“I have to say, your office is impressive. You’re a big-time lawyer.”
“That’s an overstatement.”
“Ever so humble. How’s Gina?”
Jackie softened. “She’s thirteen. Imagine. She loves school, has lots of friends. She’s doing well. Is that why you wanted to meet?”
“Yes, but that’s not all. I wanted to see how you’re doing. My mother told me about your engagement and your fiancé’s accident. So tragic.”
“It was.” Jackie’s heart plunged at the reminder. “But Tony, I doubt you wanted to talk about Sean. Why are we here?”
“I wanted to tell you in person how sorry I am for your loss.” He watched her shred her placemat. “You always did fiddle with things.”
“Yeah, that’s why I made such a great smoker.” She chuckled. “Thank goodness, I’ve moved beyond that and now I shred placements.”
He gave her a warm smile. “So, how about a drink? You can fiddle with the stirrer.”
“No thanks.” She shook her head. “I’m driving.”
“Oh come on, you agreed to meet me for a drink. One drink.”
“Fine, one glass of chardonnay. Then I’m out of here.”
Tony ordered drinks and Jackie leaned across the table. “Okay Tony, I hate to sound crass, but I know you better than to believe you’re some nice guy from my past who wants to express his sympathy. So, what’s up?”
“I miss you. A
lot
.” He gazed at her beautiful face, concentrating on her high cheekbones and sparkling brown eyes.
She’s changed so little since we met twenty-one years ago.
“I’ve been thinking of you every day for more than two years, even before Sean died. I still love you. I’ve always loved you.”
Jackie attempted to speak. He raised his hand gesturing for her silence. “You want to know why I’m here; please let me tell you. I know I made a terrible mistake letting you and Gina go.”
Jackie leaned back in the booth, numb with disbelief.
“While you were engaged to Sean, I was sick thinking that you might actually get married. I thought long and hard. I wasn’t jealous as much as remorseful. Last year, when I saw you and Sean at Dooley’s, Luke said, ‘That guy’s got it all over you, buddy.’ Even my best friend knew that you had the best. And, everyone knew you deserved it.”
Jackie sipped her drink, spellbound by the absurdity of Tony’s words.
“I’m sorry Sean died. But you need someone to take care of you and Gina. You always have. It should’ve been me all along. I have a debt to you and Gina, a debt of honor, really. Now I want to take my place beside you. I remember when Gina was three and I came back into your life, you resented that I didn’t make a commitment. I understand that. So now, to show my sincerity, I’m making a commitment, right here.” Reaching into his jacket pocket, he took out a small black-velvet box, flipped it open, and exposed a dazzling pear-shaped, Tiffany-set, two-carat diamond ring. He got out of the booth and down on one knee. “Jackie Martin, I love you and I always will. Will you
please
marry me?”
I must be hallucinating
. She stared at Tony’s deep-set penetrating eyes.
He’s serious!
Noticing onlookers, she whispered, “Tony, get up. Please get back in the booth.” She chose her words carefully. “I
…
I’m overwhelmed and shocked, not to mention a bit off-balance since I’m still grieving Sean. I can’t marry you, and I don’t need anyone to take care of me, Tony. I’ve taken care of myself my whole life. And I’ve been taking care of Gina her whole life too. We’re fine.”
“I know that. But it’s more than that Jackie. I love you and Gina. When you were engaged I assumed I’d lost you forever. I couldn’t stand the thought. I don’t mean to be disrespectful in any way toward you and Sean; that’s why I waited a year to try to fix what I should’ve fixed over a decade ago. Please Jackie, give us another chance. We’ll get married. You won’t regret it.”
“Tony, I don’t know how to be any clearer. I don’t
need
to get married. The most difficult days as a single parent are behind me. Gina and I are fine. My career’s great. I don’t
need
a husband. I wanted to marry Sean because I couldn’t live without him.”
Couldn’t live without him
. Tears surged as emotion gripped her. “He can’t be replaced with just anyone. And quite frankly, not with you! You come from a different time in my life. It’s too late. Maybe if you said this before I met Sean it could’ve been different. But Sean is a permanent part of me and I’m different because of it, even if he’s not physically here anymore. I can’t settle for anything or anyone less.” She hesitated as Tony’s shoulders slumped forward.
