Nurse Trudie is Engaged (21 page)

Trudie felt she would burst with impatience if Veronica hedged her words much longer, but just when she felt she could not
stand any more the other girl finally began to speak again.

“
If I have your word, and I know I have, that I need not see him,
”
she went on more calmly,
“
I can tell you something about
... all this; why he flew down to Fellfield and why he wanted to see me, and why
”
—she turned her head and looked directly at Trudie—
“
I
’
ve never been able to talk about Garth. I really did want to, if you can possibly understand, and I knew your father and you wanted to talk about him too
...”

There was another pregnant silence, and Trudie had to restrain herself or all her training would have been forgotten. She would have found herself shaking the girl to prise the story from her, but at length Veronica continued.

“
Garth, to use his own words
”
—a faint smile touched her mouth and was gone—
“
fell for me
‘
hook, line and sinker,
’
whatever that means. He followed me everywhere. He neglected his studies, and even I knew how important they were. I know myself.
”
This time the smile was bitter.
“
I
’
ve never been in love—I mean I hadn
’
t then—or had anyone really love me. Lots of men said they did, but it never lasted very long. Garth wanted to marry me. He said he couldn
’
t wait, not even to show me to the folks back home. When the show folded I gave in. I told him I loved him, too, and I did in a way.
”

Despite her self-control Trudie knew she winced. The thought of Garth accepting less than the best, and loving where his love was not really returned, hurt like a knife. Veronica noticed her face and put out one hand.

“
Try not to blame me too much,
”
she whispered.
“
I
’
m not making excuses, none would be acceptable, but I
’
ve had a lonely life. At first it was good to have someone take care of me, worry about what I did, where I went, and whether I was happy or not.
”

“
Only at first?
”
Trudie could not help the question, and Veronica made a strange little negative movement with her hand.

“
How can I make you understand?
”
she asked at last.
“
You
’
ve always been taken care of; I don
’
t mean just fed and clothed and housed. Someone has always cared what became of you, worried if you were lonely or unhappy. To you it would be strange if they did not. To me it was both strange and wonderful that anyone should. But, after a time I began to feel hemmed in, bored. Garth was often busy. There were days when I didn
’
t see him from early in the morning until he came home to sleep, too tired to even eat anything. He didn
’
t like me to go around with anyone he didn
’
t know. He wanted to mix with the clinic people. None of them spoke my kind of language, nor I theirs. One day when I
’
d decided to go back and see some old friends in show business I met Barry again. We had a drink and talked; he
’
s a very charming young man, really. He gave me a huge bunch of red roses to take back to the apartment with me to cheer me up. He
’
s like that, impulsive. We met several times after that, and Garth was jealous. He said a playboy like Barry was no friend for me. I was removed from his kind of world now and that I
’
d better forget him. I don
’
t know whether it was perversity or not, but when I told Barry he said he admired that kind of husband; the best thing he could do was to meet Garth and let him see his interest in me was harmless.
”

With all her heart Trudie longed to ask,
“
And was it?
”
but she held her tongue and waited until Veronica was ready to go on.

“
I was surprised,
”
she said at last,
“
and yet there was no reason why I should have been. Garth was a sweet person, easy to get along with, friendly and helpful. They seemed to like one another from the very beginning, and before very long Garth would come out—only occasionally, mark you, but he did come once or twice—with Barry and myself and maybe one or two of Barry
’
s other friends. I know he did it mainly to please me, because he knew I was lonely and bored, but I
’
ve realized since that Barry
’
s friendship was not like Garth
’
s. To Barry it was a game; get the trust of my husband, and then undermine our marriage, not,
”
she added suddenly,
“
because he wanted me, but because he did not like to see what we were both making of our lives together. I think it gave him a little feeling of power to know he might be able to break things up.
”

“
When did you realize this?
”
Trudie made no attempt to hold back the question this time. Veronica turned her full gaze on her and there was sorrow and realization in the green eyes.

“
Too late,
”
she said quietly.
“
I didn
’
t even think
... until afterward.
”

“
You mean after Garth was dead?
”

“
That
’
s right.
”
Veronica looked away.
“
Not until after then,
”
she told them.

Philip moved a little and offered Veronica a drink from the water carafe, but she shook her head and continued.

“
Garth
’
s group—they work in what they call groups at the clinic—were granted a week
’
s vacation,
”
she said slowly.
“
I wanted to have a gay time, see a few shows, go dancing and things like that, but Garth wanted something different. He said he
’
d read a great deal of the kind of vacations people had up in the hills or in the woods—the great outdoors, was what he used to call it—and anyway he couldn
’
t afford a round of gaiety. He found some pamphlets about all kinds of outdoor holidays; ranching, hunting, that sort of thing. Then Barry called one evening when we had all these things spread out on the table.
”

“
And he said he
’
d go with you?
”
Philip prompted as she was silent again. Veronica shook her head.

