Authors: Kate Vale
Cece
burst into tears again. “But it
was wrong! It was! Sam’s mom says it’s wrong
, and her dad says people who do that
will
burn or rot or something else I can’t remember. I don’t want you to rot or burn or—” Her sobs prevented her from continuing as she flung herself onto her bed and buried her head in her pillow, clinging to Eeyore.
Amanda
leaned down and deposited a kiss on the back of Cece’s head
. “I’m not going to rot or burn, sweetheart. We’ll talk about this again, later.
When you’re calmer, come downstairs. We were going for a walk with Skipper this afternoo
n.
We’ll talk some more.
I’ll be downstairs when you’
re ready.”
T
hey never took that walk. Cecelia refused to talk with
Amanda
when she finally came downstairs, preferring to color in her favorite coloring book or throw the ball in the backyard for Skipper to chase and return. Amanda chose not to push it. Maybe time would ease Cecelia’s bad feelings.
She
didn’t see
the
note until she opened the car door to complete some errands
later that day
.
Amanda:
Pl
e
as
e
call m
e
. W
e
hav
e
to talk.
Marcus
Sh
e
wasn’t sur
e
what h
e
was going to say
, and feared what he might say
.
She thought
she knew how he felt about her. H
ow many times had
th
ey argued about moving in together?
Once, he
’d
said
Cecelia would be safer if they did that.
But
the few times
he had
gingerly tiptoed
around the subject of marriage,
she had nearly bit
ten off his head
.
Maybe it was her fault. After all, wa
sn’t
she the one who was hesitating
when he’
d said the M word
?
Maybe that was why he’d never said he loved her.
Especially after he’d been burned so badly by Felicity. His history. Just like her history with Dylan, it intruded on their present. Maybe even their future.
Maybe
he’d become so frustrated with her putting him off that he’d
decided they couldn’t see
each other
anymore
.
Or m
aybe he really didn’t
lov
e
h
e
r—
or Cecelia, at least not enough
for them to have a re
lationship without being married
…
But
now
she wanted to, she ached for how much she wanted to. She folded the note and slipped it into her pocket
before climbing into the car and sat there, her fingers brushing against the note
, a reminder to talk to him. Perhaps when they were both on campus, where they wouldn’t be interrupted.
She’d let her fears control her for too long, fears for herself and Cecelia, maybe even fears for Marcus, too, if she took that step and then something terrible happened. Maybe it was time
to set
her
fears
aside, to banish them, and go after
what
she wanted
, even if it meant she would be engulfed in grief should
Marcus
be taken from her, just like with Dylan
.
Two days later, she went to the office prepared to
work
on
her outline for
the writer’s workshop
. Frustrated that she hadn’t yet talked with Marcus, she looked up at the knock on her door, hoping he’d come to see her. But it was
JJ
who
entered
without waiting for an invitation
.
“Amanda, dear, we need to talk.”
The senior professor
sat down on the smaller chair and pulled it close.
Amanda smiled and closed her laptop. “About what?
Our upcoming class on biographies?”
JJ
shook her head and
leaned forward. “
That can wait.
You’re not happ
y. I can’t have that. You and I
…
we have to stick together around here. You’re going off to do that writer’s worksh
op,
and I know it will be great. Two superstar instructors, but I don’t want you doing it if that’s why you’re
so
unhappy.
It could show in the evaluations.
”
Amanda sat back in her chair. “What do you mean?” Was her mood so transparent that everyone knew?
JJ patted her bun. “
I suspect
you’re wondering if everyone can tell. Don’t
you even
bother about that
. The men around here
…
most of the time, they can barely put one foot in front of the other, much less have a clue
what other people are going through. You’ve had it rough
this year
,
with
that
sorry
excuse for a
n office
mate
, and
Cecelia’s accident and all,
but
something tells me
that’s
not
why you aren’t yourself
these days
.”
Amanda
’
s heart began to thud
as she
looked into the cool dark eyes of the
older woman
.
How could she possibly know? Had Marcus talked to her?
“What
makes you think I’m unhappy?”
