Authors: Jennifer Loren
With an assured approach I move back to her, feeling her so close that we both let out a soft moan. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t think about me at all anymore?” I asked nosing her earlobe.
“No … not really,” she breathed.
I run my finger down her neck feeling for the chain, pulling it out slowly and dangling it in front of her. The locket I sent to her for her birthday shines brightly in front of us both. “Not at all, huh?” I open it seeing the picture I put in of us together on one side and a picture of Lillah on the other. With a reassured smile, “you love me still. I know it.”
Jerking the locket out of my hand, she sprints away. “You know I probably should try to get some sleep, she … Lillah gets up early,” she choked out with a rough voice. “And. You need somewhere to sleep and I haven’t prepared the guesthouse.”
“The guesthouse, no I’m staying here with you and Lillah.”
“I guess I could make up the sofa for you,” she said glancing at me, waiting for me to protest.
“That will be fine,” I said reluctantly.
After we say good night I watch her walk away into her room, even the boys leave me to sleep with her.
Clearly,
I am
the only one in the
doghouse
tonight.
I am able to fall asleep for a few minutes before Lillah wakes me up crying. I respond to her cries only to find Ava already soothing her back to sleep, swaying her hips and humming softly to her, just like how I had envisioned her, only better.
“Did she wake you?” She whispered after catching me out of the corners of her eyes.
“Yes, but it’s my job to get up and check on my little girl, right?” I watch her fight her smile as she comes out of the room, shutting the door behind her and pushing me to back me up.
“She’s fine, a little upset is all.” She looks everywhere but up at me.
Moving slightly towards her and taking hold of Lillah’s door. “Are you sure she is okay?”
“Sean, I just got her back to sleep” She puts her hand on my chest and I smile taking hold of her hand, only to have it jerked away from me.
“Are you sure she is okay - Ava?” I run my fingers through her hair.
Trembling she puts out her hands almost touching my chest again before she pulls them back. “Yes. She just wakes up and gets upset.”
“I think I should check on her anyway,” I say, easing myself against her stiff stature.
Looking up at me suddenly, “Sean, I said no!” Without hesitation, I take in her bottom lip with mine, caressing her mouth and encouraging a response. Taking hold of her waist, I kiss her until she finally kisses me back. As I run my fingers through her hair, I rub my tongue against her lips and she opens her mouth for me responding equally. She moans, increasing my excitement so I pick her up and carry her to her bed, following her down and in. Her lips taste so good, and her skin feels so incredible. I begin moving my hand to her shirt, grabbing the edges and pulling it up until she stops everything. “No Sean. No I can’t.”
“Why?”
“I can’t do this with you again!” She runs out of the room twisting her clothes back into place.
Running after her, I pull her back to me. “Ava, I know you want me.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want. It’s not right, we are not right.”
“Who says?” I ask taking her arm to stop her from walking away but she pulls away and runs from me again. I find her pacing with fisted hands and wiping away tears. “Ava I have missed you more than I could have ever imagined, please don’t push me away.”
“I have heard you say that before Sean and it’s not good enough. I want more and I don’t think you can do that. No, I know you can’t, you won’t.”
“Ava, please don’t,” I said as fear begins to take over my emotions.
“Don’t worry, I won’t keep Lillah from you.” She paces away from me. “Maybe your mother can come and get her and take her to you.”
“What are you saying?”
“You know custody details,” she said looking everywhere but at me.
I shake my head, “I’m not letting you go Ava, not this time.”
The tears begin to stream even more down her face, “you have to, it’s better for both of us, and you know it.” Ava continues to hold me back from her.
“No it’s not, Ava.”
“Yes it is, besides I’m over you and I don’t feel the same way anymore.”
“That’s not true, I see it in your eyes. The way you kiss me and the locket Ava, you could have thrown it out, not wear it.”
With her usual stubborn attitude, she ignores everything I am trying to say and turns her back to me. “It is and I want you to find another place to stay first thing tomorrow. I don’t want to see you again after tonight.” As soon as the words leave her mouth my whole body begins to shake until I break. Falling to my knees, I push my hands over my face and over my head, tensing every muscle. I can feel her eyes on me, “Sean!”
