One Summerhill Day (The Summerhill Series Book 1) (20 page)

Chapter Thirty-One

Toward the end of the week, Ryan sat in the waiting room in his therapist’s office. His hands dripped sweat, so he wiped them on his pants with a scowl. What the hell, a little hypnosis shouldn’t hurt him, no reason to stress over it.

But he
was
stressing. What if this actually worked? What the hell would he uncover about that day, the day Chad had died in his arms? He braced his elbow on his right knee, hoping to stop the incessant bouncing action. His leg finally stopped moving, so he leaned his face into his hands.

Part of it wasn’t just nerves over his appointment. He missed Cait. No, that was wrong, he didn’t just miss her, his heart ached for her. He stood up and paced. Shit, no, not his heart. He was a man, men’s hearts didn’t ache. It had to be his dick. That’s it, his dick ached for her.

Well, he couldn’t deny that, though he would never say it. Hellfire was the only word that came to mind. His grandfather was amazing sometimes. Hellfire, they had been great together in bed and out. He had glanced at a few other women since he’d split with Cait, but he had no desire for them. She was the only one he wanted—in his bed, in his arms, in his head. Cait was the only woman he wanted in his life. Period. He would marry her in a heartbeat.

But would she take him back? He doubted it. It had infuriated her to find out about Erin, which wasn’t surprising after what her husband had put her through. He had hoped that after she had thought about it, she would have contacted him to discuss everything, but he hadn’t heard from her. Maybe he never would.

The truth was, he had probably blown the only chance he had with the woman he loved. Yep, he could deny the whole heart aching bullshit, but he loved Cait. There was no doubt in his mind. If he wanted Cait, he would try talking to her again. He had to.

As Gramps had always told him, “You’ll know, son, you’ll just know.” And he knew.

The door opened and his therapist came out to greet him.

“Are you ready, Ryan?”

He nodded and followed her into the other room.

It was time to fully face his past. Then, perhaps, he could start building toward the future.

***

Ryan and Chad were laughing about something another soldier had said the night before. His buddy was driving, and he saw a pothole in the road and tried to go around it. Ryan saw a dead animal carcass on the side of the road, directly in their path.

“Chad, no!” They had been trained to look out for animal carcasses, where the Iraqis often hid IEDs, or improvised explosive devices. They hid them in tin cans, dead animals, even in poles on the side of the road. Anything to take them by surprise. In fact, the pothole had probably been dug to try to get them to go around it in the direction of the bomb. Neither vehicle before them had gone around it, choosing to bounce into the hole instead.

“Chad, no! Turn the wheel back!”

Chad stepped on the gas.

A loud blast rent the air.

The next thing he knew, the memory sped forward, and he was trying to move Chad from the wreck, gunfire percussing all around them. Jake was covering them.

Ryan shook Chad until his friend stared at him. “I’m getting you out of here.”

“Leave me. Get yourself out.” Chad stared at his friend, an awful look in his eyes.

“No. I’m not leaving without you.”

“There’s gunfire. They’ll come and kill you. I’m dying anyway. Leave me.”

Ryan grabbed him by the collar. “Like hell you are. You are not going to fucking die on me. We’re leaving. Together. You hear me?”

“Let me go, Ryan. I’m losing it, I can feel it….” His voice hitched and he fought to catch his breath.

Ryan climbed up to the opening of the wreck and tugged Chad next to him.

“Ry, you’re bleeding. Let me go.”

“I’m fine, I can’t feel anything. You’re coming with me.” And he couldn’t. Not anymore.

He would get Chad out of there, no matter what. He lifted his friend up over his left shoulder and pulled himself up with his right arm. He peered around him and saw Jake, still alive, flat on the ground and firing his weapon.

Jake yelled, “Stay there. I’ve got you covered.” He fired again.

But Ryan wasn’t staying. He saw what Jake couldn’t see—a whole line of insurgents headed toward their vehicle. They wanted the bodies. He knew what they would do to them and he wouldn’t risk it.

Ryan hauled his friend out of an opening in the wreckage and found a spot to leverage his right foot on the wheel, then jumped down and crouched, placing Chad behind him.

Jake took one look at him and said, “Holy shit, Ryan.” He turned his head back and continued to fire at the insurgents coming toward them.