“
No—yes, sort of,
”
she said hesitantly.
“
He suggested we make up a party and go out to his cabin.
”
She gave that faint, bitter smile again.
“
It was more like a miniature palace. We certainly didn
’
t lack for comfort. About ten of us went, mostly Barry
’
s friends, of course, but we knew quite a few of them fairly well by this time. And all the time there were the little gifts, given in such a nice way that, although he protested, Garth couldn
’
t really take offense. Sometimes though he
’
d tell me he hated to see me accept the sort of things he would never be able to give me, but I didn
’
t see why not.
”

She wouldn
’
t, Trudie thought angrily, and scarcely heard Veronica describing the things to which her brother had objected: a piece of expensive jewelry, a fur coat, a mink stole.

“
Why not?
”
Veronica said childishly.
“
Barry said it gave him pleasure to give them to me, and I certainly had pleasure in wearing them. It didn
’
t hurt anyone.
”

“
Only Garth,
”
Trudie thought bitterly, imagining her brother
’
s hurt humiliation every time he saw his wife wearing some of these trinkets he could not afford to buy her himself, knowing she should have refused them, guessing there would be a price to pay.

“
Two weeks before we went to the cabin
”
—Veronica seemed determined to spare herself nothing—
“
we had a dreadful scene. Garth said he knew he was behaving like a child, but that he would rather I didn
’
t accept any more gifts from Barry or any other man. I told him not to be silly, but we had scene after scene. From then on it seemed very unlikely we
’
d go on holiday after all.
”

“
Why couldn
’
t you give way?
”
Trudie wanted to know.
“
Why did you have to go on when you knew it was hurting your husband?
”

“
Why should he behave like a jealous child?
”
Veronica demanded with a flash of her customary self.
“
It wasn
’
t hurting him to let me have these things. It wasn
’
t costing anything, and they suited me; everything Barry bought for me might have been made exclusively for me
... some of it was, in fact,
”
she added with a little unconscious boasting.

“
I shall have to tell you the truth.
”
She had paused again and then, as though she had reached a part of the narrative that gave her no pleasure, obviously urged herself on with the story.
“
You
’
ve all been so wonderfully kind,
”
she said slowly.
“
I never knew people could be as kind to a perfect stranger as you all are. That
’
s why I feel so mean. I
’
d give anything for you not to know, but you
’
ll have to be told the truth now.
”

“
I think I
’
ve heard enough,
”
Trudie said impulsively, but Veronica put out a restraining hand again.

“
You must hear it all,
”
she said emphatically.
“
I can
’
t do this a second time. I
’
d never find the courage. I wouldn
’
t ever have found it if Barry hadn
’
t come here ... and things hadn
’
t turned out like this.
”

Trudie composed herself again, but her mind had a clear picture of Garth
’
s friendly, honest face wearing a puzzled frown as he strove to understand this woman he had married, tried to find out how he could make her happy, without the millions of dollars at his disposal that were there for Barry Vetch.

“
People were beginning to talk,
”
Veronica went on.
“
The head of Garth
’
s department—group, or whatever it was—asked him to
‘
have a word with me
’
; they said my conduct was not suitable for the wife of a member of the clinic. I didn
’
t see what business it was of theirs, and I said so. Garth grew angry. We had the worst argument of all.
”

She was silent for a while, obviously remembering, and Trudie closed her eyes, imagining her brother
’
s face, knowing only too well how he must have felt, must have suffered mentally. None of them had been near to offer a helping hand, a, word of advice, or even simply a sympathetic ear.

“
I told him the truth,
”
Veronica said at last, her eyes half-closed but open wide again as she looked up at Trudie.
“
At least give me credit for that! I told him his jealousy and possessiveness were ruining our lives; that I was sick to tears of being treated like a prisoner and that I had never loved him. I only wanted him as a sort of refuge, a mental hot water bottle, because the show had folded and I couldn
’
t see any prospect of a further job in my own line just then.
”

“
And what did he say?
”
Trudie scarcely recognized her own voice. Her throat felt dry and squeezed; her hands were icy cold.

“
He wouldn
’
t believe me, not at first,
”
Veronica said.
“
He insisted that nobody could pretend love the way I had. I had to remind him that pretending—acting—was my profession. I told him the truth, what was the truth until a few weeks ago. That I had never loved—not really loved—anyone in my whole life. I didn
’
t know what it meant until I came here.
”
She turned her head and looked Philip full in the face. For a moment the icy fingers seemed to touch Trudie
’
s heart as she listened for the dreaded words, but they did not come. Instead she said simply,
“
A man like you would have been another Garth, Philip. I needed somebody stronger than myself, somebody who didn
’
t think the way to win my love and keep it was to give me everything I wanted, including my own way, just like that. Malcolm
”
—there was an unbelievable softening of her tone as she said the name—
“
would never give in to anyone
’
s whims if they went against his own principles. Malcolm wouldn
’
t spoil anyone in the hope of winning favors.
”

“
What happened when he did believe you?
”
Philip asked, and Trudie noticed, even in her distress, that his voice was as strained as hers.

