YOU OK?
PLEASE CALL ME.
REAGAN, PLEASE!
I’VE CALLED A MILLION TIMES, PLEASE JUST ANSWER ME.
I’M HERE, YOU MUST BE SLEEPING.
CASE WON’T LET ME USE MY KEY.
HE SAID I NEED TO LET YOU REST. I’M READY TO KILL HIM!
YOU UP YET?
COLE KEEPS CALLING ME, I WON’T ANSWER.
REAGAN, HE’S HERE…
HIM AND CASE ARE GOING FOR DRINKS.
HE LOOKS TERRIBLE. HE’S STILL IN HIS SUIT FROM LAST NIGHT.
I HATE HIM YOU KNOW.
AS LONG AS YOU HATE HIM, I HATE HIM.
I KNOW YOU NEED YOUR ALONE TIME.
I’LL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW. LOVE YOU REAGAN.
I’M HERE WHENEVER YOU’RE READY.
I reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, lifting it to my lips as I walked back towards my bedroom. Passing the mirror in my dining room, I stopped to take a look at myself. My face was swollen and my eyes were a brutal combination of puffy and bloodshot. I looked like I hadn’t slept in days. My hair was in a messy bun atop of my head and my body sagged in defeat. I was spent and felt like I could fall asleep right on my dining room table just from the tiny bit of walking I’d just done. I couldn’t even make it back to my bedroom, the living room was closer, so I drug myself over to the couch and collapsed on top of it, falling asleep before I even hit the pillow.
Sunday was no different, I slept all day and when I awoke sometime in the middle of the night I decided I’d better let my office know I wasn’t coming into work the next day. I pulled out my phone and sent my assistant an email.
From: [email protected]
Monday 2:33:07 AM
Subject: Out of Office
I won’t be in the office today.
I think I’m coming down with the flu.
I’ll keep you posted.
Tell Graham he is in charge of Imperial Park while I am out.
I’m trying to get as much rest as possible, so please only contact me if it’s an emergency.
-RL
I pressed send and fell right back asleep. That day I finally woke up around noon and for the first time in three days I actually didn’t feel entirely exhausted, my stomach growling as I stretched in the afternoon sunlight shining through my window. I climbed off of the couch and went to the kitchen, pressing the Pandora app on my iPad, I began pulling everything I could find out of the refrigerator. I opened the windows and let the cool November breeze fill the kitchen, while I started prepping my stove. Sleeping for almost three days straight had left me starving. Half hour later I had a plate full of eggs, sausage, a toasted bagel and cream cheese, and a big bowl of fresh fruit. I’d decided that my eyes were bigger than my stomach, but I was determined to get out of my funk. A funk was fine when it was affecting my weekend, but now that it was affecting my work it was unacceptable.
I ate my breakfast, or lunch at that hour, and decided it was time to buck up. Of course, I was still hurting, in fact my heart hadn’t ached this hard since my parents had passed, but I wasn’t sixteen now, I’m twenty-seven years old and I have responsibilities, my career was at stake. I needed to forget about Cole and focus on my work. I decided I would spend the rest of the day pampering myself, and tomorrow I would get up and get my shit together. After I cleaned up my mess I picked up the phone to text Addison.
I’M ALIVE AND I NEED A MASSAGE. YOU FREE FOR A SPA AFTERNOON?
Not even thirty seconds later my phone was vibrating.
GET DRESSED, I’M ON MY WAY!!!
I ran to my room, knowing it would only take her five minutes to get to my house and threw on my favorite red maxi dress and a denim jacket. Looking in the mirror at myself, I decided after we had our massage hair and make-up would be next, then a manicure and pedicure, and then we’d go for dinner and drinks. Shortly after I pulled my sandals on, I heard Addison’s horn honk. I grabbed my purse, walked outside, and hopped into the passenger’s seat of her car. She leaned over and hugged me so tight.
“You okay?”
I squeezed her tight to reassure her of my answer, “never better.” She gave me a worried smile and drove off, knowing that once I put something behind me it was easier to just leave it alone. My mom always told me the best thing about a mess was that it could always be cleaned up, and right now, we were on our way to clean up the mess I had made of myself over the past three days. Once that was done, I’d forget about it and move on.