I shake my head, refusing to hear another word of her denials, while tears form in my eyes. “Ava please don’t do this.” Swallowing hard, “don’t Ava, I need you. I can’t let you go. I won’t.” I look up at her and see her face frozen in shock. Focusing honestly on her, I take in a deep breath searching for the words, the only words that have a chance to persuade her. I lick my lips before breathing, “I love you Ava. I love you. I love you and I don’t want anyone else but you.” But she doesn’t move.
No. She can’t!
Trembling, I crash into my hands and pray to God that it isn’t too late, until I feel her push my hands away from my face.
“I love you too, I never stopped. I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure,” she said fighting her own tears. “I had to make sure that you won’t ever leave me again.”
I wrap my arms around her as she collapses into me. “Why do you have to be so damn difficult? You could have asked me, I have wanted to tell you for a long time.” I kiss her everywhere I can. Looking into her eyes again with a smile, “I love you Ava.”
“And I love you,” she said reviving my heartbeat again.
I
am waking up in his arms again and I have no desire to ever move away from him but our daughter has other plans. She has begun whimpering already, following it with soft crying. One … two … three … and now the screaming. She is impatient and demanding as hell, like her father.
Sean wakes up with a look of shock, “what the fuck!”
“That would be your sweet little girl, I told you. Now get up.”
“Are you kidding it’s …,” he begins searching for a clock, “the sun isn’t even up yet.”
“It’s getting there, now get up.” He quickly covers his disgusted expression with a pillow, wrapping it around his head as Lillah screams even louder. “No Sean, you are going to get up. I did this for months without you and now you are going to get to experience all the joy too. Now get up!” I said taking the pillow away from him and smacking his perfectly bare hind end, after he rolls over into my pillow. “You go get Lillah and I will get you some coffee going. Okay?” I asked grabbing the baby monitor and waiting for his response in the midst of his grumbling. “OKAY?”
“Okay,” he growls with a lazy smile. As I fix his coffee, I hear him over the baby monitor go into her room. “Lillah honey, I love you but come on, Daddy needs sleep. Mommy makes me crazy and I need a lot of sleep in order to deal with her all-day.” She quiets down as soon as he begins talking to her.
Great, a Daddy’s girl already.
Sean walks into the kitchen with her in his arms, smiling innocently. “Sean, I have the baby monitor you know?”
“You do? Oh no Lillah, Daddy’s in trouble now.” Sean still half asleep, approaches me with a gentle kiss. “I love you,” he said before making his way to the sofa with coffee in hand.
Taking the seat next to him, I pick up Lillah and adjust to feed her, all the while waiting for a smartass comment from Sean. Instead he pulls my hair out of the way for me, rubs my neck, and watches us admiringly. “You need me to get you anything?”
“I’m good right now, thank you”
I
cannot
believe how amazing he is being.
“If you need me to warm those up for her later, let me know.” Catching his expected wink, I see him laugh to himself while I roll my eyes.
He thinks
he’s
funnier than he is.
“Where are the boys?”
“They don’t get up this early.”
“Oh hell no, they don’t get to sleep in, Rondo, Prince come.” Nothing, Sean calls them again and still nothing. Sean smirks at me as I laugh at his failed attempts. “Squirrel!” He yelled and suddenly the house starts shaking as they both come scrambling on top of each other with twisted ears and eager anticipation for the squirrel that is nowhere to be found. Sean doubles over in laughter watching them search high and low.
“That was mean.” Sean continues laughing as he lets them outside to verify the missing squirrel.
“Mean or not, it was funny as hell.”
“I am going to go get her changed and cleaned up, don’t go anywhere I will be back and it will be your turn to entertain her.” He smiles but when I finish both Sean and the boys have gone back to bed. With a frustrated growl, I stomp my way to the bedroom, put her right on his chest, and just as I had hoped, she commands his attention immediately. “Your turn,” I said cheerfully.
He forces a smile through his tired expression. “Thanks,” he growls picking Lillah up and kissing her cheek. I hand him some toys while I crawl into bed myself.