“Tony, we had karma. I believe that. We were destined to make a beautiful daughter. Gina’s a gift you gave me. Although it was unintentional, I’m forever grateful. But there’s nothing more for us. I’m truly sorry.” She realized Tony had shut down before she finished speaking. “Listen, if you want to see Gina, give her a call. I can’t guarantee her response, but you can give it a try.”
She noticed a tear trickling down his cheek. He leaned back. Jackie got up, suppressing her own tears. She whispered, “I’m sorry. For all of us.” Emotionally drained, she grabbed her coat and purse and left.
*
Tony haunted Jackie’s dreams that night. His words echoed in her head as she drank her morning coffee.
What I’d have given to hear those words years ago. Now, they’re meaningless.
The doorbell distracted her. A delivery man handed her a rectangular box. Inside were two dozen long-stemmed red roses, and a card.
Dear Jackie,
Please know my sincerity. I’ll love you no matter what.
Please reconsider and marry me.
Love always,
Tony
*
That evening, she put down her coat and tote bag, she pressed the play button on the answering machine, retrieving messages. “Gina, I’m home,” she called out.
The machine beeped. “Jackie, it’s Tony. I hope you liked the roses and that you’re reconsidering my proposal. As a professional salesman, I’ve been trained never to take no for answer. I love you. Let’s talk soon.”
Gina walked into the living room. At thirteen, her shoulder-length hair, like her mother’s, was dark and shiny. Her eyes were opened wide. “Was that Tony?”
“Yeah, can you believe that?”
“No. Exactly what kind of proposal is he talking about? And now he
loves
you?”
“Apparently.” She giggled. “He asked me to marry him last night. Crazy, I know.”
“Marry! You’ve got to be kidding.”
Jackie laughed at her daughter’s reaction. Gina raised her hand. “Wait one second. You’re
not
marrying
him
, right?”
“Oh, God no. Come on. Help me make dinner.”
While making taco salads Jackie explained Tony’s change of heart.
“That must be why he’s been hanging around Nana’s so much,” Gina said, cutting the vegetables. “You remember I told you that, right?”
Jackie stirred the beef and its aroma filled the room. “Yeah. I guess I should’ve seen something coming. But I wasn’t tuned in. This smells delicious. I’m starving.” She poured herself a glass of wine. “Anyway, I told him that I can’t marry him, but if he wants to see you he could call you.”
“Mom, why in the world would you tell him
that
? I don’t want to see him.”
“Well, honey, he
is
your father—”
“
He’s
no father! He’s the donor.”
Amused by her daughter’s clarification, Jackie threw her head back and laughed. “The donor. Where’d you get that?”
“That’s what he is. A donor with a support check.” She shook her head. “Mom, I don’t want anything from that loser.” She placed the salsa and sour cream on the table.
“I’m not saying you have to see him. That’s up to you. But because I won’t marry him doesn’t mean that he can’t be a father to you, if he’s had a change of heart.”
“Right. We already know how quickly he can change his heart.”
“Good point. Let’s just see if he calls you and then decide.” They sat down to dinner and the conversation ended.
*
Jackie knew she needed to be stern when Tony called later than evening. “Tony, stop this. I won’t change my mind. I won’t marry you.” Tony was silent. “If you want to see Gina, we can work on that. But you and I cannot have any kind of relationship other than as two people mutually interested in Gina’s welfare. Do you understand?”
Still no response.
“Tony? We understand each other?”
“Yup. Loud and clear.” The phone went dead.
June 1992
T
he next week, Jackie pulled into the Salvuccis’ driveway in her black 1992 Saab 900 convertible. At the sound of the horn, Gina bolted out of the house, jumped into the car, and threw her schoolbag in the back seat.
“What did you do today at Anna’s?” Jackie asked while Gina buckled her seat belt.
“Louie took me to the track to see the boys ’cuz it was a half day at school. I won another fifty bucks!” She held five fanned ten-dollar bills.
“Ah, nice. You buying dinner?” Jackie waved to Anna standing at the door. “Just kidding, that needs to go in your bank.”
“I know,” Gina said. “But I want to know when I can start spending it.”
“Someday when you need it, you’ll be glad you have it.”
“Oh,” Gina shrieked, startling Jackie. “You’ll never guess what!”
“What?”
“Tony’s getting married.”
“What did you say?”
“You heard right. He’s crazy. And, I have his genes. Bummer. Hope crazy’s not contagious.”