The spa day had been just what the doctor ordered. The masseuse had worked all the tension out of my entire body, my hair and make-up look phenomenal, and I’d chosen a dark midnight purple for my mani/pedi.
“So where should we go for drinks?” Addison asked.
“Ocean Prime?” I suggested and her face lit up. They had a killer cocktail menu and the eye candy was always worth it.
“But first, we need something to wear,” she said, waving her American Express Black card in the air. I smiled as she headed towards the mall.
Both dressed in skinny jeans and oversized knit sweaters, Addison zipped up her black boots, and I pulled my new brown knee high riding boots up my calves. We both posed in the mirror and I whispered, “Tory Burch, we wear you well.” as Addison snapped a picture of the two of us.
The hostess seated us at our usual spot at the bar and we ordered our drinks. We hadn’t even been seated five minutes when two men, probably a few years older than the two of us, walked over and began talking with us. Addison let them go on with their stories of how two women as beautiful as us didn’t need to be sitting at a bar alone, yadda, yadda, yadda, before she looked at them and said, “Oh, I’m sorry, we aren’t alone, we’re lesbians.” Their eyes almost popped out of their heads and on that note they turned and sulked away.
Laughing hysterically, we finished our drinks and followed our waitress to the table. “I didn’t think you were in the mood to be picked up tonight,” she said sympathetically.
“It’s fine, really, I’m okay.”
She pulled her eyebrows together and tried to talk low, so people wouldn’t hear her, “Reagan, its okay to be upset, you don’t have to shield yourself from your feelings, not around me at least.”
I leaned back against the booth and took a deep breath before I laid it all out for her. “I get that, I really do, trust me it would be so much easier if I just stayed at home and cried for weeks and weeks, but I can’t. I’m working on one of the biggest projects of my career and I don’t have time to dwell on something that I cannot change. Cole made his decision and we both have to live with the consequences. Does it hurt? Of course, it hurts to wake up, to eat, to sit here and talk to you, even to say his name, but I can’t think about that.
“I’ve got to think about what’s best for me, and dwelling on the fact that he broke my heart into a trillion pieces isn’t doing anything positive for me. I, of all people, know life can suck, but I also know you can’t stop living because you were dealt a shitty hand of cards. You lock it up as far out of your mind as you can get it, you plant that smile back on your face, and get on with your life.” I took a giant gulp of my drink, needing it to finish. “It sucks, it really does, but I’ve done it before and I can do it again. I just have to focus on work and making partner and I’ll be fine. Before Cole that was my sole focus, so I’ll just go back to that.”
Addison looked truly sad for me. “I just don’t want you to be sad. I know you better than anyone else, and I know you’re smiling, but your eyes tell a different story, other people may not notice it, but I’ve been your best friend since we were born and I know when you’re putting on a front.”
She definitely had me pegged, after twenty seven years I would imagine so. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine, it’s just fresh, give me a week or so and I promise my eyes will smile, too.”
She leaned across the table and pulled me into a tight hug as she whispered, “I hope so.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Heading into the office the next morning I felt confident and ready to get my head back in the game. When I passed through the glass doors of our lobby, our receptionist greeted me, “Good morning, Ms. Larson. Killer outfit.” I smiled as I passed her, heading towards my office.
My assistant followed me in as I swept past her desk. “Feeling better, I see.” she observed, as I tossed my purse on my couch and headed for my computer, sitting down behind my desk.
“Yes, must have been a twenty-four hour bug.” Pulling up my calendar I asked, “What’s on the agenda for today?”
She fiddled with her iPad as she reviewed my calendar with me, “9:15 you and Graham have an appointment to discuss Imperial Park prior to your 10:30 meeting with Mr. Conrad.” I felt my stomach flip. I pinched the bridge of my nose, taking in a slight breath of air. I should have known things wouldn’t have slowed down just because we weren’t together anymore; the project still had to go on. “There is a luncheon you are signed up for with the city at 11:30,” she went on, “and after that you are clear, until 3, when you have an appointment with a Heather Maxwell.”
“Excuse me!” I exclaimed a little louder than usual.
