Authors: Jill Shalvis
"No?" She bit her lower lip as she sat back on her heels, staring at the buttons on his jeans. Then her fingers were there, fumbling a bit as she opened them one by one.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
"What word
would
you use then?" she wondered.
"I'd say—" His words broke off on a helpless moan as she slid her hands into his opened jeans, wrapping her fingers around him to gently squeeze.
"You'd say … what?" Now she used those fingers to give him a long, slow, tortuous stroke. Heat pooled in his loins, surging, burning heat, and he figured he had about five seconds of control left.
Maybe.
Then she kneeled between his legs, just as he had hers only moments before, smiled innocently at him—he was beginning to mistrust that innocent smile—and licked the very tip of him.
He nearly came off the jacket. "Hannah!"
She lifted her head. "Is that
Hannah, yes,
or
Hannah, I really hate that?
Because quite honestly, Zach, I'm making all this up as I go along."
He might have been able to answer her, but that was before she once again bent her head. This time her tongue darted out, licking a scorching path upward, upward, and then she hovered over him, her breath hot and teasing as she hesitated.
Helplessly, he strained toward her. "Please," was torn from his throat, though he had no idea what he was begging for. He hadn't expected her to do this, and with his last bit of energy, he slid his fingers into her hair, meaning to lift her away.
But then she took him into her wet, hot mouth, and he was gone, lost, completely out of himself. She simply continued, wrapping her arms around him as he convulsed with a harsh groan, and as the powerful shudders of completion shook him, she held him all the tighter, showing him with actions what she hadn't been able to do with words.
* * *
Somehow the made it back to the lodge, and to Hannah's room. Once there, they stumbled into bed, found the box of condoms, and turned to each other again.
Then again.
And finally, near dawn, they slept.
Until the phone rang.
"Sorry," came Alexi's voice in Hannah's ear. "Honey, I'm sorry to call so early, but Zach has a call."
Hannah's brain was slow to respond, and it wasn't just from being tired. Being held by Zach, close to his heart, impeded her thought process as well.
"He's with you?" Alexi asked.
Oh, yeah. His arms were curled protectively about her. He nuzzled sleepily at her ear.
"He's here," she said with a smile.
"It's his captain, Hannah. Thought I should warn you."
His captain. His work Oh God. "Oh."
"Yeah,
oh."
Alexi managed to convey her sorrow, her regret and her own anger all in that one word. "Tell him line one."
Hannah handed Zach the phone.
He frowned down at the receiver as if it were a poisonous snake. "For me?"
"It's your work."
His gaze searched hers, deep and unrelentingly intense. But he took the phone.
And in that moment she knew. Her little interlude was over.
Zach was really leaving.
Chapter 14
S
he had to give him credit, Hannah thought, two terminally long days later.
He'd said goodbye.
If their positions had been reversed, she might have been tempted to escape those last painful few moments.
And they had been painful.
But she'd watched Zach pack, his eyes solemn and sorrowful. She'd listened to him explain that there was some big raid planned for the next night and that the department was short-handed, that they wouldn't have called him back two days early unless they desperately needed him.
Hannah had watched him drive away, pretending her heart hadn't all but stopped in her chest, pretending she didn't love him.
Oh yeah, she loved him. With everything she had, and yet she hadn't told him. Maybe he loved her back, but because she hadn't been brave enough to share her feelings, she might never know.
He'd called each day, and each day she'd managed to miss that call, maybe on purpose. Hearing his voice would have broken through her almost pleasant numbness.
On the third day, a pot of daisies arrived.
"Talk to them for me,"
the note said.
"Love, Zach."
Love.
Just like that, the blessed numbness deserted her.
She managed to make it to her room before completely falling apart. And since she'd been holding on to so long, it took forever to let it all out.
How did one fall in love so fast? More to the point,
how was she supposed to get over it?
A gentle knock sounded at her door, but she ignored it. After her self-pity jag she didn't have the energy to talk.
The knock came again, firmer this time, and then both Tara and Alexi crowded into the room.
"That was locked," she muttered.
"Love conquers all." Tara plopped to the bed. "Even locked doors."
Alexi held up a set of keys and jingled them before sitting down on the bed as well. "These helped. Oh Hannah, don't shut us out." Tears filled her eyes. "We miss him, too."
Which started a mutual tissue-fest, but finally, with a sniff, Hannah knew what she had to do.
