Authors: Jessica Wilde
I shook my head attempting to
remove those thoughts and tried to speak.
"Um…" my voice cracked.
Wow, come on, man. Get it together.
I cleared my throat and opened my
mouth to try again.
"Hi."
My eyes darted over to where the
sweet little voice came from. The girl was turned my way now and I could see
her gray eyes brighten as a smile stretched across her lips. Something about it
made me smile, too.
"Hi," I replied
uncertainly. Uncertain because I had no idea why this little girl made me feel
a little calmer.
I looked over to the woman and
sighed, "Look, I'm sorry to bug you and I don't mean to be rude or
anything, but I just got back from a late night of work and I'm trying to catch
up on some sleep."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. We have
been pretty loud, I guess," she smiled, but flushed a little redder. She
was genuinely embarrassed. "We aren't normally that loud. Monty usually
doesn't bark, he just got a little excited chasing us around." She moved a
hand through her hair and looked down at the dog, who was still eyeing me
curiously.
I must admit, it was freaking me
out a little. It seemed like he was trying to tell me something with the
markings above his eyes twitching up and down.
"It's no problem. I don't
usually work that late so you won't have to worry about it too much in the
future. I just uh… I had a rough night," I said.
I decided then that maybe I
shouldn't have come over. I reacted before really thinking it through and now I
felt horrible. She probably thought I was a jerk, but I couldn't peel my eyes
away from her and I scrambled for a way to redeem myself.
"We are leaving in a few
minutes, but I promise we will be quiet until we go. I'm sorry again." She
seemed flustered, but ready to end the conversation and shut the door.
The little girl turned and
touched the woman's face, "Mommy? Hoo dat?" She pointed a chubby
little finger my way and looked back over at me with a serious face.
"Oh, that's… " she
looked over at me and waited for me to introduce myself.
"Andrew. I'm Andrew Carter.
Nice to meet you." I was never any good at talking to kids. My sister,
Madison, is only a couple years younger than me and hasn't had any kids yet, so
I had nothing to go off of.
"Adoo?" the little girl
said and beamed a smile right at me.
I think my heart skipped a beat
when she said my name and all my thoughts jumbled together.
This little girl
was something special.
"Yes, that's right, love.
Andrew is our neighbor. He is trying to sleep so we need to be quiet,
okay?"
"Adoo,
shhh
,"
she said and put her finger to her lips and giggled.
I think I fell in love with that
little girl right then and there. My heart was tight in my chest and I had to
catch my breath. She was the sweetest little thing I had ever seen. She smiled
shyly at me with her hands curled under her neck and her teeth showing.
"What's your name,
beautiful?" I asked, not daring to take my eyes off of her yet in fear
that my heart would shatter into a million pieces.
"Olivia," the woman
said.
"Olivia. What a pretty name.
And what is your mommy's name?"
Olivia looked up at her mother
and said, "Mommy!" She smiled and kissed her mother's cheek with a
loud smack.
"Jocelyn. Jocelyn
White." She smiled and held Olivia tightly against her chest in a hug.
I met her gaze and gave her my
best smile and nodded.
Gorgeous.
Monty started to get a little
restless and stood. Jocelyn made some kind of signal with her fingers and said
"
tst tst
" and he immediately laid down with his ears perked.
"Good dog you have
there," I said and gestured to him.
"Yeah, that's Monty. Um,
like I said, we are leaving in a few minutes so we promise to be quiet. Just
finishing cleaning up the kitchen. I need to go buy some supplies and
groceries, so we will be out for a while." She put Olivia down at her feet
and the little girl immediately walked over to Monty and sat down on his back,
straddling him.
"Don't worry about it. Like
I said, I rarely work very late." I hesitated to leave and looked into her
home again. "Looks like you still have a lot to do."
She glanced back into her living
room and nodded. "Yeah, we do. I would have had most of it done yesterday,
but we decided to build a fort instead."
I couldn't stop the chuckle,
"A fort?"
"Yeah. We stacked a bunch of
boxes and… you know what? We better finish getting ready. I have a lot to do
still." She started to close the main door.
I gave a pathetic little wave and
said, "Sorry to keep you." Then something stopped me from turning
away. Did she have someone to help her? How did she even get all of that stuff
in there? I couldn't just let her do it on her own. Could I?
"Hey, wait!" I said
without thinking any longer.
Jocelyn paused but didn't open
the door any wider, "Yes?"
"Um, well, I'm sure your
husband will take care of it, but if you need my help with any of the furniture
or heavy boxes, don't be afraid to ask." Did that sound like I was fishing
for information? Yeah, it did. I mentally smacked myself on the forehead and
waited for her response.
"Oh, ummm…" she looked
over her shoulder and then back at me. "I'm not married. It's just the
three of us. I'm sure I can manage, but thank you anyway."
"What? You don't have
anybody helping you? You can't move this stuff on your own." I was
surprised by the sudden flare of temper that shot through me. In some way, I
was hoping that she did have a husband so she wouldn't be alone. Where was
Olivia's father? Why was no one here to help her?
Jocelyn fidgeted with the door
handle and looked extremely uncomfortable.
Crap, way to go and make her feel
bad about it.
"Why don't you come knock
when you are ready to move things? I'll help you. I don' t have to work tonight
or tomorrow so it will give me something to do… if that's alright with
you," I said. Nothing to do with anything else but being a good neighbor,
right? Why do I talk before I think. You can't get involved with a woman who
already has a kid. That's too much.
