Nic's Devotion: An Endless Series: Book One (20 page)

     Whatever it was, these last two days of silence had been
hell. I was at a cross between worried sick and mad as hell.    

     Eight o’clock finally arrived and the building went
dark as the lights were turned off. Only Carrie didn’t come out. When five
minutes elapsed and she still hadn’t come out I began to see the truth of
Mark’s words. She was avoiding me. Instead of coming out the front as she
normally did it looked like she’d snuck out the back.

     Anger burned through me. What the hell? I didn’t have
to deal with this crap. If she didn’t want to see me than I wasn’t going to
chase her. There were plenty of other girls out there without the drama this
female was giving me. I’d been fine with the status quo before her and had no
problem returning to it. 

     I gripped the wheel tightly, twisting the leather in my
hands. Dammit! I couldn’t let it go; I had to find out what her deal was.
Wrenching the wheel I drove out of the parking lot and headed toward her bus
stop. Carrie’s bus was already pulling up and I saw her get on as I drove up to
the intersection. How in the hell had she made it here so fast to catch the
early bus?

     Mark, the shithead, must have dropped her off.

     I followed the bus as it drove away. I’d waylay her
when she got off and make her explain to me why in the hell she was avoiding
me. God, I hope that didn’t appear as stalker’ish as it did in my head. I mean,
if she didn’t want to see me it was her choice and I shouldn’t be hounding her
about it.

     I hit the wheel in angry frustration. I wasn’t going to
just let this go. I needed some kind of reason why she was acting this way. It
didn’t seem like her.

     The bus was approaching her stop and I was still
debating what to do when the bus continued on without stopping. I frowned in
confusion. Why wasn’t she getting off? My inner debate was shelved as I
followed the bus to see where she’d get off. Fifteen minutes and four stops
later I saw Carrie finally exit the bus. She was all bundled up carrying her
backpack but I knew that jacket, beanie, and her form anywhere.

     I was wondering if I was going to have to trail her
inconspicuously as she began walking north when after only ten yards she
approached a building and walked in. There was no parking on the street so I
drove by slowly to catch the words on the sign out front.

    
Mary Ainsworth Women’s Shelter
.    

     I braked involuntarily. Why in the hell would Carrie be
going in there!? Was she visiting someone? Maybe her dad wasn’t as out of the
picture as I had been thinking. Had Carrie coming home late the other night set
off some sort of violent repercussion? My gut clenched at the thought. Any
anger I’d had toward her redirected itself toward anyone that might have hurt
her.

     Finding a parking spot across the street I jogged over
to the building. Opening the door I found myself in a small enclosed cubicle
leading to another door. I tried opening it but it was locked.

     “What can I do for you?” A voice asked over an
intercom.

     I looked to the side and noticed a thick window and on
the other side of it sat a middle aged dirty blonde woman behind a desk. She
was giving me a death glare.

     “Uh, I was looking for a friend. She just came in. Her
name is Carrie Harper.” I faltered slightly. The hostility in the woman’s face
was a bit unnerving.

     “This is a woman’s shelter, men are not allowed.”

     I had a feeling she meant ‘not welcome’. “Can I leave a
name or are there visiting hours?” I asked with a smile even as angry
impatience beat at me.

     The hostility didn’t diminish. This was not a
male-friendly zone. “You can give me your name and I will inform her that
you’re here, but visiting hours are only for another fifteen minutes.” I gave
her my name and she picked up a phone and punched a button. I could see her
talking but I couldn’t hear her through the glass, and after a minute she hung
up.

     “She’s coming. You have to stay in the enclosed area.”
She gave me a glower to emphasize her point.

     I nodded in agreement. I wasn’t going to argue with
her. There were women and children here who’d had violence committed against
them by men. They had a reason to be wary, especially since some of those men
came looking for them. Knowing that Carrie was here possibly because of that…my
stomach churned.