The older woman’s mouth curved upward and her eyes were soft.
“If I were your age, I’d say it was probably love
sickness
—”
Amanda
suck
ed in her breath
. She kept her hands in her lap, clenching and unclenching her fists. “JJ—”
“I’m right, aren’t I?
And
I suspect it’s all about Marc
Dunbar
,
that gorgeous hunk I see
com
ing around
here so often.” She smiled. “Don’t tell me I’m wrong—at least not yet.
”
Amanda tried to keep her voice calm, unhurried.
“I didn’t come here to find a husband, JJ. I told you that last fall.”
She nodded. “Of course you did. But sometimes, life has a way of putting us in a position where such decisions need to be set aside. I’m not interested in bu
tting into your private affairs—
” She
chuckl
ed. “Now that
phrase
ha
s double meanings, doesn’t it?
No, I just don’t want you going off to that workshop where I know you’ll be able to shine
—professionally—
feeling so down.
Whatever it is,
whoever
is
making you so unhappy
…
i
f there’s anything I can do, will you let me know? I’ll
even
go tell him off if you want me to.” She
placed
one
hand on the desk
and prepared to stand up
.
Amanda
reached out and grasped
it
. “You remind me of my grandmamma. She used to say she could see into my heart.”
“I don’t know about that. I just don’t want you so unhappy
that
you decide not to stay here. I need you here. The department needs you.”
JJ
paused and gave her a wry smile. “And I suspect there’s someone special in your life
, in addition to your sweet Cecelia,
who needs you, to
o.
Why don’t you give yourself
, and him,
a chance
?
”
She rose from the chair. “
When you get back, come t
ell me how it went—the workshop,
and all.” She
began to move toward the door
.
Amanda stood. “May I give you a hug, JJ?”
“Of course
,
you can.”
“Thank you,”
she
whispered, trying hard not to weep.
“You’re very welcome, dear. Now I
do
have to get back to work.”
JJ
brushed
at
her skirt and opened the door. “I’ll leave you to what you were doing.”
The
English
department was quiet
when
Marcus
opened the outer door and rubbed Shakespeare’s copper cap
. Most of
the
faculty
had already gone home, but a
light
shone
under Amanda’s
door
and another down the hall,
and Beatrice was still there,
too,
talking with Greg
.
Marc’s
pulse picked up as
h
e
knock
e
d
on Amanda’s door
.
“Com
e
in.”
H
e
st
e
pp
e
d
into
her
offic
e
and shut th
e
door.
“We need to talk.”
Sh
e
start
e
d
to g
e
t up from h
e
r d
e
sk. “I—I—”
“I’ll do th
e
talking. You just list
e
n,
”
he said,
f
e
arful that if
he
paused
, sh
e
would kick him out.“I want you to know I n
ee
d
you at th
e
w
rit
e
r’s w
orkshop, and I was hoping you w
e
r
e
still planning to com
e
up for th
e
planning s
e
ssions. And I want to apologiz
e
…
for upsetting
C
e
c
e
on the porch
th
e other
day
.
You know I wouldn’t do a thing to hurt
you
…
or Cecelia
. And
my being there—in your bed—created
probl
e
ms
. If I
…
we
could just explain things to her, maybe she would see
—
”
Sh
e
h
e
ld up h
e
r hands. “
Marcus, please
.
Point n
umb
e
r one
. You ask
e
d
m
e
to do th
e
w
rit
e
r’s w
orkshop. I agr
ee
d
, and I always
honor my commitm
e
nts.
Point n
umb
e
r two
. You s
e
t up th
e
planning s
e
ssions thr
ee
days in advanc
e
, and I agr
ee
d
to be there for them, too
.
”
She took a deep breath
and plunged ahead
. “
Just so you know, I tried to explain things to Cece—a
bout us. But what Joan has said
…
it carries a lot of weight with her. You know how kids are. What adults other than their parents say sometimes means more to them. And, a
s for
p
oint n
umb
e
r three
, y
ou hav
e
nothing to apologiz
e
for,
e
xc
e
pt—
e
xc
e
pt—”