Nic's Devotion: An Endless Series: Book One (24 page)

     Seth reached my side. “Lay her down on the couch. We
need to see if she’s breathing.”

     I processed what Seth was saying and swiftly laid
Carrie out on the couch. God, she had stopped breathing, that’s why she’d
passed out.

     “Holy shit! Oh my God!”

     I heard Nikki yelling in the background, but didn’t
really care what it was she was dealing with.

     “Shut up. They need quiet.” I heard Evan snap angrily.

     Putting my ear to Carrie’s mouth and my hand on her
chest I felt for signs of life; a breath or chest movement, a heartbeat.
Everything was quiet but for the T.V.’s muted sounds.

     Carrie’s heartbeat was pounding madly, but I wasn’t
feeling any sort of breath against my ear. “God, I don’t feel her breathing.
Her heartbeat’s going mad though.” I said in panic.

     “Give it a minute. It should come now that she’s passed
out.” Seth stated. His voice sounded confident if slightly shaky.

     Concentrating, I finally felt a whiff of breath against
my ear. It seemed like such a small whisper to what should be coming out. Her
chest rose faintly, and I noted that her heart beat slowed in beats. More
breaths came after the first one.

     “She’s breathing.” Relief poured through me, sweet and
heady, and I felt my own breath explode from my throat. Straightening up I
looked at her face. Her skin was pale and it was strained around her nose and
mouth.

     “Shit! What in the hell just happened?” Evan exclaimed.
“Is she going to be alright?”

     “She should be fine.” Seth replied still sounding
shaken.

     My gaze remained on Carrie as I asked. “How do you
know? Maybe we should run her over to the hospital?” I wasn’t going to take any
chances with her health. I mean, damn; she’d stopped breathing and passed out.
That couldn’t be good for a body.

     Seth moved closer and placed his fingers over the pulse
on Carrie’s neck. “I’ve seen something like that before. The person was having
a panic attack and stopped breathing, passing out. Twenty minutes later he woke
up a little muddled but fine physically.”

     I suddenly remembered Carrie telling me that this had
happened to her before. I was somewhat reassured, but not completely. She
should be seen by a doctor just to be certain.

     From behind me Evan yelled. “You are a real sadistic
bitch. You did that on purpose.”

     “I didn’t know that she was going to pass out like
that, I swear it.” Nikki whined.

     Tearing my eyes from Carrie for the first time I
rounded on Nikki in rage. “You are a fucking bitch. You came here deliberately
to stir up trouble. I don’t know what your problem is; we hooked up weeks ago
and you knew that’s all I was looking for. To go about getting some kind of
revenge this way because you feel I slighted you is fucking messed up. Carrie
didn’t do shit to you. Where the hell did you get this information anyway?”

     Nicky’s expression was anxious, even a little
frightened, as Evan flanked her left side holding on tight to her arm. Seth
straightened to his full height and her eyes widened even further in alarm.

     “I found it on the internet. All I needed was a full
name and then it’s easy discovering out anything on anyone as long as there’s
something out there to find.” 

     Fury ran hot through me at the maliciousness of this
chick. “Get out of this fucking house. I don’t want to see you anywhere near
here again. I don’t want to see you near Carrie again. I would suggest that if
you see me or her you make haste in the other fucking direction fast. And if I
hear any stories circulating around campus I’ll know where they came from and
come looking for you. Get her out of here.” I directed toward Evan.

     He nodded and towed her away. I went back to watching
over Carrie. Her face looked a little more relaxed and not as pale and strained
as a few minutes ago. Her breathing also seemed deeper and more normal. I
smoothed her hair away from her face just so I was touching her somewhere.

     “She told me that she used to pass out like this
before. Her tone was blasé as she informed me like it was something that was
insignificant, but I don’t think I can wait to see if she’s going to be okay.”
I felt the need to tear into something and if she didn’t open her eyes soon I
just might.

      “Not wanting to sound just as blasé, but if she
sounded that unconcerned about it then there most likely isn’t anything to
worry about. At the moment her breathing looks good as does her complexion.”
Seth said. He walked behind the couch to lean over the back. He was frowning
which didn’t go a long way in relieving my anxiety.

     “Why the hell are you still frowning than?”

     “I’m always frowning.” He grumbled.

     That was true.

