Authors: Jennifer Loren
“What was with the cute toe stand? I hope that wasn’t supposed to intimidate me because it was way too cute,” he said wrapping his arm around me and taking hold of my butt fully in his hand.
“Now I expect you naked and in bed with me in five minutes.” Abruptly he pulls me in close and tastes my lips. “Got it?” He lets go of me, smacks me on the butt and laughs at my shocked gasp. “You better not have anything on when you get in this bed or I am going to rip it off you. “ He yelled out to me as he cleans up our bed.
I simply do not have it in me to obey on command. At first I was not sure what I was going to do but then I remember something I had found during my scavenge earlier through the cabin. I wait until his huffs become more directed and impatient before meandering out in front of him with the largest, puffiest and certainly the ugliest green coat I have ever seen. With a knowing smile, I fight my laughter at his expected exasperated expression.
“What do you think?” I said twisting and turning to give him a full view.
His stern concentrating eyes take in more than an eyeful before narrowing at me. “Where in the hell did you get that?”
“I found it when I was being nosy the other day, it must be one of the scientists that stay here. I think they come down from Michigan in the winter. Cool huh?” I nod with a slight smirk.
“It’s hideous.”
“Really, I rather like it. I think I am going to wear it to bed.”
“No Ava. Don’t you get into this bed with that thing on. I’m warning you,” he said watching me walk slowly towards the bed, pull back the covers, and glance at his stiff awaiting posture. “Don’t you do it, I’m not playing with you.” I ease my way into the bed exaggerating my movements, lifting my foot and then touching the bed lightly, up again and I let it hover over the ruffled sheet while his hidden expression gives him away. He forces his laugh in the opposite direction and I take the opportunity to jump in laughing aloud, as he quickly takes hold of me and tugs at the zipper of my coat. “This coat is so big I can barely find you in it.” He laughs struggling with the zipper and fighting my hands to get control. “This damn thing won’t move!” He yelled laughing harder at the busted zipper.
“Good, I am keeping it on all-night!”
“The hell you are!” He said taking his hands off the zipper and feeling underneath the coat. “I will pull you out of this thing if I have too.” He tickles me to get me to release my grip until he is able to pull the coat right over my head. “Finally!” He leans down kissing my stomach and dragging his smiling face up slowly between my breasts to my awaiting lips. “Now this is much better.”
Huffing I surrender into his arms, “fine, you win.”
“That’s right I win and you should remember that.”
T
he sun rises bright and beaming through the cabin’s windows making it too tempting to pass up. Carefully I maneuver out from under his arm leaving him naked and safely tucked in bed with a kiss before my early morning run. My body feels so renewed and so alive this morning that I think I could run to Atlanta from here without even touching the water along the way. However, my early excitement soon gives way to fear and my joyful run turns into an investigation of the airfield, confirming my suspicions. The airfield reconstruction has already begun and is close to being finished from the sight of it.
“They’re almost done,” I turn to see Ashlen smiling a concerned smile.
“Maybe another storm will come or maybe we can call Sean’s mother and have her send another plane to crash,” I cringe with a sarcastic laugh.
“You have to go back to your lives sooner or later.” Ashlen sighs at my tense expression. “You are going to continue seeing each other after you leave?”
“We discussed it, he wants me to move to Los Angeles but I can’t leave my firm and with his filming schedule he wouldn’t have time to see me much anyway. Not to mention, I can’t afford to live out there alone and he nearly had a panic attack when I asked about living with him. Not that I expected him to act any different, I am not ready for that either. I will be fine as long as I can talk to him and know that I am going to see him again at some point.”
“If you’re so fine, then why don’t you look it?” Ashlen asks knowing my fear before she even asks. My confessions to her the other day helped me but I can’t imagine she truly understands.
