One Summerhill Day (The Summerhill Series Book 1) (16 page)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Caitlyn finished her hair and smiled. She was excited to be going out with Ryan tonight. She hadn’t seen him since his return from Philly, so she was anxious to hear how the trip had gone. Most of Tuesday had been lost to sleep, and she’d spent a few hours cleaning her house today. Ryan had invited her to go to The Cobalt Brew House again, a favorite spot of the younger crowd. She liked the Brew House, but someday, she hoped to take a tour of the many wineries in the area, since wine was her drink of choice. Maybe she and Ryan could take a weekend trip together once things had settled down.

When she was ready, she stood in front of her sliding glass doors, smiling as she took in the beauty of Orenda Lake. The Finger Lakes was such a beautiful area and she had fallen in love with it. No snow was predicted for the week, so they had a brief reprieve from the frequent upstate snow.

As soon as she heard Ryan’s car, she headed out the door. When he saw her, he got out of the car and wrapped her in a hug, proceeding to kiss her senseless.

“Maybe we should skip dinner and go right to my favorite part of the night.” He raised his eyebrows and grinned.

Caitlyn grinned back. “Works for me, but then we’ll have to get take-out because you know what a mess I’ll be after we roll around in my bed.”

He laughed and said, “No, let’s go now. I’m starving. We have all night to play.” He turned her back toward the car and guided her into her seat.

When they pulled into the parking lot, Caitlyn was surprised to see how many cars were already there. “Wow, this place is really busy.”

“It’s a popular place. They have great burgers and chicken wings. Mostly bar food, but it’s
good
bar food.” He took her hand as they walked through the entrance, which made Caitlyn smile.

Once they were settled at a pub table and had put their orders in, Caitlyn folded her hands on the table. “Okay, out with it. I want to know everything you found out in Philly.”

Ryan nodded and said, “I’ll tell you what I learned, but it wasn’t what I had hoped for.”

She’d pinned all her hopes on his visit, desperate to find out who was tormenting her. Granted, nothing had happened since she’d returned to town, but there had to be some clues.

“You have my undivided attention.”

Ryan wrapped his hand around hers and rubbed his thumb across the back of it. “I met your ex-husband.” He paused.

Caitlyn couldn’t stand the suspense. “And?”

“I don’t think he’s guilty. Let me think for a minute about how to explain this…” He glanced at the crowd before turning back to her. “He’s an asshole, but he’s not the right type.”

“The right type? What do you mean? What did you think of him?”

“Cait, don’t take this the wrong way, but you asked me. He married you for your money.” His thumb caressed her skin again. “I think he would have stayed with you if you’d ignored his infidelity. He’s a man who’s interested in nothing and no one but himself. He wanted you to fund his games and indiscretions.”

Caitlyn put a hand over her face to hide her misting eyes.

“Cait, please don’t cry. I can’t stand it. My true opinion is you are better off without him. You deserve to be with someone better, someone who loves you for yourself.”

“And Lynn? Is he still seeing Lynn?” She swiped at her eyes, but she didn’t let go of Ryan’s hand. This man was so solid he anchored her, somehow making her more grounded, too. She took in his chiseled jaw, his green eyes flecked with brown, his dark hair curling at his collar. He was a man she would always be able to trust and depend on. He was a very serious man, but he was thoughtful and warm.

“No, they both denied it, and I believe them. How long did you know Lynn? She was your best friend?”

“I had only been there a little over a year, and I didn’t know too many people. I saw a lot of her because we worked together at the hospital.

“Speaking of the hospital, do you remember an aide by the name of William Jenkins?”

“No, why? Should I?” The name sounded vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t place it.

“Lynn mentioned him. She said that she thought he had a thing for you. According to her, he used to hit on you. Do you remember anyone like that?”

Caitlyn thought for a moment, but she still didn’t recall any William.

“She said he was a transporter, does that help?”

Her eyes widened. “Yes. Bill. He was a big guy, not too smart, and he did ask me out once. But he didn’t seem to be upset when I told him I was married. He was a little creepy, but that was the end of it. In fact, I’m surprised Lynn knew anything about it.”