Ryan managed to get behind the vehicle, out of the range of gunfire, before he collapsed. He fell toward Chad, and Chad’s eyes flew open again.

“Let me go. I’m dying. Save yourself.”

“Like hell.” Ryan searched the area for more cover and spotted a section of brush quite a ways behind them. It would be safer for Chad there.

Chad gave a weak push against Ryan’s chest. “You don’t understand. Erin…”

Ryan lifted Chad over his shoulder and hopped across the road into the brush well on the other side. He couldn’t put all his weight on his left leg, but he didn’t let it stop him. Gunfire continued to pop all around them, but he ignored it.

“I’ll take care of Erin. If something happens and you don’t make it, I promise.” He fell on the ground and set Chad down, rolling toward him. He picked his head up. “I’ll take care of your wife and son. But you’re not dying on me or on them. Hear me?” Chad’s eyes closed again. “Chad! Stay with me, damn it.” He grabbed his shoulder and shook him.

Chad opened his eyes. “No, you don’t have to.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Of course, I will. I’ll take care of them.”

Ryan tipped his head to listen. The gunfire slowed. “We’ll get you fixed.”

“No, don’t want to.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? You have a brand new son at home.”

He said something, but Ryan couldn’t make out the words. Chad was losing strength, now gasping for each breath he took. He leaned his ear down and said, “Say it again. I can’t hear you.”

“Sammy’s not mine. Erin wants a divorce. Don’t need to take care of them.”

Ryan picked his head up and stared out over the fields, shocked by his friend’s confession. Fuck. He stared into his friend’s eyes and watched as the light drifted out of them. “Jeez, Chad.” He picked his dying friend up and cradled his head, unable to look him in the eye. There might be pity there, and that was the last thing he wanted Chad to see in this moment.

He held his friend for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a matter of minutes. The next thing he remembered was Jake standing in front of him saying, “Jeez, Ryan. Your leg, your balls.” And with that, Jake ran over to the bushes and heaved.

Ryan wasn’t totally sure what his brother was talking about until he repositioned himself so he could see his leg.

There was little more than bone left on the inside of his left leg below his knee.

That was the last thing he remembered. The next time he reached consciousness, he was a below-the-knee amputee.

***

“Ryan, you can wake up now.”

Ryan stared at his therapist, hardly able to believe the hypnosis had worked.

Everything, he remembered everything. The blast, the pain, the gunfire, Jake, his leg, and Chad.

Finally, after all this time, he could repeat everything Chad had said to him.

“Are you okay? Do you remember everything?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

She got up from her chair and brought him a glass of water. He took the cup and drank the whole thing down, as if he had just run a marathon.

“Does it change how you feel about the situation?”

He nodded, then stared out the window. He had been so wrong. Chad had known about his wife’s infidelity all along, and in his last moments, he hadn’t cared about dying. He had been ready for it. And the last thing Chad had said to him was, “Don’t take care of them.” Exactly the opposite of what he had remembered.

A huge weight had just been lifted off his shoulders.

Ryan finally felt free.

Chapter Thirty-Two

A few days later, Ryan was driving his cruiser at the busy area at the top of the lake. There was an ice cream shop, a couple of small restaurants, and a few touristy shops. The boardwalk and sidewalks ran through the entire area, all sitting at the top of the lake. The area had the most beautiful view. Not many were here in early April, but in another month, this section of town would be the busiest, full of locals and tourists alike.

There were often concerts on the grass, the picnic tables situated under two separate pavilions were favorite places for barbeques or parties, and there was a small beach for the area’s residents. In the summer, there were always kids out here running and playing.

“Dave, I have to check something out.”

His partner just nodded.

There was a young woman up ahead walking a small dog, and he could swear it was Caitlyn. But when had she gotten a dog? He pulled the cruiser up next to her and parked and got out, saying to his partner, “I’ll be right back.”

“Cait?” She whirled around as he came up behind her.

“Oh, hi, Ryan,”

“When did you get a dog?”

“Not too long ago. This is Lucky.”

Ryan bent down and petted Lucky on the head before he ruffled her brown fur. “Cute little thing. She looks like a chocolate lab. I didn’t think you were the dog type.”

“I didn’t either, but it turns out I am. I just love her.”

“Where did you get her?”

“Well, a little angel sent her my way, so I adopted her.”

