No-One Ever Has Sex on a Tuesday (27 page)

‘Yes.’

‘How?’

‘Katy told me. And for the record, I think it’s probably just a storm in a teacup and I’ve advised Katy to let it blow over.’

‘Are you some kind of idiot?’ Matthew exploded. ‘This relationship is toxic. It could all blow up in our faces at any point.’

‘And what on earth has it got to do with you?’

‘Because he’s flirting with my
wife
! It’s got everything to do with me.’

‘Who is?’

Matthew stopped. There was something off about this whole conversation, but he wasn’t sure what it was. The two men stared at each other, confused.

‘Ben has been spending time with my wife and I need Katy to help me put a stop to it,’ said Matthew emphatically.

Daniel continued to stare at Matthew, his eyes widening.

‘KATY!’ he bellowed.

‘WHAT?’ came a shout from somewhere down the corridor.

‘I need you in the conference room, right now,’ he shouted back.

Two minutes later Katy bustled into the conference room. Daniel sat at the head of the long boardroom-style table, his elbows resting on the arms of his chair, his fingertips drumming together. Matthew stood with his back to the room, staring out of the window over the concrete spires of Leeds.

‘This had better be good,’ said Katy as she closed the door behind her. ‘Crispy Bix will be here any minute.’

‘Katy,’ said Matthew, turning around.

‘Matthew!’ she exclaimed. She glanced over at Daniel, horrified, then fixed Matthew with a glare. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Hear him out,’ said Daniel, getting up. ‘I’ll be in my office,’ he added as he made for the door.

‘No!’ shouted Katy, moving to block his path. ‘You can’t leave us alone together. It’s . . . it’s not right.’

Daniel looked down on her and smiled.

‘I was so hoping you’d say that.’ He sat back down in his chair with a grin and motioned Matthew to carry on. ‘I really didn’t want to miss this.’

‘It’s Ben,’ Matthew began.

‘Ben!’ exclaimed Katy. ‘What about Ben?’

‘Well, he’s been spending a lot of time with Alison, and I need you to put a stop to it.’

Katy didn’t say anything for a good few seconds, then she burst out laughing.

‘Is this your idea of a joke, Daniel?’ she said eventually, once she had calmed down.

‘No,’ said Daniel. ‘I admit that a teeny-weeny bit of me wishes it was, but no. This is nothing to do with me, I can assure you.’

Katy turned back to Matthew. ‘You’re not serious, are you? There’s no way Ben would be spending time with Alison. He doesn’t even like her. He thinks she’s, well, a bit stuck-up.’

‘Stuck-up!’ cried Matthew. ‘That’s rich, that is.’ He began to pace the room. ‘Well, he’s not calling her that any more. She’s on bloody cloud nine because he called her eye candy.’

‘Eye- candy!’ Katy exploded. ‘Ben called Alison eye candy? Don’t be so ridiculous!’

‘Yes, he did. I believe it’s what’s known as flirting.’ Matthew threw a questioning glance over at Daniel, who nodded his agreement.

‘I would concur that yes, calling someone eye candy constitutes flirting.’

‘No,’ said Katy, shaking her head violently. ‘I don’t believe you. You’ve got him mixed up with someone else, hasn’t he, Daniel? Ben’s been acting strange, but that’s because there’s something going on with Abby, not Alison.’

‘Abby?’ asked Matthew. ‘Who’s Abby?’

‘A friend of Charlene’s that Ben kissed on Saturday night,’ Daniel replied helpfully.

‘What?’ cried Matthew. ‘He’s stringing two women along as well as you, Katy?’ He turned to face her in bewilderment.

‘No, it’s not like that,’ Katy said defensively. ‘You’ve got it all wrong about Alison. He hasn’t been seeing her. He wouldn’t go within a million miles of her, or you, after what happened.’ She looked away, embarrassed, unable to hold his gaze. ‘Alison must be making it up. Why on earth would Ben want to spend time with your wife?’

‘Because of you,’ spat Matthew. ‘Because you left Ben right in it. She’s been helping him learn how to look after your baby whilst you’re at work. Got himself in a right mess, apparently. Alison stepped in and offered to help, and ever since then they’ve been getting together so Ben can learn all about babies.’

Katy stared back at him with her mouth open.

‘No,’ she muttered eventually. ‘He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t turn to Alison. Anyone but her. Why didn’t he ask me?’

‘You said yourself, you were pretty clueless,’ offered Daniel.

‘You are allowed to be present but
not
heard,’ shouted Katy.

‘Okay,’ said Daniel, sinking down in his seat.