“Have you heard from her since this happened? She mentioned that she wanted to apologize to you.”

The waitress brought their sandwiches, and Caitlyn chewed on a few sweet potato fries before responding. “Actually, I got a text from her the other day. She wanted to meet with me so she could apologize, but I told her I didn’t want to see her again.” She stared at her plate. “She’s not who I thought she was.”

Ryan leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Then don’t see her. Forget about Philadelphia. You have a new life here—a good one. I tried to locate this Bill, but I haven’t been able to find him. Trust me, I’ll follow up on it. At least we have something.”

She nodded and took a bite of her burger.

“You haven’t had any other threats?”

She shook her head. “Thank goodness.”

They ate in silence for a few moments, but Caitlyn didn’t really feel like eating her burger. The talk of Philadelphia had brought back so many bad memories. She picked at her fries and the small salad she had ordered. Her life had been so awful and filled with phony people. Why hadn’t she realized that until now?

“Cait? Talk to me. What are you thinking?”

Tears gathered in her lashes as she gazed at Ryan. He reached for her hand again, but she pulled away. “I can’t even remember why I married him.” She sniffled and pulled a tissue from her purse.

“Does it matter?” Ryan whispered.

“It does to me. Why was I so naïve? I mean, I know why I went out with him…my mother’s death hit me really hard, so when he invited me over to his apartment for dinner one night, I figured why not? And he started asking me over all the time. It made me feel like someone was finally offering me a place where I could
belong
.”

“I don’t understand, though. You still had your Aunt Margie, right?”

“Yes, but when I went to live with her, I never felt like it was the right place for me. I belonged at home with my mother and my father. When I lost my dad, I still felt like I belonged at home with my mom. I loved her so much, but I just couldn’t care for her anymore. Still, I always thought the arrangement with my aunt would be temporary.”

“You thought you would move back in with your mother someday.”

“Yes. I always believed or hoped that she would get better. Even when I went to college, I thought she would be so proud of me that she would stop drinking. See? Foolish and naïve.”

“You were young, babe.”

“When she died, I felt so alone, like I had nowhere to go.” Her voice was coming out as a whisper now, and she barely recognized the sound of it.

“But your aunt would have taken you back, wouldn’t she have?”

“Yes. She never sent me away. My room was still there in her house, and she told me I was always welcome. But…”

“It didn’t feel the same.”

“No. Suddenly, I didn’t belong anywhere. But then I met Bruce.”

“When you were way too vulnerable.”

She nodded. “Exactly. He convinced me we belonged together, and I believed him.”

Ryan reached for her hand again. “You were young and hurting. Don’t blame yourself.”

“I know, but I wasn’t stupid. Why didn’t I notice how much money I gave him? Why didn’t I question him more about the sums he took from our joint accounts?”

“Maybe you weren’t ready to handle it then. But Cait, it’s in your past now. I think you need to leave it there.”

“Thank you, Ryan.” She set her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand, gazing at the wonderful man next to her.

“For what?”

“For being here and for listening. For being you.”

Ryan paid the check and they left the Brew House hand in hand. When they reached the car, he wrapped his arms around her and cupped her face in his hands. “I’m sorry I brought up bad memories.”

“It’s okay. I need to work through this.”

He kissed her and she ran her hands through his hair. He tasted like beer and Ryan, a now-familiar taste that she somehow found more enticing every day. He angled his mouth over hers to deepen the kiss, sweeping his tongue into her mouth until she gasped, a little sound in the back of her throat that erupted from sheer desire.

He pulled back and said, “I think I need to take you home and tuck you in.”

She giggled and rubbed his erection through his pants. “I think you’d better.”

Once they arrived back at her house, they walked up the stairs hand in hand, Caitlyn behind Ryan. When he stepped inside her bedroom, he turned to her. In a small voice, he asked, “Do you mind if I remove my prosthesis?”

Cait ran her hand through his hair as she stepped close to him and whispered, “No. Why don’t you show me what you need to in case you ever need help with it?”

