Authors: Jill Shalvis
"Oh honey, that's not what I meant—"
Hannah lifted up a hand. "I know. I know you love me, and I also know that you set up that toilet challenge in the hopes of something exactly like this happening. It was a crafty, underhanded,
terrible
thing to do, but I know that in your meddling, nosy way, you thought you were doing the right thing."
Alexi blinked. "Um … yes."
"But it's over. Even you must see that Zach is going home. And I'm—"
She looked away, but not before emotion blazing from her eyes tore him to shreds. "And I'm going to be fine," she whispered. "My life is going to be fine."
He didn't believe that, or didn't want to believe it. If they'd been alone, he might have forced her to look directly into his eyes and say it, but they had a captive audience.
His overly curious, well-meaning, meddling sister.
He glared at her, but Alexi didn't budge. Instead she glared right back and silently refused to give them the privacy he so desperately needed.
With exasperation, he turned to Hannah. "So what now?"
"You leave."
"And?"
"And nothing."
"You want me to stop caring about you? Just turn it off?"
"Try. And you, too," she said to Alexi. "I want this whole thing just dropped, okay? No more tricks, no more matchmaking."
"Ever?" Alexi asked. "Or—"
"Ever."
"You going to just ignore me for the rest of my stay?" Zach asked, and was only marginally relieved to see that give her some pause.
"I don't know. You're hard to ignore."
He was quite certain she didn't mean that as a compliment, but he was going to take it as such. He had no choice, it was all he had.
Chapter 13
Z
ach followed her. Hannah knew this by the way the back of her neck tingled in delicious anticipation.
Clearly her body had not gotten the message her brain had sent it.
Stop
lusting after him.
She'd have to work on it.
Well, she had the rest of her life to do that, or at least the next ten years until he decided to show up again.
Instead of acknowledging him, as a grown-up,
mature
sort of woman would have done, she kept walking. In fact, she sped up her pace, toeing off her sandals and scooping them up in her fingers so that her toes curled in the sand with each step she took.
He was probably following her just to make sure she wasn't falling apart after that ridiculous little snit of hers in the kitchen.
God, she wished she hadn't done that, hadn't entered the kitchen as if she was a queen bee, telling two of the most important people in her life that she wanted them to stop caring about her.
How stupid.
How juvenile.
She
liked
that they cared about her. Actually, she liked it too much, she depended on it.
And as for Zach and what they'd shared … she liked that, too.
She just didn't like that she'd fallen for him, when falling for him hadn't been a smart thing to do. Oh sure, they would have phone calls in their future. E-mail, faxes, etc. Maybe even the occasional stolen weekend.
Maybe.
But Zach was a cop, which statistically speaking, meant he was married to his job. She had his last case as hard evidence, when he'd gone undercover and hadn't surfaced for one year, and only then because he'd been shot.
"Definitely not dealing with this well," she muttered, startled to realize it was nearly dark and that she'd come a mile down the beach, to the secluded little bay Tara jokingly referred to as Make-Out Rock.
By the time she walked to the far side, near the bluffs, the sun had disappeared completely, leaving an incredibly dark, gorgeous night sky.
She felt it again, that little shiver of awareness that told her Zach was near. She turned, finding him only ten feet away; tall, dark, gorgeous and silent.
Any light she might have used to determine his mood was gone. He was silhouetted by an early moon, his face in the shadows. All she could see was his concerned gaze, which stoked the tornado of feelings just beneath her surface.
"As you can see," she said calmly, "I'm not swimming in a storm. I'm not in danger of drowning. I'm perfectly safe."
"Yes."
Oh fine,
he
was going to be the reasonable one. "And actually, if I wanted to swim right now, I would. And you know what else? After you're gone, I might even…"
"What, Hannah?"
Never be the same.
She was never going to be the same.
Her throat burned with the tears she refused to shed because she didn't dare give in to them or she'd never stop.
There was no one around, no lights, nothing but the moon and the stars. The two of them were in their own little world, protected from view by the bluffs. A breeze danced over them, making Hannah's skin turn to gooseflesh, and while she stared at the bumps covering her arms, Zach shrugged out of his denim jacket and held it out.