A little angel? What could she mean by that? No matter. He thought for a moment before he spoke. She looked radiant, and he couldn’t help but feel a pang—apparently she didn’t miss him the way he missed her. “Are you busy tomorrow? I wondered if I could stop over to catch up. See how you’re doing.” He plunged ahead. He had to get her back, somehow.

“Tomorrow? No, I’m working. I took a job at the new Pediatric Hospital in Rochester. How have you been?”

“Good.” He nodded, lost in thought, tongue tied by the sight of her.

“How’s Erin?” she asked with a smile on her face, but he could tell the expression was forced.

It was now or never, so he plunged ahead.

“Well, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

***

Damn it, the man looked so fucking hot in his uniform, she couldn’t stand it. He wasn’t wearing his jacket, so she could see every bulge and ridge of his muscles. She had to get the hell away from him or she would lose her dignity in a hurry. He had just asked her a question, hadn’t he?

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” What the hell? He thought she wanted to hear about his new girlfriend? Men were such fools.

Ryan smiled, his hands in his pockets. “Another time? When are you off?”

He just wouldn’t give up. Well, she wasn’t going to allow him the opportunity to rip her heart in two again. Or maybe this time, he just wanted to tear it apart piece by little piece.“No, thanks, Ryan. Look, I’ve got to run. Nice to see you though.”

She ran from him as fast as she could. Seeing Ryan James Ramsay III was just too painful. His scent had blown over to her on the wind, and it had made her think of waking up next to him in the morning. How comforting that had been. And behind the oh-so-familiar scent of Ryan had been the faint hint of peppermint. He was always sucking those peppermint candies when he worked.

How she wished he would suck on her again.

“Ooooh, shit. Stop thinking about him!”

Lucky stopped and peered over her shoulder at her. “I know, Lucky. I’m talking like a love sick fool.” She walked with her head down all the way back to her cottage.

***

Two weeks later, Caitlyn stood outside Ellen Ramsay’s door in the basement of Summerhill Memorial Hospital. Everything had gone well at the Pediatric Hospital, so she had decided to stay. She was still in orientation, which took her on and off the unit where she’d be working, but she had spent enough time there to know she would love pediatric nursing.

There was something about the innocence of the little ones when they were sick, and she saw so many different types of patients in the PICU: head injuries, motor vehicle accidents, infections, deformities, surgeries. The list went on and on.

The other day, she and her preceptor, a wonderful Haitian woman, had taken care of a one month old with a heart malformation, awaiting surgery. The only way she had found to calm the baby was to rub her head and sing to her, so Caitlyn had done just that. The baby’s mother had come in while she was singing, and Caitlyn hadn’t realized it until she heard the woman crying.

She had stopped instantly, embarrassed.

“No, please don’t. You are so wonderful with her. You’re like an angel sent from heaven.”

And if that hadn’t warmed her from head to toe. Somehow, after so many mistakes and false starts, she had found where she belonged, and she had Loki Grant to thank for it.

Mallory had tried to convince her to do the right thing for everyone else and report everything Lucille had done, but she hadn’t possessed the self-confidence at the time. Now she did. Lucille was a menace to the ER patients and other employees.

Caitlyn had nothing to gain by reporting Lucille now that she was happily working at another facility. This would not be a showdown. She would tell Ellen exactly what had happened, and then would visit her nurse manager as soon as she finished here. After that, it was on them to decide what to do. But Lucille didn’t deserve to get away with her behavior.

She stepped up to the door and knocked on it, entering as soon as she heard Ellen’s voice.

After she had told Ellen everything, she picked up her purse and turned to leave.

“Caitlyn. Do you have a moment?”

“Sure.” She sat back down in the chair, hoping to hell she wasn’t going to have to listen to anything about Ryan and Erin.

“I’m so sorry things worked out the way they did between you and Ryan.”

“Me, too. Ryan’s a nice guy, just confused. Is he still seeing Erin?”

“Erin?” Ellen gave her a puzzled look.

“Erin, Chad’s wife.”

“Chad’s wife? That’s impossible. I know her family and she’s getting married, but not to Ryan. I have never heard anything about Erin and Ryan. In fact, I’m sure she’s marrying Sammy’s father.”

“Oh.” Now it was Cait’s turn to look puzzled. “I thought Chad was Sammy’s father.”

