“What is it?” she murmured in concern as she studied him.
He lowered his mouth until it hovered near her lips. “I need you,” he whispered. “Again,” he added, not sure if the qualifier was to comfort him or her.
When she wrapped her arms and legs around him, he let his body shut down his mind, and sought blissful oblivion in her arms.
Chapter 35
J
ill handed a customer her change and grinned when Meredith and Tanner came through the door. Actually, it was cute, seeing Tanner hold the door open for her radiant sister all dressed in black.
Someone had gotten laid last night.
At last!
Man, if that didn’t lift her mood from depressed to sad. She did an Irish jig in place and pointed to the clock. “Somebody’s running a bit behind.” She didn’t say three hours. “Are you sure you don’t want decaf since it’s so late?”
Tanner fought a smile.
Glaring at her sister, Meredith said, “Is this how you treat all your customers?”
“No, you’re special. So was it like Dru hooking up with Seth for the first time in
Chesapeake Blue
?”
“Jeez, Jill. Will you lay off?”
Jill batted her eyelashes. “Beats gloating. Tanner, that’s girl code. Literary reference.”
“Nothing I’ve read. I’m afraid to ask.”
“Smart man. You want your regular or something different? An energy boost, perhaps?”
“Shut up, Jill.” Meredith’s cheeks were scarlet.
Tanner stepped forward. “I’ll have my regular. Meredith?”
When she gave her preference, Jill called out the order and pushed back Tanner’s money.
“Not this morning. It’s my way of saying thank you.”
“This is the second time you’ve tried to give me coffee on the house. You’ll be out of business at this rate.”
“Not unless you plan on doing other things worthy of gratitude.”
Meredith reached over and punched her in the arm. “Leave him alone. You’re acting like a kid.”
“No, I’m enjoying myself. Since I’m not going to gloat—yet—I am going to bask in this moment. You look good, Mere.”
Tanner ran his hand down her back. “Yes, she does.”
Pressing her hands to her cheeks, Jill said, “Oh, could he be any hotter? It’s so sad our torrid love affair never got off the ground.”
He chuckled. “You were too good for me.”
Meredith turned to him. “And I’m not?”
He leaned down and kissed her lightly on the mouth. “You’re probably too good for me too.”
Jill wanted to sigh. Things were looking serious. She rubbed her hands together. “So, Tanner, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”
“My sister and nephew are coming to stay with me.”
“Oh, how nice. I can’t wait to meet them. Is she a good cook?”
“Ah…passable.”
Meredith shot her a glance. In response, Jill made a silly face.
“Well, I was thinking how nice it would be for you all to come to our house. Mom and Dad are driving back up, and she’s a great cook.”
Meredith’s glare could have turned her to stone.
“That’s kind of you, Jill, but I think you’re making Meredith uncomfortable.” He leaned over the counter and tapped her nose. “Stop meddling.”
When her sister fidgeted, Jill knew she had her.
“Tanner, we’d love to have you and your family over,” Mere said with a bright smile.
Handing her sister her latte, he pressed his coffee to his chest. “You don’t have to do this, Meredith.”
“I know, but come anyway.”
The air crackled with more than pure lust. It held tenderness. There was magic all around.
Nora Roberts Land was here at last!
Jill started humming as a familiar silver SUV streaked by. “Double espresso. Stat. And take the cash register, Benny,” she called out to her new lip-pierced barista.
Meredith’s face tightened. “What is it?”
“Brian. I’ll be right back.” She grabbed his coffee, which she’d prepared in anticipation of seeing him, and headed outside without a coat or gloves.
Halfway down the block, she felt like a sissy. It was colder than a witch’s tit. She picked up her pace and headed to the restaurant. He couldn’t hide from her there. She was done with his crap.
The front door was locked, so she went around back. Mud and salt coated his SUV. He’d probably been off-roading like some Neanderthal jackass. She pounded on the steel door to the kitchen. After a good minute of dancing in place to keep warm, it popped open.
“What do you want?” he asked.
Even though his face looked like it hadn’t seen a razor in days, her heart still beat faster. God, it only made him appear more rugged—even wearing an unbuttoned white chef’s jacket and black pants.
