Authors: Kate Vale
Amanda wav
e
d
at
Joan
, th
e
n turn
e
d
back
and walked
into th
e
kitch
e
n
to join her mother
.
“C
e
c
e
. Pl
e
as
e
g
e
t cl
e
an
e
d
up. W
e
don’t want to k
ee
p G
randma
’s meal
waiting.
And
could you please put Skipper in the yard
while we eat
?
”
Cecelia and her grandmother did most of the talking through dinner.
Aft
e
r
it was over
, Amanda sat on th
e
couch, imag
e
s of th
e
workshop
and her nights with Marcus
spiral
ing through h
e
r brain.
W
hat
was Marcus doing?
H
e
’
d said h
e
was going straight hom
e
to writ
e
up a final r
e
vi
e
w of th
e
workshop whil
e
th
e
chang
e
s th
e
y
’d
outlin
ed
w
e
r
e
still fr
e
sh
in his mind
.
“I’m going to submit a grant for next year—so we can expand a bit
,” he
’
d
said
.
“
These evals will support that—and your notes, too.”
But, w
as that all h
e
was thinking about
—the workshop
? Sh
e
miss
e
d
him alr
e
ady.
“
Where are you, Amanda?” her mother asked.
“
You look
as if
you
are
n’t h
e
r
e
—
or maybe you wish
you we
r
e
som
e
wh
e
r
e
e
ls
e
.”
A smile flitted across her face
, but
she
r
e
main
e
d
sil
e
nt
, unwilling to reply
.
Her mother sat down and began to fold the newspaper.
“So, wh
e
n ar
e
you going to d
e
cid
e
to s
e
ttl
e
down, find som
e
nic
e
man, and g
e
t marri
e
d
?
My granddaughter
n
ee
d
s a fath
e
r,
not just a m
e
mory you cr
e
at
e
d
for h
e
r
, maybe even a brother or sister
.”
“I hav
e
n’t cr
e
at
e
d
a m
e
mory for h
e
r, M
oth
e
r.”
“You know what I m
e
an
, Amanda
.”
She stacked the papers in a neat pile.
“No, I
don’t.” Amanda pick
e
d
at
the seam
on h
e
r shorts. “I’m tir
e
d
. T
h
e
workshop was succ
e
ssful, but it was a lot of work
.
I need to
get some
sleep.
W
hat tim
e
is your flight
tomorrow
?”
“Trying to g
e
t
rid of m
e
alr
e
ady
,
now that you don’t n
ee
d
m
e
to watch C
e
c
e
whil
e
you traips
e
off into th
e
woods with that n
e
wsman—”
She
frown
e
d
at h
e
r moth
e
r. “
I beg your pardon?
”
“C
e
c
e
told m
e
all
about Marcus,
how h
e
lik
e
s th
e
sam
e
books sh
e
do
e
s, and how sh
e
thought sh
e
might want to marry him wh
e
n sh
e
got old
e
r, but now sh
e
do
e
sn’t.
Sh
e
said h
e
mad
e
you cry.
But
sh
e
wouldn’t t
e
ll m
e
why
.”
Amanda’s fac
e
flushed
. “You know h
e
’s a coll
e
agu
e
and
he asked me to
co
-lead
the
summer w
orkshop. And y
ou
also
know I’ve always wanted to
do that
.”
Sh
e
ros
e
and headed upstairs
, unwilling to g
e
t into
an argument
.
“I n
e
e
d
some sleep
. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll
get ready for bed
. W
e
can talk mor
e
tomorrow.”
“But it’s not
e
v
e
n
nine o’clock
! Sinc
e
wh
e
n do you go to b
e
d
b
e
for
e
midnight?” H
e
r moth
e
r ros
e
and follow
e
d
h
e
r upstairs.
“Sinc
e
I’m
very
tir
e
d
and I have
fall session
classes to
prepare now that I’m home
.”
Amanda w
e
nt into h
e
r b
e
d
room and shut th
e
door,
e
nding th
e
ir conv
e
rsation. Aft
e
r h
e
aring h
e
r moth
e
r go back downstairs and turn on th
e
TV,
she
e
scap
e
d
to th
e
bathroom. Whil
e
sh
e
soak
e
d
in th
e
bubbl
e
s C
e
c
e
insist
e
d
on using aft
e
r h
e
r casts w
e
r
e
off, Amanda l
e
t th
e
t
e
ars
come
.
How was she going to tell Cece about Marcus
? Were his
words—that he loved her—enough?
And if it wasn’t, what
must
she do
or say
for Cece to
accept
Marcus
and
give him a chance
to tell her himself—to her face what he had said
so many times
in the woods?
E
very night that they were the
re.
And since
they
loved
each
other,
w
hy shouldn’t they get married? E
xcept her
lingering
fears
chilled her heart
whenever she contemplated it.
After Dylan, she
had vowed she would never allow herself to feel she needed
a m
an for her own fulfillment. But
w
ere need and want the same thing?
Sh
e
slapp
e
d
th
e
wat
e
r, splashing it against th
e
walls of th
e
tub
in h
e
r frustration
. Mayb
e
what sh
e
needed
was a good night’s sl
ee
p,
on
e
unint
e
rrupt
e
d
by lov
e
making.
But wh
e
n sh
e
climb
e
d
into b
e
d
,
all she could see was
Marcus
waiting for h
e
r
in th
e
hug
e
four-post
e
r at his hous
e
in th
e
woods.
Maybe she was wrong to tell him they couldn’t live together.
She loved it when they made love, when they shared ideas about their classes, their writing, whenever they were together—professional things as well as activities away from work—with or without Cece—but was that enough? And after all that, why was she so miserable when they were apart?
Maybe she should reconsider
what he’d suggested
.
He had told her he loved her,
and
Cece, too—so many times during the workshop. Maybe it was her.
But she didn’t want to place Cecelia in a position of not answering people’s questions
about Marcus honestly,
and if they moved into
his
house
,
people would ask—Sam e
specially, and her parents. And
maybe Cecelia wouldn’t have her as a friend any
more
.
If
she
told Cece
they were engaged
…
would that be enough?
She’d have to talk to
Marcus
about that.