Maybe she'd known all along. "I love you
guys," she said softly. "You're my two best friends in the entire world, and you're my family."
"But you're leaving." Tara squeezed her hands as a new set of tears filled her eyes. "Aren't you?"
"I have to," Hannah whispered. She looked at Alexi, feeling a little nervous, but oddly calm at the same time. "I love him. I have to tell him."
"He loves you, too."
"I don't know that for sure." But she never would unless she did this. "But if he does, and if he wants me to, I'm going to stay there. I have to."
"We've never been separated, not in all these years," Alexi said shakily, hugging Hannah hard. "But I do understand, because I love him, too. Go be happy. We'll be here for you."
"Take your time," Tara added. "We've got the
toilets covered. We'll deal with the business stuff however we need to."
Hannah's heart was racing now that she'd made the decision. "So … how do I tell him?"
Alexi laughed. "That's the easy part! Go find him and … and just blurt it out."
Just tell him.
Why hadn't she already done it? Why hadn't
he?
He wouldn't, she thought she understood that now. He would never ask her to give up a part of herself for him. "It was much easier when I was only trying to seduce him."
"Well, you could start with that," Alexi suggested. "Wrap yourself up in red ribbon and have yourself delivered to his doorstep."
"Or sneak into his bed and wait there," Tara said.
"Or pop out of a cake at his station."
Hannah had to laugh. "I think I'll come up with something on my own. But thanks."
* * *
Zach lasted approximately one day. The bust went down without a hitch.
But then, as he knew he would, he got a new assignment, even deeper undercover than the last time, and something inside him said no.
He just couldn't do it.
Instead he researched getting a transfer; anywhere near or in Avila. The jobs available were sorely limited, but with his connections and referrals, he discovered an opening for deputy sheriff.
No undercover, no days at a time being gone from home.
Sounded perfect.
So did the change of pace. Yes, there'd been a time when he'd needed all that adventure and risk, but his needs had changed.
Avila's slower pace would allow him a personal life. A love life. A family life. He couldn't wait. He leased his condo to a new officer. Giving up his place was a risky move, but he knew his heart.
He should have known it sooner. His only excuse was that he'd been living on automatic, just working, working, working, not realizing it until he'd been shot and unable to do his job.
He'd called Norfolk Inn several times, missing Hannah each time, which was really just as well. He hadn't wanted to do this over the phone. He'd needed to see her face when he told her what he'd done.
When he told her that he loved her.
It was possible he was more scared now than he'd ever been in his life, and he'd been in plenty of terrifying positions before.
But only three days after he'd left Avila, he drove back up the coast to face his future.
* * *
Hannah stared at the young man who'd opened the condo door. She was startled because … well, because he wasn't Zach.
Plus he'd just given her a shocking announcement.
"What do you mean he doesn't live here anymore?" She couldn't have heard right. She had Zach's address in her hand, written in Alexi's own handwriting.
The man lifted a shoulder, looking apologetic. "He left this morning. He's gone."
Gone.
Okay, maybe he meant gone as in grocery shopping, not gone as in
gone.
"Do you know where he went?"
"Well…
"
The young man wrinkled his forehead as he strained to remember. "He said he was going back to paradise."
"Paradise? But he lives here in L.A."
"Not anymore. He leased the place to me."
"Oh, I see," she said, but she didn't. He seemed to take pity on her confusion. "Norfolk Inn? Yes, that's it. Norfolk Inn. He said the place was home."
Blood roared in her head now, so that she practically stuttered her thanks.
Only one question remained now—had Zach gone back to Avila because it was home, or had he gone back because of her?
* * *
Fate was not on Hannah's side. The freeways in Los Angeles were at a complete standstill. Then she got a flat tire outside of Santa Barbara and had to call for roadside service.
By the time she exited off Highway 1 and rode into Avila, it was past midnight. Her eyes were gritty with exhaustion and a tension that no amount of quickly downed junk food had eased.
The porch light of the lodge was welcoming, as was the ocean breeze and the unique feeling of being home.
There truly was no place like it.
And Zach was inside, or so she hoped.
Nerves leaped like butterflies in her stomach as she quietly let herself in. Silence greeted her. No one was in the kitchen or the living room, or in their downstairs office.
Everyone was asleep. She checked the front register for Zach, knowing it was unlikely he'd be officially checked in, but she was hoping all the same.
He wasn't listed.
And she could hardly go knock on each door, waking up guests, hoping to get it right.