     The time ticked away as I waited for her to show, and
the more time that passed made me more anxious. She’d ditched me at work; would
she let the time lapse so she wouldn’t have to see me here either? I tried not
letting ‘Ms. Cold Stone Stare’ further unnerve me but it was difficult since I
was stuck in a very small cubicle with nowhere to go. Some of the fiercest
players in lacrosse had stared me down without causing me as much as a twitch,
but this lady put them all to shame.

     Finally, with only eight more minutes of visitor time
left a door on the other side of the cubicle opened and Carried stepped
through. My first clue in knowing something was wrong with her was her hair; it
was down around her face. In fact, it covered almost the entire right half of
her face. My gut clenched as my imagination ran wild.

     There was a frown on her face when she looked at me,
but it wasn’t in annoyance. It was confusion and distress. Walking up to the
glass she positioned herself so that the hair covered side of her face was away
from me.

     “Nic, what are you doing here?” She asked, twisting her
hands together.

     Man, I loved her hair down, but not now when I just
knew it was hiding something. I walked up close to the glass. “I’ve been giving
you a ride home for days now just to make sure you got home safe. You may have
ditched me and took the bus but it didn’t mean I still wasn’t going to see you
home safely. Only you didn’t go home. Why are
you
here, Carrie?” My eyes
moved over the concealed side of her face.

     She noted my stare. Her head tilted down further and
her hand came up to smooth her hair down. On closer inspection of her exposed
cheek I noticed that she had on foundation. Carrie didn’t wear make-up, she
didn’t need make-up. A rage deeper than when Curt had cornered Carrie built
inside of me, and it took everything I had not to let it show on my face. This
place wasn’t the ideal place to display fits of anger.  

     Carrie shifted and her eyes flickered away from mine.
“My mom and I had a disagreement and we’ve decided it was time I moved out.
I’ve been in contact with the college and I’m going to be moving into the dorms
but it’s going to take a few days to get everything ready with the paperwork.
This is as good a place as any to go while I wait for them to get everything
completed.”

     Her mom had kicked her out! Why, because she had come
home late Saturday, or rather early Sunday? Had her mom hit her?

     “Carrie, you didn’t have to come here. You could have
come to my house or Amanda would have loved to help you out.”

     She shrugged and threw me a strained smile. “It’s not
bad here, and it’s only for a few days.”

     “Why didn’t you let me drive you today?” I asked
directly.

     Carrie’s face flushed and her eyes flickered away
again. “Nic, there’s a lot going on in my life right now. I’m going to be
really busy with moving and other stuff and I think it would be best if you and
I…” I saw her swallow and she gave me a sad smile. “We probably shouldn’t see
each other anymore.”

     She was so easy to read, her face was almost childlike
in its expressiveness. I could see she was trying to push me away because of
her circumstances. I’d gotten angry before because she was pushing me away when
I didn’t know why, but now I did, and it wasn’t going to work.

     “Two more minutes.” Cold stone stare reported over the
intercom.

     “I’m going to let this sit tonight because there’s
nothing I can do, but I’m picking you up for school tomorrow. I know you have
class at eight so I’ll be here at seven-thirty bright and early.” I declared
firmly.

    Her eyes widened in alarm. “Nic, it would really be
better if you…”

    I interrupted her. “Carrie, you can skip out on me again
but I will eventually corner you so we might as well get it over with.
Tomorrow, seven-thirty.”

     Reluctantly I turned and walked out of the building. I
really didn’t want to leave her here; it felt like I was abandoning her, but if
I made any kind of protest it would probably only get me arrested. Conversely,
the only reason I wasn’t going to be thrown in jail was the assurance of
knowing she was in one of the safest places she could be. 

Chapter Seventeen

Carrie

     I was outside the women’s shelter the next morning waiting
for Nic to arrive. His unyielding tone last night told me he wouldn’t let it
go. He
would
corner me to find out what he wanted. I really didn’t want
to involve him in my crap fest, but I didn’t know what to do. Should I be cruel
to get him to go away?
Could
I be cruel
was a better question?

