Overexposed: The Complete Boxset: A Virgin Meets a Bad Boy Romance (11 page)

My eyes narrow and I hiss back at him, “I
never
asked you to do this for me. Lloyd is the one who deserves to be in here, but
you
made the decision to take the fall.”

“How dare you question my intentions. I took the fall so that you could have the life you wanted and dreamed for. The life you deserve. So if you have to adjust your new expectations in order to enjoy living a billion-dollar lifestyle in the greatest city on earth, I will not apologize to you.”

“But I don’t love him,” I whisper, tears dripping down my cheeks and onto the table. “Not any more.”

“You did once, and you’ll learn to again. That young man has been working his ass off for years to make a life for you. I would think a well-behaved daughter of mine would be more grateful for the sacrifices that those who love her are willing to make,” he answers, breathing heavily as he sit back in his chair.

But what about my sacrifices?

I don’t say those words out loud. I don’t tell him that the man I actually love is waiting for me outside. I know it won’t matter, it will never will. I can’t be selfish and have it all, I know what I need to do. “I’m sorry, Daddy. Of course you’re right.”

T
he car ride
back to the city is silent, Devon senses that I need time to contemplate my father’s words and I do. If I listen to my father, then I’m sentencing myself to a life with a pathetic asshole and his elitist, dickhead parents. I will also be losing Devon forever. But if I choose Devon, I would be losing my father and in turn, Charlene. Either way I lose. Tears carve silent trails down my face, already mourning my loss.

Exhausted I lean my forehead against the cold glass of the window. I must drift off, because the next thing I know Devon is gently shaking me awake. “We’re back, Anna. Are you feeling better?”

I shake my head. “I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?” Devon asks, his voice quiet.

“We can’t be together,” I answer, my eyes welling with tears. “I want to be with you, but I can’t lose the only family I have left.”

“Anna,” Devon hooks a finger under my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Please don’t push me away, we can make this work. I know we can.”

Tears slip from my eyes, and again I shake my head. “I want to believe that, with all of my heart I do—but you don’t know my father. How ruthless he can be.”

“You don’t need them. Any of them.” Devon’s voice is fierce, and I know he believes every word he says.

“You say that now, but we’ve only know each other for a few short weeks. It’s too early to make promises of forever.” I glance up and the devastated look on his face shatters another fragment of my heart. “I lost my mom when I was fourteen, I can’t lose Charlene—she’s the only mother I have. He’ll make her choose, and it won’t be me.”

Devon crushes me in his arms. “Please don’t do this. Don’t make me let you go.”

I allow myself the selfish pleasure of lingering in his arms. To inhale the scent of his skin, to imprint the way I perfectly fit against him, before I push away. “I’m sorry. You’ll never know how much so, but I have to go before I can’t.”

Before he can protest, I pop open the door and climb out. “You’ll always be in my heart. Forever.”

Devon starts to follow me, to try and stop me, but I put up a hand. “Please don’t. Don’t make this harder for me.”

“Anna.”

But I don’t wait to hear what he has to say, instead I flee down the sidewalk and hail the first cab I see. Once I’ve given the driver the correct address, I bury my face into my hands. As if to taunt me, the gloves still smell like him. I’m struck by an excruciating pain—one akin to losing a limb or an organ, you know you’ll survive but your life will never be the same again.

I need to cleanse Devon from my system. Leaning forward, I say to the cabbie, “I’ve changed my mind. Please take me to Bergdorf.”

* * *

S
pending
an outrageous amount of money on an outfit I know Eric will appreciate causes me a moment of panic, but the strength of my decision straightens my spine and has me handing over my credit card. It also inspires me to buy a lacy, see-through lingerie number that I know Eric will not be able to resist. If I'm going to do this, then I am going to see it the entire way through. Taking my purchases to the nearest bathroom, I quickly change into my new clothes. Balling the outfit I’d just bought with Devon this morning, I shove it into the now empty Bergdorf bag.

Hands trembling, I force myself to add the leather gloves and I take the whole kit and caboodle and bury it in the trashcan. Then I force myself to walk away, one labored step at a time until I’m out of the store and back onto the concrete. I hail another cab, and give them Eric’s address.