“
He was angry,
”
Veronica said simply.
“
I
’
d never seen him angry—really angry—before. I offered to give him a divorce, but he wouldn
’
t listen. He said people in this country didn
’
t go around changing their partners as they changed their shirts, not his kind of people, anyway. He said he
’
d never give me a divorce, and he insisted it was because I wanted to marry Barry. I did—I
’
m sure I did, but I knew Barry would never marry me. Garth didn
’
t even think of that. To him, any man would have been glad to marry me, but I knew Barry never would. When he marries it will be someone from his own circle; he
’
s even said so, scores of times.
”

“
But you went to the cabin?
”
Trudie prompted.

“
Oh yes, we went.
”
Veronica
’
s voice was curiously flat now.
“
We were scarcely a happy group,
”
she remembered.
“
The others knew there was a rift somewhere and they were even betting on the outcome, although I didn
’
t know that until afterward.
”

“
And...?
”
Philip did the prompting this time. It had scarcely appeared to register
w
ith him that less than a minute ago his feelings for Veronica had been dismissed. She had practically told them both she was really in love for the first time in her life, but with Malcolm.

“
The morning the accident happened,
”
Veronica said slowly, as though the words were being dragged from her,
“
we had all been up in the woods, shooting. Garth said his gun needed cleaning. He wouldn
’
t accept another in its place when Barry offered one to him, and he stayed behind when we all went out a second time. He knew Barry would be back first and that I would be with him. We
’
d timed it like that, each of the three preceding days. When we returned that day Garth was there
... it was all over
... nobody could have done anything. And on the table were the two notes, one to Barry and one to me.
”

The silence in the little side ward was electric and seemed likely to go on forever, but at last the words erupted from

Trudie, simply because she could not contain herself any longer.

“
Notes?
”
she asked in a tone of incredulity.
“
There was no mention of any notes in the paper you sent. And notes mean
...”

“
That he took his own life,
”
Veronica said slowly as Trudie halted, hating to speak the words.

“
Yes, he did,
”
she emphasized as though she knew the other girl could not believe her brother could ever reach such a state of despair.
“
I know he did. Barry knows it, too. You see that was what he wrote in the notes. He thought Barry wanted to marry me, that I wanted Barry. But Barry,
”
a sudden tremor shook her, remembering,
“
just laughed.
”

“
And the notes?
”
Philip said.
“
What became of the notes?
”

“
We burned them,
”
Veronica said simply.
“
They don
’
t exist any more. I don
’
t know what the legal penalty is for anything like that,
”
she went on,
“
but there
’
s sure to be one. Malcolm will know. It
’
s not even his kind of law, either. But I do know, now that I
’
ve met him and know what kind of person he is and how wonderful you all are, that to know the truth would probably kill Father-in-law, and I couldn
’
t live with that.
”

“
Dad must never know.
”
Trudie made the statement with such emphatic ferocity that both listeners knew she would keep the truth from the old gentleman who had welcomed Veronica so lovingly, cost what it may.

“
I don
’
t think it is necessary for anyone to know,
”
Philip said slowly.
“
We must have Malcolm
’
s opinion on that, of course, but I can
’
t see that anyone has benefited by what poor Garth did.
”
The words sounded harsh and callous, and he hastened to qualify them.
“
I mean,
”
he added hastily,
“
I don
’
t suppose there was any large insurance, for instance that carried a clause that the money would not be paid out
if ...
in those circumstances
...”

“
There was only a tiny life insurance policy, with no strings attached.
”
Veronica told them.
“
I lived on that as economically as I could for a long time. Barry
”
—the bitterness was back in her tone again—
“
said he would teach me to manage my private affairs better in the future. He was angry because I might have involved him in a scandal,
”
she ended simply.

Trudie made no comment. She was still too shaken by what she had just heard to be able to find words just then, but apart from a tightening of his lips Philip appeared to remain unmoved.

“
I infer from your remarks a few moments ago,
”
he said in a chilly, professional tone,
“
that you now believe yourself to be ... in love with Malcolm?
”

“
I know I am,
”
Veronica answered him with a simple directness they had to believe.
“
For the first time in my life I
’
m worried about someone else and the possible consequences to him if he has anything further to do with me. I keep going over and over all this in my mind, wondering what he
’
ll say when he knows the truth.
”

“
You are worrying about the effect it
’
s going to have on your own life, not his, should you have to tell him what has happened,
”
Philip pointed out.
“
Do you call that love?
”
The supreme scorn in his voice would have made her curl up inside had he spoken to her in that tone, Trudie thought swiftly, glancing at him. This was a Philip she did not know, but a Philip she found herself admiring.

“
No,
”
Veronica said honestly,
“
but I
’
m not worrying in the way you mean. If Malcolm could love me, and I feel he could ... would it hurt him? Could it harm him, professionally—or socially— because if it would I
’
d go straight back to the States now. I
’
d even take the job Barry offered me, in a new show. That was what he wrote to me about, a few weeks ago.
”