Ophelia (6 page)

“We’re here to eat cake. It’s your birthday. What are you ordering?” He was the one getting spoiled here, not us. “Come on, tell me. It’s on me.”

“Teo, is it your birthday?” Pina asked him in her deep accent. He nodded in response. I could tell that he was a bit shy, not enjoying the spotlight. “My treat, kids, my treat. Your mom wants you to have a good birthday, Teo.” He nodded again, sadness appearing in his eyes.

“Grazie, Pina.”

She took him into a warm and loving embrace. I didn’t know how much they knew each other, but they were close enough for her to know the situation with his mother.

“A Sfogliatelle, Teo?” Pina seemed to know his favorite. “And for you ladies?”

“Surprise me,” I told her. I wasn’t able to pick a dessert. There were so many. Some I had tried, but most of them were new to me. My stomach growled at the sight of all the pastries sitting behind the counter.

“A cheesecake, please.” Bev loved cheesecake, her obsession.

We all sat at a small, round table nearby. I was looking at the walls of the café. There was so much history about their family. Framed pictures decorated the walls, some from Italy and some from the opening of the café. Café or bakery, I mean. They were serving coffee but they were also bakers selling fresh pastries, dessert and even sandwiches. I’d spent all my life in Brooklyn and never come in this neighborhood before. I’d missed out on a few places.

Pina came back with the Sfogliatelle, the strawberry cheesecake and to my surprise, a cannoli. She placed the plates before each of us and left to get hot beverages. It looked delicious. The steaming cup smelled like chocolate. I couldn’t see what it was exactly beneath all the whipped cream. I brought it to my lips and tried to get a sip but it was too hot and I ended up burning my lip.

“Wait a couple of minutes, Lia. This is the best hot chocolate you’ll ever taste.” Teo caressed my lip with his thumb and the pain was replaced by a tickling sensation.

... O ...

The night had been amazing, perfect. Bev and Teo were getting along and that meant a lot. She agreed to let him moved in with us and for that I would forever be thankful. To her, he was still a stranger. She had to trust me on that one.

It was late, very late and I was still awake in my bed. My eyes weren't tired, and my mind was going hundred miles an hour. Things had been different tonight. Teo had been more demonstrative of his affection, and I loved it. I absolutely loved it, but I was still battling with my emotions and I want to make the right decisions for my life. There was no way I could commit full-time to a serious relationship with him and I hoped he knew that. In case he didn't, I had to let him know nicely. I wasn't saying no, I was only saying not now. His kisses, his thumb on my lip, what and how I felt when he touched me, they were indescribable. I’d never felt these sensations before and it scared me because I didn't know how to react to them.

My life at the center was about to change again. Teo was leaving while I still had several weeks left. I didn’t want to have to talk to anyone else. I had to get back to my old habit of being quiet. I could demand to be emancipated, but where would I live? I would have to change schools again and I would be farther from Teo. As wrong as it was, I didn't want that. He promised me I would see him every day and I trusted him. He had never let me down.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice him quietly walking into my room. It had become our little routine and I was more than thankful that nobody had caught us. He slid under the comforter and met me with a small peck on the temple.

“Why aren't you sleeping, Lia?” he asked, concerned.

“I’m thinking...” I sighed.

He waited for me to go on but I didn't. “What are you thinking about?”

“The centre, moving away and... you.”

“What about me?” I’d expected him to ask but I wasn't sure I was ready to answer. I could mess this up, I have to use the right words and do this carefully.

“I know we've developed some kind of feelings toward each other and I like that.” I tried to tone down my emotions. “But I don't think I’m ready to fully commit and I have college coming and my career. I ...”

He cut me off. “Stop, Ophelia. I know all of this. Call me stupid if you want, but I’m still going with you and Bev or else I’m going to end up like my father,” he said with disgust. “I need to run away too. I feel what you feel. Like Beverly said, we might act like adults, but we aren't.” He chuckled. “We have all the time in the world,” he added. “But for now, I’ll take whatever you want to give me.”