“You’re sure it won’t bother you?” His gaze caught hers and his expression pierced her heart.

“I’m sure.”

They sat on the side of the bed, and he did what he needed to do while she watched.

When he finished, she smiled at him and said, “Ryan, it doesn’t matter to me.”

He made sweet love to her twice before they fell asleep, arms and legs all tangled together.

***

In the middle of the night, Caitlyn awoke to a deep moan. She sat up and stared at Ryan, who was tossing and turning in bed. He swung his arm and nearly hit her with his fist, so she grabbed his arm.

“Ryan, Ryan, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.” It took a few minutes, but she finally managed to jar him awake.

He stared at her as if he didn’t recognize her, then awareness kicked in. “Sorry,” he gasped, trying to get his uneven breathing under control.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded, then put his prosthesis in place so he could pace the room. “Maybe I should go.”

“No, you can’t leave in the middle of the night. I’ll worry about you. What were you dreaming about?”

“Nothing.” He avoided her gaze.

“Nothing? You can’t remember?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Does your therapist know about your nightmares?”

Ryan still paced the room like a caged animal, running his hand over his beard and through his hair. “Yes, yes. Many times. She knows everything.”

“Are you sure? You shouldn’t be having nightmares after all these years.”

“How the hell would you know?” he said, glaring at her with eyes that flashed fire—so different from how he’d looked at her just a few hours before. “She says what I’m going through is normal. It’s all because I keep trying to remember.”

“Trying to remember what?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s just frustrating because I get so close, but…”

“Close to what?”

“Never mind. I’m sorry.” He found his briefs and his pants and started to get dressed.

“Why are you leaving? Maybe you should talk about it. Talking helps, you know. Maybe we can figure this out together. You’ve helped me with my past. Give me the chance to do the same for you.”

“You can’t, Cait.” He sat on the bed and put his shoes and socks on. “You can’t, so forget it. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s not good to keep so much hurt buried inside.”

“I don’t. I talk to my therapist.” He stood up and leaned over to kiss her. “Gotta go. See you later.” With that, he pivoted and left the room.

Caitlyn hopped out of bed and followed him. She just couldn’t let him leave like that. “Ryan. It isn’t good to run from your issues. We need to talk about it.”

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, he jerked around to stare at her. “Look, Cait, I know you have good intentions, but you can’t fix me.”

“Well, I could try to help you. I want to.”

“No one can fix me.” He reached for the doorknob and turned back to her. “I have been trying for years. It can’t be done.”

He slammed the door behind him. Caitlyn just stared at it, feeling numb. What was she getting herself into?

Chapter Twenty-Four

The next night, Ryan headed over to his grandfather’s. He couldn’t stop thinking about the things he’d said to Cait the night before, and the heavy guilt had made for a terrible day at work. Somehow, he needed to stop his nightmares.

He and Jake had tried to find information about William Jenkins, but to no avail. The only thing they did discover was that William Jenkins fit the description of the man who took out the rental car in Buffalo, both times.

Every time Ryan got this frustrated, he needed to talk to his grandfather. For some reason, Ryan James Ramsay, Sr. could always help him reason through his troubles.

His grandparents lived in a small house just down the street from the family inn, but not on the lake. A little stream ran behind their house, and his grandfather had a deck built off the back so he could sit and listen to the sound of running water during the summer. Though they’d lived in a house on the lake for years, Gramps had tired of the sounds of the boats. Here he could listen to the sweet sounds of the birds that came to the many birdfeeders in his backyard.

Ryan pulled in and was surprised to see his father’s car there. Oh, well, his grandfather would no doubt end up telling his father everything he said anyway. All of them were close. He sat in his car for a moment, organizing his thoughts, then sidled up the sidewalk and onto the porch to ring the bell.

His father answered the door. “Three. Come on in. I brought Gramps a bowl of chowder Lorraine made and he just finished eating.”

Ryan stepped into the small living room and headed back to the kitchen. His grandfather sat at the kitchen table, munching on a cookie his stepmother had no doubt sent with the soup.