Matthew took a step forward and placed both his hands on the back of a chair.

‘He’s been to our house, Katy. He . . . he . . .’

‘He what?’ demanded Katy, starting to panic.

‘He filmed my wife,’ Matthew paused, struggling to get the words out, ‘p-peeling . . .’

‘Oh my God,’ gasped Daniel, unable to contain his excitement. ‘Sorry,’ he said when Katy gave him a glare. He clapped his hand over his mouth to prevent himself saying anything else.

‘Carrots,’ said Matthew, glancing at Daniel. ‘Peeling
carrots
.’

‘Carrots!’ exclaimed Daniel. ‘I thought . . .’ he stopped. ‘It doesn’t matter what I thought, does it?’ he said meekly.

‘And he called her eye candy,’ declared Matthew again. ‘He had the gall to call her
eye candy
.’

‘I have to ask if this was whilst she was peeling the carrot?’ enquired Daniel quietly.

‘I don’t know,’ boomed Matthew.

Katy had sat down. She replayed the last few weeks’ events in her mind and realised it made perfect sense that Ben had been getting some outside help with Millie. It explained why he’d been so resistant to filling her in on anything he’d been up to during the long daytime hours spent with Millie. What made no sense at all was that this assistance had come from Alison, a woman whose complete lack of sense of humour Ben had barely tolerated during their antenatal classes and whom Ben had hoped never to meet again once the truth about Katy and Matthew’s liaison had been revealed.

She looked up at Matthew and shook her head again.

‘It doesn’t make any sense,’ she said quietly. ‘Why Alison, of all people?’

‘He’s with her now,’ said Matthew. ‘Alison told me this morning he’s coming round. She said something about a steriliser.’

‘Steriliser!’ gasped Katy and Daniel.

‘That’s right. And sleeping routines.’

‘Oh,’ said Katy.

The term ‘sleeping routine’ had not been in their vocabulary, since Millie appeared to be one of those babies who didn’t have one. That was until this past week, when sleeping routines had been mentioned several times by Ben, out of nowhere. The phrase smacked of the uber-organised Alison, who had shared her military-style preparations for the arrival of her twins with everyone at the antenatal classes they’d attended together. Katy, on the other hand, had remained in denial that there was a human being on the way right up until the eleventh hour.

‘Alison is A!’ she exclaimed suddenly.

‘What?’ asked Matthew.

‘Ben’s been getting texts from someone called A. It must be Alison.’

‘Well, she was certainly texting him on Friday night whilst we were trying to have a civilised dinner at Grants.’

‘Ben and I were out on Friday night,’ said Katy, her head snapping up. ‘They were texting each other
then
?’

‘They were indeed. She actually – and I cannot believe I’m saying this – but Alison actually texted him
at the dinner table
.’

Katy stood up abruptly.

‘They’re together at your house now, you say?’ she demanded.

‘Yes,’ Matthew confirmed. ‘You realise that we have to put a stop to this, don’t you, Katy? We cannot let this continue.’

‘Well, what are we waiting for, then? Let’s go.’

‘Now?’

‘Yes, now.’ Katy turned to Daniel. ‘Tell Crispy Bix I had a family crisis. You can handle them, can’t you?’

‘Can’t I come?’ whined Daniel.

‘No,’ Matthew and Katy replied simultaneously.

‘I think you’re making a serious mistake if you don’t let me come with you.’

‘We don’t
need
an audience,’ said Matthew. ‘Come on, Katy. Let’s sort this out right now.’

‘Are you sure that’s wise?’ questioned Daniel. ‘I mean, think about it. Do you seriously think it’s a good idea to arrive at your house alone together, given your history? It won’t be them looking like the guilty party, but you.’

Matthew and Katy looked at each other. Matthew shrugged.

‘I suppose he has a point,’ he said.

‘Yes,’ said Daniel, giving a small fist pump. ‘Sean can handle the meeting. I’ll get my coat.’

‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ the receptionist shouted over to Katy and Matthew as they emerged from the lift.

‘What?’ asked Katy.

‘She’s in shock,’ said Matthew, hurrying Katy past the receptionist. ‘I’m just taking her out for some fresh air.’

‘Hold all calls,’ waved Daniel, skipping after them. ‘We are in the midst of crisis.’

Chapter Twenty-Nine

There was a loud noise coming from inside Alison’s house. This was unusual. Normally it was an oasis of calm and serenity, but as Ben stood on the doorstep carrying Millie in her car seat, he could hear something thumping really hard inside. In fact the noise was so loud that he had to ring the doorbell several times before anyone came to get him.

