29
DERRICK TOOK Yancey’s hands and said very softly, “I know this is an awful lot to drop on you. And I know we are very different people from when we were back at Howard. I regret some choices I made. It looks like you have the career you’ve always wanted and you tell me you’re happy. But I want you to think about this very seriously. I think we can make this work. We can turn this bad situation into something positive.”
It was midafternoon and the two were sitting on the sofa in the living room of Yancey’s suite. They had spent the night in Yancey’s bed, holding each other tightly, as they had done so many nights in their apartment near Howard, Derrick’s chin resting gently on the top of Yancey’s head. In those days the music of Sade and Luther Vandross would play in the background when they made love. But the previous night there was no music or lovemaking, simply two people holding each other for comfort. Yancey was thinking about how a child she didn’t know would drastically change her life and future. She kept asking herself if she could ever be a good mother when she had had such a poor example in Ava. Would it be best that Madison didn’t have a mother rather than someone poorly equipped to provide the love a child deserved? What would become of her relationship with Basil, and could she love Derrick so strongly again?
The morning found them sharing toasted bagels with grape jelly and black coffee. After breakfast, Yancey and Derrick went for a run in the gym, for the most part in total silence, a silence that seemed as pure as air. They didn’t seem to notice the few patrons milling around the weights, even when an overweight white man got on the treadmill next to Yancey and tried to strike up a conversation. Whenever Derrick tried to bring up Madison, Yancey protested, cutting her eyes at him. Derrick nodded back at her in a solemn agreement to discuss their problem later.
When they returned to the suite, the silence continued for a few minutes until Derrick called out, “Yancey?” When she turned suddenly to face him, Derrick paused and pursed his full-lipped mouth as if to whisper. He moved from the bedroom’s french doors and took a seat on the sofa. Yancey remained silent while gazing into Derrick’s eyes as though she were in some type of trance. After a few minutes he began to speak again. “I guess what I want to say is . . . maybe we ought to think about getting married. What do you think?”
“What are you talking about?” Her voice was thin and wavered a bit. “I’m already getting married. You think I’m just wearing this ring for my health?” Yancey asked as she flashed her ring finger directly in his face. A memory of Basil down on his knees in the theater flashed through her mind as she raised her voice in sadness and anger.
“Do you love him?” Derrick asked.
“Do you love me?”
Derrick was silent for a few moments and then added, “I loved you once very much. I love Madison to death. You are a part of her, and I think I could learn to love you again.”
“Learn to love me again? You are really trippin’ now. I think it’s time for you to leave,” Yancey said. “I’ve seen this movie and I know how it ends.”
Derrick got up from the sofa and took Yancey’s hands and said, “Please think about this. I’ll call you before I leave tomorrow.” He leaned forward and kissed her softly on her cheek. Derrick grabbed his tan leather garment bag and began to walk out of the suite when Yancey shouted, “Wait!”
Derrick turned around and asked, “Wait for what?”
Yancey moved closer to him and said, “Since you didn’t see the show the other night, do you want to come tonight?”
Maybe if he sees me on stage,
Yancey thought,
he’ll realize what he’s asking me to give up.
“Sure, I’d like that. I’m done with my business here.”
“I’ll leave you a ticket at the box office. Come to my dressing room after the show. Maybe we could talk some more.”
“Cool,” Derrick said as he moved closer to Yancey and kissed her forehead. After his lips lingered a moment he opened the door and walked into the hallway.
A few minutes after Derrick left, Yancey suddenly felt cold, as if she were locked in a room even the sun could not warm.
30
I EXPECTED YANCEY to be surprised when I knocked on her dressing room door. But it was me who got the surprise. Right as I walked up to her door I could hear voices. It was Yancey and a male voice, and although their voices were muffled, I heard Yancey asking if there were any more surprises, and a male voice with a lot of bass replied, “No.” Then there was a prolonged silence, so I knocked on the door. “Come in,” Yancey said. I opened the door, which was unlocked. There she was, sitting at her dressing table in her robe with some mofo sitting nearby on the sofa with his legs crossed. When I walked in carrying a dozen pink roses, she smiled and pulled her robe together, then got up and gave me a halfhearted hug and a quick kiss.
“What are you doing here? I mean, you didn’t tell me you were coming. But what a wonderful surprise,” she said.
I eyed ole dude sitting on the sofa and quizzed, “Am I interrupting something?”
