Ophelia (4 page)

“It’s my choice. I have to protect what’s left of my sanity. I can’t get attached to anyone ever.”

“I promise to be a total ass then. I swear you won’t get attached to me.”

I chuckled. He really wasn't going to let it go. “Okay.” I gave in and we walked out of the room together.

I normally liked to spend the last free hour of the night reading or writing to Bev, but Teo stayed glued to my side and I didn't know what to do.

“Don't you want to read?” he asked, knowing I wouldn't refuse the opportunity.

“Yeah, I do.” I blushed. “I’m gonna go get my book.” I got up and walked to my room faster than I would normally, as if I was trying to escape from something.

I pulled my hair in a ponytail before taking my book off the nightstand. My heart was beating faster – he was making me nervous. I didn't know how to act with his sudden friendship or whatever it was called. Walking back to the common room, I doubted he would still be there. I thought he probably had stuff to do, but he was there on the couch patiently waiting for my return.

“Come, I saved your place.”

I would have been touched if my place hadn’t been so damn close to his.

I smiled nervously and sat next to him. There was not even a quarter of an inch between us. He had to place his arm over the head rest in order for us to be comfortable.

“Get comfortable. You look so stiff.”

I tried to calm down and relax, but he was making me nervous. He pulled me into the seat, forced me to rest my back against the couch. Everything I did to keep my distance, he pushed it away in an instant. Teo wanted me to feel good and he wanted to be the one to make me feel good.

I read while he played subtly with my hair.

“You have the coolest hair color I’ve ever seen.”

I chuckled. I heard this so many times in my life. Being a redhead was kind of cool for me too. My hair had a deep orange shade to it, almost copper, and I had nice thick waves through the length.

“Thank you, Teo.” He smiled at me. “I normally prefer longer hair on a man but your shaved hair kind of suits you great.”
I wonder if he keeps it so short because it’s easier to take care of.

“Thanks. I just shaved before you got here,” he commented.

Were we really discussing hair here? Maybe he was just trying to make conversation. I couldn’t tell, but I’d been honest with him, he looked great. I blushed just at the thought of it – he was a really good looking guy. I’d noticed the others staring at us – or more precisely, at me. I shut down like a clam, not liking the attention.

“You wanna get out of here?” he whispered for me to hear only. Teo had probably noticed my discomfort.

I nodded and two seconds later, he was standing, pulling me off the couch.

He led the way to the kitchen where he grabbed an apple, wiped it on his t-shirt and took a bite. I remained quiet, a few feet away from him. I watched him eat his apple, wondering what his story was. He was Italian, that much I knew. He had a little accent when he spoke and definitely had the look – dark hair, dark eyes and dark skin.

“You can take one.”

I shook my head no. I wasn't hungry, I rarely was. Missing my parents every single second of my life kind of took away my appetite.

I was avoiding looking at him because I knew he was staring and I was three seconds away from reaching for the sticky note in my pocket.

“Are you okay?”

I closed my eyes and shook my head no again. My fingers slid into my pocket to retrieve my precious piece of paper.

Beverly, piano, healthy... Beverly, piano, healthy... I repeated in my mind.

“What is it? A prayer or something.”

“A very short list of the only things I have left and love.”

“Can I see?” he asked, unabashedly nosy.

“No.” I fold the paper and put it back into my pocket. “I think I’m going to go to bed. School was rough today.”

“Why was it?” He seemed to love asking me questions, and he was relentless about it.

“Because school sucks.” I spat at him, not sure why my voice became so loud. The truth was that I missed Bev. School wasn’t the same without her there to entertain me. I missed her more than I thought possible. It wasn’t easy to be without her, and it added to my sadness and loneliness.

Just like that, I left him and walked to my bedroom. My eyes were heavy and tomorrow was one of those days where I had two exams to get through. Thankfully, I’d never had an issue with school, it came easily for me. My mom always had been proud to be the mother of a straight 'A' student. She kept bragging about it, which I thought was funny.

