Nurse Saxon's Patient (11 page)

J
ulie lay awake a long time that night, thinking over Garth
’
s words, his obvious strain and sense of unrest. One of his worries would soon be brought to some sort of a conclusion, for on his last visit, just over a week ago, Ian had confided that he hoped, the next time he came to Woodlands, to take off the plaster from the left hand, which had suffered the least damage.

Once he can see for
him
self how his one hand responds to treatment he
’
ll have more heart and hope for the other, the all-important right hand, Julie told herself, but the other problem isn
’
t to be dealt with quite so easily.

Indeed it was not, for she felt that both Ian and herself were working in the dark where Garth
’
s feelings for and reactions to Tansy and his emotional life were concerned. He had taken the word of the surgeon that Tansy was his
fiancé
e without question, and if he still looked puzzled from time to time as he stared at the pretty ring on her engagement finger, or did not appear to be overwhelmingly in love with the girl, that did not prove there was any real basis for unease on his behalf.

It
’
s only because I know what did happen, Julie reasoned to herself. I feel he is
...
enduring this engagement because he has given his pledged word and doesn
’
t remember, as we know, that the pledged word had been broken by both of them, on that occasion, just before the accident.

She clasped her hands behind her head and lay awake, staring at the summer night sky through her window where she had drawn the curtains wide to let in a breath of air.

I wonder if I ought to tell him—gently—about what reall
y
did happen? she asked herself. As it is, he knows there
’
s something wrong, but he can
’
t put his finger on just what it is, and that
’
s what
’
s worrying him.

There was something worrying Julie too, something she could not mention to anyone, although she had a sneaking feeling that
Mrs.
Andy had more than a suspicion that all was not well with the nurse she had taken to her heart. Deeply as she wanted to help Garth to recovery she knew now that she had really fallen deeply and sincerely in love with him, and that once he was no longer in need of her daily care she must take herself out of his life utterly and completely if she were ever to know peace of mind and happiness for herself again.

The knowledge had come to her gradually, almost stealing upon her unawares. She had been so completely absorbed in the work he was doing, the ideas he was developing, the pencil in her flying fingers keeping pace with his words which came in full spate once an idea had gripped his mind, that it had come with a sense of shock to realize, watching him one day, that it was the man and not the work which she found so utterly absorbing.

She
was
interested in his scheme for communal playrooms for the children of the site on wet days, she was as interested as Garth himself in the idea of a nursery where the mothers could leave their children to be cared for while they themselves went out to work; she was impressed by the inclusion of a small but self-sufficient emergency medical unit being included on the site, but it was Garth
’
s enthusiasm which fired her own, Garth
’
s ideas which intrigued her, and his manner of discussing them with her so freely, making her feel a part of it all, which she found so fascinating.

All the time it was because of Garth himself. She made herself face the truth and what it could mean to them both, she as the nurse, he as her patient. When they had looked at the detailed drawings of the well
-
planned kitchens together, examined in detail the waste disposal units, the air purifiers, the underfloor heating and all the other many conveniences which Garth had felt could improve the lives of ordinary people so much and which could be incorporated so easily into such a scheme as this, she knew now it was because somewhere in her subconscious she had held a mental picture not of some unknown couple sharing such a home, but of herself at the immaculate sink, of Garth relaxing in the pleasant living-room, resting after a day in his office or out on one of the many sites in which he would, very shortly, become immersed.

This won
’
t do, Julie told herself severely. This is carrying the matter of being interested in a patient
’
s welfare a little too far!

Garth Holroyd had a
fiancé
e, whether he was in love with her or not. It would take some really
e
arth-shaking event to make him break his pledged word, and now Tansy would see to it that, at least until after they were married,
thin
gs
went more along the lines Garth himself preferred than those which would have been her own natural choice. Studying the girl during these last few weekend visits, Julie could see how often Tansy bit her lip
ag
ains
t
a quick retort to one or another of
Mrs.
Andy
’
s tart observations. She could see how, despite her addiction to the little transistor radio which accompanied her everywhere, Tansy was really trying to be the quiet, homely girl whom she knew instinctively
Mrs.
Andy would rather see as her godson
’
s
fiancé
e than herself.

I
’
ve got to get out of here, Julie told herself. It isn
’
t fair to Garth. If
...
when he
’
s well, he changes his mind and breaks with Tansy ... if anything happens again such as happened on the night of the accident, he
’
ll be able to find me easily enough through St
.
Luke
’
s, but this kind of thing is
...
wrong.