Disappointment was a bitter pill. Completely deflated, not to mention exhausted, she entered her room, shut the door and sagged against the wall.
Where had he gone?
Kicking off her shoes, she headed directly for the bedroom.
Sleep,
she thought, her throat tight, heart heavy.
But as she stepped toward the bed, it came alive.
Then she was blinking as the lamp was abruptly flipped on, staring in stunned shock at Zach, who stared right back at her.
"Thank God," she heard him mutter before he tossed aside the covers and surged to his feet.
He was totally and gloriously naked. "What's going on?" he demanded, putting his hands on his hips and glaring at her. "Where were you?"
"Didn't … didn't Alexi and Tara tell you?" She had a hard time keeping her eyes on his because he was so absolutely beautiful. And so annoyed.
Which, when she thought about it, was how
she
should feel.
"I've been worried sick!" he said. "Alexi and Tara wouldn't tell me a thing. In fact, they took one look at me and started laughing."
"Were you naked at the time?"
He looked down at himself and swore, then yanked up the jeans he'd dropped on the foot of the bed. "No, I wasn't naked. I got naked after figuring out you weren't coming back." He shoved one foot into his jeans, then nearly fell over, swore again and ended up kicking the material away.
"I don't need pants for this," he said, then before she could blink, he had her flat on her back on her own bed, and covered by his very large, very male body.
"Now," he said, deliberately sliding his hands along her arms, which were over her head, until he held her hands in his, effectively holding her captive. "You were about to tell me what's going on."
Good Lord, he was so fierce, so intense, so absolutely sexy she could hardly see straight. Not to mention her heart had just about leaped out of her chest at the mere sight of him.
But now that her big moment was here, and she could tell him how she felt, she found her tongue had tied itself into knots. "Um … why don't
you
start?"
"Okay," he said with such mock compliance, she narrowed her eyes.
Zach was never compliant.
"I love you. And I think you love me," he said conversationally. "I also think that you've been telling yourself you couldn't possibly fall in love—the timing's bad, it happened too fast, whatever. You'd rather pretend it doesn't exist."
"I don't pretend!"
"Really? So you expect me to believe you made love with me that first time because you didn't want to clean toilets?"
"I already told you it was more than that. I knew it right away. It was just…
"
"Too big to handle?"
"Yes, and I'd only known you a few days, Zach.
A few days.
It terrified me."
"You've known me all your life. What happened then, what has happened ever since, has nothing to do with anything but us and how we feel for each other."
"Yes," she whispered. And there was more, so much more, but she was feeling a little shy now that the moment was here and Zach was on top of things.
Literally.
Honestly, she was having trouble putting thoughts together in her head with all his intensity and gorgeous eyes, not to mention his bare, hard, warm body stretched out over hers.
"Did I tell you the bust went just like clockwork?" he asked calmly. "That I was given a new undercover assignment? And, oh by the way, I quit my job?"
She went utterly still. "You
what?
You didn't tell me that's what you were going to do."
"I know." He gentled his grip on her, letting go of her hands to cup her face. "I was afraid, Hannah."
"You're not afraid of anything."
"Oh, yes I am. I'm afraid you don't really understand how I feel about you. I'm afraid you don't feel the same way back. I'm afraid of living without you in my life."
When she opened her mouth to speak, he leaned down and softly brushed his lips over hers. "Don't interrupt I'm trying to make sure I make you feel so loved you can't turn me down."
Turn him down … for what?
But then he was kissing her again. "There," he whispered, smiling down at her, his eyes filled with so many things she could hardly breathe. "That's the expression I was looking for."
"Dazed?"
"No. Love." He stroked her jaw with his thumbs. "Where was I? Oh, yes, so I quit my job."
"But you loved that job!"
"I love being a cop, but what I didn't love was being in Los Angeles, working undercover for so long that I was no longer Zach Thomas, but just a man existing. No family. No friends. No you."
"You didn't know then—"
He kissed her again, a long, deep, deliciously messy kiss this time, and he didn't pull back until they were both unsteady. "No, I didn't know I wanted you in my life, that didn't come until after the shooting, but I figured it out after I saw you again. One look, Hannah, and I knew, even if I didn't want to. It was as if I was looking into a mirror that night, and I saw my soul mate. I just didn't know how to accept it until I faced leaving here. Faced being without you. And even then I kept denying the truth, until I was back in Los Angeles and couldn't deny it anymore."