Peering back at her iPad my assistant looked over everything again, “3p.m… Heather Maxwell, is something wrong?” she asked.
I leaned back in my chair and laughed an infuriated laugh. “Cancel the 3p.m. and in the future, don’t ever put that name on my calendar again, or anyone’s in this firm for that matter.”
“Is everything ok?” she asked, looking confused.
“Perfect, just keep that woman out of this firm. Trust me when I say it would do more harm than good.” And at that she nodded and headed back to her desk, just as Graham walked in for our 9:15.
Adjusting my outfit in the mirror, I tried my best to compose myself.
You’ve got this, Reagan, cool and collected, just get in and get it over with, you’ve already gone over everything with Graham and he knows he is to deal directly with Cole and report back to you.
I reached for the conference room door and pulled it open, scanning the room. Graham had done great, pulling together every associate on our team for the meeting. The more people we had in the room the less likely Cole would try and discuss anything other than business. Straightening my shoulders and lifting my chin I walked in exuding confidence, taking my seat at the head of the oversized conference room table. Speaking to my team first, I thanked them for gathering on such short notice. And then it was time to address Cole. The lump in my throat began to grow, but I forced it back down as I looked up into those big golden eyes I had fallen so madly in love with.
“Mr. Conrad,” I addressed him as I watched him lean back in his chair crossing his arms over his massive chest, “I need to inform you that I have been placed on a few other projects, and I will no longer be your point of contact on Imperial Park.” His brows furrowed as he sucked in a heavy breath. “Graham will be able to take care of any needs you may have, if there are any problems he and I will discuss them and he will then report back to you.” Cole stood up and paced in front of the glass windows of the large conference room. “Is there something wrong, sir?” I asked trying to keep it together.
Looking over his shoulder at me I could see the terrifying combination of both rage and pain that was forming behind his eyes. He walked back to the table, and he rested his hands firmly on the edge, looking at the team Graham had assembled. “Would you all give us a few moments to discuss these changes privately?” he demanded, even if it was phrased as a question. My team rose out of their seats and exited the conference room.
So much for no man left behind, great job, Graham.
As the last person pulled the door closed behind him Cole collapsed into the chair next to me, looking completely defeated. “Reagan why are you doing this?”
I stood at his accusation, “I’m not doing anything, Cole. I’m busy and there are several projects that I need to focus on, you know exactly what’s at stake for me. I can’t do it all by myself, that’s why I put Graham in charge, he’s second best to me and I know he’ll get the job done properly.”
He reached for my hand and I retreated. “I don’t give a damn about who’s working on the project, Reagan. Hell, I’ll pull the plug on all of this right now if you want me to. I mean you and me, why are you doing this to you and me? You won’t even give me the opportunity to explain.”
It was almost impossible to hold back the tears, but I forced them away, knowing full well I couldn’t fall apart in front of him. “I just can’t, Cole. I don’t want your explanation, I don’t care about it. I just need you to respect my wishes, and right now the only wish I have is for you to stay as far away from my life as humanly possible.”
“But Reagan….”
Interrupting his sentence before he could finish, “no buts, Cole, I’m done.” I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm, jerking me back against him as he lifted my face, so I was forced to look up into his eyes.
“Just hear me out, you don’t understand what happened…”
Once again, before he could finish I jabbed my finger into his chest, shutting him up. “No! You need to understand… I gave you everything I had, all of me. I trusted you to love and protect me and you did the complete opposite. You destroyed me, Cole. I’ve never felt pain as bad as I have these past couple of days and it’s all your fault.” I took a deep breath. “Actually, you know what, it’s not your fault, it’s my fault. I was the one stupid enough to think the playboy had actually fallen in love with me.”
“I do love you, Reagan. I love you more than anything on this earth.”
I pulled myself out of his arms as I walked towards the doors, stopping to glance back at him. “You don’t even know what love is.” His face fell into his hands. “And, Cole, please do me one favor, tell your girlfriend to stay off of my calendar. I have no reason to ever see that woman again and I’d appreciate it if she didn’t try to come to my place of business.” His eyes looked up, confused as I stormed out of the conference room leaving him there, all alone, just like he’d done to me.