“Three! How are you doing? It’s about time you came by. Sit down, sit down.”

Ryan shook his grandfather’s hand. “Hi Gramps. How was the soup?” He pulled out a chair and took a seat at the same old-colonial, walnut-stained table he had sat at since he was a little kid. Gram had covered it with a plastic lace tablecloth after the years had faded the finish.

“Damn good. Lorraine is a helluva cook, but I think you know that.” He chuckled as he ate the last bite of his cookie. “She takes good care of me when Gram is gone.”

Ryan got up to grab a glass of water and returned to his chair. One, Two, and Three. That’s what his grandmother had always called them. Her eyes always glittered with pride whenever she talked about her husband or any of her kids or grandkids. “When’s Gram coming back from visiting her sister?”

“Oh, not for another few days. I’ll have to eat more of Lorraine’s good cooking.” He laughed again, grabbing Ryan’s hand on the table. “What’s bothering you? I can see it in your face. Spill the beans, young man. How’s that new blonde your dad told me about?”

Ryan glanced at his father leaning against the kitchen counter before he answered his grandfather. “She’s good. Actually, that’s what I came to talk to you about.”

“Female advice? Well, you’re asking the experts, isn’t he, Two?” He laughed as he looked at Ryan’s dad.

“This is serious, Gramps. I need to be sure I’m doing the right thing.”

“Okay.” He reached over with his arthritic hands and patted Ryan’s arm. “I’m ready to listen whenever you’re ready.”

Ryan cleared his throat before he began. “Well, you know the situation with Chad and his wife, Erin.”

“Oh, yes, yes. The young man you saved. He has a son, right?”

“Gramps, I didn’t save him.”

“Oh, right, right. Go on.”

“When Chad died in my arms, he asked me to do something for him. He asked me to take care of his wife and his son.” He watched his grandfather to make sure he understood the importance of those words. His grandfather was quick, but sometimes he had trouble hearing. It seemed to register, so he continued, “Chad wanted me to take care of Erin and Sammy, so I originally thought the only way I can honor his request was to marry her. But you know Erin and I decided we weren’t right for one another.”

“What brought this up again? I thought it was settled in your mind that you wouldn’t marry her.” His father came over to the table and sat down.

“I’ve been seeing Cait, as you know.”

“What’s really going on?” his father whispered.

Ryan sighed and dropped his hands to the table. “I’m having more nightmares. I don’t understand why, and all I can think of is because I’m seeing Cait.”

His father and Gramps nodded in unison.

“I haven’t told her anything about Chad and what he asked me to do. I have been afraid to tell her that I see Sammy and Erin every once in a while. I’m afraid she’ll get angry, and I don’t want to lose her. How do I tell her I’m seeing Erin?”

“You aren’t really interested in Erin, but another woman will see it that way. You better tell her. Don’t try to hide anything. Just be honest with the gel. Tell me more about her,” Gramps said.

“Her name is Caitlyn, Caitlyn McCabe.”

“Och, a fine Scottish lass, aye?” Gramps winked at him, a grin on his face. “You know how I feel about Scottish lassies.”

His grandmother was Scottish, with red hair and a temper to go with it. “That’s my issue, Gramps. And I need some advice. I think I’m in love with Caitlyn, but I’m having nightmares, and I’m wondering if it’s because of Erin. I must be feeling guilty about not marrying Erin.”

His father came over and grasped his shoulders from behind. “Three, I don’t think you’ll ever be able to resolve that issue until you recall Chad’s exact words. Maybe you need to reconsider hypnosis.”

“Dad, the thought of hypnosis makes me nauseous.”

“I know. But I think it’s time. Hasn’t the issue haunted you for long enough?”

Gramps said, “Ryan James, you are a young man, and it saddens me to see what the war had done to you. The physical issues you can live with when you find the right lass, but the emotional scars you carry need to heal. Please do everything you can to fix them. It’s time for you to live your life to the fullest, the way it was meant to be lived as a Ramsay. Do whatever it takes, and don’t be afraid of life.”

