We spent the next hour mingling with different people from my firm, Cole’s company, and, of course, our guest. Everything was going perfectly. Cole’s assistant Heather had done a fabulous job of making sure the evening was just right. Just as we’d all made our way back to each other, the cocktail waitress passed and we each took a glass of champagne.
“How’s the champagne?” Heather asked, coming up from behind the four of us.
“It’s wonderful, thank you, Heather.” Cole responded.
“Glad to hear that, I was sure to get your favorite, Mr. Conrad.” She said, winking at him. Addison of course shot a ‘what the fuck’ look in my direction.
I just rolled my eyes at her. “Heather, you look wonderful, this event is great. You did such a fine job preparing everything and making sure it all came together perfectly.”
“Of course, Mr. Conrad expects nothing but perfection, and that’s exactly what I give him.” There was Addison again with the look.
I just smiled as Cole reached over, drew me closer to him, and placed a kiss atop of my head.
“Would you all excuse us, please, we need to freshen up.” Addison said, grabbing my arm and hauling me towards the ladies room. She stormed into the restroom and locked the door behind us. I went towards the mirror to apply another coat of lipstick and Addison was at my side in an instant. “There’s something about that little bitch that I don’t like.”
I laughed in the mirror. “Addison, calm down. Heather is a very nice girl, she’s been working for Cole for five years or something like that. She’s just trying to make sure everything is perfect for him.”
“Exactly, everything including her tight little ass in that black hooker dress.”
I pressed my hip up against the counter and glared into her eyes. I crossed my arms against my chest. “Look, I trust Cole, I know he was the white Rico Suave before I came along, but he loves me and I know he’d never do anything with anyone, and that includes Heather. I can’t get my panties in a wad every time some woman throws herself at him, it comes with the territory. As long as he respects me, I have no reason not to trust him.”
She crossed her arms and stared back at me before relaxing. “Fine, just be careful. I know he loves you, and he’d never intentionally hurt you, but trust me, there are a million women out there who would be willing to make him try, including his trashy little assistant, Heather.”
I hugged Addison. “Thank you, I’m so glad you’re always looking out for me, but that man,” I held her at arm’s length, “has all the woman he could ever want right here.” I laughed as I shook my body in a seductive motion, running my hands down the sides of my fitted dress over my hips. We both burst out laughing as she took my hand and we headed back to the party.
Cole and Casey were at the bar sipping their drinks, talking to some of the partners when Addison and I emerged from the ladies room. We decided against joining them, we’d had enough business talk for one evening. So we sat down at one of the lounge tables to people watch while sipping champagne. We must have sat there for an hour as Cole and Casey remained at the bar with a steady flow of patrons. All the while Addison and I were being bombarded by the wives of all of the attorneys. Most were interested in how Cole and I met, and some even asked about Casey, not knowing his wife was sitting right next to me. Addison would chime in every time, “Oh you mean my handsome husband?” And the women would quickly move along, terrified at what might come next.
“As much as I’ve enjoyed this party, I think Casey and I need to get going. It’s getting late, and we have to be up early in the morning tomorrow, it’s our Saturday morning ten mile run along Bayshore.”
I looked at her, creasing my eyebrows together. “It’s 11 p.m., you’re bailing because you have to go for a run in the morning, what in the heck happened to my best friend?”
She laughed and pulled me up from my seat. “Come on, besides, don’t you want to get back to what you and Cole started?” A flashback of being on the balcony replayed in my head and a smile spread across my face.
She does have a point.
When we got to the bar Casey was finishing up his drink. “Where’s Cole?” I asked looking around the room.
“There was some kind of issue in the kitchen and he went down to check it out. He left about fifteen minutes ago, I figured he’d be back by now.” We stood at the bar for another five minutes, waiting for him to come back, but he didn’t.
