Nobody Knows (17 page)

“Ellie. Ellie! Wake up!”

A hand prodded at my arm, and still half asleep, I slapped it away, turning over and pulling the covers around me. It was still pitch black in my room which meant it was nowhere near time to get up.

“Ellie!”

“What?” I mumbled. “I’m sleeping.”

“Dad called. Jason’s in hospital, we have to go. Now!”

Dad. Jason. Hospital.

Dad called. Jason hospital.

Hospital?

I blinked a few times, the duvet still covered my head. “What?”

“Ellie, please! We need to go!”

Cool air attacked my skin as the warm covers were snatched away from me.

Hospital.

I sprung into an upright position, head throbbing. “Wait. What... Why is... What the hell’s going on?”

My focus cleared, and Drew stood at the side of my bed, his eyes frantically begging me to get up. He’d thrown his jeans and a t-shirt on, and while I tried to fully regain consciousness, he scrambled around the room, picking up my clothes.

“He fucking overdosed on cocaine!” He threw my not-long-ago-removed outfit on the bed. “I don’t know anything else, Dad wasn’t making sense. Jason’s in hospital and we need to get there!”

The world stopped. Drew’s voice came to me in slow motion. Snippets drifting in and out of my head, trying to understand.

An overdose. How did he...? I took the cocaine away. Flushed it right down the toilet. And I was with him a few hours ago. He said he was okay. Nothing to worry about.

“Ells, please. Get dressed, or I’ll have to go without you.”

Shaking my head, I stood up, mind racing as I put my clothes on. Too fast. Everything was happening too fast. “Tell me what you know,” I said, searching for my shoes. Where the hell were my shoes? I took them off... oh, in the kitchen! Right. Where Drew and I grabbed a glass of wine before falling into bed.

Without a thought for what Jason was doing.

Shit. Was this my fault?

Drew followed me, saying, “Dad found Jason in his old room, collapsed on the bed. He said he was struggling to breathe, and he told Dad he’d used cocaine. Dad called an ambulance, and... Ellie
I don’t know
!”

“Okay, okay.” I was struggling to breathe myself. When I’d put my shoes on, I grabbed my coat and keys. “Let’s go.”

I managed to get us safely to the hospital without any recollection of the journey, snippets of Drew calling Derek drifting in and out of my consciousness. The whole way, I kept telling myself everything would be okay. It wasn’t my fault.

The words didn’t ring true.

I should have let someone know what I found.
Jason promised he had no intention of using, how could he go back on that?

He’s an addict, Ellie. Addicts lie.

No. He wasn’t lying. At least, he wasn’t when he said it, but after his argument with Drew maybe...I don’t know, maybe it was too much for him. I should have called him.

Stupid, Ellie!

Please. Please, God. Let Jason get through this.

Tears prickled my eyes but I blinked them away, and reached for Drew’s hand as we rushed through the hospital to find Michael. With every step, my legs felt heavier, my heart pounded a little harder. As we stopped to work out where we were supposed to go, Drew’s phone beeped. The text message he read made all colour drain from his cheeks.

“What is it?”

“It was Dad. Jason’s in intensive care.” Drew turned to me. “Did I do this to him, Ells?”

His ashen face only intensified my own guilt. I’d barely looked at him since he woke me up, but now, standing with him, I could see every thought in his head. He hadn’t worked through the fight with Jason yet, and I could practically hear him telling himself he’d failed again.

My insides twisted, nausea swirling in my gut. If anyone failed, it was me.

“Drew.” I squeezed his hands. “No. You didn’t. This is... I don’t understand what happened, but you didn’t do this.”

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. “If anything happens to him, I-”

“Don’t. We need to find your dad, and the doctors can tell us what’s going on, okay?”

“I don’t think I can do this, Ellie. The stuff I said to him earlier…” he paused, shaking his head.

Dammit, why did I let this get so out of hand? Thinking I was protecting Drew, when all I’d really done was allow Jason another chance to let him down. I didn’t see it coming. I’d tried to stop their family being ripped apart any further, but if Jason didn’t pull through, they would be shattered into a million pieces, and I was the one who let them fall.