He nodded. Yep, he needed to tell Cait everything, and he needed hypnosis. It was time to settle things in his mind. “Thanks, Gramps.” He got up and walked out the door with a heavy heart.

Ryan’s father followed him out to his car. “Son, you and Caitlyn are a perfect match. She’s a gift to you. Do what you need to in order to enjoy the gift you’ve been given.”

He wanted nothing more than to do exactly what his father suggested. He was just afraid to find out exactly what Chad had said.

***

Caitlyn stood outside Ellen Ramsay’s door in the basement of the hospital. She had decided to talk to someone who knew more about Ryan than she did. She wasn’t sure if talking to Mallory would be appropriate or not, so she’d decided to visit his aunt while she was on her lunch break.

The door opened and Ellen welcomed her inside. “Caitlyn, how good to see you. Come on in. I love to chat with our nurses, especially our newest ones. How can I help you?”

Caitlyn sat down opposite Ellen and fidgeted for a moment, wanting to make sure she approached this delicate issue in the right way. “It’s nice to see you, too. But I’m not here about a nursing issue, it’s a personal matter, and I wondered if you would mind answering a question for me.”

“Well, I’ll try. What is it?”

“It’s about your nephew, Ryan.” She stared at her hands again before raising her gaze to meet Ellen’s. “We’ve been dating, and I’m just wondering about his return home.”

Ellen acted a bit surprised, but then returned quickly to her professional composure. “Okay, can you clarify a little more for me? How much do you know about Ryan’s army experience?”

“I know about his injury and his prosthesis. I know about how Chad died in his arms. But I don’t understand something and I don’t want to dredge up a sore subject for him, so I thought it would be better to ask someone in his family.”

“Go ahead, I’m listening.”

“He has said some things that led me to believe he was not discharged honorably, yet I don’t understand how that could be. Wouldn’t the army reward someone who was wounded in action?”

“Oh, absolutely. And I don’t feel that I am giving away any of Ryan’s secrets away by telling you something that’s a matter of public record. He received a Purple Heart for his duty and a Silver Star for what he did for Chad.”

“Then why would Ryan think he isn’t a hero? His stepmother called him a hero and he said he didn’t like that label.”

“Well, a little history. Ryan is the third Ryan James Ramsay, as you know.”

“Yes, and he doesn’t like to be called ‘Three’ either.”

“No, he doesn’t. Both his father and his grandfather each received a Medal of Honor for their bravery during wartime. Unfortunately, that put quite a bit of pressure on Ryan to do the same. I almost wish they didn’t give him the family name because of the pressure it placed on him. Nevertheless, Ryan believes that since he couldn’t save his friend, he failed in the military. It doesn’t matter what anyone else tells him. I don’t know what we can do to help him see otherwise. You know from your nursing experience that he needs to come to the right conclusion on his own, and I believe he will. He has all the support a returning soldier could.”

Caitlyn reviewed Ellen’s word in her mind, trying to make sense of the man she was falling in love with, but something else bothered her. “But didn’t he receive a hero’s welcome when he came home?”

“Oh, he most certainly did by Summerhill’s standards. But Ryan was dealing with the loss of his leg and his best friend, and I don’t think he could appreciate his homecoming when Chad didn’t return with him.”

Caitlyn smiled. “Thank you, Ellen. I appreciate your honesty.”

“Well, as I said, I didn’t tell you anything that isn’t public knowledge, and I don’t think I should tell you more than I have. But trust there are many people in Summerhill who love and support him. I hope you remain one of them.” She stood and came around the desk, enveloping Caitlyn in her arms. “I hope I didn’t say anything to scare you away, my dear. He needs someone like you in his life.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“And how are things going in the emergency room for you? You have a good preceptor?”

“Oh, absolutely, Mallory is my preceptor and things are going well.” Caitlyn couldn’t look her in the eye as she told her little white lie. Everything was going well if you didn’t count Lucille. One person was upsetting the entire applecart, and she couldn’t decide what to do about it.

She would worry about Lucille tomorrow.