She bit her bottom lip and looked
at me skeptically. Olivia lifted her hand and patted Jocelyn's leg.
"Mommy."
"Thanks, Andrew. I
appreciate that." The sound of my name on her voice did something to my
stomach and made my heart thump against my chest a little harder than what I
thought was normal. She moved to shut the front door, my cue to leave.
"Great, I'll see you later
then." I turned and started back to my front door.
"Bye," I heard a little
voice say just before her door clicked shut.
I climbed the stairs slowly, my
exhaustion taking over me again. I flopped on the bed without removing any of
my clothes.
She probably thinks I'm a creep now.
I shouldn't have come
on so strong, but how could I not? That little girl was so adorable and
Jocelyn. There was something about her. I don't know how a single mother can
move somewhere new all by herself with a child and a dog.
My thoughts stayed on the three
of them until the fog of sleep settled in.
Finally,
I thought before
everything faded.
Jocelyn
I walked down the toilet paper
aisle slowly while Olivia tried to open a package of cheese I had put in the
cart. I thought about Andrew and dreaded asking him for help. I should have
just told him to get lost. But how? He had the bluest eyes I had ever seen and
they looked like they were going to pierce me through the heart.
I didn't like asking for help.
After everything that I had gone through, I had learned that the only adults I
could really trust were few and far between. I didn't want to get involved with
anyone. Olivia means too much to me and I wouldn't do anything that would
potentially hurt her. I had left my few close friends behind and that was
already a little difficult for her. Adding someone else into our lives only to
have them ripped away? I couldn't allow that.
She needed stability.
I looked down at my beautiful
little girl. She was such a happy child and it would kill me to see her little
spirit so broken. She smiled up at me, "Teez?"
"Yes, sweetie. That's
cheese." She furrowed her brows and frowned as her little fingers pulled
at the plastic.
"Open, peez," she
pleaded and handed me the package.
Crap! I should have never taught
her to say please.
It was too irresistible. I reached into the cart to find something else to
distract her and felt a twinge in the back of my head. I reached my hand up and
rubbed at the scar that was hidden under my thick hair. It felt smaller than
before, but I knew better. I felt a wave of dizziness take over me and had to
clutch onto the cart to keep my balance.
No! Not now. Please, just wait
until I can get home and put Liv down for her nap,
I thought. Then I could rest and
take it easy for a little bit. Andrew would be helping me, so that won't put
too much strain on my body. Right?
Deep breaths. Focus.
Great, now I was
relying on a complete stranger when I just told myself I couldn't really trust
anyone else. Good job.
The pain started to subside and
my head cleared.
Maybe I should call Benjamin and tell him what's been
happening the last few weeks. No, he would force me to come back and I can't do
that. Olivia needs to grow up far away from all the crap I had to deal with. I
will just figure this out later. I still have time.
My internal debate was
interrupted. "Mommy." I heard my girl's voice, excited.
"Ooooooh, Mommy!" She was reaching for a box of cookies.
How did I
get in the cookie aisle?
"Keekee," she gasped
her word for cookie. "Keekee, peez."
How could I resist?
Andrew
I had just gotten out of a nice
long shower and was getting dressed when I heard a car pull up outside. Jocelyn
was back.
I peeked out the window and she
was reaching in the back seat and pulled out a sleeping Olivia who snuggled
against her shoulder. She carried her with one arm while fumbling through her
keys.
Without thinking, I hurried down
the stairs. I reached for my front door before I stopped dead in my tracks.
Wait,
what are you doing?
Think before you get yourself into something you can't
handle. She is a total stranger. Don't freak her out.
I stepped back and ran my hands
through my hair. It was still pretty wet from my shower. I thought of going
back upstairs and getting fixed up, then I looked out the window and saw that
she was starting to carry in groceries, by herself.
"Screw it."
I opened the door and hurried
out, reaching her door right as she was walking back out to make another trip.
"Hi."
She jumped back and her hand flew
to her chest. "Jeez, you scared the crap out of me." She walked past
me to head back to her car. "Hi."
"Sorry."
"How was your sleep?"
I smiled and watched her reach
back into her car. "It was… restful. Can I help?"
She hesitated, but looked back
and forth between her front door and the car. The back seat was overflowing
with bags.
"I don't want you to feel
weird," I said and put my hands in my pockets. "I just feel bad that
no one helped you move in. I can see that you have your hands full with that
little one."
She smiled and nodded in
agreement. "Yeah I do. Thank you. And as long as you aren't some crazy
serial killer, I guess you can help me." She handed me the grocery bags in
her arms and reached back into the car for several more.
I followed her into her house and
straight to the kitchen. Monty met us at the door and was acting nervous and
sniffing my pant legs almost tripping me into the kitchen.
"Monty! Back off." She
shooed him away and he laid down in the corner watching me closely. I set the
groceries on the counter and glanced over at him. He looked like he was eyeing
me up and down trying to figure out what my intentions were.
"Sorry about that. He is
great with strangers, he just has to figure you out first. He won't bite."
Monty's eyebrows were a light tan
and perfectly drawn on his face, making you aware of every facial expression he
could possibly display. One tilted up as if smirking at her last statement.
"I don't think he agrees
with you." I backed up a few steps.
She giggled softly. "Oh
Monty, stop eyeing him down." She talked to him as if he was human and he
responded likewise. He looked over at her and widened his eyes. I swear the
groan he gave sounded like,
'But Jocelyn…'