     It was difficult for me to be mean to people I didn’t
like; I couldn’t see myself being nasty to him.

     Nic’s truck pulled up to the curb where I stood. I took
a deep breath and reached out to open the door but it was locked. The next
second Nic was standing beside me.

     “You weren’t looking.” He said. Clicking a button on
his key remote he unlocked the door and opened it for me.

     He could always make me smile. “You caught me.” I
acknowledged. He was always striving to open doors for me but I just wasn’t
used to it and went about it myself. I didn’t even realize guys still did that.

     Taking my elbow he assisted me up into the truck, but
instead of stepping back to shut the door he stepped closer and lifted his hand
to my face. I stiffened and tilted my head away at the thought of him seeing my
cheek. The woman’s shelter had offered me some make-up to cover up most of the
bruising, but the cut was still clearly visible.

     I still wore my trusted beanie cap but my hair was
unbound under it; the cap helped to keep my hair in place over my cheek. Nic
threaded his fingers gently through my hair lifting it away from my face. His
expression went stony at seeing the cut and covered bruise but his touch was gentle
as it caressed over my cheek.  

     “I love seeing your hair loose, but not so that it can
hide this, and I know the make-up on the other side is covering something
else.”

     I looked away awkwardly. “It’s really not that bad.”

     “I don’t like seeing bruises on you.” He said irately.

     My gaze flew back to him; he was mad that I was hurt?
My throat clogged up and my eyes stung. “Nic, truly, I’m okay.” I said weakly.

     His eyes gazed into mine intently. “I doubted it.” He
stepped back and closed the door.

     I buckled in as Nic walked around to the driver’s side.
After buckling in he put the truck in gear. He gave me a sidelong look.

     “Did your mother do that to you?” He asked a hard
tone. 

     Uhgg, what to say? I didn’t want to lie, and what story
could I come up with anyway. Tripping and falling was too cliché. “My mother
and I have a complicated history. When I came home early Sunday morning she was
angry that I’d stayed out all night.” I sighed and brought my hand up to my
face. “She slapped me and it caused me to stumble into a door frame. That’s how
I got the cut on my face.”

     Nic’s lips had thinned to a hard line as he maneuvered
through traffic. “She slapped you so hard that she left a bruise on your cheek
and then the force of it knocked you into a door. Then to top it all off she
kicked you out of the house. What kind of complicated history could you
possibly have that would cause her to treat you this way? Has she hit you
before?”

     My heart stuttered in reaction to his question. I
looked out the window and regulated my breathing. “No, this was the first time
she ever hit me. Typically she ignores me. The history has to do with
my…father, but that’s all I can tell you.” I answered, barely able to get that
word out.

     I could feel his concerned gaze on me no doubt
remembering how I’d freaked out the last time we’d discussed that subject. It
had taken a lot for me to divulge that much.

     “Okay,” he responded simply. His hand reached for mine
and I sighed; I’d missed his warm hands.

     “I want you to understand something.” Nic squeezed my
hand. “I don’t want you avoiding me again. I’m here for you and if there’s some
drama going on in your life I want to help you with it.”

     I grimaced. He thought I’d avoided him because of my
mom. “Nic, I didn’t avoid you because of what happened with my mom.” I fiddled
agitatedly with my hair. “There are some things in my past…It could cause you
some embarrassment or even damage your reputation, personal and athletic.”

     He threw me a confused frown and I took a deep breath.
“I was in a mental institution for a year in my early teens.” Nic’s eyes
widened in astonishment and I hurried on. “I’m not crazy or anything…something
happened and I needed the help of certain specialists.”

     “That’s where you learned to do your breathing
exercises, isn’t it?” Nic asked.

     “Yes. I get overwhelmed sometimes and it helps me calm
down.”

     “What would happen if it didn’t work?” Nic’s brows knitted
in concern.

     “I used to pass out.” I continued when his face became
alarmed, “but I haven’t in a while.”

