Authors: Jennifer Loren
“I’ll let you, if you tell me who won again.”
I pause watching her continue to tease me right into her control. “You win sweetheart, you win.” She smiles taking my hand, leading me to the table where I bend her over in front of me, taking only a second to take her in before finding my way deep inside her. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I massage her breasts while searching for her mouth. Listening to her moans with each push and pull, I fight my desires to let go and fuck her like anyone else and forget who she is.
Refocusing I slow my pace until she reaches behind me fisting my hair. “Fuck me, Sean,” she pleads repeatedly, groaning and wanting it as much as I do. “Fuck me!”
Upon that request, I lose it, bending her over completely and slamming into her with no words, only harsh gasps and pants, gripping her until I come. Pure pleasure and no emotion. I had not had that since I met her and I hate myself immediately afterwards, especially when I start to feel her trembling. “Why Ava? Why did you want me to do that to you?” I turn her around trying to intersect her view but she avoids me, breaking my heart even more. She is in shock and it’s my fault, “I’m so sorry.” I said trying to comfort her as best I can. “I don’t like treating you like that, Ava, I feel guilty.”
“Why? I told you to, I wanted you to … I thought …”
“You thought you could handle it?” She nods and I clench my eyes shut, hanging my head in shame. “Ava, I can fuck anyone, I don’t want to fuck you. I wouldn’t be here if I just wanted to fuck. Why did you want that?”
“I thought that it would make you happy and maybe you … I don’t want you to think I’m boring,” she said tears still running down her face as she hides from me. “You didn’t try anything while we were cooking and I was afraid you were becoming …”
“YOU told me not to Ava! It’s not that I didn’t want to but I was trying to respect you.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” She covers her face crying. “I know you’re going to have to leave soon. It’s hard not knowing when I’m going to get to see you again. I want to do everything possible to make you happy so you will want to come back.”
“When I come back it’s not going to be because of sex. I love being with you, you make me feel good about myself. You make me feel incredible, not because of sex but because you smile at me or you laugh at my stupid jokes. You make me feel like you care about me,” I said wiping a tear from her cheek.
“I do care about you.”
“And I care about you, probably too much because you drive me insane sometimes.” Sighing I pull her to me. “The teasing was so incredibly sexy, Ava,” I said flicking her chin up with my finger until she looks at me. “But next time when I win, we do it my way, okay?”
“But what if I win again?”
“Not going to happen,” I said feeling better as her smile reappears.
“Well I was going to suggest the shower if I win.” She said standing on her toes and emphasizing with a kiss.
“Well it won’t matter who wins then.” I smile giving her a tender kiss on the lips.
T
oday she wants to go ice-skating and as always, I give in easily to her. I again cover up to hide who I am but again no one is paying attention, so I shed some of it. As soon as we enter the ice rink Ava begins slipping and sliding. I have done this many times growing up so it is not anything new for me. She, however, is not good at all. “Why would you want to go ice-skating. You are not at all good at it?” I said wrapping my arm around her waist to keep her from falling.
“Maybe I am only pretending to be bad so I can be close to you?”
I laugh, “I don’t think so, you are clearly bad at this.”
“Whatever,” she said trying to do it on her own but quickly falling and pulling me down with her.
“No, you’re horrible. I think I should put your picture up and make sure they don’t let you in here anymore.”
“Fine, I’m not good at this one little thing. Besides how was I supposed to know you would be good at this? I was hoping to get a chance to laugh at you falling.”
“Excuse me, but I am from New York.”
“New York, I thought you said you were from London?”
“I moved from London to New York when I was young but either way …” I say as she slips and falls against me. I laugh pulling her back up, “have you still not done your homework? I told you sweetheart, click on the tab that says,
Interesting Facts about Sean
.” I laugh as she rolls her eyes at me. “Now watch where you are going before you knock down some poor unsuspecting person.” I pull her to me to protect her and everyone else.
I don’t think
she is
even trying.