“No. It’s a long story.” She waved her hand. “Erin is moving to the other side of Rochester and getting married soon. They’re very happy. The whole situation was so sad, so it’s good for them to get this fresh start. I know Ryan tried to help Erin out with Sammy, but as far as I know, there was never a romantic relationship there.”

Caitlyn stared at her hands. Was that what Ryan had meant when he’d said she didn’t understand? She had to admit, she’d been so upset that she hadn’t been able to listen to what Ryan had to say. The visual had been enough evidence for her. Well, even so. He couldn’t be very interested or he would have found a way to tell her by now.

“I don’t know exactly what happened between the two of you,” Ellen said, “but he isn’t very happy. I just wanted to tell you that. I think he misses you.”

What could she say to that? “Oh, thank you,” she managed to choke out. Then she gathered her things and left. It wasn’t until she got into her car to leave that her heart started to sing just a bit. “Yes!”

Did she dare to hope?

She put her car into gear and headed back to her cottage. There was one more chore she needed to do first. All the money she had sitting in a bank somewhere was doing little good for anyone. After giving it a lot of thought, she had finally made up her mind on something she wanted to do for her new town.

She wanted to build a memorial and dedicate it to all the fallen veterans in the area. After searching the internet, she had located a design company she wished to hire for the task. They were presently working up several different designs to show her. She only needed one more piece to complete the puzzle—a place to put the memorial. Once she decided on that, she would bring her plan to the town council, and hopefully, be approved.

It had to be a very special place, because her father’s name would go at the top. Chad would be memorialized, too.

***

Two days later, Mallory stopped by to see her.

As soon as Mallory came in, Lucky hopped up and down in excitement, but then she scampered back to hide behind Caitlyn.

“Oh, I just love your dog, Caitlyn. You make me want to get one. She’s so cute. She looks like a chocolate lab. Is she?” Mallory bent down and called the pup, and Lucky crept over. As soon as Mallory raised a hand to pet her, Lucky cringed and ran back behind Caitlyn. “Oh no. Lucky, I would never hurt you.”

Caitlyn sat on the couch and coaxed Lucky over next to her. Then she patted the seat next to her for Mallory to sit. “Sorry about that. You saw her when I first found her. She looked like she’d been beaten. I took her to the vet and he confirmed she had definitely been abused, but she’s much better now.”

Mallory picked up one of Lucky’s toys and waited until the dog came over to her. Then she let the pup sniff her hand before she rubbed her behind one silky ear. Lucky’s tail wagged. “You are lucky, Lucky. Caitlyn will take good care of you.”

“She still runs and hides from most people, but she’s coming out of her shell. How have you been, Mallory? I’m glad you stopped over.”

“I’m fine. I just wanted to stop by and thank you for whatever you did to get Lucille ousted.”

“Ousted? I wasn’t trying to get her fired. I just wanted her to be more considerate of her peers.”

“They didn’t fire her; they moved her to an area where teamwork isn’t required so much. She’s down in medical records right now. I don’t know for sure why she was moved, but I’m guessing it had something to do with you. Oh, and by the way, a physician who was nearby overheard her when she asked you to pull the Dilaudid out of the sharps container. He reported her, and it was mentioned in one of our meetings, so I think that forced the nurse manager to take action. Either way, if you had anything to do with it, thank you. And the floor’s patients thank you.”

She tried to stop herself from asking, but couldn’t. “How’s Ryan?”

Mallory let go of Lucky and stared at her friend. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out between the two of you. Stupid, but my brother has a tough image to uphold. Both my dad and my granddad were army heroes, so he thinks he needs to walk in their footsteps. I think you were the best thing to ever happen to him, and so does he. I think he knows he made mistakes, but he doesn’t know how to fix them. It’s tearing him up inside, though he would never admit it.”

“He could try talking to me.” Caitlyn batted her eyelashes in an attempt to dry her misting eyes.

“I don’t know everything that took place between the two of you, but Ryan doesn’t have a lot of experience with women. He’s hardly dated at all since coming home, and most of his experiences have been bad. Until you. But it’s your business. I would only ask that if he reaches out to you, you’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and listen.”

“Of course, I will.” She sighed and wrung her hands, inwardly cussing herself out.

Because Ryan had already reached out to her and she had shut him down.