She thrust out the coffee and darted into the industrial-looking kitchen. “Thought you might need a pick-me-up.”
“Thanks, but I have my own beans.”
She put her hands on her hips and stared him down. “Do you have any idea how pissed off I am?”
He laid the coffee aside and leaned against the metal counter. “In general or at me?”
“What do you think?”
The butcher knife he had started to sharpen was reflecting the fluorescent lights from above. “Pete and I needed some time away. We went to Aspen. Besides, you didn’t want to have anything to do with me before this. Hell, you even ducked out of the party when I arrived.”
His mention of Pete had steam leaking out of her ears. The sharpening sounded like two swords meeting, stuck in an endless parry and thrust, just like them.
“Stop doing that. I’m trying to talk to you.”
“Fine. Get it over with,” he said, slapping the knife down. “I have a French onion soup and a mascarpone cheesecake to make this morning.”
Since he wasn’t going to give in without some inducement, she went below the belt. She crossed the room and framed his face with her hands. His stubble made her fingers tingle. He swallowed thickly and looked away.
“Are you going to be all right?”
His eyes flicked back to hers, the blue as piercing as a cold winter sky. “Are you?”
Some days the pain eclipsed everything she knew, but she’d fumble through somehow. She knew it. “I’m not the one who left.”
He ran a hand through his curly brown hair. “I can’t stop thinking about her lying on the floor like that. No breath. No pulse. Nothing under my hands. She was gone.” He slammed a hand on the counter.
Every muscle in Jill’s body locked into place.
“I couldn’t fucking bring her back! Thank God Pete doesn’t blame me, but he’s devastated. He feels like the world’s biggest asshole for letting her go.”
“Well, he should. She smoked pot that night because he showed up with his new bitch.”
“I don’t want to fight with you about Pete. We’ll never agree, and I can’t take it right now.”
She wrapped her arms around him. His fingers bit into her hips in response.
“You tried to bring her back, Bri. She couldn’t have asked for more.”
“And was that enough? She’s still gone.” He pushed back and stalked away. “I didn’t keep in touch with her much when I left. She was pissed at me for what happened between us, but you know Jem. She still emailed and called around the holidays or my birthday. She was never one to hold a grudge.”
He didn’t say like her, but the ice in his words froze her heart. He’d called her after he’d left, but had stopped when she’d refused to talk to him.
“She chose you over me, Jill. I get it. Doesn’t mean it didn’t fucking hurt.”
Jill traced her fingers over an open cookbook, the words blurring. She’d never thought about him being hurt. She’d been too angry.
“I was here. She was here. It was more about logistics, Brian.”
He threw out a hand. “Don’t try and be nice. You know it was more than that. And when I came back, there was always this thing between us. Because of you and me, we never hung out together. Then it all went to shit when Pete broke things off with her.” Turning away, he ruffled through some invoices. “I’ll always regret we grew apart.”
“There was nothing you could have done that night. She had a heart condition.”
“Yes, I know. I keep telling myself that. It hasn’t sunk in yet. This whole thing is a fucking nightmare.”
Because she was feeling weepy, she took a moment to answer. “Yes, it is.” She stopped directly in front of him and met his blood-shot eyes, ready to share the revelation she’d had while he was gone. “Jemma wouldn’t have wanted us to be at odds.”
His jaw hardened. “Is that all?”
Her chest contracted like a boulder had fallen on her, robbing her of breath. “That’s all.” She couldn’t give him more.
“That’s not enough.” He grabbed her shoulders. “Can you forget how it was? On Halloween?”
She removed his hands. “I managed to forget before, when you left. I can forget again.” God, what a bunch of lies she was spewing. She’d never been able to forget.
When she tried to move toward the door, he blocked her path. “Why can’t we just start over? Why, dammit?”
“Because you refused to be my first, and then you went out with Kelly Kimple. And you didn’t once mention applying for the Culinary Institute of America even though we were best friends.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”
She’d spent years hurting and clearly all the pain wasn’t gone. “I’m not sure.”
“Why?”
Her broken heart crumbled. “Because you’re not in it forever.” She lifted her eyes and let him see everything—all the love, longing, and hurt she saw in the mirror when she cried alone. “And I am.”