Amazed by the announcement, Jackie missed her daughter’s joke. “Who’s he marrying?”
“The psycho.”
“Carmella?” Jackie stared at the red light before her. Tony’s recent words echoed in her mind, “I love you Jackie.” Grimacing, she shook her head.
“That’s the one!” Gina slapped her knee and threw her head back with a laugh. “Can you believe he’s marrying the psycho?”
“I guess he really wants to get married and doesn’t care who it is. I assumed when he proposed to me he wasn’t seeing her.”
“Mom, wake up and smell the coffee. He wasn’t dating you either, but he popped the question.”
“True enough.” Jackie giggled as she tuned into her driveway. “What’s the rush to get married all of a sudden?” She didn’t expect an answer but was reminded that her daughter didn’t miss a trick.
“Oh, Nana’s been talking about Tony’s friend Luke getting married. And, some other friend is getting married too.” She shrugged. “Maybe he wants to be like his friends.”
Out of the mouths of babes.
“That’s probably it.” Jackie got out of the car, grabbing her briefcase from the backseat. “Peer pressure can do amazing things. I hope they’re happy. Have they set a date?”
“Next summer, Nana says.”
“He’s marrying Carmella. What a kick.” She shook her head in disbelief.
The roses he sent me are still fresh and he’s marrying Carmella.
*
Carmella barreled through the front door of her parents’ house. “Mama, you were wrong. You said Tony would never marry me.” Sylvia and Vince Russo sat at the kitchen table finishing their chicken parmesan dinner as Carmella plopped herself in a chair, holding her left hand before her mother’s face to display her pear-shaped, Tiffany-set, two-carat diamond ring.
“Oh my.” Sylvia reached for her daughter’s hand. “Where did you get that?”
“Weren’t you listening? Tony gave it to me,” Carmella said, yanking her hand away and draping it over the newspaper Vince was reading.
Vince looked up. “Beautiful,” he said, snapping his newspaper and making sure his head was behind it for the duration of the conversation.
“I didn’t realize you two were back together.” Sylvia said.
“That’s some congratulations. Jesus. ‘I didn’t realize you two were back together,’” Carmella mimicked. Spearing a piece of chicken, she shoved it into a piece of Italian bread.
“Oh, it’s not that I’m not
…
thrilled. I’m surprised. When did he propose? How did it happen?” Her mother cranked up her level of enthusiasm.
“Last night! He came to my apartment. It was so romantic! He told me that he misses me and loves me. Bending on one knee, he slid this stunning, and may I add,
expensive
gem on my finger and confessed that he can’t be happy without me. He swept me off my feet, just like I always wanted!” Carmella clutched her heart and sighed.
“Honey, it’s very romantic, but you’d better give this more consideration before you get carried away. You two have quite a rocky relationship. You should think about why he wants to marry you.”
Vince remained behind his newspaper.
“Why he wants to marry me!
Mother, he wants to marry me because he loves me, for God’s sake. You never have believed I’m lovable, but—”
Sylvia interrupted as she rose in a fluster to clear dishes. “Carmella, that’s not what I meant. You’re telling me that he showed up at your door with an engagement ring when you haven’t seen him in more than a year. It’s hard to believe. Vince, put down that newspaper. Don’t you agree?” Vince cast a disgusted look over his reading glasses.
“Daddy, don’t answer that. Keep reading your stupid newspaper. Mother, you don’t understand our relationship. Every time we broke up it was because Tony wouldn’t marry me. He knew that the only way we could be together is if he finally decided to marry me. So, he’s realized he can’t live without me and we’re getting married. We’re ecstatic and you should be happy too.” Carmella stomped her foot.
Carmella’s parents locked eyes in empathy.
*
“Ma and Dad, glad you’re sitting down. I have news.” Tony was in the living room where his parents were watching
Jeopardy.
“What is it?” Louie lowered the volume on the television.
“I’m getting married.”
Anna clasped her hands in excitement. “You got Jackie to come around?”
“No Ma, it’s not Jackie. I’m marrying Carmella.”
“Carmella?” Anna’s face creased with confusion. “How did that happen? I thought—”
“Whatever you
thought
was wrong. Jackie’s old news. Carmella’s loyal, trustworthy and knows me well. She’s the one for me. I proposed last night and she accepted. I knew all she’s wanted was for me to marry her. So, I’m finally going to do it. We’re planning a July wedding.”