“Nerves I guess. Sean brought up how to act in front of the media last night and for some reason it never occurred to me who he is until that moment. The last time I dealt with the news media was during Spencer’s trial and they were relentless. Everything he did to me, they only made worse by reminding me of it whenever they could get the chance. They are the reason I had to hide in the first place, they needed a story, so whenever he asked they gave him my whereabouts. I was afraid to leave my house, afraid to answer the phone and now even though I am still hiding from him, I have somewhat of a life. I don’t think I could ever go through all that again.”
“But this time it’s not because of something horrible that has happened to you but because of something wonderful, it’s because of Sean. Is he not worth it?”
“He is wonderful, I would do anything for him including go back to therapy to help me deal with these crazy celebrity reporters,” I smile feeling her reassuring hug.
“Okay let’s get back to enjoying this beautiful weather.” Ashlen said as we turn around only to see him leaning against a tree, watching us. “Well good morning, Sean.”
“Good morning. Do you mind if I talk to Ava alone for a few minutes?” He said holding his solemn gaze on me. Ashlen agrees leaving me alone with him and the sudden awkwardness between us.
“What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I heard your conversation with Ashlen, not purposely, I was looking for you, and then I overheard what you said.”
“I didn’t say anything that would cause you to be upset with me.”
“I’m not upset with you. I am concerned about you and saying you are going to go to therapy just to date me? The media scares you that much? Ava do you even understand what you’re getting into with me?” Nodding I reach for his hand and seek comfort in his arms. “What are you doing?” He sighs, “Ava I care about you so much, I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I’m not going to get hurt.”
“I don’t know what to do, a few minutes ago I could barely touch the ground I was so happy and now I … I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what?” I grip his hands feeling my heart pound, waiting for the ground to fall out from under me.
“You see the runway. I came out here after I got a message from my brother, telling me my flight plans for tomorrow.”
“What about me and … and Gavin …”
“There’s a boat coming to take you to the main island so you can catch a flight home.” Sean holds my face towards his and with a soft smile, he waits for me to look at him. “Ava my time with you here has been amazing.”
“What are you doing?” He stands silently and I jerk my hands away from him. “I thought. I thought you liked me.”
“I do! I think you’re the most incredible woman I have ever met.”
“Then why are you saying good-bye?”
“Ava … I’m not saying good-bye. I’m going to let you make the decision. If you want to see me after this place, then we will.” I watch his eyes turn serious as he holds me in place. “But being with me Ava isn’t going to be easy for you, with your past and the reporters following my every move. They will eat up your story in a heartbeat and next thing you know you will have to relive it all over again. Every time they see you with me, it will come up. I did not even consider it until I overheard your conversation with Ashlen. He doesn’t know where you are but he will, as soon as you step off this island by my side.”
“No Sean, they won’t be able to find me. I have made sure of it and you can make sure they …”
“Baby you can’t possibly believe that I can control what they report or when they follow me or don’t. I’m struggling with this like you don’t know Ava but I can’t see it working so you don’t end up suffering.”
“We don’t have to let anyone know.”
“How Ava? How in the world can we possibly?”
“They don’t know you’re here with me now.”
“So we are going to run and hide every time we want to be together. Is that what you want? You want me to sneak you in through back doors and hallways and never let you outside until after I’m able to leave?” I nod fighting my tears. “No you don’t Ava! What kind of life is that? You can have so much better with someone who can take care of you daily and be there for you without all the extra eyes judging your every move.” I pull away, hiding my eyes as he reaches for me and not allowing me to push him away this time. “Please don’t cry.”
“I care about you so much, please don’t push me away.”
“Damn it! Ava!” He screamed startling me. “This is why I didn’t want to get involved with you in the first place.” Stunned by his sudden anger I stop crying.” Ava, no I mean … Fuck! I don’t know what I mean.” He paces away from me fisting his hair. “I want you to be happy and safe and.” Swallowing hard, I watch as he paces back to me and takes me in his arms once again. “Baby you know no matter how hard we try you’re going to end up hurt. That crazy fuck is going to end up finding you and all because you’re with me and because the relentless photographers and reporters who want nothing more than the next big story.” Sean leans down and kisses me on the head. “I have loved every second I have spent with you, even when you hated me. I want nothing more than to continue being together after this place but no matter how much we both want it to work, all I can think is that I am going to end up hurting you even more.” He said inhaling deep and forcing a strong stance. “I won’t do that Ava. I couldn’t live with myself if I caused you that kind of pain?”