She continues laughing as I keep trying to let her go but again she begins to fall and again I reach out for her pulling her back into my arms, enjoying her huge joyful smile. “Silly girl, I think you actually knew I could skate.”
“Maybe,” she said smiling suspiciously. “Well, I am a member of the Sean Grant fan club.” She opens her jacket showing a shirt underneath with my picture on it and I immediately laugh aloud. “So I read up on you, you know,
Interesting Facts about Sean
.” She wiggles in my arms, “and did a little shopping too.” She winks at me.
“Why are we here then?”
“Silly boy, so you will have to hold me and never let me go.” I lean in taking her lips in mine. “You are the most beautiful, intelligent and clearly ....” I stop short, noticing something out of the corner of my eye.
“What is it?” She asked looking back in the same direction.
“We need to go right now.” I rush off so fast that I nearly carry her off the ice, driving us back watching every shadow and car that passes us.
“Sean you’re scaring me, what did you see?”
“Nothing. I’m sure I overreacted but it is probably best we get back anyway.”
I reassure Ava again that everything is fine before she falls asleep and as soon as she does, I sneak away to make a call. “Ethan, I can’t be sure but I think I have been found.”
T
he morning approaches with a new awareness. I can barely make it out of bed before getting sick again. Luckily when I make it back to bed, Sean is still sound asleep. I crawl in next to him huddling close and under his warm, protective arms.
I hope the next few months don’t continue like this, I am already feeling sleep deprived.
By morning, I awake to an empty bed and to only slight nausea, for now at least. I decide to shower before I see him, to stall. Telling him is not going to be easy and besides I have not confirmed with a doctor yet. If not for Anna’s quick math the other day I might still be in the dark, he has clouded everything in my life. With concentrated steps, I make my way to the living room finding Sean standing in front of the television with a serious look. “Sean, I need to talk …”
He jerks his head in my direction, “don’t come in here!” He quickly flicks off the TV with a sharp gasp.
“What?” He continues to avoid my eyes. “WHAT?” I jerk the remote from his hand, turning the television back on.
“
Ava - she is very special to me and I to her and as soon as I get out
I know we will be together again. I love you Ava
-
And I forgive you
.
”
“That was part of an interview with Spencer Jefferis from earlier this morning. Mr. Jefferis is currently serving his sentence in a prison in upstate New York. It is expected that Mr. Jefferis will be released soon for a new trial after defense attorneys have submitted new evidence in regards to Ms. Kelley’s role in her alleged abduction.” The smug uncaring reporter continues on about how Sean has been seeing me for an unknown amount of time. “I end this report asking you - what do you think? Do you believe Ms. Kelley is manipulating Mr. Grant as she did Mr. Jefferis or is she an innocent victim that will soon be added to the list of Sean Grant’s ex-girlfriends? Let us know what you think.” Spencer’s face flashes on the screen again with his words being repeated, once again. “…
will be together again.”
I barely notice Sean turning off the television as the impious voice echoes over and over in my head. The next thing I know, I am waking up in bed again and finding Sean sitting in a chair next to me with his luggage packed and sitting at the door. “You’re leaving me?”
“If I leave now then we can squash a lot of this media attention before it grows anymore.”
“They already know about me Sean, what difference does it make now?”
“They don’t know where you live or where you work. That’s why they are allowing him to talk because they are searching for you. You did a real good job hiding yourself but it will not take long for them to find what they need to get to you. If I leave now, you can still have a reasonable life here.”
“Without you?”
Shaking his head in frustration, “you are purposely not hearing me right now. You are so fucking stubborn. I am not leaving you Ava. We can be together again when things die down. You can come to LA again or better yet, I will take you to my house in the Keys. No one will be able to find you there.”
“I don’t want to hide anymore Sean. I’m tired of hiding. I want to show
him
especially that I’m not scared anymore and I’m not going to let him control my life anymore.”
