Obsession (22 page)

‘More amazing than hitting the sack with Luke Fitzpatrick! I can’t even begin to imagine.’

‘Then hold on,’ Corrie beamed, ‘’cos you really aren’t going to believe this. I’m not even sure I do myself. But I am going to be a producer.’

‘
What?
’

Corrie nodded. ‘You know the woman’s angle thing I was telling you about, well they’ve bought it. They’re going to do it, and Luke more or less said that he is going to let me produce it.’

‘You’re right, I don’t believe it!’ Paula said incredulously. ‘I thought you were angling to research it.’

‘I was. But they’ve read my notes and well, they reckon I’ve got a great future ahead of me. They consider me an asset they can’t afford to lose, and, might I add, who can blame them?’

Her exaggerated immodesty was making Paula laugh. ‘So when do you start?’

‘I’m not sure yet. I guess they’ll let me know on Monday. But it’s amazing isn’t it, from dogsbody to producer in one clean jump.’

‘You’re dead right it’s amazing. Those notes must have
been
quite something to have earned you a promotion like that.’

Corrie’s eyes narrowed as she looked sceptically at Paula. Was Paula thinking along the same lines as her, or was that just an innocent remark? Whichever, it was with her again, that unpalatable feeling of having prostituted herself.

‘Well, if you have,’ Paula said once Corrie had confided in her, ‘it’s too late now to do anything about it. You’ll just have to hope he never tells anyone. Anyway, I’m sure you’ve got it wrong. Some men get off on treating women like whores, could be that he’s one. But I wonder what he meant about making you more than a producer?’

‘I don’t know,’ Corrie answered. ‘And right now I’m not sure that I want to.’

The humid night air blew a gentle breeze in through the open window of Annalise’s basement flat where Annalise was lying sleepily in Luke’s arms. He was spreading her hair over her shoulders, stroking it, then lifting it to his mouth and kissing it, while whispering the words of his favourite poem. His voice was imbued with the soft Irish lilt he affected especially for her and as she listened she felt herself dreamily drifting into sleep.

They hadn’t made love that night, and they wouldn’t. Tonight he just wanted to hold her, to feel her close and to love her. Annalise cherished these moments more than any others she spent with him. Sometimes she thought she wouldn’t mind if they never made love at all, for she never felt as close to him then as she did when they were like this. His gentleness gave her the feeling that she was the most precious thing in the world to him, just as he was to her. And when he was holding her so lovingly she forgot the times that he beat her, forgave him for the rage that frightened her, all that mattered was that he loved her.

He hugged her closer, then rolled onto her lifting himself on his elbows. It was a prelude to nothing more than a
look
. Annalise smiled up into his eyes, wanting him to read in her own how very deeply her love ran. He smiled too and kissed her gently on the lips.

‘Why are you here?’ he murmured. ‘I don’t understand. How can you still be here?’

She lifted her hands to his face and circled his mouth with her forefinger. ‘I’m here because I love you,’ she whispered.

His head came down, burying his face in her neck. ‘I love you too. Oh God, I love you.’

She ran her fingers through his hair, her own eyes filling with tears as she felt his on her shoulder.

‘Why are you doing this to me?’ he said. ‘Why don’t you just leave me?’

‘You know I’ll never do that,’ she answered, tightening her arms around him and feeling as though her heart might break. ‘Please say you don’t want me to.’

‘I can’t live without you,’ he murmured. ‘You know that.’

He drew himself up and looked at her again. When she saw the pain in his eyes she tried to pull him back, but he wouldn’t let her. She knew he was looking at the cut on her lip and wished there was some way she could hide it.

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I didn’t mean …’

‘Sssh, I know you didn’t. It was an accident. Now let me hold you, let me make it go away.’

‘I wish you could,’ he said, lying over her again. ‘Oh, Annalise, I wish you could.’

Annalise cradled him in her arms, soothing him, kissing him and caressing him. It was all she could do, for whatever it was he was holding deep inside she knew he was never going to tell her. She’d tried so many times in the past to draw it from him, but she’d learned now that she only hurt herself by pressing him. It hurt him too, for his anger at her prying rarely failed to manifest itself in violence. And whenever he hurt her, he seemed to hurt himself more. But
whereas
Annalise’s injuries were physical, his scored across his mind in way that seemed somehow indelible. And the deeper his scars ran the worse it became.

