Authors: April Emerson
“Good. That’s how it should be,” she says with a smile.
I feel a huge lump growing in my throat and recognize the tingling behind my eyes. “I’m going to go in. It’s getting cold.”
“Okay.” I hear her say as I run toward the house.
I fight back tears. I want to
talk
to Stefan. I want to tell him about the damn menu that he sent me to organize today even though I said I didn’t want to. The fact that he didn’t even care to hear about what we purchased when I returned makes me feel as though he was only trying to get rid of me for the day. Everything I said to Nora about him is bullshit. I want him to belong to
me
, not his relentless job. I want him to treat me better.
I charge up the stairs and don’t bother knocking before I open the office door.
Bent over his laptop at his desk, eyes weary from glaring at the screen, Stefan closes the lid and looks irritated that I barged into his office. “What is it now?”
I put my hands on my hips. “I want to talk you about the menu that you felt was so urgent earlier.”
“I think it can wait. I’m very busy.”
“No! It can’t!” I scream. I have never done this before.
He stands.
I don’t hesitate. I’m tired of feeling ignored. “Is this not important to you, Stefan? Why are we even having this party? It’s of no interest to you.
I
am of no interest to you.” I grind my teeth, defying the tears that want to come.
“You think it’s not important to me? That
you
are not important to me? You are
everything
to me, Carina. This life that we live? Do you think it came easy? It wasn’t easy for my father. Or my father’s father. You have no idea what my family has gone through to get here. When they were growing up, they had to fight to survive. There was war in the old country. There was death, and there was blood. My father taught me that nothing is more important than being able to provide for your family. To keep them safe.
That
is why I work as hard as I do, Carina!” He takes my shoulders in his hands. “I do what I do to keep you happy.”
Tears roll down my face, but they are not tears of happiness. “Something needs to change, Stefan. I don’t know if this is going to work.”
As I say the words, I feel it. I know it’s true. I’m not happy. I need more. There’s a reason why I’m fantasizing about another man. I need better than this. I’ve been letting Stefan’s distance go because it’s easy. Our life is easy. He has sweet moments, and I try to ignore the times when he treats me like an afterthought. I’m not going to do it anymore.
His head droops. He runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a deep sigh. “You’re right.”
I wasn’t expecting him to agree.
“It’s me that needs to change, to try harder. It’s me, not you. I wanted things to be better when we came here, and I’m falling right back into old habits—constant work, Blackberry glued to my palm. Work will be a crazy for just a little while longer, but I’m not going to let it get between us anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He wraps his arms around me, and I hug him back. The embrace feels desperate on his part—almost as if the tighter he holds me, the faster I will forgive him.
I recognize his desperation, however, as the words pour out of me. “I just want to know I can say anything to you. I want to know you’ll listen. I want to know that you want to hear what I have to say.”
“I know. It will be better, darling. I guarantee it.”
I want to believe him, but my mind wanders to Enzo’s smile even as I bury my face further into Stefan’s chest.
Chapter Twelve
It’s crush time at the vineyard—the time of year when the harvested grapes are made into wine. Enzo is swamped at work, so our run-ins have decreased. I avoid going to Cuore della Terra or anywhere near the oak tree, but each day, despite my attempts to avoid him, Enzo finds a way into my mind. Last week, I brushed against his elbow while passing him in the hallway. Three days ago, I made him laugh at dinner. Yesterday, I was sitting on the porch talking with Nora and Gemma, and he refilled my empty wine glass without a word. All these little things—I pretended not to notice, but they made me smile when no one was looking.
As we prepare for the engagement party, Stefan is by my side as much as possible. It feels like it did when we first met. As he promised, things are better—he doesn’t push me away, and he works less. He indulges every whim and idea that Gemma and I have in planning the event.
My parents fly to New York the day before the party, and Stefan drives me to pick them up at the airport.
I don’t know what it is about seeing my parents, but I feel like a little girl. I cry at the sight of them and lose myself in their joint embrace.
My mother looks ill, but there’s color in her face and vibrancy in her eyes. Her hair has thinned and she wears a scarf on her head. My father’s beard holds much more gray hair than I remember. I can’t believe I’ve been away from them for so long.
“It’s so good to see you, Mom. The last time I talked to Dad, he said you haven’t been feeling well. What did the doctor say?”
“We’re waiting on some test results, sweetie. I don’t want you to worry about me. Let’s just enjoy the party and the time we have together, okay?”
“All right.”
They’re both taken with Stefan, but I can tell they feel out of place when they see the size of the Savano home and vineyard.
“This is a beautiful home,” my mother compliments him as we walk inside.
“Thank you. My family treasures it.”
“It’s wonderful that your family is so close. Carina is an only child, but I always wanted her to have the joy of being part of a large family. It’s so nice she has that with you.”
“Yes, we’re all very close.”
My parents continue to inquire about the house, making an effort to learn more about my fiancé.
We pass by a window, and I see Enzo walking toward the house with Lucy on his shoulders. I picture myself walking beside him. Stefan wants to be close to his family, but Enzo really is.
The day of the party, I rise early to finish the preparations. Downstairs, I find my mother and Stefan already awake and talking in the living room, but they don’t see me.
“When Carina told me how you met and that you wanted to get married, I had some reservations, but I told her to follow her heart and she’d be happy. Her happiness is all I’ve ever wanted, and I see you’re giving it to her.”
I slink away before they catch me listening and smell the seductive aroma of coffee as I walk down the hall.
Enzo is in the kitchen, his back to me as he stands before Icarus, who is looking up at him as if he is a god.