I took a long, slow breath. “We have to do this. Together.”

On wobbly legs, we hurried to the ICU, and quickly found Michael pacing around the table in the centre of the waiting area, wringing his hands.

“Dad.”

Michael looked as though he’d aged twenty years, his face completely white, his eyes full of fear. He grabbed Drew and bundled him into a hug, then pulled me in, too.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” He clung to us like he’d never let go. “Being out here on my own while Jason’s-” he paused, choking on the words. Tears burned the back of my eyes again, and I fought hard to keep them under control.

“What’s happening in there?” Drew asked, taking his dad’s arm and carefully leading him to a chair to sit him down.

“They think he’s had a heart attack. He couldn’t breathe properly, and in the ambulance he... I don’t know... I don’t think he stopped breathing but he wasn’t responding to anything the paramedics did. They rushed him straight here, and I was asked to wait. He’s only been in there about five minutes, but it feels like forever.”

“So they haven’t told you what’s going on?”

“Not yet.”

“That’s not good enough. They can’t leave us waiting around without any information.”

I recognised his tone and it never led to anything good. The last thing we needed was for Drew to direct the worst of his temper at the people who were taking care of Jason.

“Drew, sit down,” I said. “At least give it a bit longer, Jason’s only been in there a few minutes-”

“And they left Dad without telling him what the hell is happening! I’m going to find out what’s going on.”

Before any of us could stop him, he barged through the double doors that presumably led to where Jason was being treated.

Michael started to rise from his seat, but I gently sat him down again. He was too weak to walk anywhere, let alone drag Drew back when he was so angry. “I’ll get him. I won’t be long.”

I ran after Drew, through the still-swinging doors, only to crash right into the back of him. He’d stopped, his eyes fixed straight ahead.

Through a large window, doctors and nurses scurried around, checking machinery and closely observing their patient who lay flat, wires attached to his chest.

His multi-coloured hair lifeless as it splayed around him on the pillow.

Their patient.
That’s all Jason was to them. Another patient, another life to save. They’d work hard to save him, but they didn’t know him. They didn’t know he was always the first to buy a round in the pub, or that he would rather bleach his own eyeballs than swallow a drink as bland as tea. They didn’t know he’d started playing guitar when he was thirteen because Drew was having drum lessons, and more than anything, he wanted to be in a band with his big brother. They didn’t know he couldn’t play for shit, but luckily, he had a great voice.

Had. Like he wasn’t alive. He didn’t look alive, all limp and unresponsive. Not our full-of-life Jason.

I wrapped my arms around Drew to steady myself, the beeps of the various contraptions ringing in my ears.

“We... we shouldn’t be in here,” I said, my vision sliding out of focus. The stench of disinfectant that always hangs in the air in hospitals filled my nostrils stronger than ever. I grabbed at Drew’s shirt, trying hard to keep my balance when I felt sure I would fall to the ground at any second.

He didn’t move. Just kept staring through the window as if he couldn’t hear me.

Couldn’t feel me.

I had to get out.

In my rush to escape, to get some air, I crashed into someone else, and then stumbled back into Drew. I couldn’t catch my breath enough to apologise.

“Can I help you?”

The person I’d bumped into was a young, blonde nurse who looked like she’d stepped off the set of Holby City.

“That’s my brother.” Drew nodded towards Jason’s room. “I... I...”

“We want to know how he’s doing.” My voice cracked as I spoke.

A glimmer of recognition flickered in the nurse’s eyes before her face fell. My sinking heart followed as she rested her hand on my arm. “I think you’ll be more comfortable in the waiting room,” she began, leading me towards the doors, but Drew stopped her.

“Not until you tell us what’s going on.”

He fixed her with his most intimidating stare, and her cheeks flushed with discomfort. “If you give me five minutes, I can-”

“You can’t keep us waiting! I want to know what’s happening in there!”

The nurse stepped back from the sheer force of his words. I couldn’t blame her for increasing her distance. Drew was scary when he fully lost his temper, but he’d barely started, and she didn’t look like someone who could handle one of his full-blown rages. I took another huge lungful of air. “Drew, cool it.”

“Ellie-”

“No! Go and sit with your dad, okay?”