“Ava I don’t think you understand how harassed you will be.” I focus on him strong. “Okay fine, let’s go out right now and announce to the world we are dating. And then when I have to leave to do another film, you can stay behind and deal with all the reporters and cameras in your face asking if we are broken up, am I cheating on you, or how you feel about some co-star that I was seen hugging or some shit. Our relationship will be so heavily scrutinized, because you are news baby and combining my celebrity status on top of that …” Frustrated he shakes his head harder. “This is the story of a lifetime for them. Not to mention, they will give him a voice and not just the one time. They will keep on and on and on until everyone has analyzed every possible angle, until people are sick to death of hearing it. Until we are so beat down and tired over it all, that we can’t even stand the sight of each other. You don’t want that Ava, trust me.” He said approaching me with a tender touch.
“I can handle it Sean. I know I can. I have even been seeing my doctor again and she says ....”
Taking my face gently into his hands, “baby, there is nothing I would love more than to show you off to the world but trust me you don’t want this and you’re not ready to handle it. You faint every time you get upset. How do you think you are going to handle the madness that is going to come at you?”
“But Sean the fainting has nothing to do with me being upset. It’s because …”
“Ava, stop. It’s not a good idea right now. Give it a little more time and then we can let everyone know our way and on our terms.”
“But Sean, I am stronger than you think I am. I know even my own friends think I cannot handle it but it is not true. You haven’t even noticed …”
“Noticed what? That you get up in the middle night making sure he isn’t trying to get in somehow?” Pushing his hands away from me, I step away from him. “Don’t look at me that way Ava, you know it’s true.”
“You don’t even know the progress I have made, have you even noticed that I’m not having the nightmares anymore?”
Sean glares at me sideways, “none at all?” Jumping up I try to walk out before he pulls me back to him. “Ava, baby, I am trying to protect you, to take care of you and make sure no one hurts you.”
“So you’re taking care of me by forcing me to watch you say that I don’t matter to you.”
“Whatever I say is for your own safety Ava, I’m not going to mean a word of it.”
With tears forming and my legs threatening to give on me, “do you love me?” His jaw drops and his once tender hands become rigid. “It’s a simple question Sean, that’s all I want to know. Do you love me?”
“I don’t think that’s relevant right now.”
“I think it’s the most relevant question there is right now,” I said staring at his twisting and fidgeting figure. “If you can’t answer that, then there is no need for any of this other conversation.”
“What are you saying?” He asks stepping back from me.
“I thought it was pretty clear. You either stay here with me proving to me that you do love me or you leave and prove that you don’t.”
“Are you making demands on me now? We have only been dating for a few months. Now you are demanding me to tell you how I feel about a relationship that I have had to keep hidden from everyone? I have to go home
alone
and treasure the few minutes I get to talk to you on the phone before I go to bed. I have to know how I feel about that? I don’t Ava! I’m sorry, I am not going to give you any false hope when I am still trying to figure it all out. I care about you and I don’t want anything to happen to you – that I know!” Sighing he steps towards me and caresses my face, “please understand sweetheart.”
This time I step away from him, “I think you better figure it out quick Sean. Or else.”
He narrows his eyes at me, “or else what?”
Taking in a deep breath and searching for the strength I need. “If you leave me today then …” I swallow hard on the words that are choking me on their way out, “then don’t come back. Don’t call me, don’t write, and don’t even attempt to talk to me if we happen to run into each other again.”
“AVA! You can’t be serious. What is wrong with you? This is not like you at all,” he yelled as I fight back the tears.
“I’m sorry Sean but I want a family, I want to grow old with someone and have babies with them.” I focus on him hard. “I want a family of my own, I don’t want to run and hide with someone who doesn’t even love me. I think maybe this relationship …”
“Don’t Ava.” He interrupts me causing tears to well up in my eyes. “Don’t you fucking do this.”
“You know it’s best. The relationship has gone as far as it can go and it’s time for both of us to realize it and move on.” I turn hiding my anguish from him. “You have plenty of girls that will be a much better fit for you and I have …” With a deep breath I raise my chin, “and I have Justin. He is a better fit for me and for what I want.”