OVERTIME (34 page)

He felt Colton’s body tense just a fraction before quickly recovering. His eyes, however, gave him away. He looked guilty.

“I, eh, hope you guys went a little further into Duck Key and swam with the dolphins. That’s really fun, I hear.” He sounded guilty.

“Nope, we didn’t make it into Duck Key to swim with the dolphins,” Jagger answered slowly. His fingers were still locked tightly with Colton’s—his eyes locked even tighter. “We were going to but I saw a friend at the airport and got distracted.”

“Shit, Jagger…”

“Why, Colton? Why would you keep something like that from me?” Jagger asked. “I’ve tried and tried to figure out why what you did today would be something you would want to hide, especially from me. I can’t come up with anything that makes any sense.”

Colton bumped his forehead against Jagger. “I guess I wasn’t sure how you would feel about it. You keep your childhood locked up so tightly inside you, I was afraid something like this might make you step back into a world you left behind. I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or make you think I was trying to drag you into…”

“I never left it behind,” Jagger broke in. “That’s not important right now, but you need to know it’s something I’ve never been able to let go of.” Somehow he needed to convince Colton he wasn’t the sweetheart he’d placed on that pedestal. He was damaged. He was dirty. He was
so many bad things and Colton needed to know that. If they were going to have a chance at a future together, he had to make certain Colton was actually falling for the
real
Jagger—not the one he’d created in his mind.

Colton’s jaw clenched in fury and his eyes blazed. “I do what I do because of you, Jagger—never doubt that. I couldn’t help you back then, but I never ever forgot. I know you probably hate me saying it, but it’s the truth.” He took a deep breath. “Don’t be mad at me, okay?”

“I don’t do this much, Colton, so I know I’m going to sound stupid, but there are things I have to say.” He felt the tears threaten to fall and he didn’t bother trying to fight them. No one got to see him cry, not since he was seven years old, but Colton had earned the right to see all of him. “I knew you watched me whenever you were around the basketball courts. I knew you followed me home. As a kid, you were this annoying bundle of energy that everybody liked and wanted to hang out with, but you followed
me
around—and I hated you for it. You laughed all the time—and I hated you for it. Compared to me, you were this big halo of light and goodness—and I hated you for it. Every single damned day that you showed up at the courts or in my shitty neighborhood, I hated you for it—but I thought you were the most beautiful thing in this world.”

“Babe,” Colton whispered as he wiped a tear away from Jagger’s moist cheek.

Fuck him into next week—tears were actually falling from his eyes. He’d feared it would never happen again. He had been afraid he’d lost the ability to care enough to cry real tears. Sure, they had threatened, especially since Colton had come back into his life, but they were really wetting his cheeks right now.

Jagger shook his head, shushing Colton with a sad look. “And then you went away, finally leaving me alone and I felt like I could breathe steady again. I could quit trying to hide.” The tears wouldn’t seem to stop now that they had started. “I think you were the only person that really saw me—everybody else looked around me or through me. I thought I would be glad when you left but as it turned out—I hated you for it. I hated you every day for leaving me behind. It was so stupid. I knew you were gone. I knew you had moved half way across the country, but I still looked for you every damned day, and I hated you for it. When I saw you at camp that year, all these weird feelings washed over me, threatening me and daring me to feel things I’d refused to ever feel for another person. You still watched me and I thought it was funny and more than a little exciting.” He laughed softly. “I was so damned shy, so fucking ass-
backward. There wasn’t a thing I could do about what I was feeling except to tuck it away in the darkest part of my mind and save it to enjoy when I was alone. I wanted you. I would have never admitted it, but I wanted
you
. I wanted you to follow me and watch me. I wanted you to laugh so I could see your smile again.” He paused, the tears flowing at this point. “And I hated you for it. I hated that you could waltz back into my life and have that kind of control over me. When I looked at you, watched you walk away from me after you’d delivered those devilish words, I hated you but I thought you were the most beautiful person in the world.”