Rosa greets me at the door with a hug. “Master Eric is up in his room.”

“Thank you so much, Rosa.”

As I climb the stairs, a familiar voice haunts me.
Are you sure this is what you want.

I have to be.

But you love me.

I do, but I have to let you go.

I push his voice from my mind, and knock on Eric’s door.

“Come in.”

Eric’s at his desk, seated in front of his computer.
Daddy is right, he is working his ass off for me.
“Afternoon.”

Eric glances up at me. “How did your visit with your dad go.”

“It went well,” I answer. “It was enlightening, to say the least.”

“That’s good.”

“Eric?”

“Hmm?”

I perch on the edge of his bed, and begin to unbutton my shirt. “I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?” He asks, not even bothering to look at me.

“I want you to take my virginity. I know we’ve always agreed to wait for our wedding night, but I’m ready to commit myself fully to you now.”

He now meets my gaze, surprise flooding his face. “You’ve actually saved your virginity for me?”

“Of course I have,” I answer confused. “Why would you ever doubt that?”

“Well you’ll have to forgive me for finding that impossible to believe,” he says as he turns the computer screen to face me. And there on the screen is a giant photograph—one of Devon’s for an extra dose of irony—of Sierra. Legs spread open, pussy glistening in the hot tropical sun for all to see.

Fuck. Me.

F
uck
. Me.

My stomach drops and lurches in protest of the truth vibrating through the air. Swallowing down the hot, acrid burn that threatens to upend the contents of my stomach, I try to think of something to say—anything to say at this point. In the back of my mind, in its most secretive corner, I’d always known that somehow, someday, I’d have to confront my double life. It had grown too big, there were too many variables to constantly be aware of.

It no longer mattered how hard I worked, how I clawed my way up from inauspicious beginnings to become my own brand. The look in Eric’s eyes tells me all I need to know. I was quick to judge him harshly for his actions of the night before. To deem him the same sort of person his colleagues are—pretentious, misogynistic, good-old-boys with too much time and money on their hands. Now what I see reflected in his eyes is the very thing I’ve always strived to not become—wanton, disgusting, shameful, a whore.

In this moment, he doesn’t care about the multitudes of reasons I decided to enter the erotic business. Most importantly to have money for a top college, my education having to be sacrificed because of the selfish actions of his own father. He doesn’t care how easily I slipped into Sierra’s skin, how I finally felt like who I was meant to be, or that for the first time in my life I felt comfortable with the body I used to be afraid of showing or embracing.

Of course I’d justified my double-life to myself. I’d justified each piece of my old self that I’d left behind in the dust, feeling proud of the way I grew stronger and more self-assured. I justified myself with the money—more money and security than any menial office job, even with benefits, could ever supply me. Maybe I lied to myself. Maybe I truly believed that it was just the hair, and the makeup, and the nails that had changed. That while I no longer recognized the girl who used to be Anna on the outside, that I was still fundamentally her on the inside.

But the disgust written on the planes of Eric’s face tells me that maybe I can never be that girl again. At least in his eyes.

Ever so slowly, my trembling fingers rebutton my shirt. Coming here like this, undressing myself to give him the gift of my virginity, I focus on my motivations with startling clarity. They were the desperate actions of an even more desperate person. A person denying her own heart in the face of misguided loyalty and a father’s wishes.

“I…I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry that you found out this way. I never meant for any of this to hurt you,” I say as I stand and slip back into my heels. “I completely understand if you want to end things between us.”

“We aren’t over, Anna. I’m not going to allow you to dictate the terms of this relationship.” The command in his voice surprises me, and I sink back onto the edge of the mattress as he continues. “However, I’m going to insist on a few...justified...changes.”

His eyes hard and focused, he waits for me to nod in agreement. “First of all, this website will come down. And any of these…” his voice is thick with distaste as he trails off for a moment, “…items for sale will also be discontinued, immediately.”

I balk at his audacity. Who the fuck does he think he is to make demands of the company I built for myself? The one I established to help fund our future. On the other hand, the Anna of our youth cowers beneath Eric’s disapproval. Had I always been so malleable that he believes I’ll just swallow these impossible demands and bend over backward in thanks and gratitude to his orders of obedience?