“I’m going to run downstairs and look for him, make sure everything is okay.” I left Casey and Addison, and hopped in the elevator. When the elevator reached the lobby, I stepped out onto the marble floor just as the doors across from me were preparing to close and inside I saw Cole’s huge frame pressed up against the wall with a tiny body I instantly recognized -Heather- plastered on top of him, his hands gripping her waist as their lips crashed down upon one another.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The elevator doors closed in slow motion as Cole looked up from his kiss straight into my eyes. I stumbled backwards against the wall, as if a ton of bricks had just hit my chest knocking all of the wind out of my body. I couldn’t breathe and I instantly felt a panic attack coming on.
Hold it together, Reagan, there are people from your office here tonight, don’t lose it, not yet, just get to the car.
I forced one foot in front of the other, and before I knew it I was running through the lobby towards the valet attendant. I threw my pass at the young man I’d come to know over the past few months and braced my knees, trying to keep myself from toppling over. My breath was so rapid I was terrified I’d hyperventilate right there.
“Ms. Larson is everything okay?” he asked.
In between breaths I choked out as many words as my body would allow. “Yes.Car.Please.” I said, trying to catch my breath between each word.
He walked over towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure you should be driving?”
“Just.Hurry.” I choked out, holding back the sobs that were ripping through my chest.
He was back in no time, and I was so grateful, before I could fully stand back up he was at my side, pulling me close to him as he helped me into my SUV. Closing my door behind me, I hit the gas and flew out of the parking lot. I had to get as far away from that hotel as physically possible, so I jumped on the interstate and just drove as fast as I could. I continued fighting the tears, knowing the minute I even let one escape it would be over, and I’d be too distraught to even drive. I turned the air conditioner on full blast, and pointed it straight at my face in the hopes that it would hold the tears back, and potentially help me calm my rapid breathing before I passed out. After twenty minutes of driving I’d finally arrived at exactly where I thought I needed to be. I threw my car in park, flung the door open, and collapsed on the patch of grass in front of me.
Catching myself, before my face smacked the ground, a sob escaped my throat and that was it, the tears pierced my eyelids and quickly began spilling over them as if someone had just turned the water faucet on full blast. Resting on my knees, I draped my arms around my stomach, when I lurched over holding myself as tight as possible, trying to keep from convulsing. But it was too hard, the sobs were so deep I was trembling from head to toe. My body ached like it’s never ached before. Within a matter of thirty minutes I had gone from feeling completely on top of the world to feeling as if I had been hit time and time again by a semi-truck. Trying to compose myself, I leaned back against the tree that was to my right. I rested my head, and through my tear filled eyes, I came face to face with their headstone.
In Loving Memory of Sophia and Christopher Larson, Beloved Mother and Father.
Bad idea, Reagan!
In my head I’d thought it would’ve been a good idea to be this close to my mom and dad given my current state, but upon seeing their headstone I quickly realized it was the complete opposite. Grabbing for the tree I pulled myself up off the ground, trying to balance myself as my stilettos sunk into the lush green grass.
“How could you both leave me?” I shrieked at their headstone. Tears pouring even harder, now that I’d added my parents into the mix of things. I stood there for a minute, actually thinking I may have gotten a response. “Why? I needed you both and you just left me, no warning, just gone!” I continued shouting through sobs. “Was I not good enough, did I not deserve either of you? Do I not deserve Cole? What is wrong with me, why does everyone I love get taken away?” My body was thoroughly exhausted as I fell back down to my knees. Sobbing, I leaned against their headstone and wrapped my arms around my body. I sat there crying, all alone, in the dark.
Several hours later, I awoke to what I thought was rain hitting my face. I jumped at the realization of where I had fallen asleep, looked around to see that the sun was coming up over the horizon, and that it wasn't rain, rather the sprinklers had turned on in the cemetery. I quickly stood up and looked down at my parent’s grave. Resting my hand atop of it, I apologized for berating them the night before, “I’m so sorry, Mom, Dad. I just miss you both so much, there are so many things happening right now and I just wish the two of you were here to help me through all of them.” I kissed my hand and placed it on each of their names, figuring I’d better get out of the cemetery before someone called the cops on the crazy lady who’d yelled at a headstone all night.