“But it wouldn’t be because of you, not if it’s my decision. And it is my decision and I know full well what I am getting myself into and I am willing to take the chance if you are?”
“It’s an easy decision for me, my life doesn’t change much at all.”
“Well there you go we both made our decisions and we’re not going to say good-bye. We keep casual and quiet and then maybe I can come see you or …”
Sean pulls me tight into his chest, “You don’t know how many times I have thought about you coming to see me. Being able to show you my house or even take you to my hideaway house and keep you in my bed for days.” He sighs with a lingering
but
hanging in the air around us. “You’re going to hate me.”
“Is it better to say good-bye to me or to worry about me possibly hating you one day?”
“I don’t know.” His honesty catches me off guard and for the first time I feel his pain.
“This is a new relationship for both of us, it’s hard to say where it’s going or if it’s going anywhere, I understand that. But I think we owe it to each other to do our best to keep quiet and see where it goes at least. We can talk on the phone and maybe meet up at your hideaway house.” I smile an encouraging smile at him, which he returns with a concerned one. “Or you could try and sneak away to see me, my house is under someone else’s name. I have taken great care in making sure Spencer can never find me, if you can make it there I know no one could find you either.” Holding him and kissing him, I try my best to reassure him. “Plus all my neighbors are senior citizens with bad hearing and bad eyesight and they have never heard of you or your stupid web site. So you could sit on my front porch all-day everyday Mr. Grant and they would simply think I am dating an out of work bum.” I smile wide causing him to break his concern with a laugh. “Okay?” He nods reaching in to take my lips in with his.
We try to make the best of our day but no matter how hard we try the knowing sits heavy in the back of our minds. Sean tossed and turned all-night, I could feel his worry and it made me worry even more about him. And when the time came, I do my best to fight the tears but as I watch him slowly making his way out the door, I force myself to ask, “wait.” His sullen eyes turn to me as I take his hand. With a deep breath, “if you were me what decision would you have made?”
Before he answers I see it in his eyes and I drop his hand as he leans in pressing his lips to my forehead. “I would have said good-bye Ava … you should say good-bye to me.” I push him away trembling. “It’s not fair to you, my life, I chose it, but you choose to live secluded and away from the limelight. We couldn’t be more opposite in the lives we lead.”
“You don’t even want to try, do you?”
“I don’t think it’s necessary, we already know it’s not going to work.”
“No we don’t, you’re just too big of a coward to even try,” I smack his hands away from me managing to hold back the tears as the anger and the crushing beats of my heart fight each other for dominance. Turning away from him, “you’re not worth my time. I will be better off without you in my life.” Swallowing hard I fist my frustration and jerk away from his hands for the last time, “go Sean!”
“I’m sorry Ava. You have to know how much I care about you.” Pushing him out the door, I lock the door behind him and collapse to the floor, already feeling the regret.
F
orcing my pace and the distance between us, all I can do is replay her words in my head. I do not understand what it is I am feeling but I curse everything that is carrying her away from me. I curse the island and the weather and anything else that caused me to meet her in the first place.
If she only knew the nightmares I had last night, watching her cry to me for help and never being able to do anything but watch her be tortured.
As I sit impatiently waiting for my plane, Ashlen taps me on the shoulder embracing me with a sympathetic smile. “You know you can’t do anything about your heart except follow it.”
“She deserves better,” I said fending off her obvious attack.
“You do too.” Ashlen sits down next to me. “You know Sean, when you start letting your head dictate what you should do instead of your heart, you end up in a world of confusion.”