‘Come in,’ Alison shouted at him when she eventually opened the door. ‘We’re playing the Arctic Monkeys VERY LOUD,’ she continued with a grin, ‘to get ourselves in the mood for doing the next video.’

‘Okay,’ Ben shouting back, wishing she would turn it down.

‘Come on through,’ she yelled. ‘We’ve been waiting for you.’

Ben bent to get Millie out of the car seat then traipsed after Alison into the kitchen, where she thankfully turned the music down so they could at least hear themselves think.

‘I phoned Charlene yesterday,’ she announced, as Ben laid Millie carefully on a rug next to Rebecca and George.

‘Did you?’

‘Yes, I told her she could use my video, and she was really pleased. Then she had a brilliant idea.’

‘Really?’ said Ben, standing up. ‘Charlene?’

‘I’m going to do a proper website,’ Alison said, beaming. ‘For people just like you. With clear, simple instructions about looking after a newborn. Nothing complicated, just the basics, like you said. So you can get on with enjoying having a baby.’

‘Sounds brilliant,’ said Ben, amazed at how excited she seemed and delighted that his cunning plan to keep getting advice from Alison might actually work.

‘And Charlene suggested a name,’ she continued. ‘But I’m not quite sure about it.’

‘Okay,’ said Ben. ‘Hit me with it.

‘The Dummies and Daddies’ Guide to Babies,’ she announced.

There was silence as she scrutinised Ben for a reaction.

‘It’s brilliant,’ he declared.

‘But does anyone really want to be branded a dummy?’ she asked uncertainly.

‘Of course they do. Being branded a dummy allows you to declare you know absolutely bugger all. Everyone assumes you simply know how to look after a baby, don’t they? We’re all dummies when we start, and no-one should be afraid of admitting that.’

‘Right.’ Alison nodded thoughtfully. ‘Well, that’s that then. The website has a name.’

‘Wow,’ said Ben. ‘Get you.’

‘I know,’ said Alison. ‘Who’d have thought you coming back into my life would have led to this?’

‘Life is very weird,’ agreed Ben. ‘Now, shall I teach you how to make your first film for your very own website?’

‘Oh yes,’ she grinned. ‘Please do.’

After Alison had taken a full twenty minutes to determine how to lay Ben’s steriliser out in the most helpful fashion and when Ben had finally worked out how to attach Alison’s phone to a small tripod he’d acquired for the purpose, they were ready to roll.

‘So how do I look?’ she asked, just as they were about to start.

He glanced over at her. She did look different, somehow, but he couldn’t work out why. She seemed younger, more relaxed.

‘Charlene said I needed to look less like Mary Poppins,’ said Alison. ‘I needed to appear more approachable, less threatening.’

‘Just like a
Blue Peter
presenter,’ declared Ben. That was what was different. Her shirt was fitted but open at the collar and was a vivid aqua blue. She was wearing jeans that he’d never seen her in before and her blonde hair was in a ponytail rather than her usual super-sleek, shoulder-length bob.

‘It suits you,’ he told her. ‘Really it does.’

‘Still a bit of eye candy?’ she asked with a small smile.

‘Oh, most definitely eye candy,’ he confirmed. When she relaxed like this, Alison really wasn’t half bad. He’d actually quite miss her. If it hadn’t been for the fact that it was all too complicated, then it was entirely possible they might have become friends.

‘Right,’ he said, standing up straight. ‘Are we ready? Shall we shoot a rehearsal and see how it comes out? Then you can have a go at setting it up yourself. Ready?’

Alison cleared her throat and nodded, smiling into the camera.

‘So in three, two, one, ACTION.’

‘I don’t fucking believe it!’ came a gruff voice from the doorway into the hall.

‘Matthew!’ exclaimed Alison. She looked up, her pink, glossy lips forming a perfectly shocked circle shape. ‘What are you doing home?’

Ben froze, his back to Matthew.
Fuck
. It was happening. His worst nightmare.

‘Katy! Why are you here?’ was the next thing he heard Alison yelp. Ben spun round to see Katy’s head poking out from behind Matthew’s shoulder in the kitchen doorway.

He gasped at the sight of them together. He’d never expected to be confronted by that vision again.

‘Filming my wife, in my own home. What kind of weirdo are you?’ said Matthew, advancing towards Ben.

‘What are you doing here together?’ Ben asked, searching Katy’s face for an explanation as Matthew loomed over him. He looked over to Alison. What did she see?
He
saw a disaster waiting to happen. Did she see it? This could not, would not, end well, and the most likely casualty was going to be her, given that she was the only person in the room who had no idea of the secrets and lies compiled between the other three.