     Evan walked back into the room. “Nic, man, I am so
sorry. I had no idea that you’d already gotten with the chick. She came onto me
hard at the party and…well, you know.”

     “I don’t blame you. Nikki’s been bugging me for weeks.
Who knew she’d go Single White Female on me.” I rubbed Carrie’s hands because
they seemed kind of cold, and I think I saw it in a chick-flick once. If I had
any smelling salts on hand I would apply those too.

     Evan stood at the end of the couch. “Do you think what
Nikki said was true…about Carrie killing her father?”

     I didn’t even care about that right now. I just needed
Carrie to open her eyes so I knew she was going to be okay.  

Chapter Twenty-one

Carrie

    
I couldn’t breathe. I tried gasping in a breath but
no air would come in. It was dark and something really heavy pressed down on
me; that’s why I couldn’t breathe. I pushed and pushed at it but couldn’t budge
it. Then the heavy weight started to hurt me, and I started to cry. It was hard
to cry though because I could hardly breathe. Bright lights seemed to spark my
vision but it didn’t light the room up any.

     “Carrie!”

    
My hands scrambled around, for what I didn’t know.
My right hand brushed over something and I automatically grabbed it.

     “Carrie, wake up. Dammit! I thought she was going to be
alright. She’s having trouble breathing again.”

     I
felt like I was dying; I couldn’t draw any breath
into my lungs. I stabbed downward.

    
I felt a sting to my cheek. My eyes flew open.
“Noooo.” I gasped out. The pain was supposed to stop after the stab.

     “Carrie, you need to breath.”

     Nic’s features came into focus suddenly. I gasped for
breath and blinked in confusion. The dream was over. My gaze flittered around
the room trying to orientate myself and my gaze collided with a set of
concerned blue eyes. The features merged into…Seth. Seeing movement at my feet
I looked and there was another person. He was staring at me in alarm. I
frowned. I knew him...the name was slow to come though. Another of Nic’s
roommates…right, Evan. I continued the circle back to Nic who was kneeling down
by my side. Why were they all staring at me?

     “Just breathe, okay. You passed out almost twenty
minutes ago because you stopped breathing. You seem to be having another
episode in your sleep and were having a hard time breathing again.”

     “Not an episode, just a dream.” I croaked
automatically. No, not a dream, a nightmare.

     Speaking seemed to clear my head of some of the
fuzzies, and I closed my eyes in horror. A girl―that didn’t seem to be
here anymore―had recognized me and blurted out my past. She’d appeared to
have taken a lot of delight in the fact too; telling everyone that I’d killed
my father, and that I’d been institutionalized because of it. This was the
second time in a month that someone had recognized me, and I’d gone such a long
time before that with no recognition. 

     This was also the second episode I’d had in one night,
and not a minor one, but one of my severe episodes. I hadn’t passed out in
years. Maybe I needed to go back to the hospital.

     I clenched and unclenched my hands trying with all my
might to stop the heavy weight of depression from enveloping me. Curling to the
side to hide my face I felt a warm, wet tear break through my tightly clenched
eyelids. “No,” I whispered wretchedly to myself. ‘
Don’t break down further,
don’t break down further
’.

     “Honey, please don’t cry.” Nic picked me up off the
couch as if I weighed nothing and gathered me into his arms and lap again.
“Guys, can you leave us alone.”

     I held myself stiff in his arms keeping my eyes closed,
but I heard feet shuffle out of the room.

     “What Seth?” Nic rumbled.

     Seth’s voice came from further away, maybe from the
entrance to the living room. “Uhm, if you need anything just call.” His
footsteps faded away.

     Nic was going to ask me about it. God! I did not want
to talk about it, and I never wanted to talk about it with him. A sob escaped
from my throat.

     Nic shushed and hugged me. “There is nothing to be
upset about. That girl was a bitch, just forget about her.”

     I sobbed a laugh. “Even if what she said is true?” I
asked, unable to stop the words.

     Knowing someone had killed their own father wasn’t
something you could just ignore. It was pretty out there in your face. Coldness
was settling into my bones and I began shivering.  

     Nic’s rubbing halted minutely before resuming. “Carrie,
no matter what you tell me it won’t change my feelings for you.”

     “You paused there for a second.” I said desolately.
“You’re already feeling different.”