Watching Sean play with Lillah is a sight I never thought I would get to see. I always wondered if we be any good at it. “You’re so good with her already.”
“I have had some practice but I’m sure you are still better.”
“I don’t know about that, I’m so tired all the time that I’m not sure I am good at anything anymore.”
“Well now you have help, so you can get some sleep. Is there anything else you need my love?” He smiles wide at me.
“Right now sleep is the only thing I can think of but I will let you know.” I smile happily before kissing his scruffy, morning face.
“Well have you thought about where you would like to live?”
“Live?” I look at him, puzzled to why he would ask such an odd question.
“Ava, you know we can’t stay here.” With his usual demanding attitude, he ignores my obvious disapproval over his statement. “It’s not safe for you here. Eventually it’s going to get out about you and Lillah and then we are right back where we were before I left the last time.”
“But what can we do about that?”
“I want you to get yourself and Lillah packed up and then I am going to relocate you to a safer, more secure place.”
“Sean!”
“Ava, I am not going to argue with you about this.”
“Where are we going to go?”
“I called my realtor yesterday and he is sending someone over to help us get set up in a rental place until I can find us a permanent home.”
“Why can’t we stay here?”
“There is no security here and there is no way to have any real security here.”
“We could put in an alarm and a fence or something …,” I plead with him.
“Ava. Damn it, no. Please for once don’t argue with me?”
“But I love this house.”
“I know you do and I’m sorry you have to leave it but there is no other choice.”
“Isn’t there?”
He looks at me with a stern confidence. “
No
.”
“But Sean.”
“Why are you so stubborn?” He pauses looking down at Lillah and calms. “I am not going to argue with you. You are going to need to do as I say. I’m sorry that you have to leave your house but there is no way I’m going to put either of you in danger by letting you stay here. Now please don’t stress me out anymore by arguing with me about it.” He stops when Lillah becomes determined for his attention, throwing her fists in the air crying. He looks over at me with his eyebrows furrowed and tensed. “Now there are two of you to drive me crazy.” I bite my lip to keep from laughing. “It’s not funny, Ava.”
“Okay so I will move but when?”
“We should have a place in the next couple of days.”
“That soon?” He nods and I look around my house that I love so much, “but what do I do about my house?”
“You can sell it I guess.”
I pause somberly. “I know, I can sell it to Kyle and then we can still have the office here.” I smiled with excitement.
“No, Ava”
“Why not?”
“You can sell the house to Kyle, give it to him even but you cannot come here and work every day. You need to get an office in a secure building, somewhere where you have to have an appointment to get in.”
“Sean that’s ridiculous. What am I going to do when I need to go to a client’s office that’s not so secure, are you going to have me followed by some armed guards?”
“That’s not a bad idea.”
“Sean no. I won’t do it.”
Leaning over he takes my hand, “Ava if you can promise me that you will be careful and think about where you’re going and whom you are meeting with, then I will back off on the guards. I will back off some on the office but it still needs to be in a building that has some sort of security. Okay?”
Considering what he could demand to put me through, this seems doable. “Okay.” I smile at him earning an appreciative kiss. Lillah simultaneously begins to demand Sean’s attention be back on her. This one time, I let her have her way. Feeling my heavy eyes once again, I lie back within my pillows and blankets and close my eyes for a few seconds. When I open my eyes again, I am confused by the sun’s position, even though I am slightly dazed, I know it is later than it should be. I do not hear Lillah and I do not see or hear Sean. I focus hard on the numbers of the clock …
I slept for 6 hours? I missed most of the day.
I stumble out of bed running to Lillah’s room, finding Sean rocking Lillah to sleep. I step inside quietly but the boys’ excitement towards me alert Sean to my presence. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“Don’t worry about it, I was able to get a couple of hours too.”
“Thank you.” He smiles back at me with a wink, causing my legs to suddenly quiver.
“While you are taking care of her I am going to go get a quick shower.” I said scrambling backwards. I rush to shower before starting my juggling act to find the perfect outfit, fix my hair, makeup and find the perfect underwear, all I hope, before he can take notice.