Somehow, that small, chivalrous gesture, the one that meant he hadn't listened to her when she demanded he stop caring about her, broke her control. "Once again, I'm taking something from you," she said. "Let's see … first it was your body, and now—"
"It's just a damn jacket." He placed it around her shoulders.
"I'm fine," she said in a much smaller voice now. "Really I am. I don't need you, I just somehow … think I do."
"Is needing me so bad?"
"It is when I have no idea
how
you feel."
"I
need you more than I need my next breath."
"You … do?"
"Yeah." He zipped up the jacket, his fingers lingering at her neck, then her jaw. Slowly he cupped her face, tipped it up and smiled. "I know how fiercely independent you are. I even know why, but that isn't what this is about."
"What is it about?"
"You. And me. Enjoying each other, wanting to be together. Sharing, laughing, talking, touching. We're drawn to each other, helplessly drawn, you can't fight it."
"Guess I haven't had much experience at this."
"Neither have I," he admitted, and at her startled look, he let out a rueful laugh. "Not with
meaningful
relationships, that is."
"You haven't had time?"
"I haven't
made
time." He hadn't taken his hands off her, and now he ran them down her arms to her hands, linking them together with his. "I've never wanted to until now."
Somehow that admission touched her unbearably, because she thought maybe he was saying if things were only different, he would have wanted a meaningful relationship with
her.
She liked knowing that.
In fact, once he was gone, it would be all she had.
"Maybe making time is something I haven't done either," she said, wanting to be honest. "I always thought it was because I was too busy, but I think maybe I did that on purpose. Used the demands on my time as an excuse not to let anyone close."
"Life can get awfully lonely that way."
"I kept myself busy, so busy I never really noticed. I had Alexi and Tara. And the lodge."
"So what changed?"
"You. It was you. Everything changed that night you came back. I decided to go for it. To, for once, let someone in. Only it got out of control so fast." She shook her head, her throat tight. "I couldn't stop the feelings, the emotions, and even when I told myself over and over again it was all temporary, I still couldn't stop them."
"Me, either." The moonlight glinted in his hair as he brought one of their joined hands up to his mouth, brushing his lips over her skin, softening her heart all the more. "I'm learning sometimes that's okay. You have to trust yourself."
"I … trust you."
"That's good." He leaned close to stare deep into her eyes. "Because I trust you back."
"But I don't want a long-distance relationship."
A half smile curved his lips as he drew her close against his wonderfully warm body. "Well, at least you're admitting you want one."
Oh yes, she wanted one. She hadn't even realized it, not until he'd come back into her life and shown her what she was missing, but she wanted that with all her heart.
And now she couldn't have it. "Zach…
"
As if reading her thoughts, he kissed her; a soft, soul-searching kiss that touched her very soul. Her body took over, made its wants known. She was already pressed against him; it took little effort to slide her arms around his neck, even less to tip her face up.
"We have right now," he murmured. "We don't have to figure it all out this minute, it can be a problem for tomorrow."
True.
They did still have tomorrow. But didn't they deserve more than just one more day?
"You're cold." He ran his hands down her back. "We need to get back."
"I'm not cold." And she wasn't, those faint shivers he'd felt were something else entirely. "Kiss me." And because she couldn't wait, she tugged his head to hers and claimed his mouth.
"Keep that up," he muttered when they came up for air, "and I'm going to kiss every inch of you. Right here."
To ensure that was exactly what happened, Hannah nipped his jaw, then his ear. With a low groan, Zach roughly took her mouth. Thrusting her fingers into his thick hair, she opened her lips beneath his onslaught and sank into the heat of the passion that never failed to flare between them at the slightest touch.
"Here?" she murmured.
"Here." And he took them both down to the sand.
They were completely alone with the waves, the wind, the night sky. And with Hannah in his arms, Zach found he had everything he wanted.
Her mouth was slow and hot and demanding, making him forget about their uncertain and troubled future. They had now, right now, and he wasn't going to waste one precious second of it.