It always happened after he had disappeared for a weekend. Where he went Annalise had no idea, though she could be in no doubt that it was to another woman, for on more than one occasion he had called her by the woman’s name. To tell him he had done so provoked his anger to such a degree that he would lash out, as he had done earlier. Invariably Annalise backed down, assuring him she had made a mistake, but she knew she hadn’t. His denials were so vehement that all she could do was keep the pain of her confusion hidden, for fear that he would strike her again.

He started to move from the bed and Annalise reached out a hand to stop him. Taking it, he lifted it to his mouth and kissed it.

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ he smiled down at her. ‘I just need to sit alone for a while.’

Annalise let him go and lay staring out at the new moon through the trees. She longed to know what the hold was that this woman had over him, but since he insisted that she didn’t exist there seemed no way of finding out. And in truth, it was screwing him up so badly that Annalise was half-afraid to know.

She tried to reassure herself with the comfort of knowing that every time he left the woman he came straight to her, but tonight, just like all the other times, Annalise had sensed that he didn’t really want to be there. She wondered why he came when he felt that way, but whatever his reasons she would never tell him to go. She wanted him to know that she was there for him, that no matter what, she loved him more than anyone else ever would. She didn’t care that her obsession with him, her terror of losing him, was already affecting her so badly that others were beginning to notice. She loved him and would never stop trying
to
get through to him. She truly believed she was strong enough to give him the support he needed, even though those who loved her, her family, her friends, not only seriously doubted it, but were already showing grave concern for what it was doing to her.

After a while she went to look for him and found him sitting in the darkened kitchen, resting his head on his arms. She watched him, feeling a knot of unbearable emotion tightening in her throat. She thought that he was probably crying and was afraid that if he caught her standing there the violence would erupt again. But as she started to turn away he said, ‘No, don’t go.’

He lifted his head to look at her and Annalise looked nervously down at her hands.

‘Hold me,’ he said softly.

Going to him Annalise sat on his lap and rested his head on her shoulder.

‘Don’t ever leave me,’ he whispered.

‘No,’ she said. ‘I’ll never leave you.’

When Corrie went in to work on Monday morning it was to discover that Luke had given her idea to Annalise to produce. He informed her of this decision during a meeting at which Annalise was present.

Despite the cut on her lip, which Annalise had playfully told everyone Luke had given her, she looked radiant, almost too radiant, Corrie thought, and wasn’t too sure whether it was jealousy she was feeling that it had probably been a weekend spent with Luke that had done it.

But whatever she was feeling, Corrie was dumbfounded by the way he was behaving; it was as though Friday night and his half-promises had never happened.

She waited until the meeting was over then steeled herself to speak to him. She knew she had no right to, that he would probably be furious that she, a mere dogsbody, was daring to criticize him, but she felt used and cheated and
was
going to speak up for herself no matter what the consequences.

As it turned out Luke wasn’t angry at all, if anything he seemed surprised – and hurt.

‘My God, I had no idea I’d made you feel like that,’ he said when she had finished. ‘What can I say? I guess I just came on too strong for a first date. I should have realized that it would have been too heavy for you … But that you should have felt like that … Shit, Corrie, I can’t apologize enough. And as for having misled you into thinking I would make you a producer straight away … Oh God, what a mess I made of things. But thank God you felt able to tell me. And what the hell have you been thinking of me all weekend? No, perhaps you’d better not answer that, I’m not sure I want to know. Would it help if I told you that I have every intention of making you a producer – one of these days?’

Corrie shrugged, already beginning to feel slightly ridiculous.

‘But you must understand why it isn’t possible right now?’ Luke went on. ‘I’m afraid, just like the rest of us you have to earn your stripes. And you don’t earn them in my bed.’ He smiled. ‘That’s not how I run this operation. And you, young lady, shouldn’t have such a low sense of self-esteem. You don’t need to be sleeping with the boss to get on. You can, and will, do it anyway, believe me.’ He sighed and shook his head. ‘I was hoping you’d be pleased when I told you that we’re going to make you Annalise’s researcher, but in light of your astronomic hopes of clinching a producership I imagine it seems pretty second rate now.’