He glared at me, and with a frustrated growl, barged back through the doors to the waiting room.

“I’m sorry.” I turned to the nurse. “It’s been a rough day.”

The nurse gave a weak smile. “I guess I need to get used to this kind of thing. I’m new, and I haven’t developed a thick skin yet.” She glanced over her shoulder to Jason’s room, where nurses continued to monitor him with concerned faces. “I’m also not good at not getting emotionally attached. I still get upset every time we lose someone.”

Why did she look at Jason before she said that?

Catching on to my concern, she added, “Oh God, I didn’t mean...” She ran a hand through her hair, still flustered. “This is totally unprofessional but... that’s Jason Brooks. It’s throwing me off to see a man I watched on stage a few weeks ago lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life.”

It
was
a little unprofessional, but I sort of understood. I saw women like her every time I went to a gig. Women who loved the band, felt a connection to them. This girl had the added “local” bond with them. Her forehead was creased with worry for a man she only knew from the papers, and she’d just been yelled at by a member of a band she loved.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Natalie.”

She fidgeted with the edge of her sleeve, reminding me of a small child who was about to get a telling off. I chuckled. She was obviously several years older than me, and smart enough to be a nurse. Even in such horrible circumstances, there was humour in the proof that, no matter what age a person is, they can be brought to their knees by someone they admire.

“Natalie. If someone has to take care of my best friend, I couldn’t have asked for anyone better than a fan. I know you’ll make sure he gets everything he needs.” I gave her hand a quick squeeze. “If you could please find someone who can tell us what’s going on, we’d appreciate it.”

Natalie nodded. “I’ll do that right now.” She smiled again, a little more brightly. “Thank you, Ellie.”

My eyes widened in surprise.
How does she...?
Oh right. A fan. It would be a long time before I got used to strangers knowing my name.

“I’d better get back to Drew,” I said. “Thanks for your help.”

Slightly less nauseous and wobbly, I headed through the doors, to Drew and Michael. Michael still sat in the chair where I left him, but Drew was furiously pacing, and on seeing me he charged, gripping the tops of my arms. Not hard enough to hurt me, but with desperation for a diagnosis.

“What did she say?”

“Nothing yet. She’s going to find someone who can talk to us.”

Drew threw out a string of curse words, turning away from me, but I pulled him back.

“Hey!” I placed my hands on his shoulders. “Stop shouting or you’ll get thrown out.”

“Ellie-”

“Drew.” I linked my fingers behind his neck, giving him no choice but to look at me. I didn’t need to speak, I needed him to focus on me, and I waited for him to stop throwing out venomous vibes. “Let the doctors do their job. If nobody’s been out in another ten minutes, we’ll go back and find someone to ask. Right now, the doctors need to be with Jason.”

Eventually he nodded. “Okay. Okay. I’ll go get us some coffee, can you stay with Dad?”

“Of course.”

He pressed his lips against my forehead before walking away.

Once Drew was out of sight, I sighed, and sat down beside Michael. Trying to keep my own emotions in check was draining me of the little energy I had, without the added stress of stopping Drew from having a meltdown too. My long, unbrushed hair fell around me like a curtain, blocking out the world.

“You’re really good for him, you know? Nobody else can keep his temper under control the way you can,” Michael said. “Nobody ever could. You’ve always been special to him, Ellie. I’m afraid he’s like his old man, though. Takes him a long time to say how he feels. I’m glad he got around to it.” He patted my hand.

The sickness in my stomach returned. Painful, torturing. Instead of making a dash for the door like I wanted to, I turned my hand over in his and linked our fingers together.

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

I only hope he feels the same way when I tell him I kept Jason’s secret.

I took in a sharp intake of breath. I hadn’t realised I had any intention of telling anyone I saw Jason with cocaine. I wanted to sweep it out of my mind. The guilt was already eating away at me though.

When Drew returned with the coffees, he sat beside me looking a little less ready to kill someone. He rested his hand on my leg, and again, silence fell.

Barely a few minutes passed before the double doors opened, and a dishevelled doctor, roughly in his mid-fifties, gave us a warm smile as he approached. We all got to our feet, the tension building with every step he took.