Considering the particular circumstances I find myself in, it’s probably smarter to agree now and figure out my thoughts and feelings later. So again I nod, but add, “I can’t promise it will be immediately. These type of things take time to close. Refunds have to be made…”

“Anna!” Eric yells, his hand slashing through the air with frightening force. “I’m not asking for excuses. I’m telling you what to do. How you expedite this process is not my concern. I just want it done.”

Devon would never treat me this way.
I tamp that bristling voice, my true voice, back down.
Well Devon isn’t here right now, and I’m never going to see him again, so shut the fuck up.

“I’ll try my best.”

Eric stalks across the room, leaning down until his face is mere inches from mine. “Make sure you do.”

I refuse to blink or show any signs of fear. My spine becomes steel as I endure the look of disappointment and revulsion which wars across his face. I know this look well. It is designed to make me wilt. And in the past it would have, but not now. Even if we don’t voice it, neither of us is the person we used to be once upon a time. And when it finally dawns on him that I’m not going to cry and simper, he turns on his heel and strides back to his seat.

He steeples his fingers as he studies me. I match his gaze with a defiant one of my own. It’s not until a cruel smile twists at the corners of his mouth that a tinge of worry begins to erode my determination to stay strong. “My last instruction is this: you will go to the bank and you will add my name to your accounts. All of them. And then you will sign over all documents or contracts, any and all ledgers that have anything to do with this filthy endeavor you have created. I will be in full control of your earnings, to invest and use at my discretion. After all, it’s the husband’s duty to take on the financial responsibility in a marriage. This won’t work if you feel entitled to keep it separate from our household earnings.”

I want to stand up and scream in his face. To slap that smug look off his face and tell him to go fuck himself. To ask why then, if he thought my money was so dirty, did he want it so badly? I want to scream that I am not some stupid little girl who doesn’t have the brain to invest her money wisely. I want to confess to him that often I imagined his own voice in my head, guiding me. Helping me make wise financial choices. But really, I’d done an amazing job on my own. I’ve amassed a fortune which might rival his own one day, and I never actually needed his help.

I remain silent.

“You’ve heard my terms, now leave. I can’t even stand to look at you right now.”

I don’t acknowledge his words, instead I stand with as much dignity as I can manage while gathering my purse and coat.

“One more thing.”

I glance up, not even knowing what I might be hoping for. Maybe a glimpse of the Eric I used to think I loved.

“There will be no more secrets between us. From now on, I’ll be keeping a closer eye on you and your personal matters.”

Turning on my heel, I leave without acknowledging him or his threats.

I
t’s not
until I’m out of his oppressive house that I finally let myself breathe. And breathe I do, sucking in huge lungfuls of the needed air as tears drip from my chin and onto the pavement. My father’s words and Eric’s demands weigh heavily on my soul, and in this moment all I want is Devon. I can no longer have him. I’ve pushed away the one good true thing in my life.

Eric’s words echo in my mind. Was I really going to cave to that douche canoe’s long list of stipulations? Give over everything I worked so hard to achieve, to no longer be in financial control of my own life? And even if money wasn’t the issue, was my personal freedom worth living in the gilded cage built for me by a bunch of crooked men, my own father included? As much as I want to have my father’s approval, is it worth giving up who I am? I want to believe that it’s as easy as saying I owe nothing to any of them, but obedient Anna is having an epic meltdown over even the slightest thoughts of disobedience.

It’s at times like this that I wish I had a girlfriend. A best friend. I could really use a Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte, or Miranda to gather around me and dole out drinks and wisdom. But my so-called friends from youth left me the moment my family’s name was dragged through the mud, and I haven’t been all that keen on starting over fresh. I don’t feel like my friends and companions as Sierra would totally understand the complications of this life, of why I even love Eric at all at this point. Of course I have Charlene, I know she’ll listen and comfort me—but I also know that I’ll only have her as long as I comply with my father’s wishes.

Am I really ready to live my life on my own, to have no friends or family to support me in whatever endeavor I choose?

This thought plagues me as I hail a cab. It rattles and jars me. It seeps into my bones, and sends waves of fear skittering through my veins. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to stand on my own.

And I’m terrified.