Watching him, I can tell exactly when things begin to click for him. “This is pretty sudden, considering you have been on a small populated, working island since I last saw you and I know you weren’t thinking about this before you left, otherwise, you would have gone there in the first place. So I am wondering who in the world could you have possibly met on this island that would turn your whole demeanor and …,” he said waving his hands at me. “And basically seem to have changed you completely.” He pauses as he begins to laugh and relax into the sofa. “The architect? Right? The one Mom was so desperate for you to meet?”
“Yes.” I reluctantly admit.
He gets up and strolls to the bar, chuckling under his breath. “So what are you going to tell Mom? She is going to be unbearable when she finds out she was right.”
“You are going to have to help me with that one.” He hands me a drink and sits back down across from me.
“I don’t think so. You are on your own with that one little brother.” He says cheerfully raising his glass to me with an annoying smile before drinking. “So?” He said motioning for me to continue.
“Soooo…? I furrowed my brows.
“Details Sean, I want to know details. I am your brother, I should get that much.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Fuck Sean. Okay start with what she looks like. Don’t give me that look. You don’t have to give me private details just the highlights.”
Sighing.
“Okay,” I sit back staring off into space, picturing her in my head and smiling. “Well she’s a redhead for starters, long gorgeous soft red hair.” I chuckle at the thoughts of me ever being with a redhead. Leaning deeper into my chair, “beautiful sapphire blue eyes, soft innocent face, kissable pouty lips, and an incredible body …” My smile becomes uncontrollably wide. “Long legs, great ass and perfect breasts and the cutest belly button, that I can’t get enough of and so fucking smart it’s painful but wonderful all at the same time and just as stubborn as beautiful.” I take a drink with the goofiest smile on my face that I would not have realized if Ethan had not cleared his throat waking me up out of my fantasy. Ethan laughs at me again and I roll my eyes at his obvious enjoyment of the situation. “Don’t make me get out of this chair asshole.”
“I’m sorry but I have never seen you like this. You’re a pile of mush, all soft and dreamy.” Leaning back comfortably into my sofa, he continues to laugh. I tense, mumbling under my breath things I can do to him to get him to shut up. “I’m sorry, no more laughter I promise. So was it love at first sight? Did you run across the runway and twirl her in your arms and run every day in fields of flowers ….” Within a second I am holding him down with a threat of pounding on him until he stops laughing. “Okay, okay!” He said still laughing, of course.
“You’re a fucking prick. You know that right?” I said sitting back down.
“I know but I owe you. I seem to remember getting similar criticism from you, if you recall?
I do remember and I guess he does owe me but I will never admit it to him.
I continue explaining how Ava was the girl in New York years ago but his eyes widen when I explain our living situation on the island.
“So you had sex the first night?” Ethan smiles wide at my narrowing eyes. “Oh come on get to the good part. I know you and there is no way in hell you spent that much time alone with that girl and didn’t have sex repeatedly.” Glaring holes through him, “you didn’t? Bullshit! You described her body like you were up close and extremely personal.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“I’m sure it isn’t.”
“It wasn’t like that!” I yelled as he raises his hands up in defense. “Yes we had sex … eventually, and it was the best sex I have ever had in my life. There is something more though and I don’t understand it right now but I’m going to try, we’re going to try to figure it out but I don’t want anyone to know about her.” I sit up straight looking him in the eyes. “Ethan seriously no one. I don’t want her to deal with the relentless bullshit she would have to go through, not yet at least, not until we know.”
“I will take care of it.”
“I need to get through these next few months, until I can see her again. I am going to have to get used to dating by phone for awhile. Which reminds me, do you know when you had her flight scheduled?”
He looks at his watch with a yawn, “ummm yea she should be back home within the next hour. You know I should have known as soon as you asked me to help her get home.” He shakes his head at my admitting smile. “Well I need to get home myself. Thanks for the great story and I am happy for you.” He paused smiling bastardly again. “I think you have everything you need for tomorrow. Call me if something comes up before I see you next.”
“Ethan! I do need your help with something.” I pause battling with myself. “I need you to check on someone for me.”
I know I
should not
be asking him to do this but I have to.
“I need to find out about a man who was convicted for rape and kidnapping in New York.” Ethan nods, knowing that without my even saying to keep it between us.
After saying goodbye to my brother and taking my bags upstairs to my room, I find the leather pouch and pull out her locket, pinning it to my bedside lamp.
I
can’t
believe she let me keep it but it means more now than it ever did.
I
called Kyle from Miami to let him know I am on my way and promised to call when I landed. I, of course, did not once I was aware of the driver that awaited me thanks to Sean. The man gathered my bags and led me to a luxury car helping me in as he packs my bags away. He already knows exactly where to go, allowing me to sit back, relax, and drift back to my memories. Once I arrive home, the driver helps me out of the car and carries my bags to my door and avoiding my tip, again thanks to Sean. As soon as I open the door, two overzealous dogs and an anxious Kyle greet me.