Corrie was grinning sheepishly. ‘Looks like I’ve made a proper fool of myself, doesn’t it?’ she said.

Luke was laughing. ‘A bit,’ he said. ‘But there’s no harm done. So, are you going to accept the position of researcher?’

‘Of course. And … I’m sorry …’

‘Forget it.’ He got up from his desk and started walking to the door with her. ‘Before you go,’ he said, ‘you can do one thing for me. You can promise me that the next time we spend the night together you’ll tell me if I’m making you feel that way.’

Corrie’s cheeks flushed hot with confusion. How on earth could she promise him that now that she and Annalise were going to be working so closely together? But how could she deny him either, when right at that minute she wanted nothing more than for him to take her in his arms and kiss her?

Fortunately she was saved from answering by a loud knock on the door.

Luke pulled it open.

‘Fucking hell!’ Alan Fox exclaimed when he saw Corrie. ‘Just look at you. You undergone some kind of metamorphosis at the weekend, or something? You look fantastic!’

‘Control yourself, Fox,’ Luke laughed, ‘and keep your groping hands off her too. We don’t want you up on a sexual harassment charge, though how you’ve got away with it this long beats me. Anyway, I’ve just given her the news that she’s to be a researcher, so you can be the first to congratulate her.’

‘And some,’ Fox grinned. ‘You deserve it babe, you’ve worked hard, put up with a lot of shit around here and survived.’

Corrie was smiling. Since the set up with the transmission tape it was as if nothing had gone before, and though she guessed she’d never really like Alan Fox too much, there seemed little point in bearing a grudge now. The main thing was that she was at last accepted. Her colleagues spoke to her, laughed and joked with her, and even invited her to the cinema or parties they were going to. Life really had changed so much for the better these past couple of weeks, that what was the point in dwelling
on
the pyrrhic victory of revenge? What she needed now was to concentrate her energies on the new hurdles already confronting her – hurdles that were every bit as emotional as they were professional.

– 10 –

CORRIE AND ANNALISE
were shooting interviews all over the country with prostitutes, MPs, policemen, health and social workers and campaigners for women’s rights. Carol had given them plenty of names and already they had some excellent footage in the can. They’d even been to Amsterdam and Hamburg to take a look at the way the laws governing prostitution and brothels worked there. Not that they saw much of either city, they simply weren’t there long enough. And while they were there they spent their time either in a brothel, or in law offices or a hotel room. The only language Corrie learned – other than the colourful jargon used by the prostitutes – was film language, and she was quite proud of the way it was already beginning to slip so easily off her tongue. Though she had little choice but to learn fast, since Annalise was proving something of a problem.

It had been Corrie’s idea that Felicity Burridge should conduct all the interviews, and it was one, everyone agreed, that was working well. However, Annalise was jealous of the friendship Corrie had struck up with Felicity, and the fact that both Felicity and the crew were starting to look to Corrie for instructions irritated Annalise even more. Corrie was in no position to point out to Annalise that if she would only exert a little authority of her own, shake herself out of this stupor she seemed to have fallen into, and concentrate a little harder on what she was supposed to be doing, then there would be no reason for everyone to
turn
to her. Annalise was the producer, but not only that she was so unpredictable in her moods lately, was all too often hungover and so clearly resented spending so much time away from London, that Corrie was afraid of an irreparable flare up if she so much as uttered one word of criticism. Instead she went out of her way to stress to Felicity that she must consult with Annalise, and if the cameraman conferred with her on anything she made sure to steer him in Annalise’s direction too.

Understanding the problem, Felicity did all she could to make things easier on Corrie, but still there was no doubt whom both she and the camera crew respected. Corrie might have been flattered, and in a way she was, but the trouble was, as far as the technical aspect of making the programme was concerned, she was blatantly inexperienced. The content she could handle, without any problem, she knew the message she wanted to get across, but she needed Annalise to tell her how to shoot it.