Yancey looked at him and then unleashed a sudden rush of words. “This is just my day for surprises. This is Derrick. Derrick Lewis. You remember me mentioning him? Derrick from D.C., who now lives in California . . . which is close to Vegas. He was just in town on business and he surprised me right before the show, a half hour before curtain, and I invited him to the show and backstage afterward.”
I thought,
Shouldn’t he be waiting outside the theater
and not in your dressing room?
Derrick stood up, extended his hand, and said, “Whassup, guy? Yancey has told me a lot about you.”
I replied, “Same here,” but I was wondering,
When
did she tell him about me? During intermission, or has he
been communicating with my lady before tonight?
I maintained my cool. I kept my arm around Yancey’s waist tightly while eyeing ole dude. I glanced at her dressing room table and noticed she still had a picture of me, looking great with no shirt and a pair of jimmie-revealing swim trunks. But I also noticed a vase of flowers I didn’t send.
“Isn’t this just wonderful?” Yancey said with an uneasy quality in her voice. It sounded as though she felt ashamed of something. I knew it couldn’t be. Ole boy was decent-looking, but he couldn’t touch me. She removed my arm from her waist and said, “Let me take a quick shower. Derrick and I were going to get something to eat. How does that sound, baby?”
Before I could respond, Derrick spoke. “Yancey, you can give me a rain check. I don’t want to be a third wheel.”
“Okay, that’s fine. It was good seeing you,” Yancey said as she extended her hand toward Derrick. “Tell your mother I said hello, and I’ll put your sister at the top of my prayer list.” She smiled. Prayer list? I didn’t even know Yancey prayed. I noticed a nervousness in her smile that made it appear fake, like some beauty queen grinning at her runner-up, thinking,
Aren’t you so happy for
me?
“I will,” Derrick said as he gave Yancey a half-assed hug and then moved out like a wounded puppy. There was a feeling in the room that I had spoiled some big plans.
When Derrick left, Yancey gave me another hug and a deep kiss, which I wasn’t exactly feelin’. She picked up on it and looked at me and asked, “Basil, are you alright?”
“I’m cool. So what was dude doing in town?”
“He was up here for a convention. He’s an engineer for Hughes Aircraft right outside of L.A. He came to tell me his sister was sick with cancer. Derrick is really down about it,” Yancey said.
I started to ask if that was the surprise or couldn’t he have told her that on the phone, when Yancey noticed a hotel card key on the sofa and said, “Oh, Derrick left his key. I’ve got to catch him.” I was going to offer to track him down myself, but she was suddenly out of the room, still in her robe and moving as if she were in a jailbreak. In the two years I had known her I had never seen Yancey appear so nervous or move so quickly. Something was up, and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like it.
31
AFTER DERRICK and Basil left Las Vegas, Yancey felt both alone and powerless. She was suffering from emotional exhaustion and her heart was filled with a mixture of happiness and horror. She felt joy that the man she had once dreamed of spending her life with was now suggesting she do just that. Despite her strong feelings for Basil, she couldn’t keep from reliving the memories of her love for Derrick. Yancey didn’t know what to do, so she called Ava.
It was a couple of hours before she had to be at the theater when she dialed her mother’s home number. A maid informed Yancey that Ava was in New York and could be reached on her cellular phone. Yancey hung up and quickly dialed the second number.
“Hello,” Ava said as she stepped out of her limo. At forty-five, Ava was still in her prime and could still get out of a car gracefully even while wearing a tight leather skirt and five-inch heels. She dressed and carried herself like a woman who was very comfortable being noticed. If Tina Turner could wear it, so could Ava. A striking five foot seven and about 125 pounds, Ava could go down to 115 if needed in a matter of weeks, with the help of diet pills her doctor would prescribe without question. Ava didn’t like to perspire, so exercise was out of the question. She wore her hair in a very short, stylish cut made popular by Angela Bassett in the movie
Waiting to Exhale
. Ava had not bought into the distinguished look of God’s frosting mixed with her natural dark-brown color, so she kept her hair jet black with weekly visits to the Elgin Charles Salon.
“Where are you?” Yancey asked.
“Walking into my hotel,” Ava said. Yancey could hear static and the sounds of the city in the background, and suddenly wished she was back in New York City.
“I didn’t know you were going to New York,” Yancey said.