     “Why do you think something like that would harm me?”
Nic asked with a scoff.

     I looked at him in miserable frustration. “I was in a
mental hospital…A bad thing happened that caused me to go there…If I’m hanging
around with you someone could find out and then your name would be attached to
it too. It could damage your lacrosse career.” I didn’t add the ‘duh’, but it
was implied.

     “First of all, lacrosse isn’t as well known as some
other sports so I doubt it would make that big of a splash. Secondly, if
someone actually did care enough to go snooping publicity normally adds more
hype to a career. Thirdly, I don’t give a damn what other people think.” Nic
pulled into a parking space in front of the building to my first class.

     I shook my head desolately. He didn’t understand
because I wasn’t telling him the whole story. Nic gave a tug to my arm.

     “I know there’s more that you’re not telling me, “I
gave him an incredible look. ‘
Was he
reading my mind?
’ “That’s
okay; I don’t want you to feel pressured to tell me until you’re ready. Carrie,
I want you to know that whatever it is I’m going to be there for you.” He gave
me a warm smile. “But let’s forget about that for now. We have the same hours
free for lunch today. Would you have lunch with me?”

     Nic’s green eyes gazed so intently into mine that I
couldn’t look away. He was an addiction I couldn’t say ‘no’ to even though the
two of us together might only bring each other harm. There was no possible way
I could be mean to get him to stay away, and it appeared he wasn’t going to
step back any time soon on his own. The joy that spread through me at that
thought warmed me all over. I wanted him safe from my past, but I also didn’t
want to lose him.

     Was it possible things could turn out alright?

     I tentatively nodded. “Yes.”

     A huge smile split his face, and that had more warmth
rushing through me. “Good, we’ll meet around eleven forty-five in the campus
cafeteria.”

      He leaned over and gave me a kiss. On the lips. They
were warm and soft and gone too quickly. I actually found myself following his
mouth as it moved away. His pupils dilated and heat blazed out of them as he
noticed my movement, and then he was kissing me again. A hand cupped the back
of my head firmly as his lips molded firmly over mine. This was different from
the other kisses; it lingered and was more potent. It was both exciting and a
little alarming; I had never been kissed like this before, I liked it, but I
didn’t know what to do. 

     I made a timorous effort of moving my lips under his,
and as my lips parted his sucked and pulled at mine. It felt amazing. My
breathing quickened and I gasped as tingles erupted everywhere. Suddenly, his
tongue made a foray into my mouth. The strangeness of it made me stiffen up and
pull away before I realized that’s what people did, they kissed with their
tongues, but it had just felt really bizarre.

     Breathing heavily I gazed up at him. Nic was breathing
just as deeply and our breaths mingled together. His eyes as they stared into
mine were smoldering hot, and my erratic heartbeat went even more haywire.

     I stammered out before I could halt myself. “I’m sorry.
I was just surprised at…when you put your…” I pressed my lips together as I
realized what I was saying. I didn’t need to be babbling my inexperience. God,
I was such an idiot!

     Nic set his forehead to mine closing his eyes. The hand
that had been on my head went to rub my back. I took pleasure in the closeness
and warmth. Eventually, Nic lifted his head from mine and the fire in his eyes
had cooled slightly, warm amusement took its place.

     “It’s a good thing you had the fortitude to stop,
because I don’t think I could have, and you have class.”

    
I looked at the clock on the dash; 7:56.
Crap!
I was going to be late. “Crap!” I grabbed my pack off the floor and reached for
the door handle.

     Nic gave a chuckle as I jumped out. “See you in a few
hours.” He called as I shut the door.

     He drove away and I stood there smiling inanely before
remembering that I needed to get to class.

∞              
∞               ∞

     At 11:30 I left my Finite Mathematics class and headed
for the campus cafeteria. The walk would take about fifteen minutes getting me
there right on time for my lunch with Nic. I was passing the parking area when
I noticed Nic’s truck in the lot. Smiling in anticipation, I hurried my steps anxious
to see him.