“Speak easy . . . easy . . . easy . . .”
The dog softly whines and growls through bared teeth at Enzo, who holds a treat in the air before him. The dog barely moves as if he’s in a trance brought on by Enzo’s gentle voice.
“Speak loud!”
The dog barks with exuberance at Enzo’s command, and Enzo laughs as he gives Icarus his treat and lavishes him with affection.
I clear my throat. “That’s a cool trick.”
Enzo turns, and I’m met with his infectious smile. He opens the back door, holding it with his chiseled arm, and lets Icarus out into the cool, morning mist coating the yard. He brushes past me on his way to the fridge as he continues preparing the food for the party tonight.
“Are you sure you want to do all this?” I ask.
“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t.”
“Well, I’d like to help.” I’m hoping he won’t resist me.
He turns around with a load of produce in his arms. “I’d love to have you, Cari.”
In spite of my best intentions, I ache for his company. I will not be avoiding Enzo today.
He explains the menu and I make suggestions, but I follow his lead. We work seamlessly together.
He sings as he cooks. I don’t know if he realizes he’s doing it, but his voice vibrates through me, and I’m distracted as I watch him out of the corner of my eye.
He puts me to work on simple tasks—chopping, peeling, and prepping. With the exception of his singing, we don’t talk much, but things worth saying float through my brain.
“Taste this.” Enzo holds out a wooden spoon with his cupped hand beneath it.
I open my mouth and touch the tip of my tongue against the spoon, testing the heat. The smell is mouth-watering and as I sample it, I try to avoid his eyes and fail miserably. “It’s good.” I lick the sauce from my lips.
He watches me closely as I taste his food.
“What?” I ask.
“You have big ears.”
My feelings are hurt for two seconds before I burst out laughing. He’s right. They’re my least favorite physical trait.
He returns my smile. “That’s what I like to see.”
The awkward silence dissipates, and we chat about music, books, and countless other things we have in common as we cook. We’re left alone and undisturbed until the afternoon, and I almost forget I still have to get ready until Stefan’s hands tighten around my waist, startling me.
“Hello, darling. You’re the guest of honor at this event, you know. You shouldn’t smell like onions.” He kisses my neck.
Enzo chops basil with sudden and fierce vigor.
“I’ll be up in a minute, okay?”
“Okay.” Stefan leaves us and heads upstairs.
I untie my apron. “This was . . . fun.”
“Yeah.” He nods and puts down his knife. “Let’s do it again. Soon.”
“I’d like that. I’ll see you at the party.”
After my shower, I dress in a thin, cocoa-colored satin halter dress from one of my favorite designers.
“I think you might be a bit cold in that tonight,” I hear Stefan say as he ties his tie.
He’s right about the temperature, and I rack my brain trying to think of something else to wear. I stand before my closet and tap my foot, as if that impatient gesture will cause new clothing to appear, and then I feel something soft on my shoulders and look down. Stefan has wrapped me in fur. I run my fingers over its unbelievable softness.
“It’s white mink.”
“Stefan . . .” I turn to say thank you but find his hungry lips instead.
“You look so beautiful.” He unties my dress at the neck, and I’m left standing in nothing but the fur.
Before I can think about what’s happening, his tongue assaults my mouth as he kisses me, and he buries his hand in my hair, pressing me into his freshly shaved face.
I can’t keep up with his pace.
He lays me down inside the walk-in closet.
I know he wants me, but after spending the day with Enzo, I’m not sure I feel the same.
“Stefan, we’re going to be late. I don’t thi—”
“They can wait.” He begins to make love to me and moans against my skin as he adores it. “I love that you’re mine. This is all fucking mine.” His eyes move all over my naked body.
I close my eyes.
Enzo.
His face appears on my eyelids, and I can’t force it away. The dream that I’ve tried to forget floods my thoughts, and it’s suddenly Enzo making love to me here, in this way. I relish that image, but hate myself for thinking about Enzo while I’m with my fiancé, and in spite of Stefan’s best effort, it’s my thoughts of Enzo that push me over the edge.
It takes me half an hour to work all the closet-sex tangles out of my hair, and the flush on my face and chest refuse to go away. I’m shaking. I’m confused, but I don’t have time to think about what an awful person I might be. I’m the guest of honor.
Once I’m presentable and wrapped in silk and fur, we walk into the yard for the party.
All Gemma’s plans have come to fruition.
The large white tent glows in soft light, and circular tables covered in white cloth surround a wooden dance floor. A formally dressed big band entertains the arriving guests as waiters pass around trays filled with the hors d’oeuvres Enzo and I made, and the whole pig roasts over an open flame, its rich aroma permeating the fall air.
Everyone looks our way and applauds when we enter.
A suit-clad Enzo smiles and claps the loudest of all.
We sit with my parents, who are dressed in their best, but I can tell that they’re blown away by my jewelry and fur.
I can see my former self through their eyes, and I’m ashamed at the frivolity of all this.
A clinking glass interrupts my thoughts, and Enzo, who is seated with Gemma, Nora, and Frank, stands with his glass raised.
“I just want to thank all of you for coming here to wish my Uncle Stefan and his fiancée, Carina, the best of everything in their upcoming marriage. Stefan, you’ve been like a father to me, and you know I’ll always be your best man. To the happy couple.”
There’s a slight pause then another raucous round of applause.
“You asked Enzo to be your best man? You didn’t tell me that.”
“I didn’t? I thought I did. Are you going to have one of your friends as a bridesmaid?”
“I told you I was planning on asking Nora to be the maid of honor, remember?”