     I made an attempt to get away from him, but either I
was too weak at the moment or he was just too strong. “No, don’t run away. The
reason I paused is because I’m sad and pissed for whatever you’ve had to
endure.”

     My insides clenched at his words. I wanted to believe
him so bad, but person after person had turned their backs on me when they found
out. They didn’t even wait to hear the whole story, not that I wanted to tell
them the whole story.

     My mother new the whole story and she couldn’t stand
the sight of me.

     “But you know what; I don’t want
you
worrying
about any of that right now. It’s two o’clock in the morning and you’ve had a
rough night. You need sleep. I can take you back to the shelter, or…” Nic
leaned back to look me in the face. His expression was earnest. “…you can stay
here. Sleep in my bed like last time. I really can’t stand to think of you
being alone right now. I about had a heart attack when you blacked out on me,
and not to put too much pressure on you but I won’t be able to get any sleep if
I can’t make sure you’re safe tonight.”

     Nic was so right about being tired, I was actually
exhausted. I felt like I could sleep forever; just drift away and never wake
up. The desire to be alone with my misery and bawl my heart out was strong, but
I felt my time with Nic nearing its inevitable conclusion. It really had been
only a matter of time; him finding out about my past and wanting to get as far
as possible from me. Before he left my life for good I wanted, no, I needed as
much time with him as I could get.

     He had been the only warm light in my life for so long
and I didn’t want to let him go.

     Another tear rolled down my cheek but I was able to
swallow the rest of them down. Nic’s hand came up and wiped it away. His hand
was so warm against my cold skin. Sometimes I felt like I was cold all the
time, but he always made the coldness disappear.

     “’I’ll stay.” I said feeling drained; drained of
everything. I shivered again.

     Nic hugged me back into his body and I soaked in his heat.
“Thank you.” He whispered in my ear.

    
‘No, thank you,’
I thought,
‘for just a
little bit more time with you.’

    
Nic stood up with me in his arms and my arms
rose up to grip his shoulders instinctively because I was so high in the air.
“What are you doing?” I yelped nervously.

     “I’m carrying you upstairs. It’s another component to
making me feel better.” He strode toward the stairs and rushed up them quickly.
I held on tightly with an instinctive fear of falling, but he never faltered.

     Reaching the top he went to his bedroom door and
stooped to twist the handle. His strength and dexterity was remarkable. It only
made me feel more safe and secure. The sound of a door opening down the hall
caught both of our attention. I turned my face into Nic’s chest in embarrassment.
I’d made such a fool of myself in front of his roommates.

     “Everything okay?”

     I recognized Seth’s deep grumble.

     “Yeah,” Nic answered. “Carrie’s spending the night.
It’s late and she needs to get some sleep.”

     There was a pause in the conversation but we continued
to stand there and I wondered what was going on.

      “Seriously man; what do you think of me?” Nic said
crossly. 

      I tensed at the anger and looked up anxiously. Nic’s
expression was rigid in anger. I glanced down the hall toward Seth. The look on
his face as he stood in his doorway was stony. His gaze shifted down to me and
it softened.

     “You okay, Carrie?” He mumbled.

     My face was hot with awkwardness. “Yes,” I answered
hoarsely. “Sorry for all the drama tonight.”

     He gave me a sweet crooked smile displaying that
dimple. “Life would be boring as shit without a little drama. I don’t blame you
anyway; it was that bitch, Nikki. And don’t you be worrying about her or what
she said. We’ll all make sure she keeps her mouth shut so it won’t be going any
further than this house.”

     Seth’s voice had gone hard at Nikki’s name, but the
rest of his words were spoken with warm sincerity. More tears filled my eyes at
his thoughtfulness. Even though he’d heard what I’d done he wasn’t treating me
as some sort of killer. I wonder if he believed it, or if he thought the girl
had been lying. All he would have to do is go online to find out. Would he act
different then?

      Sorrow was sharp at the thought of losing his
kindness. “Thank you,” I choked out. Maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about my
name being bandied around campus as the UVA psycho killer. 

     A crevasse of a frown made its mark between Seth’s
brows, and I thought his eyes looked sad. What was he sad about? Not many
people were sad for me, they were usually sad for my deceased father.