“Fuck, Jagger. You don’t have to do this. I love you,” he whispered. “I know you don’t feel the same way about me, but I love you. I know loving someone is hard for you - I get that. All I want is a chance, Jag. Just please give me a chance to show you I’ll be worth it.”

Jagger choked on a delirious laugh. “You’ll be worth it? Fuck, Colton,
your
worth has never been in question.”

Jagger felt a lump form in his throat and an instant ache started right in the middle of his chest. He tried to turn away, wanting to hide from the raw emotion in Colton’s eyes, but the other man held his face firmly in place, forcing him to face his love…refusing to let him turn and hide. Jagger tried to swallow down his fear of the unknown.

“Don’t hide from me, babe,” Colton begged softly.

Jagger took a deep breath. “I…I don’t know…if I even know how to love somebody, Colton. I never have, not since I was seven years old. The way…,” he paused, searching for the right words but not finding them, “…the way I grew up, Colton, didn’t leave any room in my life for love. Love makes a person weak and I learned pretty damned quick that being weak leads to really bad things.”

“Love doesn’t make one weak, Jagger. It makes us stronger—gives us an ally in life. You will never be alone again.” Colton kissed his cheek softly. “And you are the damned strongest person I’ve ever met in my life,” he vowed.

“It was so much easier hating you,” Jagger joked but his eyes were still serious and sad. “Anyway, stop distracting me. I was going somewhere with this girl-talk.” Tears streaked his face and he was pretty certain his nose was probably running. “When I saw you today—saw what you did with your life, the difference that you make in the lives of others, I finally realized what true beauty is.” His lips touched Colton’s mouth, tasted the mixture of their tears and knew his heart wouldn’t survive this.

“You, Colton Montgomery, are the most beautiful person in this world.” He forced a smile to his face, willed the tears to vanish. The time for talk was over. He might not be able to experience love like a normal person or say just the right words of love and devotion, but he sure the hell knew how to
show
Colton how he felt.

Chapter 19

Three Days

Jagger’s ass throbbed in the most pleasant of ways as he and Landry lounged on a pair of sun chairs positioned around Rory’s pool. There were at least three hickeys he’d been able to count on his body and suspected there were probably a few more in places he wasn’t able to see without a mirror and putting himself into some embarrassing positions. It felt fucking wonderful. He felt loved and cherished in the most primal of ways. There was a pretty good chance he had some sort of loopy-assed grin on his face and he couldn’t make it vanish if his very life depended on it.

He was surrounded by Colton’s friends and he was confident he was cruising in the direction of making them his friends as well. They dynamic of the group was beginning to grow on him, help him understand who went where and where he would belong in the whole mix. Riley and Rory were huddled over in a corner, making love-sick goo-goo eyes at each other and then arguing the very next second. Jagger supposed they were still arguing over which would be the top in the relationship. Thankfully, that wasn’t an issue with him and Colton. He knew where he wanted to be and apparently that’s where Colton wanted him. Speaking of Colton, he was wrestling with Tobias in the pool and totally kicking the other guy’s ass. They looked fucking hot.

That left him with Landry and he was perfectly fine with that. The dude was a mystery but one Jagger wanted to figure out. At the moment, he looked incredibly nervous, so Jagger figured they were about to delve into whatever it was that drew them to one another.

“Hey…uh, I didn’t get to properly thank you for your work on my business plan. You totally blew it out of the water. They were mesmerized by what you did.”

“Nah, I think it probably had to do with your sex furniture list—very descriptive, I must say,” Jagger answered. He knew he was blushing due to the heat radiating from his cheeks. He was unused to compliments and didn’t really know how to respond properly.

Landry studied him and Jagger studied the other man right back. They were, physically, total opposites. Landry was petite, barely standing five-foot-eight inches and was incredibly thin. He was lean and muscular, but waif-like tiny. His skin was flawlessly pale and his hair was an even paler blonde. His eyes were a warm, friendly chocolate brown. He looked like a tiny angel.