“I had to get up here to plan your wedding. I could only do so much from Cali. How are you doing?”
“Not so good,” Yancey responded with sadness in her voice.
“Well, I got some news that might cheer you up. I got the information I was seeking, and Basil will do just fine for a first husband. Ole boy got some assets, excellent credit, and that business of his isn’t doing so bad. Plus he’s got some property in Florida and some mutual funds that are doing quite well.”
“That’s nice,” Yancey said in a far-off voice.
“ ‘That’s nice’? Is that all you can say? What’s the matter with you?”
“I wish I could tell you this in person, but I need your advice. Maybe you should call me once you get settled.”
“Is it bad?”
“Could be.”
“Then you need to tell me now. I’m walking into the hotel right now. I’ll just find someplace in the lobby before I check in.”
“I can call you back.”
“No, tell me what’s the matter,” Ava demanded.
Yancey exhaled a long, slow breath, but nervousness stuck in her voice. “How do you feel about being a grandmother?” she quizzed.
“No! Yancey, please tell me you’re not pregnant.”
“I’m not pregnant.”
“Then what are you talking about?”
“Remember my last year at Howard when I was pregnant?”
“Yeah, that would have been the worst mistake of your life. I’m so glad you took care of that,” Ava said in a dismissive tone of voice.
After a moment of silence, Yancey said, “I didn’t take care of it.”
“What!” Ava yelled. “I sent you the money! You told me you had an abortion. How could you have been so stupid? How could you keep this from me? I’m your mother!” There was a bitterness in her voice. Ava located a comfortable chair off the lobby of the hotel and listened to her daughter in a dazed silence.
Yancey told her about deciding against the abortion and instead giving up the child for adoption. She then shared Derrick’s recent announcement as she wept intermittently through the story. When she finished, Yancey asked in a desperate voice, “What am I going to do?”
Ava’s voice was firm. “You’re not going to do anything different. You’re going to marry Basil. Derrick and that child can go on with their lives. It is not your problem. Derrick made a choice and you made one. Now you both have to live with it. I can’t believe that boy was so stupid as to believe he could raise a child. And what in the hell are you going to do with some child who you don’t know and who doesn’t know you from a hole in the wall?”
“But that’s my child. I’m so confused,” Yancey said. She flung her free hand in the air, moved up a few steps, and then backed up and leaned against the wall.
“There is no reason for confusion. As far as you are concerned that child is dead.”
“Should I tell Basil?”
“Hell no! Why do you want to do that? Didn’t you just hear what I said about the child being dead?”
“But she’s not dead! And what if somebody finds out about her and leaks it to the press? It could ruin my career if I turn my back on her.”
“You’ve already turned your back on her, and nobody’s told the press yet. Derrick’s not threatening you, is he?” Ava removed her sunglasses as if she could make Yancey see her point more clearly as she glared into the phone.
“No.”
“Then why do you want to tell anybody? Especially the man you’re going to marry?”
“So he can make sure he still wants to marry me,” Yancey cried.
“First thing is, you don’t want to give a black man options or multiple choice,” Ava said in an emotionless voice.
“What if Derrick wants to marry me?”
“Yancey!” Ava screamed. “Listen to me. Derrick had his chance and he fucked it up. You have a wonderful life. You have to forget about that child. It’s over. Let it go. Move on!”
“But I’ve thought about that day every day since it happened! I’ve tried to block it out, but I can’t. Until I talked to Derrick, I didn’t even know if I had given birth to a boy or a girl. Ava, I have a daughter.”
“You don’t have a daughter, Derrick does. Do I need to come out to Las Vegas and slap some sense into you? Forget about that child. We’ve got a wedding to plan. And you need to keep this shit to yourself and make sure Derrick does the same. What does he want? We can come up with some money to keep that mouth of his shut.”
“Derrick doesn’t want any money. He said he just wanted a mother for his daughter.”
“Children grow up without mothers every day,” Ava said coldly.
Her words cut through Yancey’s heart, and the pain was so sharp that all Yancey could do was to hang up the phone. “Damn straight a child can get along without a mother. I did!” she said out loud as she looked at her puffy eyes in the mirror. Yancey picked a few pieces of ice out of the bucket located near the bar and placed them in a linen napkin. The cold pack would get rid of the puffiness. Yancey had to pull herself together quickly. She had a show to do.