     “Get a good night sleep.” Seth stated firmly. His tone
almost made me smile. It was like he was telling me to do it or else. His gaze
moved up to Nic and he nodded as if it meant something significant. Turning he
went back into his room.

     Nic shook his own head with a sigh as he walked into
his bedroom. He closed the door behind us and strode over to the bed setting me
down. He stayed down in a squat at eye level with me. His beautiful dark green
eyes stared into mine and his blonde curls fell haphazardly around his head. I
wanted to reach out and run my fingers through his hair like he did with mine,
but I didn’t have the nerve to.

     “I want you to be comfortable. I’m going to give you
one of my shirts to wear and pair of boxers. You can go into the bathroom to
change and wash your face. There’s an extra toothbrush in the drawer just for
you.” A smile twisted his mouth. “I bought it for you in case you fell asleep
here again.”

     My heart warmed at his consideration even as a blush
heated my cheeks at the possible implication of the words.

     He raised my hands to his lips. “You’re hands are
freezing. Do you want to take a hot shower?”

     I shook my head wearily. “I’m too tired.”

     He leaped up and went to his dresser. Rummaging through
the drawers he pulled out a huge t-shirt and a pair of boxers.

     “I’d give you some sweats but they would swim on you.
Once you get under the covers you’ll warm up though.”

     He scooped me up again like I weighed nothing. “I’m not
that tired.” I protested, even though being in his arms felt great.

    Stepping into the bathroom he deposited me on the toilet
seat and gave me quick peck on the nose. “I told you, it makes me feel better.”
With what looked like a wistful look in my direction he walked out and closed
the door.

     For a minute I just sat there in an exhausted daze. I
was finally alone, but I seemed to be too tired to cry. Despair hung heavy over
me though. Pushing myself up I stood in front of the mirror. My hair was all
over the place and the exhaustion I was feeling was definitely showing on my
face. There was nothing to hold my hair back in Nic’s bathroom so I wrapped it
up in a towel so I could wash my face. Finding the toothbrush I loaded it with
toothpaste and brushed till my gums tingled. I stuck the toothbrush back in the
package when I was done.

     I attacked my hair with Nic’s brush. It wasn’t as
snarly as it looked and only took a few minutes to tame. Striping down to my
sports bra and panties I pulled on Nic’s t-shirt and boxers. The shirt reached
my knees and the boxers fell around my ankles. They were too big. I stepped out
of them. The shirt was large enough and covered what they would have anyway.

     My bladder was protesting its fullness and I knew I couldn’t
ignore it. I emptied myself while the water in the sink was running to cover up
the sound. I flushed the toilet mortified that he might hear me relieving
myself. I knew it was a natural body function, but it was just all too
embarrassing.

     Standing at the bathroom door I took a nervous breath
and pulled the door open stepping into the bedroom. Nic was sitting on the bed
in a white t-shirt and long blue cotton shorts. Clutching my clothes in front
of me my body trembled with nerves and cold. I held out the boxers awkwardly.

     “These were too big.” I stammered.

     Nic’s hooded gaze looked down at the area of my body
the shorts would have covered. I was extremely conscious of my bare legs and
feet. His gaze seemed to burn into me where the shorts should be. I gulped and
squirmed at the sensation. Nic’s eyes snapped back up to my face. He stood and
held out his hand. I wasn’t sure if it was for the shorts or for me. I gave him
the shorts.

     “Go ahead and get into the bed, you look cold.” Nic
said gruffly. “I’m going to do a quick wash up and be right back.” He made his
way into the bathroom and when I stepped aside letting him pass I couldn’t help
noticing that the material of his shorts tented around his groin area. I
quickly averted my eyes and flushed. My anxiety increased.

     Making my way over to the bed I placed my clothes on
the desk chair and my shoes on the floor. Climbing into the bed I burrowed
under the covers trying to get warm. A couple minutes later I heard a stream of
water that definitely wasn’t from the sink. I couldn’t help the small grin;
someone didn’t care about people hearing them.

     Nic stepped out ten seconds later and I was snuggled
down in the pillow with my eyes closed. There came the sound of him moving about
the room and then the click of a light switch. Even with my eyes closed I could
see the light go out. My eyes flew open now that he couldn’t see me and since
my eyes had been closed my night vision was functional. I saw his figure move
toward the bed.