It was as if, having made up her mind on this point, she could settle to sleep. She turned on her side, fully determined to tell both Garth and Ian when he came that she thought it was time she asked to be relieved from this case, and, her mind made up on this point, she fell suddenly and deeply asleep.

She and Garth were in the garden all morning on the Wednesday. Ian had telephoned that morning and said he hoped to be along shortly after lunch and would take off the plaster from Garth
’
s left hand that afternoon. Once he had received the news there was an air of suppressed excitement about him, and a tension he could barely conceal. In Julie
’
s pocket lay a letter from Roger which had arrived by the midday post, but she felt her
own private concerns could wait, so much—for Garth
depended on the results of Ian
’
s visit today, and now, more than all the time since the accident, he needed her reassurance, her steady conviction that all would be well.

She kept resolutely to topics away from the accident, discussing the plans for the development site, the state of the garden, anything and everything she could
think
of, until at last Garth burst out:
‘
Julie, what time did
Mr.
Greensmith say he would be here?
’

Julie consulted her watch. Privately she had been wondering exactly the same
thing
for the past twenty minutes or so.

‘
It
’
s almost an hour since we finished lunch,
’
she observed.
‘
I should say he
’
ll be along any minute now.
’

‘
What if—what if things haven
’
t gone as well as we
’
d all hoped?
’
Garth continued, voicing the fear which had been nagging at him for weeks.
‘
How can we tell, under all
this
?
’

‘
Because this isn
’
t the first case of its kind,
’
Julie assured him gravely.
‘
This treatment is by no means experimental,
and Mr.
Greensmith is confident all will be well. There
’
s no reason on earth why it shouldn
’
t be quite all right.
’

‘But you’ll stay on? You’re the one who’s going to do
the wax baths, the massage and whatnot, aren
’
t you?
’
Garth persisted.
‘
I don
’
t want any physiotherapist or whoever they are in your place. I shouldn
’
t feel I could trust them in the same way.
’

‘
The physiotherapy staff are all well-trained experts in their own field.
’
Julie smiled.
‘
I did take a course, actually, before I went on the Braithwaite case, so I expect I
’
ll be left to cope with you. That
’
s the existing arrangement, anyhow, unless,
’
she added with a mischief she instantly regretted,
‘
you would prefer a change of nurse
!’

‘
I most certainly would not.
’
His reply was emphatic.
‘
That
’
s what I
’
m trying to say to you now.
’
He was silent for a few moments, then asked:
‘
Julie, what happens when I
’
m all right again, when I can drive the car, go back to the office again and all this is over?
’

She knew that he meant
‘
Shall I see you again?
’
but instinct told her not to make too much of this roundabout way of asking his question, and she hedged, deliberately.

‘
What happens? You
’
ll go on to make your site a reality, I should imagine,
’
she began lightly.
‘Mrs.
Andy
’
s dying for work on it to begin, and it won
’
t begin until you are back in charge. I shall go back to St Luke
’
s. I shall go back to normal duty, of course, until I
’
m wanted for anything special again.
’

Suddenly she realized that that would not do. To remain at St Luke
’
s would be almost as bad as remaining in charge of his case, almost, but not quite. She would be in the town, the Borough offices were directly across the road and round the
corner
from the huge hospital block. Garth would be close, too close, if it so happened that he too had been disturbed by their close association these past weeks. Life was unfair, reflected Julie in unaccustomed bitterness. If she had met Garth at any other time than when she was in the middle of preparation of her final examinations and about to be drafted on to a term of night duty at the same time, she would have taken some time off to keep the date he had asked for. If he had not been given into her charge after his accident she would never have had the opportunity to know how much she could care for him, never had anything more than a resigned sigh for the what-might-have-been after the dance, but now she knew
him
so well, knew his hopes and fears, his dreams and his ambitions, and all of them had become a part of herself.

Yes, life
was
unfair, she thought again, but she had read somewhere that it wasn
’
t life that mattered half so much as the courage one brings to it, and that was exactly what she must do now. From somewhere she must find the courage to make the break herself. She must go away somewhere, anywhere not in close proximity to Garth, but she would not bury herself where he could not find her if he should break with Tansy and want to see her, Julie, again. She had given the matter a lot of thought during the time she had been at Woodlands, and now she made up her mind. Standing in the lovely rose-garden with the scent of the flowers almost overpowering around her, the hushed afternoon chirruping of sun-warmed birds in the trees which bordered the garden, she made up her mind.

‘
On second thoughts,
’
she spoke lightly with deliberation,
‘
I shall do no such thing. I shall do what my brother would want me to do. I shall give in my notice, once your case is ended, and go out to Mexico to be with him.
’