Opposites—physically.

“We’re alike, aren’t we?” Landry asked quietly. “You’ve been hurt, too, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, we are alike, Landry,” Jagger answered, is voice just as soft and quiet. His eyes searched the pool area and landed on Colton again. Just seeing him made Jagger feel stronger, capable of things he’d never imagined he’d be capable of. Colton made a slight gesture, questioning whether he needed him or not. Bravely, Jagger gave his head a negative shake. Colton’s proud smile made him beam.

“Shitty childhood?” Jagger asked Landry. He’d never talked to another abuse victim before. Suddenly he wanted to know
everything
. He needed to know he wasn’t the only fucked-up soul in their group.

Landry snorted. “Shitty defines it pretty damned good. For some reason, I knew it the minute I saw you.” He pushed a breath out. “I have no clue how. You…you just spoke to me.”

“I kind of knew too. It was weird because we look and act different, but something told me we were exactly the same.”

Landry, who seemed to always touch everybody all the time, kept his hands tucked safely in his lap. Jagger had to admit it caused him to breathe a sigh of relief. From what he’d noticed, Landry didn’t struggle from the touch phobia like he did. Oh…and he was friendly, outgoing, outrageous flirty to everybody while Jagger struggled to put sentences together for anybody except Colton, Riley, or Rory. And then there was the Kink club he was opening. Yeah, they were alike…but totally different.

“Can I ask you a question?” Jagger finally said. “I mean, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he quickly amended. He knew he had a hell of a lot of nerve asking Landry questions when he kept his past bottled up inside him to tight that it practically made him feel like he needed to explode to release some of the pain.

“I’m good with talking about it,” Landry answered. “You might as well get comfy with talking about it too. You know most of these guys, including your beefcake, are counselors,
right? They are always trying to psycho-analyze us damaged beauties. They just can’t seem to help themselves.”

Counselors? Shit. That couldn’t be good. Hell, they would have him admitted to a nuthouse faster than he could say ‘no, I’m fine’.

Landry smiled and nodded for Jagger to ask his question. “Go ahead but be gentle with me,” he teased.

“Please don’t think I’m judging because I’m definitely not—I just need to understand how you can be so comfortable with people touching you and it takes every ounce of energy inside me to not jerk away when somebody just gives me a
friendly
touch. I seriously hate being touched and it makes me sick to my stomach that I am that fucking weak. Before Colton, if another guy tried to touch me like he does, I don’t have a clue how I would have handled it but I’m pretty sure one of us would be dead and one would be in jail.”

The disgust Jagger felt for himself was pretty evident in his tone, not to mention the look on his face. There was no way Landry could have ever thought he was judging him for enjoying a touch or two…or way more than two. Landry smiled. He had been expecting the question and was pretty damned pleased that Jagger felt comfortable enough with him to even ask it. “Were you beaten by one of your parents? I’m guessing that’s it since Colton has always been obsessed with abuse in the home.”

“My dad,” Jagger answered quickly. “My mom bailed and left me with him. Same with you?” he asked.

“Yeah, pretty much. Mom stayed but turned a blind eye whenever the old man needed to use me as a punching bag.” He snorted out a cold laugh. “That’s how mom justified it to me—he
needed
to do it. He was under a lot of stress. He thought I was too soft. He was only trying to teach me to be a man. Blah. Blah. Blah.”

He squirted some suntan oil onto his palm and started spreading it on his legs. Jagger could see that his hand trembled slightly but it was the only sign their conversation was having any effect on him at all. Through it all, though, Landry was holding his shit together. He offered the oil to Jagger and said, “You’d better put some of this on you. Your skin isn’t used to this harsh sun and I don’t want Colton yelling at me because you’re too sun burned to give it up tonight,” he joked. “Oh, and just so you know, Colton is making us all be on our very best behavior since you’re here. We are usually buck-ass naked while at the pool.”