That night, I lay in bed thinking about where I could move when I turned eighteen. There was no way I was staying in this city. My desire for a fresh start had me thinking about the west coast, but I didn't know if Beverly was ready to move so far away from her family. Her parents were important to her and to me. I couldn't take her away from them. One thing was certain, it had to be somewhere we both wanted to be.

... O ...

The following morning, she called the center saying she had to talk to me urgently. The phone was in the common room by the kitchen, where all the action took place in the morning. We weren’t even allowed to have phone calls in the morning, so she must have lied to get to me.

“California? Are you sure?” I stood blinking in shock. It appeared Bev was more eager to move than I’d thought.

“Lia, California is Hollywood. The stars, celebrities, the whole thing.”

I rolled my eyes at her, loving that she couldn't see how exasperated I was.

“We could move to Colorado, Texas, or Washington.” There were plenty of places I could think of.

“Think about it, we could choose between San Diego, Los Angeles or San Francisco. I’m almost 100% sure that there are plenty of opportunities for your music career over there.”

She was right about that part, anyway. “I’ll take a look at the universities and get back to you later today,” she gushed.

“Are you sure about that?” I asked her, taking the last bite of my breakfast.

“I am. Check your email when you get to school. Later.”

She hung up, leaving me speechless. “California!” I murmured to myself in disbelief.

“What’s up in California, Miss Ophelia?” Teo asked standing next to me, startling me. How come I didn't notice he was there before now?

“It looks like I’ll be moving there soon.”

“Far, far away,” he stated.

“Yes. I need to leave this city. I need a fresh start with no memories attached.”

“I’m starting to understand why you don't want to make friends.”

I nodded.

“Do you really think your memories will fade because you are away?” he asked, arrogant as always.

“No, but at least I’ll stop seeing them everywhere I go. Everything reminds me of them, that they’re gone.”

“What happened?” He finally asked me the million dollar question.

“They were killed in our home while I was away. The murderer was part of a gang, or at least, he was trying to be. It was his initiation. He's dead too.”

Teo was speechless for once.

“A little over two months ago,” I added.

“Damn, I’m sorry.” His face blanched, and he looked pained.

“It’s not your fault,” I said, confused.

“I know but... you’re so strong. Since my mom's accident, my dad completely lost it. He's always with his guys and he doesn't care about me at all. He shut down on us. So I rebelled against him and everything else. I guess he didn’t want to deal with me anymore. That’s why I'm here. It’s better for me, anyway. Safer. “

“Why didn’t you try to get emancipated?” Sometimes I was still asking myself why I hadn’t gone that way, but I knew that it would have end badly. The center was a safe place to live with support, something that I didn’t have to worry about while I tried to get better. I needed to get better and accept the tragedy that my heart and soul were battling with.

“Because I had nowhere to go,” he replied bluntly.

“Same here, I’m not going back to my house. As soon as I turn eighteen, I’m out of here and I’ll need to find a place to call home.”

“And that will be in California?”

I giggled, nervous. “Apparently.” I paused. “Beverly is moving in with me no matter where we go, but I think she is convinced California is perfect for us.”

“I spent a lot of time in California. My grams used to live there.”

“Good coincidence.”

“I guess so.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “Don't get attached to me. I’m an ass, remember?”

“Yes, yes, I do.” I smiled.  He was an ass to some people around here, but to me, he was nothing but nice and caring. The fact that he acted differently with me astounded me, but it also pleased me in a way. I preferred not to think about. How I felt when I realized that I would see him again was a mix of happiness and relief. I was getting attached to him, I tried not to but I couldn't control it.

As soon as I got to school, I logged in on the computer at the library and Beverly had sent me an email. I opened it.

From: Beverly

To: Ophelia

Date:  April 17th, 2004

Object: San Diego

Lia,

Check this out... There is a BA in Music at the University of San Diego. We’re too late for scholarships, but if I were you, I would contact them anyway. When they find out you’re interested in their school, I’m sure they’ll make some kind of exception, right?

I’m trying to help you here. So, I emailed them one of your performances. I found a couple on the internet. I’m awaiting for their answer. Don’t hate me, please.