Climbing into my SUV the clock read 5:45 a.m. I pulled down my mirror and wasn’t shocked at the amount of mascara that had stained my cheeks. That and the constant ache in my chest were sure fire reminders that last night actually happened. I reached for my phone and saw all of the missed calls; twenty-three from Cole, twelve from Addison, five from Casey, and two each from Addison’s parents. I also had a full voicemail box. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to any of them, so I just deleted everything with one press of a button, turned my phone off, and started my car.
Driving down my street I saw Cole’s car parked in front of my house. I was half tempted to keep driving, but the crick in my neck and my wet clothes reminded that I needed to get cleaned up, and at least try to get a few more hours of sleep before the weekend was over. Pulling into the driveway I placed the car in park, reached for my clutch, and took a deep breath before I headed to my front door.
Cole was sitting on my porch swing passed out, obviously, having spent the entire night there awaiting my return. I tried my damnedest not to wake him, but when my key slid into the door his eyes flew open and he jumped off of the swing. “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting all night for you.” I couldn’t even look at him; I just pushed my door open and stepped in. His hand flew straight out catching the door before I could close it on him. “Reagan, please, we need to talk,” he declared, panic in his voice.
I turned around to get one last glimpse of his beautiful face, and also hoping he would feel the same excruciating pain that I felt the night before when he looked into my eyes. “I’m done, Cole, I can’t compete with those other women.” The tears slowly started trickling down my cheeks and he sucked in a sharp breath at the sight of them.
Moving closer, shaking his head he looked up at me again. “Please, baby, don’t say that, just let me explain.” His hands reached out for mine and I pulled back from him before he could touch me.
“Cole, just go, please.” I pushed the door closed behind me and locked it, as Cole beat on the wood from the outside.
“Damn it, Reagan, please just talk to me. You don’t understand, please!” he shouted. I couldn’t handle hearing his voice, so I ran to the shower, turned the hot water on, and cranked my iPod all the way up until it finally drowned out the sounds of fists banging on wood and shouting from my front porch. I leaned against the tile as the scalding water burned my skin, praying the pain of the hot water would eventually take over the pain I felt in my chest.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Emerging from the shower, I ran straight to my room, put on my most comfortable pajamas, set my iPhone on the music doc, hit repeat on my go to break up song, Brandy’s
Have You Ever
, and climbed into bed, forcing myself to close my eyes and try my best to fall asleep. At least if I was sleeping I wouldn’t feel the constant ache that had a hold of my entire body. As the lyrics played lightly over the speakers the tears began rolling down my face, again. I’d cried to this song after every break up since I was twelve years old, but this time it had an entirely different meaning. I’d never loved any of those guys, not the way I loved Cole. This time her words pierced my soul, shredding every ounce of hope I’d possibly had left.
“Reagan, wake up.” My body shook as I felt light kisses trailing their way up my arm.
I rolled over in bed and was staring into Cole’s beautiful golden eyes.
He leaned down and kissed my lips.
“Wake up, we need to talk.” I sat up wondering how he’d gotten into my house.
“Look, Reagan, I love you, and these past six months have been wonderful, but there’s something you need to know,” he took a deep breath before finishing his sentence.
“Heather and I have been together for the past
three
months and I just…
I just feel a stronger connection with her than I do with you.”
The tears pricked my eyes and suddenly I heard a high pitched voice coming from my hallway, “Have you told her yet, sweetie?” Heather walked into my bedroom and my mouth fell open.
“GET OUT!” I screamed, pushing him off of my bed. “Get the hell out of my house, both of you!!!”
How dare he bring her into my house.
Heather looked over her shoulder as she took Cole’s hand and pulled him out of my bedroom. “Told you I was perfect for him,”
she
winked at me as they disappeared down the hall.
Flying off of the pillow, I sat up panting and looking around my bedroom, it was pitch black. I’d been asleep the entire day. Leaning back against my headboard, I’d realized that Cole and Heather being in my house had only been a dream.
Thank goodness
, I thought as I caught my breath. Looking at the clock I realized that I had slept all day and well into the next morning, it was 4 a.m. and I still felt exhausted. I climbed out of bed, grabbing my phone on my way into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I had more missed calls and numerous text messages. I deleted everything from Cole without reading or listening to them, only checking what was remaining from Addison.