His face flinched. She darted around him and ran outside. She didn’t stop until her lungs burned. Putting her hands on her knees, frozen to the core, she let herself cry. God, why couldn’t she stop loving him?
She mopped up the tears and headed back to her shop. She made herself catalogue her blessings—a wonderful business, a great family, her health.
Why wasn’t it enough?
Chapter 36
T
he students in Tanner’s class couldn’t focus, so he let them leave early. He didn’t know how to help them. He’d have to ask a college counselor how to talk to them about Ray’s death.
They’d better get used to it if they were going into journalism. People died all the time. Someone had to report it. Funny, no one had driven that home at Columbia University. Real-world lessons sucked.
His phone vibrated in his pocket as he walked into his office. He wanted to smash it against the concrete wall when he saw Sommerville’s number.
“Yes?”
“I wanted to see if you’ve made any progress now that I’ve shown my seriousness.”
There was no way Tanner was going to tell Sommerville that he and Meredith had made love. “Didn’t you get my texts? We’re exclusive.”
The amused chuckle made his hand clench. “I want more proof.”
“Like what?” Tanner ground his teeth. “Would a picture of us in my house suffice?”
“That would be a nice start.”
“Good. Now I don’t mean to be rude, but I need to go.”
“She’s getting to you, isn’t she?”
His toe smarted when he kicked the desk. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I don’t become emotionally involved on assignment—ever.”
“Hmm…I see. Has she been to bed with you yet?”
He tensed in the chair, forcing all emotion from his voice. “No.”
“Well, when she does, it’s the green light. She never goes to bed if she’s not in love. Hell, there was only one guy before me. Her inexperience wasn’t exactly welcome, but it did have its advantages. Pygmalion, you know.”
His muscles locked as he forced himself to calm down. “I’ll keep that in mind.” It was time to change the conversation before he lost his composure. He didn’t want to think about Meredith with her ex. “She took you to the cleaners, didn’t she? Whatever does she have on you, Rick?”
“You think you’re fucking smart, don’t you, McBride? Well, I have you by the balls. I can destroy your brother. And I can destroy you and Meredith too. I think I’ll arrange a nice long massage today to celebrate.”
“You’ll get your picture. Fuck off!” Tanner tossed the phone aside. “Shit.” He paced the small space, feeling claustrophobic.
He hated the idea of sending the guy a picture. Christ, he was getting in deeper every minute. Now that they’d had sex, his lies weighed on him heavier. He’d have to tell her. And soon.
He ran over the conversation again. Sommerville was playing with him like a lion with an antelope trapped under his paw.
He picked up the phone. “Peg, I need you to call the private detective you hired in New York.” His fist punched the air. “Check out the massage place Sommerville goes to today.”
When he hung up, he gripped the desk. God, they needed a break.
He picked up his bag, his feet suddenly more grounded. Sommerville was going to pay.
For what he’d done to him.
And for what he’d done to Meredith.
Chapter 37
T
anner insisted on picking Meredith up from the office. He wasn’t taking any chances with her, he’d told her. How nice.
Hugo greeted them when they arrived at Tanner’s house, barking up a storm.
“How’d you get out?” She rubbed Hugo behind his ears.
Tanner opened the front door, motioning for her to go in before him. “I put in a dog door today.”
She wrapped her arms around him as he shut out the cold. “Someone was busy.”
“I didn’t want to keep you waiting again,” he whispered in her ear, nuzzling her neck.
“I have the police and coroner’s report on Ray’s death,” she said, still holding him. “Plus, the report on Kenny’s dishonorable discharge. Grandpa handed them to me as I left the office today.”
“He’s a busy guy, your grandpa. Peggy was too. Guess who drives a 2009 F150 in Royal Red?”
Her hands tightened in his hair. “Please tell me his name starts with K.”
“And if I do?” His mouth cruised down her neck.
“I’d say you’re going to get lucky.”
He pulled her flush against his body. “Words every guy loves to hear.”
She pushed back from him, his black fleece soft under her palms. “But I want to read the reports first.” It seemed immature, but she was bouncing in place like a kid who was excited to visit the arcade.