I sent my application too... so we’ll see what they say, right?

I love you!

Beverly

I hated her and loved her at the same time. My heart rate was going way too fast and my hands were all sweaty. Would I be moving to San Diego?  I emailed her back quickly before the beginning of class.

From: Ophelia

To: Beverly

Date: April 17, 2004

Object: RE: San Diego.... It doesn’t look like I have any say in this.

I hate you. BUT the fact that you did all this for me make me love you even more. I hate you in a good way.

Why San Diego?

Missing you.

Lia

School was a never-ending nightmare. It represented the place where I really felt all alone. No friends, no Teo or no Beverly to entertain me. I was left to myself with my demons. All I could do was think about my struggles. During lunch time, I tried sneaking into the choir room to play piano, and that normally made my day much better.

Thankfully I had shorter days at school because of my therapy program, which was the moment in my day I always looked forward to. Therapy really did help me. It removed a weight from my shoulders.

My science partner thought I was a mute. He was about to start sign language when I finally gave in and talked to him. To say that he was surprised to hear my voice was an understatement. He almost fell off his chair. It might be ridiculous to other students, but I just didn’t want to be involved with anyone. I wasn’t ready to love or to let anyone in yet. Apart from Teo, he was the exception to my rule. A small grin made its way to my lips when I thought of him. There was something about him, the bad boy mixed with the Italian romanticism. I couldn’t figure out why I had let him talk to me, but one thing was sure, I couldn’t let him go.

... O ...

That night, I had a nightmare so terrifying and real that I ended up sick to my stomach. I ran to the bathroom and emptied my guts as soon as I met with the toilet bowl. I had the smell of blood imprinted in my nose. There were no blood around me or on me but, I could smell it and it made me sick.

Vomiting and crying at the same time seemed impossible, but here I was in the middle of the night alone in the cold bathroom doing that very thing. When I thought I was feeling better, the door opened slowly.

“Ophelia, are you okay?” Teo had obviously heard everything.

“I’m fine, you can go back to your room.” I told him in between sobs.

He entered the bathroom and I immediately felt embarrassed with myself. I was sitting on the floor, right next to the toilet, crying all the pain I felt. I did not even bother thinking about the smell.

“Don’t tell me you’re fine, you are anything but fine.” He knelt before me and wiped my face with some toilet paper. “Do you want a glass of water?”

“Please, that would be nice.”

“Anything, Lia.”

He left and returned soon after with a tall glass of cold water. “Take this.” I could see on his face that he really was worried about me. The sad part was that I was used to waking up like this. It wasn’t anything new to me.

Today though, with the University of San Diego contacting me about their music program, I had been feeling like a ball of nerves. They had called me not even three hours after Bev had send my videos. They said they were surprised to hear from me after being turned down, and they hadn’t expected that I would be tempted to move to the West Coast after all. It surprised me that they knew about me. It had never occurred to me that they would. My dad used to be in charge of this aspect of my career. He must have turned them down before his death. I wondered why. Probably to keep me closer to home.

“Are you ready to go back to your room now?” Teo asked, startling me.

“No but, it’s not like I have any other choice, right?”

I didn’t hate living here, but it was far from heaven. I missed the feeling of home. The warmth of sleeping in my own bed, on my own sheets... here, everything was meaningless and cold.

“Come with me.” I didn’t know what he meant by that but I followed him to my room. He slid under my comforter and open his arms to me. What? Did he really think I was going to meet him there and cuddle?

“Come on, you’re hurting my ego now. I just want you to sleep for more than three hours, okay? Nothing sexual here.”

Thank God! I wasn’t going to lose my virginity tonight, of that I was certain. I sat on my bed, looking at his eyes, trying to gauge his intention. He didn’t let anything slip; he was in control of the situation. I slid under my covers and he pulled me to him. My whole body was stiff, I was so nervous. I had never been this close to a guy before. Teo had a way with me. He liked taking care of me, and in all honesty, he was a great guy, a cute one too.