I gave myself a few second to let it soak in. I wanted to be good with him, I needed it. “You lied to me.”

Confusion appeared on his face. “What? When?” He moved to his side to have a better look at me. I had his full attention now.

“You said you were going to be an ass so I wouldn’t get attached to you.” I smiled. “You’ve been nothing but nice and I got attached to you.’’

“Some things are inevitable, Lia.” His voice changed, he was closer to see. Teo spoke the words very close to my ear. It gave me shivers. “Che bella che sei.”

“What?”

He didn’t answer with words, he kissed me instead. Maybe I was blind, but I didn’t see it coming. At first, he surprised me, but a second later, I was kissing him back without holding back. Teo had awakened a part of me I hadn’t known existed. His lips on mine aroused something I had too often thought about, and there was no way of stopping him now that it was reality. I wanted him.

His hands found the skin of my waist. He caressed me, touched me with passion. My stomach was tightening under his touch and my skin became hypersensitive.

“Wait... wait... Teo... We could get caught. What if they check your room and they don’t find you there, or what if they check my room?”

“They never have in weeks, Ophelia. If you don’t want this, we can stop now.” His eyes met with mine, he was serious.

“No, no, there’s no way we can stop this now. It’s too late.” I said.

I pulled him to me and we started kissing again. His lips were soft and sweet and oh my God, I was ready, so ready for this moment to happen. His leg pushed my legs apart as he slowly moved on top of me. It hit me at that moment, if I didn’t stop him, it would happen in the next couple of minutes. My hands started shaking and my body tensed at the realisation.

“Why are you so nervous?”

“Because... There’s something you need to know.”

He stopped everything, so I guess he figured it out. “Have you ever done this before?”

I bit on my lips before I said no. “But I really want to do this, Teo. Please.”

“Okay. Stop me if it hurts.”

We started kissing again, but this time the intensity had reached another level. His hands explored higher under my top. He found my bared breasts and he cupped them with his hands. I closed my eyes. Why was I so self-conscious? He has seen my soul, he knew me so much. The physical part shouldn’t be so nerve-wracking. I took a deep breath before removing my top, letting him stare at me. His eyes turned seductive as he crashed his lips on mine again while pushing his boxer briefs down. Geez, if at least I knew what to do. He held a small black package in his hand, which he ripped open and took the condom out.

“Are you still okay with that, Lia?”

“Yes, but I’m nervous. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He rolled it down his length and met with my lips again.

He had done this before, I had no doubt. He was well prepared, very well prepared. I became even more nervous. What if it ruined everything? Stop, Ophelia, Stop! I urged myself. It was going to be alright. I concentrated on his kiss and I let my hand wander on the skin of his back. Teo left my mouth to explore the tender spot in the hollow of my neck. It tickled, but I held back, not wanting to make too much noise. Slowly, he placed himself between my thighs and hovered on top of me. “Tu sei bella.” His eyes reflected the desire he had to possess me. I had no idea what he had just said, but I stared back at him, trusting him completely. I let him guide me through this new step in my life.

It hurt badly. I probably left marks on his back when my nails dug into his skin. He then continued softly and steadily. It went a lot better than I thought it would for the first time. If only I could explain the blood stains in my bed tomorrow morning when came the time to bring the sheets to the laundry room.

We cuddled until the sun was about to arise. Then he had to find his way back to his room before we got in trouble.

That night taught me that I needed him more than I’d let myself believe. I could trust him to take good care of me in the future and I wanted to do this again. The connection I felt with him was extremely powerful and soothing. For the whole night, I felt safe and cared for.

Teo was mine.

***

10 years later...

We were teenagers, then adults.

***

I
had my share of one-on-one therapies and group therapies. It seemed that between school and piano, all my free time transformed into finding ways to reach happiness or forgiveness. Wherever I was in the world, I continued my sessions through video conference or through phone calls. I had found the best therapist in San Diego and he agreed to help me despite the distance.