     I stopped abruptly though when I saw Nic about twenty
yards from the front entrance, and he wasn’t alone. There was a girl draped all
over him. I couldn’t see who she was, her back was to me, but that wasn’t
significant. What was significant was that Nic and the girl were embracing…and
kissing.

     My heart clenched and nausea filled my belly. Turning
away swiftly I pushed my fisted hand into my belly and tried to swallow but
couldn’t past the hitch in my throat. I moved over to the nearest tree to get
out of sight of the embracing couple and did my breathing exercises. Tears
filled my eyes and a sob shuddered in my chest. People walked past me looking
at me curiously and I let my hair fall forward to cover my face and shield my
eyes. Maybe if I concentrated hard enough I’d find myself somewhere else,
alone.

     I shouldn’t feel so betrayed. Sure, Nic had talked
about dating, but he hadn’t said anything about exclusivity. I had to remember
that he had a reputation. Rumors might not guide my decisions, but only a fool
ignored them completely. I guess, maybe, I had expected more from him, or did
he make all the girls feel as special as he had me.

     I abruptly remembered my words from last night. I told
Nic we needed to stop seeing each. He’d disputed it saying he wanted to be
there for me, but he hadn’t said anything about continuing a relationship.
Maybe he wanted to go back to being friends? But then what about that kiss?

     “Carrie, are you all right?”

     There was a ringing in my ears so I barely heard the
voice saying my name.

     A hand gripped my arm. “Carrie, can you hear me? Are
you okay?”

     Looking up through a haze of tears I made out Seth,
Nic’s roommate, standing in front of me with a concerned look on his face.

     I wiped at my face hastily trying to hide my tears but
couldn’t speak quite yet, I was still trying to get myself under control. Seth
seemed to understand; he gave me a sympathetic smile and rubbed my arm. “Take
your time.”

     His kindness made me want to bawl harder, but I held it
in with deep breaths and finally answered huskily. “I’ll be fine. Thank you for
asking.” I looked away from his concerned expression. Seeing it made more tears
fill my eyes.

     “What the hell!” Seth’s hand came up and cupped my cut
cheek. “Is this why you’re crying?”

     My gaze flew back to his. His expression was still
concerned but there was an edge of anger to it. The fierce look combined with
his height and bulk made Seth very intimidating, but his touch was gentle on my
face.

    “No, that happened a couple days ago. It’s nothing.
I’m…” I tried to think up something to say. “… just not feeling very well. I
was thinking about heading home.” I choked out and made to walk around him
needing to get away as fast as I could.

     His hand was still on my arm and didn’t let go. He
gazed at me intently. “Weren’t you having lunch with Nic today? He mentioned in
class today that you were. If you’re feeling sick I’m sure he’d drive you
home.”

     Seth glanced over my shoulder and his gaze narrowed. My
heart sank. I knew he was observing what I’d just seen minutes ago.

     “I need to go.” I whisper brokenly trying to tug my arm
from his grasp, not wanting to see Nic and that girl again.

     “What the hell is going on here?”

     I stiffened at Nic’s voice and glanced over my
shoulder. He was striding toward Seth and me with a frown on his face. Looking
past him I could see the girl standing in the same spot I’d seen them previously.
It was Beatrice!...and she looked infuriated. Another wave of nausea rolled
through me knowing what they had shared together. 

     Glancing back at Nic I saw his frown turn to alarmed
concern as he took in my tear stained face. His gaze then flew from my face to
Seth’s hand on my arm and his expression switched to livid. He stormed over and
it looked like he was going to hit Seth the same as he’d hit that other guy at
the party.

     Seth dropped my arm and stepped back. “She’s not upset
because of me, man. I found her crying.”

     Before I could get out of there now that I was free Nic
wrapped his arms around me and hugged me to him. I went rigid in his arms; arms
that had been holding someone else only minutes earlier.