The pounding of the waves was in sync with the drum of pleasure beating through his veins, to the excitement he knew pounded through Hannah as well. Pressed so tightly to her, he could feel the erratic leap of her heart, could hear the dark, needy sounds she made as he ran his hands over her.
She spread his jacket over the sand, then looked at him as they faced each other on their knees. For a long moment, neither of them moved.
Then his palm covered her breast, possessing her, claiming her, and she arched her back, accepting, seeking more.
His thumb slid over just the very tip of her breast, teasing, but it wasn't enough for him, and if he believed the heat in her gaze, it wasn't enough for her, either. He pulled off her sweater, trailing his fingers lightly over the edges of her bra until he came to the front hook, which easily fell open under his touch.
Her gaze flew up to his, wide and glossy, and when his callused fingers rasped over her bare breasts she moaned and let her head fall back on her shoulders. He slid the silk completely off her, exposing her to the night sky and his own hungry gaze. Her nipples were hard and thrust up, two tight, begging peaks. He bent his head and curled his tongue over first one, then the other, while she quivered and whispered his name over and over again in a hoarse, needy voice. She clung to
him,
and pulled him down onto the jacket, so that she bore all his weight.
Cupping her face, he looked down at her, certain she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her lips were open and swollen from his kisses, her bare skin creamy and lush in the moonlight. Her breasts, still wet from his mouth, glistened enticingly, and his feelings for her nearly overwhelmed him. "Hannah—"
"I know." Her eyes reflected all he felt and mirrored her own feelings back.
He kissed her mouth, her neck, then shifted, moving down to her bare, quivering belly. His hands slid over her thighs, her calves, then back up, beneath her skirt now, bringing the material up as he went, exposing her inch by inch to his hungry gaze. He put his hands on her thighs and opened them, settling himself between so he could see her panties, which were tiny, just another scrap of silk, easily moved aside.
"Zach?"
"Shh," he whispered, soothing her with his hands, running them up and down her legs. "I'm going to keep my promise. Every single inch, Hannah."
"I don't think—"
"No thinking allowed," he murmured huskily, bending to his task. He blew a hot breath at the juncture of her thighs and heard the breath back up in her throat. "I'm going to kiss you until you lose it. I want to watch."
"You—"
His mouth touched her then, and whatever she'd planned to say came out as a sigh of surrender.
She tasted like heaven, and she moved like it, too. Shifting wildly, panting, she went as crazy as he already was. He nibbled and stroked, getting hotter by the second, but it wasn't until he drew her into his mouth and sucked that she arched like a bow, shuddering shuddering, shuddering as her release rushed through her.
Slowly he softened the touch of his mouth, swirling his tongue over her as she came back to her senses. Lifting his head, holding her gaze, he adjusted her panties and slowly, regretfully, straightened her skirt. Before he could change his mind and take her again without protection—and the consequences be damned—he pulled her up and reached for her bra to close it.
"What—wait," she protested, trembling and damp. "I want you…"
The tension in his body was so tight that he thought his jaw might shatter. "We can't."
Her hands slid over him anyway, cupping him right through his jeans. He was hard and ready. "No protection," he managed through his teeth, trying to take her hands off him, but she wouldn't allow it.
Instead, his stubborn Hannah pressed him down on the jacket where she'd just laid, open and vulnerable and in surrender.
She sent him a wicked smile.
"Hannah." He licked his dry lips and tasted her on them, which only made his condition all the more impossible to bear. "We can't," he said hoarsely.
"Maybe not in the way you think." She slid her hands beneath his T-shirt, over his ribs and nipples, which caused him to jerk.
"Hannah—"
"Good?" she murmured, leaning over him and watching him carefully. Her skin was still flushed, her eyes hot and hungry. And also just a touch nervous, he realized as tenderness and a good amount of possessiveness swamped her.
"Does this feel good?" she asked, her fingertips just barely scraping over his skin, making the muscles in his stomach dance. His erection strained against the buttons of his jeans.
"Good isn't quite the word I'd use," he managed.