Moving to San Diego ended up being the best thing I could have done. I left a lot of my pain and memories in Brooklyn. Every day I tried to build new ones with my new family: Teo and Beverly. We all had to adjust at first, but as long as we went grocery shopping together every week together, we were good.

Since we moved, I travelled around the world and saw a lot of what it had to offer. I took all the opportunities life offered me and never regretted anything. Life took a lot from me, but it also gave me a lot. It would never give me back my parents, but enjoying the opportunities life presented made it a little better. No matter where I was on the planet, there wasn't a single day I didn't miss my parents. They were the only reason I fought so hard to make every one of my dreams a reality.

***

Being far away from home, I didn’t leave you.

I left something behind for you.

My heart.

***

S
ydney had been my second home for the past five months. I loved Australia more than I ever imagined. The people I’d met through the weeks were all very nice and welcoming. I visited vineyards and the surrounding area. My reasons for visiting were all work-related. I was invited by the University of Sydney and I had managed to play with the orchestra in city a few times.

To say I missed Beverly was an understatement. We'd managed to get through our years of study together, and now I was living my dream. In the past years, I had played piano with many major orchestras around the world. I had more stamps on my passport than I thought existed. I had been to Italy, Germany, United Kingdom, Russia etc... All of this was fun, but I was missing home. As the years went by, stability was something I found hard to get.

Beverly struggled as a single mother. She’d fallen in love with the wrong man. A married man. I’d met him a couple of times when he came to the apartment. I thought he was a good man. He was a couple of years older than her, but nothing alarming. We never noticed a ring on his finger, but he was probably taking it off before meeting Bev. She met him at a make-up convention she was attending for her job. He worked for one of the cosmetics retailers and she fell head over heels for him. Their relationship lasted a few months and I never suspected anything was wrong with him. John was always respectful and sweet to her. He had flowers delivered to her every week and he seemed to be taking good care of her. One evening, we decided to go to a nice restaurant for our girls’ night out and we caught him sitting with his wife. Of course, they were all lovey-dovey drinking their champagne. We never returned to that restaurant again. Bev caused quite a dramatic scene when she slapped him across the face. She was furious like I’d never seen her before. He’d ruined our night out and he broke her heart like no man ever had.

Two months later, she found out she was pregnant. She was completely broken. Beverly tried to contact him but he ignored all of her phone calls and she eventually gave up. For a while, I thought I was going to lose her. She was lifeless, sick and refused to do anything with herself. One night, I had enough. She hadn’t showered in days and her clothes were dirty. I forced her to take a shower and gave her clean clothes. I reminded her she had to take better care of herself if she was going to have a baby. I promised I would help her out as much as I could, and I did. When Clara was born, I helped her night and day. I discovered my love for babies. They are adorable. The sad part was that being so far away made it impossible for me to help as much as I wanted. For that reason, I decided to try and stay home for at least a year on my return from Australia. Clara was about to start kindergarten, I couldn’t believe how fast the time had flown.

Teo. Well, he kept himself busy. I was missing him more every day.  We had a hard time adjusting to my schedule. Teo found it frustrating most of the time because he wanted to settle down. I did too, except he didn’t know it yet. I was close to reaching my goal. When I was younger and still living with my parents, I’d had a huge poster of the Sydney Opera House and every night I would pray that one day I would play my own concerto in that theatre.  I was two weeks away from living that dream. Of course, I was not the only musician playing that night, but I was the one with the most performing time. The newest pieces of my concerto would be played for the first time in front of so many people.

It was already past midnight when I looked at the time. When playing, I could never keep track. I had friends here, but right now, I was missing the friends who had become family. I decided to call them as it was the morning in San Diego.

“Hello?” said a tired voice.

“Teo? Did I wake you?”

“Hey! Isn't it my little Chopin?” He chuckled tiredly. “How are you doing, baby?”

“Missing you and Bev.”